Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1.
Chapter 49: Revelations
Coherence slowly made its way back to Shinji, quietly shaking the boy out of his deep slumber. He looked up to find that everything--Unit-01, Lilith, the MP, the Lance-- had disappeared, replaced by a vast, bright emptiness that stretched out before him.
"W...where am I?" he whispered, clutching his forehead as though suffering from a painful migraine. As though on cue, the blankness around him flickered, not unlike a film projector starting up, replaced by the sudden flow of light and sound.
Shinji blinked when he saw it-- a lush green field, filled with trees and bushes, and there shielded from the light by one of the larger pines was him and Asuka, inexplicably kissing passionately. The boy's eyes widened as he gazed on the sight, like it was a very interesting museum attraction.
"W...What?" It seemed strange. He didn't have those feelings for Asuka, so why was he seeing this? Suddenly the 'movie' blinked out, only to be substituted for a sweltering hot bedroom where Misato and a taller man (Kaji, he soon realized) were moving under the covers, the only indications of what they were doing being the low, pleasured sounds of moaning. Ashamed, Shinji averted his eyes, but the void before him changed again. This time, he nearly fainted--Toji, alive and well, was walking down an unruined city street, gently swinging a smaller girl's arm while she giggled ceaselessly--his sister.
"Where...am I? What is this place?"
You are within the heart of Instrumentality. Within your own universe.
"What?" The voice, which was neither familiar or unknown answered calmly back.
These are various other worlds. Other possibilities. To live is to change, but the only the one who stands at the crossroads of existence can determine what path is the correct one.
"What...path? What are you talking about?"
When the Lance of Longinus was prevented from making contact with the core of Unit-01, it interrupted the fulfillment of your chosen conclusion. So now you must determine, for yourself, which direction Instrumentality will take.
"But then...who are you?" Shinji demanded of the disembodied voice.
I...? I am you. The you that exists within your own heart. The Shinji Ikari that desires this.
Suddenly the blankness transformed again, but this result made Shinji's eyes widen in shock. He was standing on a beach of dark sand, but beyond the shoreline lay not a sea of clear blue water, but an infinite ocean of pure crimson. The stench of blood stained the air where the smell of sea salt would have been, and towering avove the horrid sea was a sky of pitch black, all the stars extinguished by the sackcloth darkness. And sitting on further down that beach was himself, lying on top of an inert Asuka, his hands furiously wrapped around her throat. The Shinji watching all this gasped, putting his hands over his mouth to stop himself from screaming out loud.
"Wh-what the hell IS this?"
Why are you so surprised? This is the world you wish for.
Shinji turned pale, then instantly fell back on disbelief to avoid accepting such a horrible possibility.
"N-no, I don't want this! I don't want to--"
Do not bother lying. I know you down to the very darkest pit of your soul. Shinji could say nothing to this, he simply remained planted to the spot while his other self continued. ...You desire a world without anyone left in it, as well as one which you share with the person you do not love. Do you know why? Shinji covered his ears in a vain attempt to shut the noise out.
"N...no..."
Yes, Shinji. You want this world because you want to suffer. You blame yourself for the pain others have endured in connection to your identity as a pilot. As such, the only option you feel remains to you is to live with your pain. To live alone with no support or love. Such things are for people...'better than yourself,' correct?
Shinji dropped to his knees, sending up a small cloud of sand where they hit and gazed out at the burgundy-toned ocean. No matter how much he hated this world, he had to admit to himself that he deserved it, just as the other Shinji had said. He lowered his eyes to the ground, unconciously scooping up a handful of weather-beaten rock powder and letting it slip through his fingers. Out of nowhere, words Kaji had spoken to him long ago came ringing into his ears.
Neither of us...deserve to be happy. And Shinji...neither do you.
Rei wandered slowly through the darkness surrounding her. She was actually trying to run, but somehow her movement seemed slower, as if the void surrounding her was somehow retarding time itself.
...Shinji...
As if upon her will, she finally saw a light far off in the oppresive shadow, and its hold on her seemed to lessen. Desperately pushing herself again, the pale girl eventually succeeded in touching the bright light ahead, then stumbled through it as time fell back to its normal pace.
