Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1. I also don't own the song "I Can't Stop Loving You," originally written and performed by Ray Charles.
A/N: I would highly recommend finding a recording-- simply writing the lyrics doesn't do the beauty of this song any justice.
Chapter 38: Lamentations
Shinji stared down at the hovering Rei. In his eyes, it was still her, but...
No. This thing took her away from me, he thought angrily to himself. ...If I have to fight her...Then I will.
(I can't stop loving you...)
Shinji made Unit-01 run towards the Angel, splashing LCL about as it went, but was stopped short as it hit the AT Field, practically sending the Eva bouncing backwards.
I've made up my mind...
Unit-01 managed to maintain its balance, however, catching itself on its left foot. Shinji groaned as he forced the Eva to throw a left hook at the wall of solid air, desperately trying to break through it.
To live in memories
Of the lonesome time...
The Angel narrowed its eyes at the Eva's insolent display of force, and with a single thought, re-directed its AT Field. Without warning, Unit-01's left arm, from the shoulder down, was torn off like a rag doll in the hands of a violent child.
(I can't stop wanting you...)
Shinji stopped his attack in shock, then a roar of pure agony flew out of his mouth, but he somehow managed to avoid collapsing from the psychological impact of the attack. The Angel prepared to strike again when something made it hesitate.
It's useless to say...
Somehow Shinji's cry of pain reverberated through the Angel-- or rather, to the dormant soul the Angel had suppressed. Tabris tried to ignore the growing disquiet within the body of Rei Ayanami, but this time it refused to be silenced.
So I'll just live my life
In dreams of yesterday
(Dreams of yesterday...)
Shinji...
No--I have waited too long for this opportunity. You shall not take it from me...!
Shinji!
The angel was silenced as Rei's soul overwhelmed it, forcing it to recede.
Those happy hours...
Recovering its balance, Unit-01 again struck, this time with its right arm. Suddenly the cold light in Rei's eyes vanished, and the AT Field shattered as soon as the Eva made contact with it.
That we once knew...
Unit-01's hand flew at Rei, and now without a barrier Shinji was able to reach out and grab the girl out of where she hung in the air. She simply surrendered to the Eva's unyielding grip as Shinji brought her closer to the behemoth's face.
Though long ago...
Rei blinked furiously, sweat running down her face and her breathing labored. Shinji looked at Rei's sudden display of weakness with anger burning in his eyes.
It's just trying to trick me... But I won't let this thing use Rei against me...
They still make me blue...
"...Sh-Shinji..."
The boy was preparing to crush the girl when a soft, gentle voice drifted from her lips. He hesitated, scarcely wanting to believe it was true. But then she lifted her head to reveal frightened, sad eyes. Eyes he knew all too well to forget.
They say that time...
"...Rei? Is it--Is it really...you?" The girl didn't respond, the whole of her attention was focused on the slowly bleeding stump that was the only sign the Eva's arm had been there.
I...Did I do this...?
...No...
Heals a broken heart...
"...You're hurt..." Rei whispered in horror. That was all Shinji needed to hear. Almost as if on cue, he smiled.
"Rei! Oh, thank God you're all right! I was-- I was so worried I'd lost you! I was about to...to...Oh God, I'm just glad you're back!"
But time has stood still
Since we've been apart...
Rei smiled weakly, but it soon faded from her face.
"...This is...my doing... I tried to stop, but... but I..."
"Rei, it doesn't matter-- I have to get you out of here, we can show them that the Angel's gone and you didn't know what you were doing..."
Shinji was cut off in mid-sentence by Rei.
(I can't stop loving you)
I've made up my mind...
"...The Angel is not gone..." The boy stared at the girl in Unit-01's hand in shock.
"W...what?"
"I..." Rei took a moment to breathe, it seemed like the conversation was literally wearing her out, "I was only able to...suppress the Angel...But I cannot keep it at bay for long..."
To live in memories
Of the lonesome time...
Shinji stared at her desperately, not able to bear the thought of Rei becoming an Angel again.
"Well, there has to be SOMETHING we can do!" Rei stared at him with an unmistakable sadness in her eyes. At first Shinji wondered why she didn't answer, but the look in her crimson orbs suddenly made her meaning clearer than any words could.
(I can't stop wanting you...)
"No..." he whispered as if to make it untrue, but Rei only continued to gaze at him unflinchingly.
It's useless to say...
"Shinji... you are the only one who can--"
"NO! YOU CAN'T ASK ME TO DO THIS! YOU CAN'T!" Shinji screamed at her from the Entry Plug, desperately trying to stem the flow of tears in his eyes. Even though Rei could not see his face, her heart ached in unison with his own, hating herself for forcing Shinji to hurt more than he already was.
So I'll just live my life
In dreams of yesterdays...
