Thanks to all of you who reviewed! I love you so much! I give you each a massage!

HBP- Yes, I am crazy. I like you too. –Kiss-

CSIGregSandersFan- I love randomness too! Yay toga! Oh, just wait until you see what happens with Ron and Hermione. Glad you like the fic!

Senora- Hey! You sound so fun! LOL. I'm glad you like my story. If you'd like to talk, I have YIM too. It's LeeLee11887. IM me!

DemetersChild- Eh, Ron and Hermione are just saying weird stuff. Ron says he doesn't like to ask Harry stuff because he eats his pants. And stuff like that. I want to see The Notebook so bad! I've heard it's really good. A Walk to Remember is one of my favorite movies. It's so good but so sad. I cry and cry every time I see it. I highly recommend it. Glad you like the story!

Jessibelle- Yes, I told Amber that you're name isn't really Jessibelle. But she said that it's still pretty. I'm sorry your uncle smells like garlic.

harrypotterismine-ilovehim- So far the fic is the exact same with just a few minor changes. It won't be drastically changed until chapter 10. But it'll be the same "plot" and everything.

Chapter 5: Blow Job and Eddy

Harry and Ron sat at the Gryffindor table. Ginny ran up and stared at Ron.

"Ron!" she yelled, breathlessly. "What's sixty-nine mean?"

"It's a number dumbass," Ron answered.

"I know that," Ginny said. "But what's it mean when you say it suggestively?"

"Holy cocoa beans!" Harry exclaimed.

"Uhh…I—I…" Ron stuttered. "Where'd you hear that?"

"Some seventh year boys asked me if I'd like a gang bang, and when I said 'No, thanks, I like my fringe long,' this one guy asked if I'd like to sixty-nine him. This shall now be called 'flippity-flop,' because I decided it's funnier. I said I'd have to go ask my brother first. So…what's it mean?"

"It's…uh…Flippity-flop is…I don't think you want to know," Ron said, taking his paintball gun and shooting a second year Slytherin in the elbow.

"Yes, I do!" Ginny said.

Ron threw the paintball gun across the hall and whispered what flippity-flop is into Ginny's ear. If you don't know what it is, I'm not telling you. Go ask your mommy. No! Don't! Ask a friend! When he'd finished Ginny's eyes were as wide as a hippopotamus's ass.

"But that's gross!" Ginny said, shocked. Are you shocked that she'd be shocked? I'm not shocked. Though, that could be because I wrote it. Not very shocking any more.

"And you better always think it's gross," Ron said. "Now, who were these seventh years? 'Cause I gotta go kick some ass!"

"No one!" Ginny said, running from the hall.

Hermione walked in and sat down.

"Holy laundry detergent!" Harry exclaimed. "Hermione! You're wearing shoes!"

"I know," Hermione smiled, pouring the jug of orange juice on the floor. "I remembered that I have more than one pair of shoes. So, now I don't have to go barefoot any more."

"Damn!" said Ron, looking disappointed. Nic came in, took a sip of milk, and walked out of the hall in a hurry.

"Sip and leave," Hermione said shaking her head. "Just like a man."

"Come on," Ron said. "We're gonna be late for Group Therapy."

"Oh hell nah!" Hermione said. "Don't you tell me what to do!"

"Chill, woman!" Ron said.

Hermione kicked her leg up, aiming for his head, but Ron caught it. He tilted his head and looked up her skirt. "Damn!" he said. "Can we have sex now?"

"No!" she said, pulling her leg down. They walked into Group Therapy song…I mean room. Damn it! What the hell? Song? They had this class with the Slytherin.

When they were all there Professor Obfuscate walked in. "Okay, bitches and bastards. This is Group fuckin' Therapy. Today we're gonna fuckin' go around the damn room and every fuckin' person is gonna make a motha fuckin' confession. Alright? We'll start with you," he pointed to Harry.

"Alright," Harry said, inhaling a large amount of marijuana. "I hate when people call me a pothead, 'cause really, I'm not."

