Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1. Reminder: I do not own the song "You Belong To Me," originally performed by Patsy Cline, which will actually be used in this chapter : )
Chapter 15: Ruth
Rei sat inside Shinji's room, her eyes half-focused on the single cardboard box she had managed to compile her belongings into. It had been nearly an hour since she had stopped crying, and though it had only taken her about 15 minutes to pack, she found it difficult to leave the house. She knew that she was being irrational again, but in the two days she had spent living with the Major and Shinji, she had somehow...gained a sense of 'attachment' to the small apartment. Rei was aware that this place was merely a means of providing shelter, but... when she thought about the day she had shared with Shinji yesterday, it seemed like more than that now.
Home... She thought sadly. ...A term that describes a location...that is more than a place to live. A place I have never known in my life. Until...
She shook the thought away.
...If I bring Shinji pain...then perhaps...I am not meant to ever have a home.
She closed her eyes and fervently prayed, to whom she didn't know, that she could stay here forever. But no one answered. Rei took that as a negative response, and quietly stood up.
In the kitchen, Rei's glass of water had begun to sweat; drops of water were forming outside the glass and slowly running down the side, pooling around the bottom rim. Watching this spectacle with a dazed look on his face was Shinji. His head was cradled in his arms on the table, and when he wasn't looking at the glass he was staring at the wall, but he knew the answer he was searching for was not in either place.
Why does it hurt so much?
I don't want to face Rei again...so why do I hate the idea of her leaving?
He thought about their 'conversation' from a little over an hour ago. He tried to recall the anger he had felt at first, but somehow the only thing that seemed entirely clear to him was that he had seen Rei in tears... because of him.
No.
Don't think about it like that. She betrayed me. She knew all along and she never said a word!
...But the more that he thought about it, the more it seemed like he was being unfair. Rei couldn't help what she was. Any more than he could help that he...
"Wait, why do I still feel that way? S-she's still...not..."
Ritsuko didn't spare Shinji the reality of Rei's Angelic nature, either. He hadn't really dwelled on why the girl was still alive, but suddenly it made perfect sense.
What if... she hurts someone? What if she can't control it?
No. This was Rei...she would never hurt anybody. But how could he think that so easily?
...Because the reason she never told me was...I would have just abandoned her--like Dad abandoned me... not to trick me...
Shinji thought about that for quite a while. No matter how much he didn't understand his father, he couldn't help noticing just how...similar they were.
"Do I...really want to be like that?"
No matter what she is...can I really do that to her?
At that moment, the door to his room opened, snapping him out of his dark thoughts. He didn't turn his head as he heard the gentle footfalls of his female companion stop somewhere in the living room.
"...I have finished collecting my belongings."
He wanted to say something, but the words wouldn't come out. He wasn't even sure what he wanted to say to her. She was silent for just a moment before she uttered what she thought would be the last words she ever said to him.
"...Goodbye...Shinji."
See the pyramids along the Nile
Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle...
Suddenly something inside Shinji broke. He gasped as he recalled the last time she had said that.
Right before she...
And within that moment he remembered it-- the emptiness in his soul when he thought she was dead. How it had hurt so much that he couldn't sleep or eat or even pretend to care about anything. He'd taken her for granted, afraid to tell her the truth because he was certain she'd always be there. That nothing would ever happen to her.
Just remember, darling, all the while...
I can't lose her. Not again. Not ever again.
"Rei...wait..."
In a single swift motion he got up, knocking his chair over, ran through the hall and grabbed her arm just before she crossed the threshold. She gasped at the sudden contact, and in shock dropped the box, spilling its contents onto the floor. They stood like that for about a minute before Rei broke the awkward silence.
You belong to me...
"Let go," she said in barely a whisper as she lamely tried to pull her arm free.
"...No."
See the marketplace in old Algiers
Send me photographs and souveniers...
It was then that Shinji realized what he had wanted to say.
"...Don't go."
Just remember when your dream appears...
Rei struggling stopped within an instant, though she still kept looking away from Shinji. He felt as thoughshe was slowly drifting farther and farther away from him, and he felt himself breaking down.
You belong to me...
"...Please, Rei...please don't leave me..." he swallowed hard, the ache in his heart overwhelming his fear.
"...I...I love you..."
I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome, too...
She turned her head to face him. Her mouth was slightly open and her eyes were wide as saucers, full of both joy and uncertainty at Shinji's words.
"...What?"
He didn't answer right away, as he was trying desperately to stop the tears that were now streaming down his face.
Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain...
"...I-I do...I...I'm sorry Rei...I'm sorry I treated you like...like you were nothing...I don't care what you are...It...It doesn't matter."
Just remember 'til you're home again...
At this point he had dropped to his knees in front of her, staring at the ground, his arms around Rei's waist, holding her as tightly as he could. She stood as if frozen to the spot, uncertain of what to do. As he held onto Rei, he knew that the tearing in his soul would never go away unless he could always be with her. Her and no one else. He remembered the numbness that had saturated his whole existence-- he had never thought that he could care about--much less love-- anybody. Yet it was this seemingly emotionless girl in his arms who had gotten through to him. Who had changed him.
You belong to me...
"...R-Rei...I...I don't want to go back...to the way I was before...please..."
From his position he didn't see the gentle smile return to her face. She didn't want to say anything to ruin the happiness she felt at this moment-- the moment that she, a worthless clone of a dead woman and a sleeping titan, was truly loved. Instead she gently put her hand atop his head, running her fingers through his hair.
I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too...
"Shhh...it's alright, Shinji...I'm here...I'm here..."
Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain...
She leaned down and wrapped her arms around his neck to return his embrace, all thoughts of leaving gone from her mind as his tears quietly fell onto her shoulder.
Just remember 'til you're home again
You belong to me...
A/N: This was another hard one to write--I just hope it doesn't suck or I made it too WAFFy! Again, thanks for the continued support and reviews! The story's going to be taking a big twist from the canon next chapter, so see you soon!