0500:It was cold, it was cramped, my stomach had definitely begun to digest itself, in short, it just plain... god... damn... horrible. I thought that getting on this stupid ship was hard enough. Now, I couldn't move, I had to take a piss, and I was so cold my dick must have looked somewhere in between a cocktail wiener and raisin.

Now, your all wondering, how did I get into miserable hell hole? Well, after my Wolfen ate shit (I'm not kidding either, I crashed into about a 100 tons of fecal matter. And of course, with my "shitty" ass luck, it was all fresh. I don't know what could have made that, nor do I want to know) I managed to hop on this cargo ship (or should I say flying piece of space junk. It looked like a box, flew like a box, and smelled like shit, or maybe it was just me, who cares?) Speaking of shit, Andross still owed me tons of back pay, but since Fox came, I didn't think he was in any condition to pay it.

Back at the hell hole, I sat in this disintegrating mass of garbage that Corneria used to haul all of the wealth of Venom. Now, it was my abominable, and hardly temporary enough, abode. Normally, I like to say I never have the time to look at the scenery, but today I had time alright. Lots of time, 14 hours of time, to be exact. You'll be surprised how long 14 hours is when you're stuck in a position some Yoga Master would call, HOLY CRAP! Ah, yes, the scenery. Through the cut out that the cheapskate Cornerians called a handle, I was able to see the most cruel of my tortures for the trip, a emblem featuring General Pepper's face. I was able to note every... single... detail of General Pepper's ugly mug. Around the four hour mark I had decided that he was probably the stupidest looking man... ever. He looked like a cross between a Maltese and a banana. I realize the ridiculousness of the hybrid but there was no other way to describe him. That had brought me another thing to place on my "to do" list. I had to find and kill the man who put... .

"OWW!"

Right at that moment, a fiery pain erupted on my right hand. I glanced down in the dimly lit interior of the container to find a gi-goddamn-antic orange bug with a stinger that must have been least an inch long imbedded into my hand. Instinctively, I would have crushed the little shit right away but considering my highly confined area, I had to work my left hand out from behind my head around my side and behind my back before it got my helpless right appendage again. Wriggling around I began to change from my, "HOLY CRAP," position into another called "DEAR GOD WHY," all the while, watching the insect waving his not so tiny antenna around. If I didn't know any better, I'da thought that the little prick was mocking me. In the good minute and a half it took to worm my left arm around my back the highly annoying pest wavered, it had begun to leave then comeback to wave its scorpion-like tail menacingly. As it poised itself for another strike at my index, I couldn't suppress myself from crying out.

"No!"

Its ten legs churned momentarily, turning it in a direction that faced away from my hand. A breath that was held trapped in my lungs burst forth in relief. Just then, it about-faced and took aim at my ring finger this time.

"No!"It began to turn around again.

"Yes!" It rotated around and marched directly toward my pinky.

"No!" It shifted its weight back and forth alternately taking itself offline and online from taking a swipe at my vulnerable extremity, "Yes! No,Yes, No!" This little bastard was playing mind-games with me. Enough with this shit! I thought.

I wriggled frantically to position my other hand to kill it. " No, No, NO!" In slow motion I watched as it locked its "stinging reticle" onto my hand. Just in time, I drove my fist through the narrow space between my back and the wall of the steel container and directly into the bug, which squashed it flat with a satisfying crunch. In the process, I managed to sting the holy shit out my hand. "Dammit!" This was going to be a hell trip.

0730: 15 and a half hours, the box was finally starting to land, or crash, I couldn't tell by eruption of sounds emanating from the puttering, piece of shit warp drive. At this point, I really didn't care. Fifteen minutes later, it "touched" down with enough force to cause my head to ram into back of the container. Did it hurt? Yes it did, but not has much as when my head ricocheted off the back, slamming my nose into the front of the container and caused it to bleed, I cried. I know you're thinking, "You pussy, you're supposed to take everything like a man, not like some bitchy, 9 year old girl." Well, piss off. Being in 4'x4'x2' jail cell for 15 hours messes with your mind,especially when a bug from hell is your only company.

Back in Lucifer's domain, the cargo hatch opened with the likeness of a felled tree. Two men/wussies came into the cargo bay to offload their newly "liberated" treasure. First, they took the box with General Pepper's ugly mug imprinted on it. I would have thanked god, but the only way to get my hands together would be to shove them up my ass. Right about then, I realized the precariousness of my situation. If dipshit 1 and dipshit 2 (which will now be known as DS1 and DS2) try to pick up the cell I was in, not only would one blind me when it stuck its fat fingers in the holes, the other would violate me in ways I never dreamed of.

So I came up with a plan, if I planted my face firmly on the floor...like this...then... yeah. Well that solved that problem, but my ass was still in violation position, and the DS 1 and 2 were coming back. So, I did the only thing I could do in time. I thrusted my hip forward, jamming my already tangled tail a foot down my throat. It was then I realized that I tasted like a mix between lead and vomit.

Now, DS 1 and 2 lifted the box with the finesse of a grizzly bear trying to remove a Cheez-It from a styrofoam cooler, then began to drag my prison with about the alacrity of a Pigma on a tread mill . I swear to god, I wanted to get out, kick both their asses, then carry it my damn self. On top of that, they were having a conversion that would be on par with Beavis and Butthead.

"Hehe did you see that really hot girl outside?"

"Yeah, she has big boobs."

"Mhm heh, wouldn't it be cool if we score with her?"

"Uhuhuh, yeah, let's do that."

I wish I was kidding. They threw my cell down on the ground, jamming my tail even further into my throat, then promptly left to pitifully fail to try to hit on the girl. Did I know if they failed? No, but I know that idiots with the intelligence of Lincoln Logs do not get women. Wait, scratch that, only idiots are able to get women.

Though finally able to burst out of my prison, I decided to wait to see if DS 1,2, or any others of their idiot family decided to show up. After about 15 minutes, I couldn't take it anymore. I shifted around, pushed the lid open with my back, and then began to wobbly put my meat footballs, which were formally my hands, on the edges of the cell. I swear to god, all my muscles had atrophied into slender threads. I took one step over the jail cell, and unbeknownst to me, my other foot had fallen fast asleep. I pulled my other leg over the edge and attempted to make a swift getaway. Boy, that was the shortest getaway ever. All of one step later my ankle turned to rubber causing a unexpected and entirely painful tumble to the ground. My nose bled again, my hands throbbed again...I hate life.

While immobilized by my faulty foot, I examined my surroundings. The steel hanger I was in looked pretty damn big. Like, 275'x275'x150' big. Various boxes were strewn about the place in no particular order. Looked like the DS family were as incompetent as they looked... or sounded in this case.

Feeling it was time to get my ass up, I took my sluggish leg and found it was able to move again, kind of. I managed to stand up. Feeling it, "Be a goo' time ta relieve mahself," I waltzed/stumbled my way over to the container and pissed about a gallon of urine all over General Pepper's shit-faced grin.I've never felt better after a piss in my... entire life.