Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1.
Chapter 14: Jonah
Rei didn't know how long she had been in front of the television when she finally heard the click of the front door unlocking. She turned around to face the door, wanting to greet Shinji as soon as she saw him. The truth was Rei wasn't really watching whatever program was on now, she was just thinking about the boy who had nearly kissed her what felt like a lifetime ago. To her surprise, Misato was the first to walk in. The smile that had formed on the girl's face dropped almost instantly.
"Hello, Misato."
For a second, the Major didn't answer her-- she stared at a point on the wall as though it was the most interesting thing in the world. She blinked when Rei repeated her greeting, and smiled.
"Oh...hi Rei."
As Rei looked closer at Misato, she noticed that, well... her grin somehow didn't seem... sincere. Rei didn't speak on it, but seeing Misato so falsely cheerful made her feel uneasy.
"...Well, it's late...I'd...better get to bed..."
With that, Misato walked straight past Rei to her own room, making every effort to not look at the girl sitting on the couch. Rei looked at the Major as she slowly made her way down the hall.
...Did something happen at NERV?
Shortly after the door to Misato's room had slid shut, the object of Rei's thoughts came through the front door. She smiled, glad that he had kept his promise.
"...Shinji."
At the sound of his name, the boy slowly turned his head in Rei's direction. To her silent surprise, Shinji looked even more unhinged than his guardian had-- his face was completely blank, but there was a strange look in his eyes that seemed familiar, but she couldn't quite place... He looked at her for about a second, before shifting his eyes away and walking slowly toward his bedroom. She stared at him in a state of utter confusion.
First Major Katsuragi, and now Shinji... what am I not being told...?
Rei didn't simply let it pass like she had with Misato, though-- she quitetly got off the couch and intercepted Shinji before he could reach the door.
"Shinji?"
Again, he didn't answer. He was ignoring her... the thought frightened Rei, and 'frightened' was not something that happened to her very often.
"...Shinji...what's wrong?"
She slowly raised a hand to his face on instinct, but before she could make contact Shinji suddenly pushed it away. She gasped involuntarily, surprised, but did not speak. They simply stood there while Shinji sounded like he was trying to talk.
"...Rei, I..."
He tried to look her in the eyes, but somehow didn't have the courage to do even that. He felt agitated and uncomfortable, something he didn't want to feel around Rei, but...
"...I-I'm sorry...but...I need to get...changed..." he managed to mumble out, barely even bothering to look at the girl in front of him now. He walked around her and slid open the door. Rei wanted to stop him, wanted to know what was wrong and ask him until he admitted it to her, but just then she realized what she had seen in Shinji's eyes.
He was afraid of her. His face... it was just like before... She simply stood there, paralyzed, and felt the door slide shut behind her.
Shinji's back fell onto the door as he shut it behind him. He tried to force the images of the past few hours out of his mind, but they refused to be ignored... along with the truth.
The giant, hanging on the crucifix...
The facsimile of Rei's former apartment...
The endless graveyard of Eva skeletons... and...
He buried his face into his palms, his fingertips digging into his forehead, as if to purge the truth from his mind. But no matter how much he wanted it to go away, it only seemed to grow stronger.
It can't be...
Rei's not... she can't be...
He slid to the floor as the last two words slipped out of his mouth, barely audible:
"My...mother..." He wept bitterly into his hands, uncertain of what to feel or do. On the other side of the door, Rei heard him andsuddenly understood.
The morning sun illuminated the sky once again. After the rain of yesterday, the clouds had disappeared completely, leaving only the translucent blue sky. It occured to Shinji how ironic it seemed as he woke up from his seated position against the sliding door. He suddenly remembered how he had treated Rei last night.
I'm sorry, Rei...I...just don't know what to do...
He sighed to himself, then waited for about five minutes before opening the door. To his relief, Rei was not in the television room, though he noted that the mattress on the floor meant she had slept in his place last night. He picked himself up off the ground and walked through...
...Only to see the pale girl walk out of the kitchen with a glass of water in her hand. For a moment their eyes met and both stood frozen to their respective places. Rei opened her mouth as if to say something but Shinji broke eye contact, staring at the ground as he moved past her into the kitchen.
"...I'll get started on some breakfast," he muttered, sounding a little distant.
"...Very well."
Rei sat at the table, her eyes tracing the natural patterns of the wood. A few feet away Shinji stood with his back to her, his mind only vaguely on the omelettes he was preparing. It was hard to believe that this silence was so different from yesterday's at this time-- instead of peace, the two children were only aware of the turbulence of their own thoughts. In her quiet tone of voice, Shinji just barely heard Rei speak.
"She told you, then?"
"...Yes," Shinji said after a long pause. "...Why didn't...you say anything?"
"...I apologize Shinji... but I was--"
"What-- you were 'ordered' not to?"
The vicious undertone of Shinji's question startled Rei, but she continued to speak.
"...I was afraid... that if you knew, you would...hate me..."
Shinji sighed. He had wanted to yell at Rei as loud as he could, make her cry, anything to force that even, steady voice of hers to change just a little bit-- but when she said that, he somehow hated himself for thinking that way. He focused on finishing breakfast, and without a word set down their plates. As they ate, Shinji finally found his voice.
"Rei..."(she stopped eating at once, putting her chopsticks down and focused her eyes at him from across the table)"...I don't hate you. I don't think that I ever did. It's just...
"...You are afraid of me," she said with a bit of sadness in her voice.
"I...I don't know, Rei. I just... I don't know what to think anymore."
"...Do you think...that I am your mo--"
"DON'T SAY IT!"
She jumped at Shinji's sudden outburst.
"Just...don't...I don't even want to think about it...please..."
When Ritsuko all but told him that Rei was cloned from his mother, he'd nearly snapped then and there. He couldn't imagine that the girl he'd...nearly kissed...was in some way related to him. In an instant every good feeling he'd ever had regarding Rei seemed to become tainted, soiled by the ugliness of the truth, to the point where he wasn't even sure he had ever properly known her. If he felt this way about Rei...and she was his...mother... what kind of person did that make him? How could he possibly be expected to feel the same way he had only yesterday, when they had sat together on the patio? Rei stared at him while he was lost in his thoughts. Even though he didn't say anything, she could tell that he was in pain. She slowly reached out a hand to him.
"Shinji..."
He once again pushed her hand away, ignoring the devastated look on her face, but not bothering to say anything. For a moment it was quiet--the discord between them threatening to break them apart forever. Then Rei silently got up.
"...Where are you going?" he asked when her back was to him, only halfway interested.
"...I am going to pack."
He suddenly lifted his head to Rei, but she did not turn around or otherwise notice his existence.
"'Pack?' ...What do you mean?"
"...My presence here is only causing you to suffer now. I should return to my original place of residence."
Shinji just stared at her, at a loss for words. Leave...?
"...But know this, Shinji..." she turned her head just enough that her eyes met his, "...I amnot your mother. And I never will be. I will always be Rei Ayanami--no more or less."
It was then that Shinji suddenly noticed something wet on Rei's face-- something he thought he would never see her do in his life.
She's...crying... He would never have realized if the light from the window had not hit her face at the moment she turned around-- she was perfectly composed and her voice was as calm and gentle as it had ever been.
"...Please tell Misato not to worry, as I will be gone before she arrives."
She turned back and walked out of the kitchen without another word, leaving Shinji feeling more confused than before.