Chapter Three – Meeting the Leader

Bilbo was not happy… not in the slightest. His quiet peaceful dinner has turned into a social gathering in his home, which his invitation apparently got lost in the mail and he didn't even know about it. The entire group of uninvited guests decided to help themselves to Bilbo's pantry, raiding the food and bringing every morsel out into the large room. Bilbo tries to stop each dwarf pulling out food and cutlery but no one seem to stop to listen to him.

"Those are my plates! Excuse me! Not my wine! Put that back." He states angrily, pointing back into the pantry. "Put that back! Not the jam, please! … Excuse me." Bilbo stops at the sight of the ginger-haired dwarf with the chain of beard, carrying three entire wheels of cheese with his eyes wide in hunger and amazement. "Excuse me. A tad excessive, isn't it? Have you got a cheese knife?" He continues in slight shock. He watched as the dwarf continued to walk through his dining room without a single response to his question. Bofur answered for Bombur, walking past with his own platter of food.

"Cheese knife? He eats it by the block." Bofur answers in clarity without any sense of hesitation. Bilbo turns from this to find Oin and Gloin walking through his halls carrying chairs from another one of his rooms. Immediately, Bilbo ran to push his dear Grandpa Mungo's chairs back into its proper position.

"No, no, that's Grandpa Mungo's chair! No, I'm sorry, you'll have to take it back please. Take it back now. Take it back, this is antique it is not for sitting on!" Bilbo yelled, meanwhile the raven stood perched on the chandelier in the main room watching the dwarves below. Said dwarves stared up at the bird a little unnerved having no knowledge of Gandalf's companion. It didn't help that the raven kept staring straight at them with a slight tilt to its head. The raven turned its head to watch Gandalf speak to the older calmer dwarf Dori who was offering drinks. The wizard walks through the hallway, where the raven lost sight of him. Soon the once quiet hobbit hole was filled with a bustling table filled to the brim with food and dwarves stuffing their faces with the food. The entire room did not notice the hobbit walk from his once quiet table into his pantry to find almost nothing remained for him. His once full stock of food which would last him months was being devoured in a matter of minutes. The raven, happily sitting on the chandelier noticed the small hobbit walk away and quickly follows him. The dwarves all happily occupied by the mountains of food, didn't notice the departure of the black bird. Bilbo, still ransacking through his pantry to find any remains of food with a small piece of ham in his hand, got the second shock of the night when a loud cry erupted behind him. He turned with his heart racing to find the raven standing on the shelf, staring directly at him.

"CAAW" The raven croaked, almost purred. He raised his hand, noticing the raven's head following his hand.

"You hungry?" Bilbo asked, the raven's eyes almost pleading. "Would you like this? Its not like its going to fill my stomach…" He muttered. The raven purred as it took two step forward to get a bit closer as Bilbo reached out his hand with the slice of ham on the edge of his fingers. The raven gently met the hand and delicately pulled the ham from his fingers. Bilbo watched in appreciation as the raven swallowed it down. "You aren't a normal raven are you?" He whispered, as the raven picked at the remainder of meat around its beak. As the raven finished its meal it looked back at him and tilted its head. Bilbo's eyes widened as the raven seemed to wink at him before the bird spread it wings and flew out of the pantry through a kitchen window. Bilbo wondered whether the bird couldn't deal with all this noise as well as himself. Bilbo wandered back through his home ad was amazed at the mess the dwarves made in such a short period of time. Then again there was so many of them, it also didn't surprise Bilbo. As he walked through the rooms, more and more of his private and family items were being used in ways that made his head hurt.

"Bebother and confusticate these dwarves!" Bilbo yelled to himself, surprised when Gandalf appeared behind him.

"My dear Bilbo, what on earth is the matter?" Gandalf questioned innocently.

"What's the matter? I'm surrounded by dwarves. What are they doing here?" Bilbo asked frustration leaking through his voice. Lyra the raven soon drawn by the impending argument and frustration of Bilbo landed on Gandalf's shoulder. The raven cocked its head as Gandalf responded to him.

"Oh, they're quite a merry gathering, once you get used to them." Gandalf responded, looking between him and Lyra.

"I don't want to get used to them and I'm pretty sure that the raven on your shoulder agrees with me! The state of my kitchen! There's mud trod into the carpet, they've pillaged the pantry!" Bilbo walked back through to his kitchen frustrated to his limit.

"I'm not even going to tell you what they've done in the bathroom; they've all but destroyed the plumbing. I don't understand what they're doing in my house!" he yelled frustrated, Lyra cawing at the angry tone in his voice. The wizard didn't say a word in response, the Hobbit and the wizard staying silent. The silence was broken by one of the dwarves bringing a dirty plate forward toward the Hobbit.

"Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt, but what should I do with my plate?" Ori asked quietly, the yelling though not any different from his home he was always taught to be polite. As Bilbo went to respond another dwarf approached the group and snatched the plate out of Ori's hands.

"Here you go Ori, give it to me." Fili announced, taking the plate from Ori and throwing it to his brother Kili. He in turn throws it behind to Bifur who is standing in the kitchen near the sink who catches it with no hesitation and no sight required. Kili, Fili and the remaining dwarves began throwing around the plate, bowls and pieces of cutlery through the air on a path to be cleaned, unknown to Bilbo that is. As the dishware flies through the air, Gandalf ducked to avoid getting hit. In the process of him ducking, Lyra ended up falling onto the floor squawking indignantly. She turned to Gandalf who looked sheepish at his actions. Meanwhile, Bilbo was trying to stop the possible destruction of his beloved home.

"Excuse me, that's my mother's West Farthing crockery, its over a hundred years old!" He yelled as he tried to grab dishware mid-flight. The dwarves laughed at his troubles and began to drum rhythmically on the old table with both the utensils and their fists. Lyra squawked as the dwarves stood close to her and almost trod on her a couple times, moving slightly before flying up to Gandalf's shoulder once again hopefully not to be disturbed again. "And can-can you not do that? You'll blunt them!" He yelled, making the dwarves laugh.

"Ooh, d'hear that lads? He says we'll blunt the knives." One dwarf called Bofur said joking, initiating the dwarves into one of their favourite pastimes, singing. Lyra was perched quite happily on Gandalf's shoulder watching the company sing joyfully.

"Blunt the knives, bend the forks

Smash the bottles and burn the corks

Chip the glasses and crack the plates

That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!"

"Cut the cloth and tread on the fat

Leave the bones on the bedroom mat

Pour the milk on the pantry floor

Splash the wine on every door

Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl

Pound them up with a thumping pole

When you've finished, if any are whole

Send them down the hall to roll"

Some of the dwarfs begin using teapots and utensils as instruments making everyone except Bilbo smile. The tune was forcing almost everyone to sing the final line of their tune.

"That's what Bilbo Baggins hate!'

Bilbo fills up with anger, only to turn and find all the dishes which were filled with food only moments ago, stacked neatly on the table. At the look on Bilbo's face, the band of dwarves, Gandalf and Lyra all started to laugh, the raven only squawking as imitation of a laugh. The laughter grew quiet as three loud knocks banged on the door, everyone turning to face the entry of the hobbit hole. Gandalf and Lyra looked up and turned towards the door, Gandalf smoking a ring before speaking.

"He is here."