Gradually

Chapter One: You Seem Different Today, Dark Side

Things happen gradually. Like rain building up in a cloud, waiting patiently to plummet down to earth. Like the yellowed grass in wintertime, getting a little greener day by day, and then later in summer it's green again. The growth of a human, starting out as a tiny infant and some years later it would be a fully developed adult. Things take time… Things take hours, weeks, and years.

I think that life contradicts itself sometimes, though. There are times when occurrences seem to happen right before your eyes… Things you've been waiting for your whole life coming and going in the same instant. And yet, time also seems to stop as it happens…

So how does that work?

"Aibou…"

I looked up from the table and saw that the other me had asked a question. He was practically a reflection of myself. The same dark, violet eyes, tri-colored hair… Now if only I could grow a couple more inches, we'd be twins!

Trying not to blush in embarrassment, I quickly replied, "Y-yeah?"

I had almost forgotten. The other me and I were in the kitchen. I was sitting at the table while the kind spirit had been making dinner for me (I had finally taught him the basics). The doughy, potato smell of pancakes filled the house, the aroma wrapping itself around my nose, enchanting my senses. I hadn't realized any of this until now… Lost in my thoughts. I grinned sheepishly to myself and waited for the other me to repeat his question.

"Do you want any sour cream?" My darker side walked over to the table and slid a plate full of delicious looking potato pancakes in front of me.

With a nod, I answered right away. "Aa. Onegai!"

The other me grinned slightly at me and then turned to open the refrigerator. There was always something about his smile… I'm not exactly sure what it was, but whenever he did it, it made me feel as though every inch of me was warm inside. It made me feel like I was home, even though I was already there. I know that sounds kind of stupid… I don't know…

But…his smile isn't the same anymore. Not like it used to be…

Yami took a white bottle out of the fridge and put it on the table, then taking a seat himself across from me with his own plate of pancakes. I reached for the white bottle of sour cream, but stopped in mid-grab.

"Oh, um…" I blinked. Yami and I nodded in unison. "Itadakimasu," we said quietly, and then this time I grabbed the sour cream bottle, opened it, and squirted a blotch of it on the edge of my plate.

I looked over at the empty seat next to Yami. Ji-chan wasn't eating with us that night. The shop had suddenly become extra busy lately and he had decided to extend the hours of it. I offered to help him out with the rushes of people (it got pretty crazy in there), but he insisted that I focus on things more important. I think that things related to my own grandpa are pretty important, but I also think that once Ji-chan makes up his mind, it's all said and done and you can't do anything about it. So I had listened and went to do my homework. I think that's what he meant by "important."

Things between the other me and I have been so weird for the longest time… It's painful for me to remember what happened about a…a year ago, now… I almost want to turn back time and change what I said- what I didn't say- just to make him happy. Just to be able to see the way he used to smile at me. That warmhearted, golden smile… I miss it so much, now. It feels like one hundred knives are stabbing at my heart as punishment for my actions on that cold, depressing night…

"Aibou…do you understand?" A tall figure stood next to a slightly shorter one in the dark, only their two silhouettes visible.

"Wh-what are you saying?" the shorter one stuttered unexpectedly.

"Aibou…I love you… I…really…do…"

"Mou hitori no boku…I…" The shorter's eyes widened with surprise.

The taller silhouette put a finger to the smaller's lips and blinked. His eyes suddenly saddened and a frown was on his face. "It's alright, Hikari… I…I know what you're going to say…" His voice faltered.

"Nnn…"

There was a moment of silence before the tall silhouette was able to speak properly again. Finally, he murmured quietly, "Hush…" With that, the taller figure pulled the shorter to himself and seized him into a tight yet somehow soft embrace. He ran his hand through the shorter's hair gently, fondly, taking in his sweet aroma…

The shorter felt a warm liquid drop onto his face… Was…was the taller… crying? Now the shorter couldn't help but feel awful at what he had done- what he hadn't done… He felt as though he had made a mistake, even though such was not true…

The shorter whimpered quietly as more tears dropped onto him silently, and he muttered out, his voice muffled as his face was pressed against the other's body, "I'm sorry, Yami… I'm sorry… Please forgive me…" The young teen now found his own tears sliding down his already moist face, his body warm with regret and pain… He stuttered out, "I love you too…b-but…I don't-"

"Hush, Hikari," Yami interrupted. " It's alright… Don't say anything…" He rubbed his aibou's back comfortingly.

