Thanks so much to my wonderful reviewers. You don't know how much you mean to me. Sadly, I got a complaint about the points so they will no longer be given out. I'll go back to giving you theoretical items. The winner is Jessibelle. I haven't decided what her prize is yet but she will receive something. Please keep reviewing though!

Fiyren-Valkyrie- Hello! I'm glad you find my story funny. Yes it is very sexual. I'm glad you and your friends have a Holy List. Tis an awesome thing. Please continue to enjoy the story.

CSIGregSandersFan- Yes, randomness is awesome.

Kimi504- Hi! I'm so glad you like it! It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside when I get reviews like the one you gave me. Please keep laughing and keep reviewing.

DemetersChild- LOL! I loved your review for chapter nine. It made me giggle. It reminded me of me. Badder Santa made me cry because at the end when he's trying to get the teddy bear to the kid and they make it seem like he's dead it makes me sad and I was crying. LOL. I know it's weird but I'm sensitive like that. Office Space made me cry too.

ZadieCrowe- Hey! Glad you liked it. –Gives you Skittles®- Hope I talk to you later!

HBP- Glad you liked it. I wish you would get online! I miss you.

Jessibelle- LOL. Well, you win. That is all.

ShortLeggedGiraffe- Thank you, I'm glad you like it.

Angryballerina- I'm glad you think it's funny but please don't wet yourself at your desk! LOL.

Senora- LOL. I'm glad you found your hair. Glad you liked that chapter. I hope all is well with Lolly and Hummy.

harrypotterismine-ilovehim- Well, Dim is sexy because he used to be Johnny Depp so they couldn't have been too ugly of a couple. LOL. Family Dollar is a dollar store near my house. LOL. Your review was funny.

Like A Thousand Miles Of Fire- -Rocks back and forth-

mkanda- Your review was so sweet! It made me smile so big! I'm glad you and your friends like my story. And the fact that I'm your favorite author makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. LOL.

Gonzy Rocks Blisters- I'm sorry? Were you confuzzled about something? Your reviews confuzzled me slightly. LOL.

Tiffany Weasley- Well, I have updated so I can keep you alive.

Chapter 10: Pillow and Trial

The next morning Ginny, Hermione, Ron, Jim, and Oscar sat in the Common Room. Ginny was coloring in a coloring book, which is a book used for coloring. Hermione was reading the Encyclopedia Britannica and Ron was sitting on the floor trying to see up her skirt. Jim was playing chess against himself (and loosing very badly). Oscar was pretending to be invisible and doing a very good job.

Suddenly, Harry dashed down the boys' staircase with a terrified look on his face. Before anyone could say anything he tripped over the potpourri garden in the middle of the room. He stood up frantically and exclaimed, "Holy chocolate covered pretzels!"

"What's wrong Harry?" they all chorused (except for Oscar, who was still pretending to be invisible).

"I had a dream!" Harry yelped.

"Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!" Jim yelled. "You had a dream that one day your children will be judged not by the color of their skin, but the content of their character!"

"Do I look like an American black rights activist to you?" Harry asked chucking a small tortilla chip at Jim. "No, I had a dream that I was eating this giant marsh mellow. It was good too. But anyway, I was eating it, and then when I woke up my pillow was gone!"

"Wow," Ginny said. "It'll be okay honey."

"No, no it won't," Harry insisted. He plopped down on the couch and pouted. "I have gotta lay off the weed! I can't believe I ate my pillow."

"No Harry," Hermione said calmly. "I don't think you did. I think perhaps someone stole your pillow."

"Holy rabid lotus flowers!" Harry exclaimed. "Who!"

"I don't know," Hermione replied in deep thought. "But I think we should take it to trial!"

They all stomped out of the room to Dumbledore's office. When they reached the gargoyle wearing a pair of underwear on his head Hermione said, "Red Skittles®." The slightly intoxicated stone creature wobbled aside and they walked in.

"Professor," Ginny said. "Can we talk to you?"

"Why of course," Dumbledore said. "But first, I'd like you to meet Fabio."

A rock hard man you know what I mean! climbed through the window. He had flowing blonde hair and a sculptured body like a Greek statue. He smiled and said, "I can't believe it's not butter," in a sexy sexy voice.

"Hiiii," Ginny and Hermione and, for some reason Oscar, swooned. All the other boys rolled their eyes.

