Careful What You Wish For

by crimson-37

More than a year after Ennis visits Lightning Flat, he finds himself beginning to forget the little things about Jack and wishes he had some reminder. All comments are very welcome.

Title:Careful What You Wish For.
Pairing:Jack/Ennis
Rating:M
Disclaimer:Annie Proulx created these boys. I'm just borrowing them for now. No money to be made from this story.
Comments:This is set a more then a year after the end of the film.
AN:Thank you to all my beta's, you know who you are.

Careful What You Wish For.

Spring was approaching at last, Ennis could smell it in the air. Winter was fading, but along with it, so was the memory of Jack's face.

In his dreams, that smile was always so clear. However, in the cold light of day, recalling those striking blue eyes, brimmed with thick dark lashes and the whiter than white toothy grin was becoming more difficult with each passing day.

He'd never had a photo or any reminder, apart from the shirts he had removed from Jack's bedroom. It had been impossible to hold onto the postcards or any keepsake that could have been linked back to the connection they had, and now he could only damn his cautiousness for never allowing himself the sentimentality to let his love for Jack be anything more than ethereal. Now all he had was wishing - wishing he had had time to store more memories, wishing he had made the most of the time he had been given, wishing he had just one photo of the man he loved so dearly, so he could see Jack's face before it faded from his memory completely.

Up ahead lay the old suspension bridge. Coffeepot hesitated before treading the first board. Ennis looked down at the old bridge, he could see nothing wrong, so he tried to encourage her on. "Come on, girl." He murmured under his breath, digging the thick heel of his boot into the mare's side. When she still wouldn't budge, he figured she knew something he didn't, they'd had a partnership now for many years and had come to trust one another's instincts. He whistled her forward, his senses already filled by his surroundings, accompanied by the pitch and tone of the whistle, brought the memories flooding back. When had he stopped encouraging his horse in this way? Instantly he recalled it as the trail he had used to tread when bringing in the months food for them both. He recalled the day he had chased his goddamn horse all over the hill. The memory brought curve to his lips.

It hadn't been funny at the time. That bear had spooked that horse into flipping him onto his head, leavin' him with a headache for the rest of the evening that wouldn't budge. He thought for a moment at the revelation. After all this time he hadn't even thought whether or not that bear would chase him, what with him running off like that. Spending the best part of the evening picking up cans and boxes, it felt like those mule's had done a damn fine job of sprinkling it all evenly over the hill.

"Them were good times, 'Pot. Real… good times." He patted the horse on the neck as he choked back a the lump that threatened to form as his throat tightened at the recollection.

As if finding the encouragement in the sad words, Coffeepot stepped forward onto the boards, The bridge creaked loudly under the weight of horse and rider, bringing him sharply back to the present, Ennis suddenly realised why she hadn't wanted to move forward.

"Take it easy." he encouraged, as she moved forward slowly.

Each step across this bridge was a step closer to his goal, but was also a step closer to an ending. An ending to all he had fought against. And he knew he had. Now after all this time he could finally admit it. He would never act on it, not now. There was never any man but Jack in his life and that would not change, ever.

The suspension bridge swayed as he reached the middle as the biting wind raced around the valley. Looking up he saw the magnificent range rising up before him, and within it the familiar craggy silhouette of Brokeback. They were home, one last time.

How much life had this mountain seen in the years since they were here? Men came and went, but these mountains remained untouched, unaware and apathetic to the love that was made at their feet.

Leaving the stream in the distance, along with the old bridge, Ennis made his way winding up the old trail he used to take to the sheep each morning. Oh why hadn't he and Jack come back here? All those times they had chased along these rolling hills. The memories of a distant summer echoed along on the breeze .

But in all honesty he knew why. To come back here would be to relive the agony of the decisions he made that fateful summer. It would make it impossible to deny, and that he hadn't been able to face. The memories could be buried safely away, but to return to the place it all started, would have brought it all back to him. Made real all that he wanted and needed.