"...Please, Rei...I-I can't...I can't..." He hung his head on his shoulders, desperate to look anywhere but at Rei.
"Shinji..." the blue-haired girl implored, "...If you don't, then you will be killed..."
"I DON'T CARE! I'D RATHER DIE THAN LOSE YOU AGAIN!"
(Those happy hours)
Those happy hours...
Rei gasped, then let a silence fall between them. Shinji looked up through blurry eyes and saw, to his surprise, that Rei's face was wet with her own tears as well.
(That we once knew)
That we once knew...
"R...Rei..." She continued to gaze at him, her brow furrowed slightly as salty drops continued to stain her pale cheeks.
(Though long ago)
Though long ago
(Still make me blue)
Still make me blue...
"Shinji..." she half-whispered, "...Do not say that. I...I believe that your lifeIS precious. That it is worth saving. So I would be glad to die...If you could be safe." She gave him a brave sort of smile, but Shinji could sense the fear hidden behind it. He tried to speak, but the words refused to come out of his mouth.
(They say that time)
They say that time...
"I...do not...want to lose myself again, Shinji... Death...would be better...than having my body used to harm you."
(Heals a broken heart)
Heals a broken heart
(But time stood still)
Time has stood still...
Shinji stared at Rei, afraid that if he looked away, she would be taken over by the Angel again.
I don't want to do this...I can't... but if she were to go back...I...I don't know what to do...
(Since we've been apart)
Since we've been apart...
Rei heard his gentle sobbing through the Eva, wishing that she could take his pain from him more than anything else.
I don't want to do this to you, Shinji...But...if it means you will live...then that is all that matters.
(I can't stop loving you)
I said I've made up my mind...
Shinji sat in the cockpit, his right hand hovering ambiguously over the induction lever. He had been so certain before that he would not bring any harm to Rei, but now it had all become muddled. He didn't want to kill her, but if he let her live, then what? What would NERV do to her once they found out she was back to normal?
To live in memories
Of the lonesome time...
Rei's soft voice snapped him back to reality.
"I...I want to die...while I am still Rei Ayanami. Please...Shinji..." Shinji blinked, his mouth agape. It was the first time Rei had ever asked something of him. Her first and only request.
(I can't stop wanting you...)
Shinji knew then that he could not deny her what she desired.
It's useless to say...
For nearly five minutes they stood there in silence, Rei held aloft in the fist of the grimacing Unit-01 as Shinji prayed desperately for the resolve he needed, afraid to look at her again.
...Rei...
So I'll just live my life...
Then came the sudden sound of bone and flesh being crushed in a single tightening of the Eva's hand.
Then nothing but silence remained.
In dreams of yesterdays
(Of yesterdays...)
Misato stared in shock as the giant screen on the wall opposite her came back to life in the command center. There were gasps and shouts of disbelief all across the bridge.
"What's going on?" Misato barked, unsure of what to make of the situation.
"Major...we've regained surveillance, tracking, radar-- everything's coming back!" Misato stared at the tracking system and noticed that only the flashing dot indicating Unit-01 was still on.
"...Does this mean that..." she began with trepidation, but Aoba's voice interrupted her.
"Ma'am...There's no sign of the Angel...It's presumed that it was destroyed by Unit-01." Misato swallowed at the thought, but said nothing regarding Rei. It was too sensitive a topic to bring up now.
"...What about Unit-02 and its pilot?"
"Unit-02's been de-activated--Plug seems to have been forcibly removed. Pilot's life signs confirmed, though. She'll be fine."
"Major," Maya turned to face her commanding officer. "...We've regained contact with Unit-01. The pilot's alive." Misato sighed, glad that Shinji was at least alive. She leaned over to Hyuga's intercom.
"...Patch me through to Unit-01," she said as calmly as she could, and Hyuga instantly made the necessary connection. "...Shinji?"
The only response she got was silence. She wouldn't have thought he was there at all if his vitals weren't being broadcast from the Eva.
"Shinji...you need to come back to the Cage. Your mission's done...do you understand?" Again the boy did not speak. The woman knew he had heard her when she saw the dot for Unit-01 begin to move slowly toward the elevator shaft.
"Unit-01 ascent confirmed," Hyuga said lifelessly, his eyes half-focused on the screen.
"...Good," the Major said quietly. "Send out a rescue squad for Unit-02. And I want the pilot re-admitted to psychological care on base." Maya nodded, then spoke into her headset to make the necessary arrangements. Suddenly Aoba turned to Misato, handing the woman a telephone reciever.
"For you, Major. It's Section 2 security." Misato took the reciever and put it to her ear.
"This is Major Katsuragi..."
