Am I Missing?

Disclaimer: I own nothing. That includes Gilmore Girls, Luke and Lorelai, and especially Dashboard Confessional.

Summary: Lorelai gives Luke back the ring when she realizes she can't handle the lies anymore. It's up to Luke to fix what he broke.

Authors Note: I hope you guys like this, and hopefully I can write another part after this. I can't seem to figure out how I can fix what I broke. He he

And the last episode was amazing, and some great java junkie moments. But it still didn't fulfil what we all need. An explanation.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rapid Hope Loss

Luke waited three more weeks until he finally saw Lorelai again. He did his drinking and he did his sitting in the dark hoping that either Lorelai walking into the room or the world-ending thing. April had come by and he tried to act like everything was hunky dory, but in reality it hurt to breathe.

He tried to smile and finally it took Anna and April sitting him down and threatening him with ice cream to make him talk about what was going on.

He tried to explain to them why he didn't tell her about having a daughter. 'I was trying to process.' Luke tried to say but it never felt like he was really telling the truth. Even to himself. People just didn't understand, and he felt so alone.

April had been there when it had happened, and she had seen this new father figure in her life go from being somewhat elated to losing everything. She didn't quite understand why this woman, who was supposed to love her father, could just walk away and look victorious.

So that's why April took it upon herself to fix it, she felt she had something to do with it and so she rode her bike to the Inn and she was not going to leave until she talked to Lorelai.

April had seen little things all around the diner and the apartment upstairs that proved to her that her father was in love with Lorelai. A picture of Lorelai and what she assumes is her daughter on the fridge in the actual diner and there were pictures and things all around that screamed to her that someone other than Luke had put them there.

So she had walked into the Inn and had to smile at how homely it felt. Someone had to be pretty special to capture her father's heart the way that Lorelai did. A pretentious looking man sneered at her. 'Your are small, what are you doing here.' The man said in a clearly thick French accent.

'I'm looking for Lorelai?' April said trying to sound like she belonged there. The man just almost snarled at her and pointed to the kitchen and April just smiled at him. She was taught to be polite, no matter how rude anyone was.

The kitchen was a flurry of activity with kitchen staff running around and April saw Lorelai speaking to a bubbly woman dressed in chef clothes. April squared her shoulders and went over to them and Sookie looked shocked and Lorelai just closed her eyes.

'I need to speak to you please.' April said and Lorelai sighed but nodded. 'Thanks Sook let me know.' Lorelai smiled at April and led her to a small office.

'Does your dad know where you are?' Lorelai asked and April shook her head. 'I don't think he would understand what I am trying to do.' April said and sits down while Lorelai sits down in her chair. April could tell that maybe her first thoughts about the situation were wrong. Lorelai looked broken and worst of all she looked almost scared.

'And what are you trying to do.' Lorelai asked. 'I don't want him to be miserable and right now he is, and I think it's my fault.' Lorelai shook her head. 'It's really complicated, but it was never about you Hun. I don't know you and you don't know me, but I can guarantee you that it's not that you exist. It's just complicated.'

April had known that Lorelai had a daughter at a young age. Luke had talked about Lorelai a couple of times before the big thing that happened. Luke smiled that soft smile when he spoke of Rory and Lorelai. It would be wildly hypocritical for Lorelai to be so upset that Luke had a child.

'You just need to go back and so he can leave his apartment and stop barking at everyone. My mom is worried.' April said and Lorelai sighed.

'Look April, if it was that easy than I would have done so. You weren't even the reason, so don't think that. It was stuff that was wrong before that we didn't deal with. I just can't be in pain anymore.' Lorelai says and April just nods.

'You need to talk to him then, help him live without you then, because as is, I don't think he can last much longer.' Lorelai shook her head and tried to deny. 'Please you got to help him please?' April asked and Lorelai sighed.

'If things were different, I would have swore that you just did the patented Gilmore pout. Alright kid, let's go to the diner.'

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lorelai had walked slowly beside April as she walked her bike back to the centre of town. She didn't know what to think of this girl. It was funny that now that she had managed to break away from Luke and start breathing without her heart breaking, one of the biggest reminders of Luke happened to walk into her Inn and plead for Luke.

She hadn't seen Luke since she ran from him and she didn't know what she was going to do. But this kid asked her and she knew that she would regret not helping her. She remembered when Luke started talking about April at first, before he stopped completely, and even then when she was in pain, she could see how much Luke was proud of his daughter.

