Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1.
Chapter 10: Canticles
After what felt like days, the hallway finally ended. Rei found herself in front of a plain door, visible only by the light seeping in through the cracks in the frame. She stood staring at the door for a long while, contemplating it and what it would mean to enter.
If I go through this door...
She could hear the wind whistling beyond the threshold. The vast oblivion that she knew lay endless ahead of her. She walked closer and placed her hand on the knob.
Yet her body refused to open the door. It was strange: she had spent so much time praying for this, for the moment when the Commander would finally allow her to return to the emptiness she had been created from, but now... something held her back. The image of Shinji drifted unheeded into her mind.
No.
She couldn't be with him. It had been just a dream, a wish that she had blindly put her faith in, like she had with his father. He would never want her. Not when she wasn't even human. She hated herself for letting him think that she had...value.
This is for the best... She slowly closed her eyes, braced for the inevitable, and turned the knob...
...Only to feel the handle forced out of her hand and hear the door shut.
"Hey, what are you doing?"
Rei opened her eyes at the unfamiliar voice, strangely kind and warm in such a dark place, and saw a woman standing with her hand on the door. What was odd about her was that her form was vague and blurry, like she was from a photo taken by an out-of-focus camera. Rei's initial shock faded as she made to pass the woman, who continued to prevent her from entering.
"...Why are you so eager to go through?"
Rei didn't look at her, only at the door, focused entirely on getting inside.
"Because I must."
The woman chuckled wryly-- but it wasn't like the doppelganger's twisted mirth, it was the kind that made other people break out into laughter...Rei wasn't one of those 'other people' though, as anyone who knew her could attest to.
"You're just a child, though. Are you really so eager to give up on living?"
"Living is not something that I was created to do--thus, I feel no shame in abandoning it."
The woman continued to smile, but her countenance bore a new melancholy to it.
"...You're lying."
Two simple words was all it took to make the blue-haired girl freeze in place. Seeing that her companion was in no hurry now to move, the woman continued.
"If you truly wished to die, you wouldn't have hesitated so long. You wouldn't even have come here-- the fact that you are even in this place means that you still wish to exist. I should know-- I passed through this place myself."
Rei normally didn't invest an interest in others, yet there was something familiar about this woman... something that made her feel...a connection.
"...What happened to you, then...?" she asked.
The woman didn't answer her question. She simply looked at the girl sadly with her brown eyes.
"Rei, do you truly wish to abandon this world?"
If Rei had been confused before, she was utterly bewildered now--something she was not accustomed to being.
"...How do you know my name?"
"I know you very well, Rei Ayanami... I know the reason why you are afraid to return...it's the same reason why you want to go back more than anything else."
Rei was silent. Then, as if out of nowhere, she buried her face into her hands. When she spoke, it came out in jagged breaths, her whole body shaking, trying desperately to not break down and cry.
"I...I can't see him again... I--I'm not... not..."
"'...Not human,' is that what you were going to say?"
Ayanami looked up to find the woman standing right in front of her, a warm smile on her face.
"Rei... do you believe that your life is worthless?"
"...I..."
She didn't know what to say, no one had ever asked her if she considered herself important.
"I...the Commander told me that--"
"I'm not asking you what anyone else said," the woman didn't sound angry, it was more the tone of a mother gently trying to make her child understand a simple truth of the world.
"I'm asking you...Do you believe that you are nothing?"
Before Shinji had come into her life, she would have not hesitated to answer in the affirmative. But now...
...The way Shinji had treated her... he'd been so kind... he'd never asked anything of her, nor did he expect anything in return. He may not have been the strongest or most secure person in the world, but he was not an idiot, as Asuka had called him so many times before... She couldn't believe that he would give so freely of himself for someone who was simply disposable... So she'd started to believe that, maybe, the things the Commander had told her were wrong...
"...No."
"...Why?"
"...Because...Shinji made me believe...that I was a person."
"Then what does it matter?"
Rei was shocked to find herself in a warm, comforting hug. She wanted to resist at first, purely on reflex, but... the woman's kind voice washed over her, making her feel small-- almost like a little girl...
"Rei... you can't doubt yourself. You're a much stronger person than you think. And there is someone who you need, isn't there? Someone who you want to be with more than anything?"