"I can't believe it's not butter," he said kissing Ginny's and Hermione's hands. He then threw Oscar out the window.

"You're pretty," Hermione grinned.

"I can't believe it's not butter," he replied.

"Oh, he's such a poet!" Ginny swooned. "I write poetry. Would you like to hear one?"

"I can't believe it's not butter," Fabio said, sitting down.

"I see the beached whale

I feel for him

Roasting in the sun

Like a big fish frying on a pan

The sand is like salt

I weep for him

Sprinkling sand on the fish of the soul

Tuna is smelly

Thank you."

"I can't believe it's not butter," Fabio said. He then jumped out the window, trying to catch up to Oscar.

Ginny and Hermione snapped out of their trances and Hermione said, "Professor, someone has stolen Harry's pillow and we'd like an investigation and trial because he's freaking out."

Harry was trembling in the corner like a Chihuahua on crack. Hermione glanced at him in pity.

"Okay," Dumbledore said throwing a phone book onto the half pipe in the middle of the room. "I'll prepare the trial. Be in the Great Hall at two."

They left the office and then returned to the Common Room.

Whilst waiting in the Common Room, commonly and roomly, Harry whimpered in the corner. He stayed in the same position for so long that pelicans were beginning to gather. Ron and Hermione quietly groped on the couch as Ginny wrote vigorously on a sheet of paper. She was writing a new poem.

Jim sighed. "I'm bored," he said. "I miss America. I miss the smog and the stupid politicians and the carnival. I'm going home." He jumped out the window.

Finally, when two o' clock arrived, Hermione pried Ron's hands off her with a spatula and said, "Time to go to the trial."

They traveled to the Great Hall to find it full of students from one to ninety-two. Well, there were no students older than eighteen or nineteen and younger than eleven there but you know what I mean. Well, maybe you don't because that didn't exactly make sense for me to say that there were students from one to ninety-two there if there wasn't. But that's completely off topic so now back to the story.

Harry sat down in the front of the courtroom/Great Hall and Hermione, Ron, and Ginny sat around him. Dumbledore was sitting at the very front wearing a white wig and holding a gavel. Harry trembled as Ginny patted him on the back.

All of the sudden the doors burst open and a giant weasel rode in on a tri-ped unicycle. The weasel skidded to a halt in front of Dumbledore and took off its head. It turned out to just be a girl in a weasel costume, which is a lot less weirder than a giant weasel actually riding a tri-ped unicycle.

"Hello," the weasel girl said. "I'm Tori Aitch."

"But who are you?" Hermione questioned because she just has to know everything.

"My name, as I said Miss Questions, is Tori Aitch. I'm from the ancient land of Pentillion. It's been flooded, blown up, burned down, and blown up again. It's long overdue for another flooding. I'm an attorney for Harry."

"An attorney?" Hermione choked. "But how are you here if you're a Muggle?"

"Did I say I was a Muggle Miss Perpetrator?" Tori snapped. "No, I am a witch. But I was forced to become an attorney because of…well, reasons. Now, let the trial begin!"

Everyone twitched and moved slightly to the left. "I call as my first witness, Ginny Weasley."

Ginny went to the front of the room and to the witness stand. She sat quietly and waited patiently.

"You are Ginevra Weasley, correct?" Tori asked as she paced back and forth in front of Ginny on her tri-ped unicycle.

"Yes," Ginny answered.

"And what is your relationship to one Mr. Harry Potter?"

"He's my boyfriend," Ginny replied.

"Uh-huh…" Tori continued. "Would you say there is anything strange about your boyfriend?"

"Well…" Ginny thought. "He does seem to like to stare at the gum under the desks a lot. But I don't think it's a serious problem. I'm hoping it's just a phase that he'll grow out of shortly."

Tori nodded wisely. She reached in her pocket and pulled out a miniature notebook that had the words "Detective Puckerpuss's Notepad" written across the front. She made a note of the things that had just been said.

"May I request a recess?" Tori asked Dumbledore.

"Why of course!" Dumbledore answered. "Everyone follow me out to the Quidditch pitch! We'll have a game of kick ball!"

Is there a fly in the dungeon? Will Snape admit he wears thongs? Is there an abundance of cashews that no one knows about? Find out the answers to these questions and more next time in Harry Potter and the Unacceptable Title.

Please review! If you review I'll give you all some…umm…PARTY PEANUTS!