I encourage all of you to go to my xanga! You'll find the link on my profile. There's a funny gay penguin story there. And by gay I don't mean it sucks; I mean it's about homosexual penguins.

I'd like to tell all of you that I got a review by someone who calls themselves "clouded hopes" and their review said this: "you suck ass bitch." I need an ego boost so please leave me reviews telling me if you like my story. For those of you who are reviewing, I love you and you are greatly appreciated.

This chapter is dedicated to Tracey because she is awesome!

Like A Thousand Miles of Fire- Thanks so much! I'm glad you like my fic! Your song requests have been noted.

ZadieCrowe- LOL. Glad you liked chapter five. HERE'S JOHNNY! (Chapter six's name is Johnny).

Clouded hopes- Why thank you!

HBP- Man, that review was long!

Senora- LOL. I know how it is to type things like that in weird places…I think I'm going to use "group therapy thong"! If you don't mind, of course. I love that holy cabbage thing! LOL! Believe me, if you knew me in person you'd probably think it was crazy how much I laugh. Ask my friends. It's an illness really. Gay penguins!

Chapter 6: Sad Water and Florescent Peacock

Hermione, Ron, and Harry walked into the Great Hall the next day. They sat down and were surprised to see that Lavender was crying hysterically all over a piece of parchment. Ron was shocked because she was soaking her toast and didn't even seem to care. Parvati was patting her on her back.

"What's wrong, Lavender?" Hermione said, trying to sound concerned, although she was really just being nosey.

"M-my boyfriend back home, just broke up w-with me!" she said, showing her the piece of parchment.

"Oh, calm down, Lavatory!" Parvati said. "Look at it this way…at least his handwriting has improved!"

Lavender burst into a fit of sobs. They all ate breakfast as Lavender gathered her tears in a bucket and tried to drown herself. Parvati was finally able to pull her friend's head up from the bucket of sad water. Ha ha…sad water? LOL. She decided her friend needed to go to the hospital wing, so she took her. She did this mostly because it was an excuse to get out of class.

They had Potions first that day, so they made their way down to the dungeons. On the way they saw Mrs. Norris in the hall. She had a tiny guitar case open in front of her. It had a few sickles and knuts in it and she was singing…Mrs. Norris was singing the blues!

"Once when I was a kitten (dun dun dun dun), oh, I was a kitten (dun dun dun dun)…"

Hermione felt bad, and was astonished that Mrs. Norris could talk, let alone sing the blues. She threw in a knut. She thought she'd heard a small, "Fuck you!" But she decided it was her imagination. She was wrong.

They entered the Potions classroom and took their seats. They were a little early so they sat and talked quietly to themselves. Hermione pulled out her box of Oreos (original…chocolate outside, white cream inside…and Double-Stuffed!) and sat them on the table.

"Ooh!" she said suddenly. "I have got to pee!" She got up and turned to Ron (who was eyeing her cookies…the food not Hermione's "cookies"!). "And don't you dare touch my Oreos Ron!"

She turned and left for the bathroom. When she returned she saw that the box was empty.

"Ron!" she screamed. "I told you not to touch my cookies!"

"I didn't!" Ron protested.

"Did you or did you not open my box of cookies? And eat the entire thing?" Hermione asked, angrily.

"Yes, I did open the box," Ron stated. "But when I looked inside, it was empty. The cookies appeared to have eaten each other."

"Ronald Bilius Weasley!" Hermione said, outraged (you could tell because she was violently squeezing the waffle she was holding. Syrup was going everywhere). "You know damn well those cookies didn't eat each other! I am never speaking to you again as long as I live!"

Ron shrugged. Hermione sat down right as Snape walked in. Surprisingly, he was wearing a pink tutu and a tiara.

"Um…" Hermione said, raising her hand. "Professor, why are you wearing a tutu and a tiara?"

"That is none of your damn business, Granger!" Snape snapped ha ha. "Now, I want you to make the Muerte Potion…"

"Uhh…Professor Snape?" Hermione said, raising her hand again. "That potion is way too difficult for us."

"Shut it Miss Granger!" Snape snapped.

"But, sir," Hermione persisted. "It's dangerous."

"Granger!" Snape snapped.

"Sir," Hermione rambled on like a squirrel. "It's too complicated."

"Granger!" Snape snapped. "This is my class. You are not the student…I mean…you are not the teacher! I will teach what I see fit!"

"But, sir," Hermione went on. "It's illegal."

"That will not stop us Miss Port-a-Potty!" Snape snapped. "Now get to work!"

Hermione sighed and began chopping up her ingredients. She gasped when she noticed Ron was cutting up two die by this I mean dice not cutting himself to die..

"Holy cucumber salad!" Harry exclaimed. "Ron, what the friggle fraggle are you doing!"

"What?" Ron said, confuzzled. "It says to cut two snake eyes…and that's what I'm doing. What?"

"Ron," Hermione said, "it means…"

But she was interrupted by the sound of "The Dance of the Sugar Plum Pixies" began to play. Snape's head snapped up and he climbed to his feet. He started doing pirouettes around the classroom. He leapt over Ron's cauldron and twirled around to a stop.

Professor Dumbledore burst into the room and said, "So sorry, students. It seems Professor Snape has taken far too much Relaxer Serum and has basically lost his mind. Please go to your common rooms. Thank you."

"Holy plastic surgery!" Harry exclaimed. He jumped up and grabbed the watering can from the coffee pot in the middle of the room. Hermione looked at Ron. Ron winked. Hermione giggled.

Ron raised his eyebrow and said, "Does that turn you on?"

Hermione nodded.

"Indeed?" Ron said.

Hermione went spastic and was attacked by a fit of giggles and a bunch of feisty French poodles. She quickly got over them and noticed that Harry had left in such a hurry to be alone with the watering can (she assumed), that he'd left his bag. She picked it up.

"We better take this back to Harry," she said.

"First," Ron said, "we shall peek inside. Because I'm a nosey little fuck."

"Oh, Ron," Hermione said. "We can't!"

"Indeed?" Ron said, winking.

"Okay, we can."

Hermione opened up the bag and saw Harry's books. It seemed he'd ripped out a lot of the pages for some unknown reason. At the very bottom there was a piece of parchment shaped like a heart. Hermione picked it up, unfolded it, and read:

"You remind me of a beautiful bird

Like a frolicking, florescent peacock

Grazing in a meadow

Because your exuberance reminds me of feathers

Flapping gleefully in the wind

Birds cannot wink

They can only flap

…in the meadow

Meadows are pretty

With all the grain

You know I eat birds. Love, Ginny."

I, of course, did not get my 70 reviews. Come on people! You can do it! I believe in you! Do you not see me begging here? PLEASE REVIEW! If you do I'll give you all some Skittles®!

If you can tell me what a quark is I'll give you 500 extra Skittles®! It is a real word!