Rei trembled silently in the woman's gentle arms. The voice inside her heart, weak from underuse, let the truth tumble forth in what was barely a whisper:
"...Yes."
"...He needs you every bit as much as you need him. If he made you attached to life enough to come to this place... how can you abandon that life... as if nothing happened?..."
Suddenly she felt something strange... an odd tingling sensation was flowing through her right hand. It felt so warm, in contrast to her frigid body. The woman smiled again, but this time it was one of pride and utter joy.
"...He's calling you, Rei. You aren't alone. Did you think that he would abandon you?"
A look of surprise, mingled with ecstacy brightened the pale girl's features. I...I'm not alone...? He stayed...
With me...
Suddenly, the light returned to Rei's eyes. The spark that had been ignited so many months ago within herself burned anew, and she suddenly saw a shaft of light breaking through the darkness around her.
Shinji...
I won't abandon him. I must go back.
I want to go back... for him...
Rei prepared to step into the light when she felt the woman's hand on her face. She turned her head and this time, the woman's form became clear. She was about a head taller than Rei, wearing a long white coat and had brown eyes, with a mop of milk chocolate-colored hair that hung chaotically about her face...
"I had hoped... that my Shinji would find a special girl. I'm glad...my son was able to meet you."
Suddenly comprehension dawned on Rei. She stared at the woman and realized who she had been speaking to all this time. She tried to reach out her hand, but she felt herself getting pulled farther and farther away, into the vast warm light.
Yui... Ikari...
Shinji sat near the bed, holding Rei's hand and crying into it, fervently praying, when he thought he felt it move against his forehead. He raised his face to the sleeping girl next to him.
I must just be imagining things.
Yet the hand moved again, and Shinji let it drop to the bed in shock, his eyes widening as the rest of the body slowly followed the hand's lead, beginning to stir. He watched Rei's face as her eyelids tentatively opened and she blinked like someone who has lived in a cave, not seeing the light of day for years. With a tremendous effort, she pushed against the bed, raising her upper body so that it was perpendicular to the ground. She yawned and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, as though she had merely been taking a nap as opposed to having been in a week-long coma. Her crimson orbs focused on the shocked looking boy sitting next to her as he came into focus.
"...Ikari."
When he said nothing, only continued to stare with that stunned look on his face, Rei's own features softened slightly, giving her a concerned look.
"Ikari, what's wr--"
Before she could finish her sentence, Shinji had thrown his arms (and half his body weight) across the bed to its occupant, enveloping her tightly in a strong bearhug. Her surprised visage was supported by Shinji's shoulder, and she heard him continue to cry softly while he spoke.
"...Ayanami...Oh, thank God...Thank God..."
"...Ikari..."
"Oh dear God, Rei...I...I thought you would never...never wake up...I was...so scared..."
"...Ikari..."
"Dont--don't you EVER do something like this again...Okay? Oh, thank God you're back... Thank God..."
"...Ikari..."
"...What?"
"...You're hurting me."
Shinji opened his eyes and realized, to his utter surprise, that he was crushing Rei with the death grip he had on her body and that her arms were pinned to their sides helplessly. He went as red as a human being could possibly get, then quickly released her and resumed his seat nearby.
"Uh...s-sorry."
Rei simply watched as his arms left from their place around her a bit sadly.
I didn't say you had to let go...
Shinji sat there for a moment, staring out the window, his face still a little flushed.
"Ayanami..."
Rei turned her head to stare at Shinji, who had his blue orbs locked on her face. Their eyes met for a brief moment, and the flustered Shinji shifted his attention to the floor.
"I...I'm glad you're all right...Really glad."
Rei's eyes widened slightly in surprise. Then she felt her face break into a smile as her hand reached for Shinji's entirely of its own accord. The shy boy flinched, but did not move his hand from its place near Rei's.
"Ikari...Thank you."
"...For what?"
Rei simply continued to smile at him, her heart lighter than it had ever been in her life.
A/N: Yay! She's back! Now that Rei and Shinji are back together, I'll try to keep the WAFF to a bare minimum-- their relationship in the series is sweet and moving in its understatedness and simplicity, so I'm trying to keep the spirit of that maintained--anyone looking for fluff shouldn't bother reading this anymore. Thanks to all the people who have supported this story-- You're the reason why I'm so motivated to write this!