'He's proud of you.' Lorelai says and April smiles at her. 'Yeah he tells me that a lot, and that he loves me.' April states and a part of Lorelai's heart breaks at the sound of that. She always knew he would be an amazing father. Too bad she can't see it first hand.

They got to the diner and she could see the people of the town noticing she was there. She had managed to avoid this area completely since she walked out on Luke and their life together. April opened the door and pulled Lorelai in, and the normal din in the place stopped completely.

'Ill be with ya in a sec.' Luke calls from behind the curtain and when he comes out he stops in his tracks. There standing with his wayward daughter who was supposed to be collecting snow samples, stood next to his fiancée, or should he say his ex fiancée.

'Lorelai.' Luke states and he rakes over her body like she would disappear in a second. 'Hi.' Lorelai whispers and both of them shut their eyes and April just watches in rapt attention.

'April came to see me at the Inn, so I am bringing her back.' April cleared her throat and looked pointedly at Lorelai. She sighed in frustration and gave the kid a look to kill. ' I think maybe we should talk?'

Lorelai said to Luke and he nodded. 'Yeah.' He looked at April. 'You think you could help Lane and Cesar?' Luke asked and April nodded. 'Yes and I will make sure that the rice to salt ratio is correct.' Luke smiled and ruffled some of April's hair and walked up the stairs.

Lorelai was biting her lip the entire time, imagining all the horrible things that could happen during this little talk. April had pushed her, but she knew that this had to happen. She had been just trying to deny that anything was wrong.

But she couldn't deny anything anymore.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Luke didn't say anything until they were in his apartment. He looked at her face to see if he saw anything different. Or any evidence that she was in as much pain as he was. 'So.' Lorelai began and she looked around and she winced when she saw the bed. It reminded her of things that seemed to start off so amazingly.

'Why did you do it?' Luke asks and he steps forward. 'Because I remember you telling me that you wouldn't run, and it certainly looks like you broke your word. Why did you leave me?' Luke says and Lorelai tries not to cry. She tries to stay strong. 'You left me way before I gave you back the ring.' Lorelai yells back and they are both silent when they realize that they are both causing pain.

'I don't know why I let April convince me to come, this is doing nothing but..' Lorelai huffed and was about to leave when Luke called out. 'Just tell me what I did that was so wrong?' Luke looked older and defeated.

'It's not all of you Luke, we were just broken.' Lorelai states and sighs and looks around, thinking back when she felt at home here. His secret sanctuary that Lorelai had never know about for so long, and once more it was something she wasn't supposed to see. She didn't know why a small apartment would matter to her so much.

Luke sat down on his leather seat and it looked like his legs gave out. 'Where did you go?' Luke asked and Lorelai went to sit on the couch across from him. 'I needed some time to think.' Lorelai says and Luke scoffs. She says and slips past him and goes upstairs. 'You need time? That's all I get. You've been gone for three weeks Lorelai. No call, I didn't know if you were dead in a ditch.' Lorelai looks up in shock, where did this anger come from?

Lorelai knew that she couldn't take much else so she stood up and moved to leave. 'I'm sorry, but what's the point?' She said and looked around to see if there was anything that she could focus on, rather than looking into his sad blue eyes. Luke then stood in front of her. 'Just talk to me, tell me what I did wrong, we can fix this.' Luke says and Lorelai looks pained and she feels tears welling.

'I'm in pain Luke; I am physically in pain whenever I am around you. Can't you understand that? I thought that Christopher was bad, but you..' Lorelai pushed past him and grabbed her purse and a magazine she had left there months. 'I can't be around you right now.' And Luke sighed and let her pass and she went to the door, grabbing onto the door knob like it held her up from all the pain and weight she carried on her shoulders.

'If only.' She said and then walked out of the apartment and ran down the stairs and out of the dinner, running until she was at her house and she fell on the porch and began to cry, not caring that anyone could see her.

No one noticed the heartbroken plaid wearing man staring out the window in his apartment, wishing that he could take back everything that happened. And finally realizing that maybe there is more to this than just him not telling her about April.

'I need some Waylon Jennings.' Luke says as he closes the blinds to his apartment. 'I will fix this.' He promises and goes to sleep without the aid of alcohol.