I have some bad news. I dropped my last red Skittle®.

Anyway, you're all doing very well with points.Thanks so much for reviewing! In the lead is Jessibelle with 1,130 points.

HBP- It's "more strange" because "stranger" is meant as a person you don't know. LOL. Yeah, I knew what a quark is. I hate science so no I don't enjoy and it's not fun. Well, in America we don't exactly ask if we don't know either. But this was sort of like a school thing. The teachers know the answers but they still ask you. You have 400 points so far.

Senora- Umm…I said wallaby because it was the first thing that popped into my mind. Tis a random story and sticky notes doesn't really fit in at all. LOL. Cockroaches? That made me giggle! You shall find out why the shemales had to go to the Great Hall. Yes, I suppose my mind is in the gutter. LOL. I enjoyed your review very much. You have 450 points so far.

Jessibelle- Please give it up with the spelling corrections. I know how to spell. People make typos. Yes, you get a few extra points for organization. Glad you continue to like it! You have 1,130 points so far.

crookshanks7- OMG! Your brother seriously has a gay pet penguin? That's awesome! You have 260 points so far.

ShortLeggedGiraffe- I like your name! It's soooo cute! Let me know when you've got some stories up. I'll read and review them. You have 540 points so far.

Goodybad- Glad you liked the chapter. Well, chapter 8 was already written. But I love when my readers give me ideas, so please keep them coming. I may be able to use one of them eventually. You have 500 points so far.

N.C. PsyChick- LOL. Your review made me giggle. Glad you like! I shall remember that lawn gnomes do not make good sandwiches always and forever. Now, by that statement did you mean that they weren't good IN sandwiches or they weren't good sandwich makers? You have 390 points so far.

harrypotterismine-ilovehim- Well, now you know what a Xanga is. Glad you like the story. Everyone seems to want to win. You have 300 points so far.

Miss Hogwarts- Glad you like the story…and Skittles®. I suppose Skittles® could be funny. You have 350 points so far.

Chapter 8: Frosty Beverage and Pregnancy

Hermione nervously walked, along with all the other girls to the Great Hall. Suddenly, she found that Ron and Harry were beside her.

"Holy spontaneous combustion!" Harry exclaimed. "We're coming with you."

"Yeah," Ron said, nodding vigorously. "We're gonna protect you. Even if all we can do is stand back and say, 'She didn't do it.' We will say it with pride. Can I have this lolly pop?"

Before Hermione could answer, Ron stuck it in his mouth.

"Ron!" Hermione shouted. "That is my tiny purse mirror!"

"Oh," Ron sighed, still sucking on the mirror. "I thought it sounded…I mean, tasted funny." Damn it!

When they reached the door of the Great Hall, they found Dean and Seamus talking.

"…and then my head was really stuck, because the VCR caught on fire," Dean said.

"What are you guys doing here?" Ron asked, dropping the mirror the ash tray beside the door.

"Well," Seamus said. "We figured there is going to be a room full of girls exiting this room full of girls. And at least two of them will be willing to have sex with us."

"Hermione," Ron said looking at her as though he'd never seen her before in his entire life. "Can we have sex, now?" I guess that's not so good if he's asking someone he's looking at as though he's never seen them before in his entire life if they'd have sex with him.

"No," Hermione said promptly. She took a deep breath and entered the Great Hall. Harry and Ron followed her.

There were all the female teachers sitting in chairs at the front of the room. They all had clipboards and stern looks on their faces. All the female students looked anxiously and expectantly at McGonagall. She'd stood up and called for silence.

"Girls!" she called clapping her hands. "The sexual activity of Hogwarts has increased immensely. And it is needed that we test each of you for pregnancy."

One by one, they were called in alphabetical order by a different teacher. Many girls left crying and some left looking as though they had just seen an egg plant wearing a chef's hat.

Hermione was ringing her hands. She was extremely antsy (due to the fact that about forty black ants had just climbed into her bra). It also didn't help that Neville streaked past her streaking…wearing no clothes and naked screaming, "Free the yaks! Free the yaks!"

"Holy rutabaga!" Harry exclaimed.

Not even two minutes later, Colin Creevey came up to them shaking like that toy that had batteries and it would shake like mad. Does anyone know what it was called? Because I can't remember…tell me if you do! He shook Hermione as he shook and said, "It appears that a vortex of pure evil is radiating from the air vents! Hurry! Get all the ghosts, and put them in the mason jars!"

Hermione burst into tears. Ron patted Hermione on the back. "There, there. Come on, Patsy. It's okay."

Finally, Hermione Jane Granger was called. And Hermione Jane Granger walked up to Professor William Barbara Dim. Harry James Potter and Ron Bilius Weasley followed.

"Umm…" Hermione Jane Granger said. "Sir, how come the other girls get a female teacher?"