He wasn't queer, he had told himself many times. Only now could he look and know who he was. Why had it taken Jack's death for him to come to terms with it? Feeling the cold claw its way though the loose buttons on his jacket, Ennis pulled it tight about him and with a heavy sigh, he pulled the reins to the right and pushed Coffeepot into a canter up the side of the mountain towards the apex.

The wind was whistling loudly through his hair, trying to lift the dirty and worn - once fawn - hat from his head, it had almost succeeded more than once. No one and no thing would take this hat from him. To him it was precious and even though he'd never been aware of it, it had been a part of his protection against a world he had been hiding from all of these years. He pressed it firmly back into place and tilted the brim down slightly to shield his eyes and keep the glare of the setting sun at bay.

Snatches of memory pulled at him. He remembered leaning down to pick it up from the grass, it had been crushed under their bodies as they fought. The blood spilling from his nose onto the earth on this very hill. Knocking it back into shape, he had placed it roughly on his head as he stormed off after hitting Jack, never once looking back, he couldn't. They were separating, all he could say was goodbye and those had been words he had never wanted to say.

He had often wondered over the following years if it had been that punch that had stopped Jack from contacting him again. It was only later he learned it wasn't the reason, instead it had been just been one of those annoying things in life. It's little way of spoiling plans with confusion and frustration that had kept them from each other.

He smiled again, as he felt he could now when recalling his lover. Remembering hooking this very hat on the stake to which the washing line had been erected. It had been one evening when coming down off of the mountain, he'd been tired, hungry and sick of the sight and smell of sheep. Arriving to see to see Jack half dressed washing their spare clothes at the edge of the stream.

Seeing that body gilded with sunlight, golden and magnificent as the shadows played along the ripple of muscles on Jack's stomach. The dark shadow of soft body hair that arrowed down to the semi hard groin, evident through the tight wet denim. The first two buttons undone for freedom of movement and comfort.

Feeling his own body react to such beauty, he'd jumped down from his horse and fumbled to tether it quickly against the tree. His fingers trembled as he worked at tying a knot, after the second go he figured if he didn't manage it this time, he'd leave the horse to do as it pleased.

Ennis hadn't been able to stop himself when he'd got close, reaching out and pulling him into his arms, much to Jack's surprise. Drawing his lover quickly toward the tent he had removed his hat and placed it on the post next to Jack's shirt and jeans. The opposite post baring Jack's hat, too.

So many moments lived and recollected in that hat, no, he was keeping it.

The reminder of years past brought hot tears to his eyes and with them a lump to his throat prompting him to appreciate why he was here.
It was time to say goodbye.

It had been three weeks since the small white handwritten envelope had arrived bearing his name. The handwriting had been unfamiliar to him, but had his suspicion aroused along with an apprehension he wasn't sure he could put his finger on. For some reason Ennis had felt he should put off opening this for as long as possible. Whatever it contained, he felt it was something he would rather not know. The note had gone into his pocket and ignored for at least another two days before it was finally removed and fears faced.

Pulling up outside the fading and weathered dust covered building, Ennis looked up to see Jack's mother standing in the doorframe. She looked slighter than when he had seen her last. Her hair a little greyer , but as he approached her, her eyes had a glow all of their own. A light that hadn't quite been there the last time they had met.
"Mr. Del Mar. Please come in."

"Thankyou, ma'am." Following her, he removed his hat as he stepped inside. Ennis pulled the door to behind him, as he entered the still almost bare room. "I'm sorry to hear about Mr. Twist, Ma'am."

"Don't say anything you don't mean, son." She chastised gently.

Ennis looked up and then down, swallowing. She had caught the hollowness in his comment to her. Disparaged and embarrassed, he felt uncomfortable and yet at the same time warmed by the endearment bestowed upon him. Finding it hard to keep the curl from the corners of his lips he went to speak again.