"Major," The agent on the other side of the line began, "We've located Commander Ikari and the Fifth Child. Please come to floor 23, Section F, Hallway F-35 immediately."
"Asuka Langley Sorhyu?"
Asuka slowly lifted her head to look at the engineering crew that had forced open the emergency hatch of the abandoned Entry Plug, out of which LCL was slowly trickling to mix with the vast lake of the stuff that surrounded her.
"...We need you to come out of there now, please."
The redhead stared blankly at the man in the Bio-suit. She didn't want to leave the Plug. While it was definitely uncomfortable and lonely, at least she wouldn't have to face any of the others inside it. Her body, acting on its own free will, took the hand despite her brain's protestations, and she allowed herself to be helped into the rescue boat.
Asuka stared blankly ahead the whole time she was lead back into Central Dogma. After the catharsis she had succumbed to, she no longer had feelings to spare on anything else. If she felt anything at this moment, it was numb. As she followed her escort down yet another hallway, she stopped at the sight of a familiar face passing in the hall. She stared at his face for nearly a minute before she threw herself onto him.
"Kaworu--you're alive!" She'd felt dead a few minutes ago, but the sight of her friend awakened everything within her again. She felt no shame as warm tears fell unheeded onto his shoulder, her smile unseen by the boy, who simply allowed her to hug him. "Oh, thank you...thank you..." she whispered happily.
"Second Child-- Please refrain from contact with the prisoner."
Prisoner? Asuka thought confused as she reluctantly pulled away from Kaworu. It was then that she noticed the handcuffs on Kaworu's wrists, as well as the men in black behind him, followed by Misato. The major came closer to Asuka, giving her a frail smile.
"Asuka-- I'm glad you're safe. I'm sorry, but we have to get going."
"Wait, Misato...wh-what's going on?" Misato glanced back sternly at the silver-haired boy before looking at Asuka with a subdued expression.
"Asuka...I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this... but Kaworu's not the person you think he is." The redhead gave Misato a weak laugh, as if it was just a bad joke, but the Major's somber face didn't budge. "He...he did something to Commander Ikari, and now the Commander's been injured. Kaworu is being held prisoner for treason and conspiracy against NERV." Asuka looked over to Kaworu, who had turned his head at that moment to avoid meeting her eyes.
"Kaworu...this can't be true...right?" The boy only looked away, his eyes bored into the tile floor at their feet in a display of utter guilt. The silence that answered her may as well have been a loud 'yes.' "No..." Asuka whispered as she stood glued to the spot, her mouth hanging open and a pleading look in her eyes.
"...Let's go," one of the agents said gruffly to Kaworu, forcing him to move down the hallway while Asuka stood watching him walk away helplessly.
It...it can't be...
Asuka kept her eyes glued in Kaworu's direction as her escort prodded her towards the Psychiatric ward.
Misato looked up from beneath the orange NERV-issue raingear at Unit-01 as it was sprayed down to wash the sickening smell of LCL off. Or rather, the blood that saturated the Unit's right hand.
I can't even begin to imagine what he must be feeling right now, Misato thought sadly to herself.
But...I have to talk to him.
She walked out of the Cage as one of the engineers handed her a clipboard and the assurance that Unit-01 would be repaired within a week at most. The Major glanced half-heartedly at the clipboard before tossing it into the trash.
What's the point? All the Angels are dead. As far as the world's concerned...we've done our job.
It took Misato nearly two hours to locate Shinji. After confirming that he was no longer in Headquarters, she searched the rest of the Geo-Front carefully before she realized where he was. She drove to the surface of Tokyo, then headed straight for the 'new Ashino Lake,' formed from the explosion of Unit-00.
I'm sure he'll be there...
She parked the car a quarter-mile from the crater, then approached on foot the rest of the way. Sure enough, there sat Shinji, curled up with his arms around his knees and staring out at the rippling surface of the water. She approached him quietly, finally stopping a few feet behind him. Shinji did not speak or acknowledge her, but he seemed aware that she was there. They stared out at the glassy lake bathed in the light of the full moon, but neither could appreciate the celestial beauty. Misato jumped when, after a few minutes, Shinji broke the silence.
"Rei...she loved me. She never said it once...but...I could see it there, at the end. I loved her too. But...I...I..." The boy buried his head into his knees, struggling to hide his tears from Misato. "...I was the one who had to..." his voice weakly faded off into nothingness.
"No," Misato said with conviction in her voice. "She asked you to do that because she DID love you. She didn't want you to suffer by her own hand, so she asked for a quick death by yours. Rei...wanted you to be safe. It was there in everything she ever did since she met you. You...you're very lucky to have met her, Shinji. I think that, in the end...we were all lucky that she was the last Angel."
"Misato..." Shinji whispered miserably, "...how can you say that...?"
A/N: This is NOT the end.