"Aight," Professor Obfuscate said. "Damn! Puff, puff, pass!" He took the blunt from Harry and kept it.

Ron was next. He sighed and said, "I really wanna get laid."

"Yeah," said Professor Obfuscate. "Don't we all? Okay, you," he pointed to Hermione.

"I hate when guys try to treat us like property and not like human beings and"

"Next!" said Professor Obfuscate.

"Pansy keeps trying to rape me!" Draco cried.

"I wanna have sex with Draco!" Pansy said, unbuttoning Draco's shirt.

Dean was next. "I hate being at home because my step-dad left and now my mom has to be my mom and my dad. And I hear her fighting with herself and it's so sad. I don't want her to divorce herself!"

And other less important characters said things. When the class was over Professor Obfuscate said, "Well, I think we've had a very productive fuckin' day. Now leave, God damn it."

They all filed out. "We've got break and then Sex Education," Hermione said.

"I gotta go water my plants," Harry said, rushing away.

"Um…Hermione?" Ron said.

"Yeah?"

"Can you be a friend?" Ron asked.

"What are you talking about?" Hermione asked coffuzzled. "I am your friend."

"No," Ron said. "Can you be a friend?"

"Oh!" she said, nodding. She led him into an empty classroom. The door locked with a 'click.' "Pull it out," she instructed. When he did Hermione stared at him. "Ron, you're not hard."

"Huh?" he said. "Oh, let me see something." He took Hermione's hand and placed it on his penis, moving it up and down. "Ah! See! Yes I am!"

"Fine," she said.

"Oh! Wait!" he ran over to the door and turned the lock.

"You do realize you just unlocked that door?" Hermione said.

"Damn it!" He hurried back and re-locked it. When he came back to the middle of the room, Hermione got down on her knees in front of him.

"Blow job's faster," she explained. "Remember, I'm only doing this because I'm your friend. And I swear if you put your hand on the back of my head, I'll bite you…and it will hurt."

Ron nodded. She put his penis in her mouth and sucked. Ron moaned and resisted the urge his hand was having to go to the back of her head. After ten minutes Ron came in her mouth. She spat the semen onto the floor, then she made it disappear with her wand.

"You don't swallow?" Ron asked.

"Sometimes."

They left the classroom and went to the one near the hospital wing, where Sex Education would be held.

Everyone entered. Dean and Seamus sat down beside Hermione. "Ha!" said Seamus, pointing at Dean. "I found you!"

"Dude!" Dean said. "I've been around you for two damn days and you're just now noticing?"

"Uhh…yeah," Seamus said. "Now I get to hide!" He slipped down and got under his chair.

"Holy oatmeal cookies!" Harry exclaimed, poking himself in the eye.

"Welcome to Sex Ed.," Madame Pomphrey shivering (who was their teacher) said. "From now on this class will be referred to as 'Eddy' because I don't like saying sex." She shivered. "Now," said Madame Pomphrey, when they'd all settled down. "At your age, you may be experiencing some feelings. Some call it 'horny,'" she flinched. "But since I don't like saying that word either, we'll call it 'fuzzy.'"

"Uh…Madame Pomphrey?" Ron said, raising his hand. "I don't know…but…um…I'm a sixteen year old guy. I'm like always…um…fuzzy."

Madame Pomphrey sighed. "I can't do this! Okay, I'm leaving. Take some condoms and birth control pills and get out!"

They all did as they were told. Little did they know, the birthrate at Hogwarts was going to increase a great deal.

PS: "Fringe" is British for "bangs" and "bangs" is American for "fringe."

Okay people! I know you have it in you! My goal is to have at least 70 reviews by the time I post chapter 6! Even if I don't I'll still post the chapter but I just want to reach that many. Remember I'm still taking song requests.

I'm feeling lonely so if anyone would like to talk to me and be my friend IM me! My IMs are on my profile. Now, press that little button and review for me!