"And don't apologise unnecessarily." She smiled.

He lifted his head and this time smiled back. She seemed to know him well, yet they had only met the once, and then only briefly.

Showing him to the dining table now adorned with a vase containing dried flowers upon a pretty white lace tablecloth, he thought how discerning she was, as Mrs. Twist beckoned for him to sit. Awkwardly, he pulled out the chair to seat himself. As he did so, she turned to the small kitchen area and filled two mugs - which had been set on a tray - with hot water and brought it over to the table.

"Jack used to talk a lot about you Mr. Del Mar. May I call you, Ennis?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"He told me about how hard you had things growing up. How you lost your mamma when young . He used to talk about you all the time." She said lifting the teaspoon. "Do you take milk or sugar, Ennis?"

The memory of Jack and the way he liked to talk, brought a wry smile to his lips. It also answered a few questions like how she seemed to know him so well. Jack always did like to talk… He suddenly remembered he'd been asked a question. "Er… No thank you. I hope what he said was all good, ma'am." A nervous smile adorned his face as he hesitantly waited for the answer.

She looked up and her eyes twinkled just a little. "Yes. Most of it…" Then the gleam faded. "You made him angry, you know. He never said anything, but I knew. He used to come here so wound up, saying one day you would listen to reason , about what he never said."

She sat watching Ennis' reactions as she spoke. Her hand went forward as if to grab his own, hesitated, and then withdrew to her lap, without contact. "Did you love him?" The forthright question threw Ennis. He felt himself cower down inside, still feeling the need to hide from anyone finding out what and who he was. Chewing his thumb nail he looked into his lap and hoped he wouldn't have to answer her.

The hesitation was too long and so she asked again.

"Listen, I…" He began, his voice tight. It sounded no more than a deep mumble.

"He loved you." She said in a voice full of pride. "His whole face spoke of it every time he said your name."

Hearing those words unleashed something within his heart. He had never been able to say those words to Jack and now that was something he had regretted. But, maybe telling his mother would at least mean he had told someone who had cared for Jack, too. Letting it be told, and maybe sharing the pain locked deep within his very soul, would have meant something to Jack.

"Yes, I… very much." There was no hiding it anymore. The words were so low and husky barely passing his lips but she caught it.

"Good." she smiled straightening slightly. "I had hoped you come back to see us." She hadn't missed how hard that admission had been.

"I'm sorry, I hadn't been able to get here what with work an' all."

"Always A Cowboy." She said knowingly a she stood and went to retrieve a small tin from a shelved recess in the wall.

Bringing it to the table Ennis eyed the small canister as she placed it before him. "Is this… Ja…" his eyes jumped from the small black object to her shining eyes and back again.

"Yes, I want you to take him home for me."

"But…"

"No, this was never home, much as I regret it. My boy never had a happy time here. His father saw to that."

Ennis watched the tears well up in her already over bright eyes. Seeing regret and pain in them he forced himself to look back at the makeshift urn.

"It would make me proud and very honoured, Mrs. Twist." Ennis felt the small soft hand grip the top of his own. They had both shared a love for a man that neither would ever forget. "You made Jack very happy. You gave him something not many find. Thank you."

He didn't know what to say and he didn't trust his voice to say anything anyway. "Thank you, ma'am." He grated out past the tightness in his throat.

She squeezed his hand and let go. "Can I interest you in some apple pie?"

"Please." He sniffed "I haven't eaten since last night." He sat back and idly rubbing at his stomach. "I thought… Well, I thought your husband seemed pretty determined that… I was told an' all, that Jack would be going into the family plot."

"The late Mr. Twist never got around to it. He never got around to a lot. He used to say of Jack that he was a dreamer and that his ideas never came to anything. But Jack was never lazy. His father would always put off today what could be left until tomorrow."

