Disclaimer: Same As Chapter 1.
Chapter 46: Thessalonians II
Shinji covered his head as bullets ricocheted around him, Misato practically pulling him up the contorting staircase as the JSSDF nipped at their heels. Without warning, the Major pulled him onto the balcony for Level 05. She unceremoniously bashed the door in, knocking out a guard that happened to be on the other side.
"Keep going!" Misato yelled at the pilot as she leaned down and quickly removed a grenade hanging at the unconcious soldier's waist. When she looked up, the boy was still standing there, as if in a daze. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? COME ON!" she screamed as the sound of boots pounding on metal stairs grew steadily closer. Shinji immediately snapped out of his trance, but waited for his guardian to pull the pin and toss it towards the door before continuing. Misato pushed him down the hall and around the first corner just as the corridor shook and the flash of the explosion lit up the area.
"I...I think they're gone..." Misato huffed as she peeked her head around, though the smoke still hung heavy in the air down the hall. "...Are you all right?" she asked gently. She took his heavy breathing as a positive response, then looked up, her eyes widening at what she saw.
The elevator...!
Without thinking, she pulled Shinji off the ground and pushed him in the elevator's direction, unaware of the soldier hiding a few feet away from their destination in a protected corner. As she ran, Misato caught something out of the corner of her eye-- a sudden movement...
"Shinji, get DOWN!"
The boy assented not a moment too soon, dropping to the floor as a hail of bullets rushed harmlessly over his head. Misato took a few potshots at the gunman's barricade, succeeding in distracting him from his true prey. Moving on pure adrenaline, Shinji ran over to the elevator and jammed the 'call' button with his finger, but the doors remained shut.
He glanced over at Misato with wide eyes, the woman only just barely avoiding death by shuffling around the containers where the soldier couldn't fire. He pounded desperately on the doors for what seemed like an eternity until, with a chime, they slid open. Both his guardian and the would-be assassin blinked for just a moment before the warrior aimed his rifle at his target. Shinji simply stared, transfixed, at the shaft of the gun as its owner pulled the trigger, but out of nowhere a blur of red and black, which groaned at the sound of a bullet hitting something other than steel. Before they could take any more fire, the heavy doors quietly slid shut.
Misato turned away from Shinji and pressed the button for the Cage with her left hand, beginning the long journey downward. She then fell back against the doors, wiping away the perspiration dotted on her forehead while smiling weakly.
"...Well...that was...close, huh?"
Shinji didn't say anything as his eyes drifted down to his shirt, nearly popping out of his head once he realized what its immaculate white surface was covered in.
Blood...
He turned his shocked gaze upon Misato, who shifted slightly, but not enough to keep him from seeing her right arm hanging limply at her side.
"...It's fine. Just a little scratch..." she assured him, grateful that the color of her jacket hid the blood running down it. Shinji opened his mouth slightly but then shut it, opting not to speak. "Shinji..." He blinked at the sound of his own name.
"Shinji... I'm sorry...but you have to go out again. You have to pilot the Eva one more time. We need you right now." She stared down at the boy, pity evident on her features. For the first time in he didn't know how long, Shinji opened his mouth.
"...I...I can't...I can't pilot if...all I do is hurt people. I thought...or, I used to think that...that if I piloted the Eva, that I could do something to help people. That I...I could make myself seem worthwhile. But no matter what I want to do...it just always goes wrong." He took a steadying breath before he continued, Misato calmly listening to his words. "I...I hurt Toji's sister. The first thing I did. I KILLED Toji. I couldn't be a friend to Asuka. I...I killed...the only person who I ever--" he gasped as a powerful ache crushed his heart again, making it pound inside his chest as if it would explode. "I...I don't want to hurt another person. So I'd...I'd rather just do nothing...I'd rather just die here. You should have left me where I was... Then at least I wouldn't have to face that...that THING again..."
Misato's brow furrowed slightly as she considered what to say to the distraught boy.
"Shinji...you can't blame keep blaming yourself for that...You just have to stand strong and get by--"
"Why should I listen to YOU?" he whimpered through barely-restrained sobs. "You aren't me-- you don't have any idea how I feel...You don't know what I have to go through!"
"SO FUCKING WHAT IF I'M NOT YOU!" Misato now had her right hand on Shinji's collar, slamming him back into the wall of the cubicle. His eyes widened at Misato's sudden display of anger, as if afraid she would hit him. But when she spoke, her voice was every bit as choked up as his had been.
"...Do you really think that you're the only person who's ever felt that way?" Her grip tightened on his shirt, making her frustration evident. "You think you're the only one who's in pain? I know I've felt EXACTLY the same...for so long I didn't think that there was anything left to do but feel sorry for myself. But I knew that...if I just gave up, then that would be it. That I wouldn't be able to keep growing-- to keep changing. And If I could keep changing, then...then maybe someday I could become better than I was before. She...wanted you to have that opportunity." Hot, wet tears were now streaming down Misato's face, falling onto Shinji's shirt and mingling with the coagulating bloodstains. "...Can't...you see that? How can you...just ignore that?"
Shinji stared at the floor with his mouth hanging open slightly, all words and self-pity gone from his mind, though his face was still wet slightly.
"I..." he began slowly, but before he could say another word Misato threw her arms around him. He was too surprised to struggle, but the taller woman gripped him tighter, burying her chin into his shoulder.
I wish I didn't have to let you do this, Shinji...
I wish I could just keep you here..to protect you...
...But I can't.
Gradually the lift began to slow as they neared the Cage.
"Shinji...you have to find your own answer. Find out for yourself why Rei did what she did."
Misato slowly pulled away from the stunned boy, still keeping a hand on his cheek while she gazed at him with an almost maternal warmth.
"...Take care, Shinji. I'll be expecting dinner when you get back," she said with a wry smile. Shinji opened his mouth to speak, but suddenly the door opened behind him and Misato let go, making the boy stumble backwards while his guardian kept her sad eyes trained on him.
"Misato..."
But the doors had already shut, taking yet another woman out of his life.
Misato fell back against the wall, groaning as she pressed against the wound to stifle the bleeding. Fortunately the bullet had gone through, and it had at least slowed enough for her to make a temporary bandage for it. She tore a strip of cloth from the lower hem of her black top and tied it tight around the wound. She sat on the floor of the lift as she felt it go deeper into NERV.
I've lost a lot of blood, she thought grimly to herself. I probably won't make it back.
She quietly shook the thought away as she slipped the immobile right arm out of the sleeve of her red jacket, hanging it under the covering so as not to jostle around. She then awkwardly reached her hand around to the pistol she'd 'borrowed' from the dead soldier and checked it, clicking off the safety.
"Damn...and I liked that gun, too," she chuckled to herself as she thought about her Desert Eagle laying somewhere outside the elevator miles above her on Level 05. It seemed like an eternity before the elevator finally stopped. It had come as low as it could go, after all. With a groan, Misato got up, using the wall as a support for her back. The door opened up into the depths of Terminal Dogma as she slowly stepped out.
I'm going to put a stop to this. Any way I can.
A/N: Sorry this one's so late--My damn computer was acting up >:( Onlya fewchapters to go...