Who Am I

Chapter 41

Christmas Eve

Rabb kitchen

Mac had crawled out of bed earlier than the rest of the household that morning. Things seemed to be going well with Frank and the foundation. The few days they'd managed to devote to the task, Harm had come home happy. The idea of helping children put the same spark in his eyes she would see when he was standing on the deck of a carrier about to climb into one of his beloved tomcats. The new position wouldn't pay as much as he'd earned in the Navy, but with his pension it would be very doable. The really nice thing would be the flexibility of his schedule. That appealed to both Harm and Mac. Under normal circumstances, her job was strictly nine to five, no travel. Harm had been the one with the grueling job that had often kept him locked up at the pentagon until the wee hours of the morning. Having both of them on the same schedule would actually be a welcome change.

Still standing by the kitchen sink, staring quietly out the window, she could almost forget how close they were to a big city. This old house had a great backyard.

"The bed was cold." Harm slipped his arms around his wife.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." Mac had been so lost in memories that she hadn't heard Harm come into the kitchen.

"Good thing you weren't guarding the hen house. The fox would have had a field day." Harm brushed Mac's hair aside and kissed the back of her neck.

Mac turned her head looking quizzically at her husband. "Barnyard analogies?"

"Hey, if the shoe fits," he shrugged. "Now, tell me what has you so restless that you're out of bed at 5:30 in the morning on a day off?"

"I'm not restless, just thinking." Mac leaned back into Harm's arms.

"What about?" Harm resisted the urge to feast on her neck and drag her back to bed. He could tell something serious was on her mind.

"You, us, everything."

"Hmm, that covers a lot of territory. Care to get more specific?"

"You are happy now, aren't you?"

"Very," Harm answered without a moment's hesitation. "Why would you have to ask?" He turned her around to fully face him.

"Technically it hasn't been THAT long since your accident. I mean there were times during the last few months when it felt like forever, but it isn't a lot of time to adjust to having a wife, kids, a new job. You've had a lot to deal with."

"I won't try to say some of it wasn't hard," Harm smiled at the crooked look Mac shot his way. "Okay, a lot of it was very hard, but with a great deal of help from you, Mom, the kids, and some wonderful friends, I worked through it. I'm still learning, but I'm not complaining. I had a pretty good life to wake up to once I was willing to accept it."

"What about this new job?"

"What about it?" Harm was beginning to wonder if maybe this conversation wouldn't be best held sitting down somewhere more comfortable.

"Facing the uncertainties of a new job can put a lot of pressure on a person."

"I've gotten pretty good at dealing with the unknown." Sliding his hand down over hers, he clasped it tightly and gave her a slight tug. "Why don't we go sit down on the sofa? I get the distinct impression you're going the long way around to get at something."

Mac smiled softly. He had gotten very good at reading her in a very short time.

Sitting down on the overstuffed sofa in the den, Harm looked at his wife, "Now, what is this really all about?"

"I worry about you sometimes. I...I don't want to put too much on you."

"You won't." Harm was beginning to think something was seriously wrong. "Have I done something?"

Mac chuckled softly, "I wouldn't put it quite that way."

"Mac... we promised, nothing between us, no secrets. If I've done something I shouldn't have you need to tell me."

"A few years ago I would have wrapped this up in a pretty little box and given it to you under the tree, but now I have no idea." Mac slipped the small item she'd been fiddling with in her pocket into Harm's hand.

Harm studied his hand intently. He could feel a wave of frustration threatening to overtake the moment. He knew damn well this was something important to Mac, something that had her acting more nervously than he could remember ever seeing her behave, and yet he had absolutely no idea what he was looking at.

"I...I'm sorry. I..." Harm looked up and at that moment he saw a single tear slip from the corner of Mac's eye. "Oh, Mac." He pulled her into his arms. He needed to hold her right now as much if not more than she needed to be held.

"I was afraid it would be too much for you," Mac mumbled into his shoulder.

"Too much for me?"

Pulling back, Mac nodded her head and reached for Harm's hand still clenching what she'd given him.

"I just wasn't thinking. Everything was so unexpected. I..." Mac rubbed her hand across her brow.

"Mac. I'm really sorry, but I have absolutely no idea what's going on at the moment and you're scaring the hell out of me. What's wrong? What does this mean?" Harm took back the plastic stick and held it up.

Mac stared at him blankly. Once again she'd forgotten how many pockets of memory loss Harm had. A small smile crept across her face at the realization he wasn't upset with the results but at not understanding the significance of what he currently held in his hand.

"The little blue line means I'm pregnant." Mac took a deep breath and waited for his reaction.

An immense rush of total elation rose through his body. He was about to pull his wife into a crushing embrace when the apprehensive look on her face stopped him cold. Why was she so distressed by this? Was this not a good thing for her? What was he supposed to do?

"Say something, please." Mac's insides were infested by a flock of restless geese.

"Are you okay?" he mumbled softly.

Other than being scared to death, yeah she was probably okay. Mac nodded her head. The geese were fast becoming more agitated.

Harm couldn't help it any longer, a broad, full blown, flyboy smile spread across his face. Reaching out, he let the flat of his palm rest gently on Mac's tummy.

"A baby? Really?"

Relieved at the bright grin, Mac smiled wider than a carrier deck. "Really."

Harm couldn't stand it any more, pulling Mac tightly against him, he whispered in her ear, "I love you so much."

Squeezing him just as tightly, she kissed the side of his face. "Then you don't mind?"

"Mind!" Harm kissed her square on the lips, dragging her across his lap. When he finally pulled back he looked deeply into her eyes. "You were afraid I'd be upset?"

"Well, it was different with Trisha and Tommy. We were trying to get pregnant so it wasn't so far out of left field. Besides, I was a lot younger then."

Harm's brow curled instantly with concern. "You did say you're okay?"

"I'm not THAT old, but 43 is a little older than I'd planned on to still be having children. We'll have to have a few tests, but so far everything is normal."

"I couldn't be happier. Don't you see? This is my first. Now I understand how I must have felt when you told me about Trisha and Tommy. Soon I'll get to feel our child grow and kick. I'll get to hear his first words and watch his first steps. I'll be able to teach him how to ride a bike and throw a ball."

"Him? You've already decided," Mac happily teased.

"Him, her, as long as the baby is healthy, I couldn't be happier!" Harm couldn't resist and dragged Mac into another searing kiss. His hands began roaming gently across her back and down around her hips. Blazing a trail of hot wet kisses, starting at the edge of her moist lips and slowly descending down her long neck, he froze when his hand came around and brushed across her stomach.

Harm's eyes were open wide as he pulled away. "Is this okay? I mean should I be doing this?"

Grinning impishly, Mac brushed her lips tenderly against Harm's. "You'd better believe it, buster."

In a move that surprised and thrilled Mac, Harm managed to slide out from under her, stand, and scoop her into his arms as if she were a new bride. With the agility of a much younger man, he carried her up the stairs and into their room, his lips never releasing hers for a single moment.

"Thank you," he whispered. Nothing on the day he woke up in what he thought was a horrific nightmare could have prepared him for the wondrous joy that would be his life. "I love you Sarah Rabb."

"I love you Harmon Rabb."

The End