"Because," Professor William Barbara Dim said. "Professor Vector suddenly came down with the Hungarian Snot Flu. And I had to take her place. Now, don't be nervous, I'm just going to ask you a few questions."

"Alright," Hermione nodded. I'm tired of typing out the full name. Screw it. She glanced at Ron and Harry. Ron shrugged and Harry licked the paper of the joint he was rolling.

"Okay," Dim said, flipping his gorgeous black hair out of his beautiful, dazzling, brown eyes. "Are you now, or have you ever been a shell fish?"

"No," Hermione answered truthfully. She in fact, had never been a shell fish. She was allergic.

"Oh!" said Dim, making a small mark on his clipboard. "Can I get you a frosty beverage?"

"No," Hermione said quickly. She in fact, had never wanted a frosty beverage. She was allergic.

Dim made another small mark on his clipboard and said, "What is the quadrant of the third vector of an obtuse triangle?"

"Ummm…" Hermione said. "Three?" She in fact, had never learned how to find the quadrant of the third vector of an obtuse triangle. She was allergic.

"I'm sorry," Dim said, making squiggly marks on his clipboard. "Pork. Pork is the correct answer. Have you ever dated a hair dryer or a desperate flamingo?"

"No," Hermione answered. She in fact had not dated a hair dryer or a desperate flamingo. She was allergic to flamingos and hair dryers are what gave her hair its 80s era afro look. Quite like mine. I have poofy brown hair (sometimes, depending on whether I straighten it or not) and a thing for a redhead. Maybe I'm Hermione…Nah, I'm not that smart.

"Okay," said Dim. "One last question…Are you pregnant?"

"No," Hermione answered. She in fact was…umm…not pregnant. But she wasn't allergic.

"Okie dokey artichokey!" Dim said. "I have come to the conclusion that you are not pregnant. You may go."

Hermione sighed and got up. She turned to Harry and Ron. She nodded and said, "We may go."

So, they left.

When they entered the hall they saw Dean and Seamus. They looked very glum.

"Not one girl!" Seamus said.

But then, two fifth year Ravenclaw girls exited the Great Hall, crying like a sheep that have been sheered and their fur made into sweaters while the poor sheep must go bald until the fur grows back and the people flaunt their fur as though it means nothing! I should destroy those sweaters! Dean and Seamus ran after the girls. Seamus yelling, "Low self-esteem!"

Hermione realized what the last few lines the author wrote and began to sing:

"If you want to destroy my sweater!" she sang.

"Hold this thread as I walk away!" Ron sang.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Harry said, through puffs.

"Watch me unravel!" Hermione sang.

"I'll soon be naked!" Neville sang running past them…naked.

Ginny came up and graped…I mean gaped. "Was Neville naked?"

"Yes," Hermione squirmed.

Suddenly, Ginny burst into tears.

"Holy pickle juice burger!" Harry exclaimed. "What's suddenly the matter?" The pickle juice burger is courtesy of Tori. –Waves at Tori- HI TORI!

"I'm pregnant!" Ginny screamed.

"Holy light bulbs!" Harry exclaimed. "What?"

"I can't believe you got me pregnant!" Ginny yelled.

"Holy bacon strips!" Harry exclaimed. "I know it's my baby! But you know it's your fault!"

"Are you saying it's my fault?" Ginny gasped. Gasp!

"Yes, I am," Harry said. Gasp! "You know, if you'd just sucked my dick in the first place, like I wanted, this wouldn't have happened!"

"Oh my God!" Ginny said, taking off her brightly colored flip flop and throwing it at him.

"I blame you," Harry said.

"Are you blaming me!" Ginny asked.

"Yes."

Ginny turned and stomped off, crying as if she were a sheep who had been sheered…we've been through this. A very cute boy holding a lizard came up to Harry, Ron, and Hermione. He sat down on the couch in the middle of the Entrance Hall. He looked over at Hermione.

"My name is Jonas," he said. "Come sit next to me." He pulled a tea pot from under the couch. "And pour yourself some tea."

Ron suddenly snapped his neck toward Harry. "Hey!" He said. "You got my sister pregnant!"

"Oh," said Harry. "Look! It's your parole officer!"

Ron (not realizing he didn't have a parole officer) turned. Harry ran for it. He would have made it too, but he tripped over Neville's discarded robes.

Ron realized he'd been tricked and Harry realized Ron realized he'd been tricked and said, "Holy fan blades!"

Ron ran toward Harry stretching his arms, preparing to choke him like a chicken. But then, a bag of bricks fell on Ron. So Harry ran up the stairs to the Gryffindor Common Room. Hermione stood graping…I mean gaping at Jonas.

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If you like this story you may like my fic making fun of fanfics themselves. It's called "All My fanfics." You'll find it in my profile of course. Please read and review!