The Tea Romance Diaries
By Starian Princess
Entry 2 - At Long Last
Sometimes, it takes a little push for you to realize what your true feelings are. And sometimes, you have to be the one who gives yourself that little push.
My legs were trembling… really bad. My breathing had turned into staggered puffs of air. Yami had taken my hand and given it a tight squeeze. I turned to him and took in his reassuring smile. The look in his eyes- I would have melted at the sight of them, if not for this feeling in my gut.
"Thank you, Tea. You've made me happy; the happiest I could ever be. I'll be looking for my memories and I'll have you by my side as well." I try to smile back. I think I'm doing the right thing. I mean, after so long, the time has finally come. I'd consider this the ultimate test.
Joey, Serenity, Tristan, Duke, and Mai… Even Kaiba and Mokuba were there. If I was going to do this then I'd have to take whatever they might think as well. What would Joey say? He'd be shocked, and then he'd probably throw a nasty fit after. None of them would ever look at me the same anymore. I don't know why but I care- I still do. I wish I didn't. Maybe it's because there's a really big chance of rejection here.
But…
I'd been sure he'd felt it too. He understood me. He seemed to sense what was going on between us; this chemistry that we'd always ignored until the very last moment. What thoughts could be going on in his head right now? I wonder.
Did he miss me? Did he want to hold me in his arms? Was he remembering the time we'd spent together before this- before all this mess had started? I think that I'm the only one who thinks that this is a mess though.
I sigh inwardly. There is just no way- I can't do this to Yami. He means the world to me. He was everything I'd wanted, everything I thought I needed. If only I weren't so fickle. If only I could have stayed contented with this- what he and I had; what he thinks we still have. I can't just let this go. We've been through so much already.
But…
I'd been through so much already withhim as well. He told me that I was his light; the one piece of his soul that could never fall into darkness- that darkness being that of his darker half. He'd promised me all these things and for some reason, I somehow already knew that he was very much capable of keeping his promises.
With Yami, it had always been a matter of taking chances. I'd had to leave so many things to fate, like I was waiting for someone else to run my life for me. I'd never breathed a word of this to him though. Yami would have called this all off.
Suddenly, I now know where this all went wrong. This mess had started because of me. I am the sole reason why I'm so unhappy now. Everything had gone this way simply because I'd started it.
I had started to lie- to deceive all my friends and more importantly, myself.
But…
Somehow, I know hewould have still accepted me despite all this madness I've brought onto myself. He would have swooped down like a gallant knight and carried me off into the sunset. There was no need to worry, no need to feel guilt- that's how I'd felt when I was with him.
I see a familiar head of white coming our way and as Yami turns, everyone does as well. He's so much like the leader of a pack of wolves, I muse. But my pondering is ceased as our eyes meet.
His hazel ones bore into mine and I can't help it. I flush a deep crimson. No one has taken notice since all their attention is on him. He's leaving too. He was going back to England; he'd informed us only a week ago. It was simply too soon.
I feel my eyes sting as uncontrollable tears manage to find their way, despite my trying to keep them in. I clutch the handle of my duffle bag firmly. We're going on two separate ways to two different continents. But the difference is when Yami and I return in three weeks, he won't be coming back. I'm never going to see him again.
"Tea…" I look up, trying to put on my best smile. He can see through it. He pulls me into a warm embrace- an embrace I'm going to miss very much.
We're a fair distance away from the others so he takes the time to gently say in my ear, "I'll miss you, more than anyone else. You know that don't you?"
It was so simple, how he said those words. But we both know that there was something stemming deeper- much deeper.
My lips tremble and the only thing I can utter is his name.
"R-Ryou…"
I can't control what I'm doing. I lean up and kiss him on the cheek and he faces me, as surprised as I am. And I shake my head.
"It's a kiss farewell."
I think I've made him want to cry now too. He moves forward and takes me in his arms once more. We may be making a scene now. What would Yami think?
I find that I don't really mind anymore.
We pull away from each other and I start walking back towards the others as he, in turn, starts to walk towards the shuttle that'll take him to his plane.
He's really leaving. He's really leaving me. He's really leaving me now at this very moment. And I'm not going to do anything about it.
"Tea, are you alright?" Yami pulls me into his arms now and I simply comply, since I can't do anything else. I can hear him trying to soothe me, his dark velvet voice placing me into some kind of trance.
"Don't worry, Tea, I'll make you forget. This trip won't be about anything else, but us." I blink. No, something's wrong here. I don't want to forget. I don't want to let go. I don't want to watch him leave. I don't want him to leave me. I think I'm making the biggest mistake of my life.
Something inside me snaps and suddenly, I'm letting my heart do the thinking. I pull away from Yami and catch a fleeting look of disappointment pass across his face. He'd known. He'd known about us.
I can't forget that he cared. He had still cared despite all the things I'd done. I smile sadly and face the other way. I can't look at him, or at any one of our friends who probably look utterly dumbfounded.
"I'm sorry, Yami." That's all I could say and with that, I took off in a run.
I was running towards Ryou. My Ryou. The only person I want to be with. The only person I could ever want to be with.
Sometimes, it takes a little push for you to realize what your true feelings are. And sometimes, you have to be the one who gives yourself that little push. All I had to do was face him, get on that plane, and not care where we were headed- it was with whom I wanted to be with most that mattered.
I think I failed this test. But it probably all depends on how you look at it. I'll tell you something interesting though; failing's never felt so right before.
-OWARI-
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