Rei lifted herself off the ground to see a beach surrounded by a red sea, the sky above providing only an luminous darkness as opposed to true light. She gasped at the desolation before her, uncertain that this was truly where Shinji was. But she had only walked a short way before she saw a familiar boy curled up on the sandy shore, face shielded by his knees. Rei slowly walked up to him, but made no attempt at contact. She bent down so that she was sitting on the balls of her feet, about level with Shinji, then quietly whispered to him.
"Shinji?"
The boy said nothing as he kept his eyes trained onto the ground before him.
"...Shinji...you have stayed here for too long. It is time for us to go back."
"...I can't," the boy whispered, barely audible since he still refused to raise his head to her.
"Why not?"
"...Because...This is what I deserve. I thought I could be happy, but...I can't. I've hurt so many people-- people who never did anything to me...I...I don't have the right...to be with you. I don't have the right to be with anyone. This...this is where I belong now, Rei."
The pale girl stared at him, left speechless by his words. She couldn't believe it. Was he really willing to just give up now? After she had fought against death itself to return to his side? She slowly reached out a hand to touch his arm, but before she could make contact he screamed out.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Rei flinched, halting the progress of her palm, but it steadily hovered over him nontheless. "...Please...just...leave me alone, Rei." For a long time both were silent as Rei remained planted to the spot, the occasional breeze cooling her face slightly but carrying the scent of LCL along with it. Suddenly Shinji felt a pair of slender hands cup the sides of his face, forcing him to look up at the angry face of Rei. Her eyes were burning with a fire, a certainty he had never seen there before, though a slight wetness was building up in her eyes as she spoke clearly and with determination at him.
"No." Shinji blinked at the newfound strength Rei was exhibiting. He had always admired her inplacable nature, but now she seemed truly alive, desperate to keep something she held dear from slipping through her hands once and for all. "...I have sacrificed too much to simply leave because you find my presence inconvenient."
"Shinji...you may believe that all you deserve is pain. Nothingness. I had believed that myself once. But now I finally understand the truth. The truth that you showed me." Shinji tried to turn his eyes back to the ground, but Rei continued to hold his head up, making his eyes meet hers.
"...What?" She smiled, then gently carressed his face as she gazed lovingly into his eyes.
"...That there is not anybody in this world...who does not have the right to be happy. And since my happiness is tied to you, I won't let you choose an existence that will only bring you pain."
Slowly the landscape around them cracked, like a sheet of glass shattering in slow motion.
"You made me see that this world, for all its faults, is truly a wonderful place. I want to live in this paradise now, but not alone. I want to share it...with you."
The cracks in Shinji's desolate future ran deeper and wider, splintering the crystalline image into smaller refractions.
"But, Rei..." Shinji finally said sadly, his eyes once again averted, "...If we're together...I'll just lose you again. I...already watched you die once. I don't...I can't watch it happen again." Rei said nothing as she considered the ultimate fate that would befall both of them if they did choose a life together.
"...Yes..." she admitted, ultimately choosing not to bother lying to Shinji. "...One day, we will be parted. I cannot promise eternity to you, Shinji. But...perhaps that is what makes all this worthwhile. Because our mortal lives are so brief. No matter what lies beyond this world...I will never love anyone as truly, or as completely...as you." She pulled Shinji into her arms, cradling his head on her shoulder as she squeezed him with all her might.
"...I love you...Shinji."
With that--the beach, the crimson sea, the darkness above-- shattered into a thousand pieces as Shinji slowly drew his arms around Rei, the desolation that he had believed was all that remained for him gone from his heart with a handful of simple words.
I...I can be...happy...
"...Thank you...Rei," Shinji whispered as he held her in his arms.
Slowly cracks ran through the Lance of Longinus, suspended just above Unit-01's exposed heart. With a final smash that echoed throughout the universe, the relic of the Angels dissolved into a thousand pieces, one of them flying straight into Lilith's heart. The massive Angel made no sound as its body slowly melted away, disappearing into the blackness of space, the key to Instrumentality lost forever. Miles below on the surface of the ruined planet, the ghost of Yui Ikari stared peacefully as the twinkling souls of man slowly descended back through the atmosphere.
The son of man surrendered his call to the Throne of God, breaking the ritualized cycle of death and rebirth once and for all. And thus, true Instrumentality is attained. She looked up to the sky, giving the now useless shell of Unit-01 a calm smile.
Take care, Shinji...and Rei as well.
In that instant, she disappeared, finally able to continue her journey to eternity once more.