Ennis saw the resentment in her eyes as she spoke. He thought about how the man had never got on top of the ranch he owned and had let it go to wrack and ruin. He thought about the bitterness in John Twist's voice, when he had decreed that Jack would go into the family plot and how he seemed to take pride in denying Jack his last wish.

That had torn at Ennis' heart for a long time - that Jack had been left in two homes, neither of which ever having any great love for him. He hadn't been able to come to terms with the fact Jack was alone out here on the prairie in this desolate little town. Too far from anywhere to be visited regularly.

"It's funny, I came here twice, when I wasn't working and sat in that small plot of land late in the night , thinking he was there." He realised he had given himself away but Jack's mother said nothing.

"I'm sorry ma'am. But I didn't feel I'd be welcomed back. Mr. Twist barely tolerated me the last time." Ennis apologised.

"I understand, Ennis. Listen, this was never Jack's home. He wanted away from here as soon as he was old enough. His father never treated him right, and I was too weak to help him." As she spoke a tear welled and ran down her age weathered cheek. The years of abuse gathered and testimony to it lay upon her face and in her eyes.

"I did love my son. That's why I am sending him home. Somewhere he loved, where he was free." She looked around for something to change the subject before she became overwhelmed with emotion. "Now about your pie. I had better get it for you starve."

As she walked to the kitchen counter, Ennis wanted to ask her if she believed the story of Jack's death, but he had seen the pain in her eyes. Hurting her further would gain nothing for neither of them. Mrs. Twist was moving slowly, as if her sadness was literally crippling her as she pined away, for what Ennis could only assume was her son. Watching her, Ennis knew he was the last person she had as a link to her son, and her for him.

He left there feeling different. For the first time in many years he had shared the burden of his love for Jack. All this time and he never knew how good it could feel to tell someone he loved that extraordinary man. And love him he still did.

On the long drive back to Riverton, Ennis thought through how he would manage to make it up to the range of mountains before the winter set in hard. He still had to finish up at the ranch, before he could take off and do this for Jack.

Feeling the empty and lonely feeling of life without his man, he turned the radio on to lend some comfort and company for the long journey home. One song came to its end as he flicked it on and another began.

'Go to sleep, may your sweet dreams come true
Just lay back in my arms for one more night
I've this crazy old notion that calls me sometimes
Saying this one's the love of your life.
Cause I know a love that will never grow old
And I know a love that will never grow old.'

Ennis found himself looking at the canister resting on the seat next to him by the time he looked back at the road his eyes were filled with tears. Not allowing himself the luxury of turning it off, he for once allowed himself to feel the pain of his still breaking heart.

Angry that he felt so helpless. He slammed his flat palm against the steering wheel feeling the vibration jolt through his bones. With the same hand he scrubbed at his face.

"You've done this." He said looking back at the passenger seat. "You got me losing it, Jack 'fuckin' twist. And don't you say nothing about me hitting nothing either. It's my truck… God I still miss you Jack."

By the time the song had finished Ennis had made up his mind that nothing and nobody would stand in his way of getting Jack up on the mountain before the winter. The man had already waited long enough. He'd just tell his boss that was the way it was and to hell with 'em all.

Good intentions were no match for life, which remained true to form, and kicked Ennis in the teeth once more. The winter had settled in the mountains already and was harder than it had been for many years. Waiting for the thaw was a slow torture, and Ennis kept constantly in touch with a ranger to find out when it would be safe enough to travel up to Brokeback.

To fill the long dark winter evenings correspondence had passed back and forth between himself and Junior. She even came and visited during November. She had arrived just as he had got himself into a drunken stupor and had been crying over his desperate loneliness. He couldn't remember all that much about that visit, but he knew he had felt better when she had looked after him and tucked him up for the night. When she left in the morning she had kissed his cheek hugged him tight and told him if he ever needed to talk she was there.