The two stood in the darkness alone, their sobs fading into the night…

… Where was "gradually" in what had burst out of my darker half's mouth that night? Where was "gradually" at that time?… Nothing seems to make much sense anymore. It's like…there life goes again, contradicting itself, just like always.

I bit my lip, trying to hold back tears. Ever since that night, things have been so different between us. Our bond isn't as strong as it used to be, and it has a different feeling to it… Everything is different. We're still good friends, but it's just not the same… The two of us haven't completely moved on from that night…especially me. Because, even though it was Yami's heart that was shattered to pieces, it was I who caused it.

But…I couldn't have lied to him. Sometimes part of me thinks I should have, but then the other part of me tells me that I did the right thing… Returning the same form of "I love you" to Yami would have made him happy for the time being, but sooner or later, he would have found out the hard truth… So I really had done the right thing, but…I can't help but feel sad about breaking his heart. There's a scar inside of me that, I think, will never completely heal… And for Yami, too…

"Aibou, is there something wrong?" Yami paused from eating, setting down his fork, a puzzled expression worn on his face.

"Huh?… N-no, everything's fine," I reassured him, taking a bite of the pancakes.

"Oh… Are you sure?"

I hate lying. "Positive," I beamed, trying not to wince at the fib.

Suddenly, just as Yami was about to take a bite of potato pancakes himself, the doorbell rang unexpectedly. Raising an eyebrow, it was my turn to set down a fork.

"I'll get it," I said, getting out of my chair and hurrying to the door. Then I opened it, and I wasn't surprised to see who it was…

"Oh! Kaiba-kun!" I said. "What brings you here?"

The dark-haired boy rolled his eyes at me. Okay, I admit, that was kind of a dumb question. Kaiba-kun and Yami had been going out for months, now. I should've known. But, it was dinnertime… I shrugged, despite this last thought and welcomed him in. "We're kind of in the middle of dinner, though…" The two of us walked into the kitchen together.

Immediately, my darker half's eyes lit up like a pair of fireflies as Kaiba-kun entered the room. I giggled quietly. He was completely head-over-heals. Well, they both were. Kaiba-kun was just awkward. Anyway, Yami got up from his chair and stood in front of the blue-eyed, taller boy. They grabbed each other's hands affectionately and lightly swung them back and forth. Kaiba-kun managed to half smile shyly, while Yami grinned broadly.

Sometimes I wonder if Yami still has those feelings for me. The feelings that he has for Kaiba-kun, now. We don't really talk about what happened, because it pains us both. So I'm not really sure about it. I wonder if those feelings for me are still inside of my darker half somehow, or if they've just gradually worn away? I really wonder… Somehow, I wish I felt the feelings that Yami felt…or maybe still feels…for me. I want to love, too. Love like Yami feels.

But…it's just because I want to make him happy again… Even now, with Kaiba-kun, he's just not the same. The love he showed for me the time I destroyed his heart is…different from this love for Kaiba-kun… It's not the same… He's not the same… And it's because of me.

"I wasn't expecting you, Seto," Yami whispered to his boyfriend secretively.

"Oh…" Kaiba found himself at a loss for words. He stared at the ground.

"Why don't you join us?" Yami pointed at the table. Kaiba-kun nodded at his gesture and took the seat next to my dark half where Ji-chan normally sat. Afterwards, the other me and I sat down too and continued to eat.

"Do you want anything?" I asked my classmate politely.

"No," he answered bluntly and coldly, as though I had asked him to do something dumb. I shrugged and took another bite of my potato pancake.

Kaiba-kun spent the night at our house. I couldn't sleep.Him and my darker half were making too much noise in the next room.

I wish I had someone to love like Yami does... I really do...

I feel... a little insecure. A little lost...

...and alittle lonely.

A/N: Did you like it? Did you hate it? Opinions are always appreciated. Thanks a bunch. Stay tuned for chapter two:)

Key

Onegai- Please.

Itadakimasu- Something the Japanese say before they eat. It means something along the lines of "thanks for the food."