During those slow months, Ennis had kept the small black tin next to his bed where he could keep an eye on it, often talking to it as if Jack could still hear him through the thin metal. As if Jack were alive. He even answered for Jack, too. He knew he wasn't losing his mind, just taking some time and spending it the only way he could now for this short while, until the thaws arrived and he and Jack could return to Brokeback together, for the first and last time.

He told Jack how he still lived on in his heart and in his dreams. He told him about the shirts he had found in Jack's room, about the postcard he had hunted down and how he felt when he found out about his death. He asked Jack if it really had been an accident, not that he got an answer to that one. Mostly, though, he and told Jack time and time again about how he would give anything if things could have been different.

Finally, the end of February brought news that no further storms were expected, and Ennis prepared himself to travel the long haul up to the mountain range. Coffeepot would need to be blanketed for the journey and extra feed taken with him. She'd not long been shod, so he only need to check her over. She never did like that trailer, stamping her feet to let him know every time she was put in it.

With everything packed and ready to go Ennis had only to place Jack's remains in the saddlebag in the morning. For this last night, Ennis would keep Jack close by his bed while he slept.

Having finished a thorough wash and shave at the sink. Ennis settled himself down onto the edge of his bed. A strong foreboding hanging over him.
"Tomorrow we're going back to Brokeback, Jack. Remember how it was..? I do. Like 't was yesterday. You woke up something in me, something I thought was dead. I'd tried so hard to kill it, but fuck… I'm sure glad you did wake it. You know I thought I loved Alma 'til you came along. But I know now I was wrong, it was never nothing' near like what we had…"

Ennis' voice got angry. "My life was one fight after another cause o' you." The anger died as quickly as it had flared, replaced only by longing and regret."But knowing you like I did. I wouldn't change that, I'd change what we didn't have though, Jack. Cow and calf operation, huh? I think that sounds good… God, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean this to happen, Jack. You came onto me like you knew what I wanted. It scared the shit out of me. I didn't want to see what I was. I couldn't be like you, it was wrong."

A hand trembling with emotion, lifted the canister into his lap, his thumb brushing softly up and down on the black chipped paint. "I don't know if it's wrong now and I don't much care. The world can go fuck itself for all I care. I just wish I could'a said this while you were around to hear me."

Ennis set the tin down gently onto the bedside table. "In the morning, Jack, we're going home." He reached over and turned out the light. Pulling the rough blankets up to his chin, Ennis tried to get comfortable but found sleep evasive. Laying staring into the darkness, his thoughts took over.

Ennis pondered like he did almost every night. Was there anything he could have done to change the path of Jack's fate? Sometimes the frustration of it all made him wish he had never met Jack Twist at all. But without ever meaning it whole heartedly.

He couldn't imagine his life without him in it. Even now, almost two years on since he last saw Jack, Ennis missed him with every waking moment and with his whole being. It wasn't even as if they had been used to being in each others pockets, but Jack had been a constant he had learned to rely on. Jack had always been there when he needed him. Slowly, some hours after the light had been extinguished. Ennis fell into a restless sleep, filled with dreams of days long since gone and wishes that could never now come true.

He left early the next morning before the sun rose. Parking the truck, he saddled up Coffeepot, mounted and made his way onto the mountain range.

A few hours later he led his horse into the natural clearing, where they had made camp all those years ago and where they had made love for the first time. Ennis felt his heart beating a little heavier. "You're home, Jack." He said clutching the saddlebag to his chest.

He knelt down at the waters edge, the river swollen with the melting snow. He looked up over the mountain range, remembering the times he had taken Jack on that hill, with nothing but the sheep to see or interfere in their lives. How it had been so perfect and how it had become a slow road to destruction for them both.

"I should'a been there, Jack." he whispered "I should'a been there… I can see it now. Jack. We could have had that sweet life. Oh it may not of lasted, but fucking hell, anything would'a been better than what we put each other through… what I put you through."

Slowly he stood and made his way back to Coffeepot and heaved himself up into the saddle, taking the reins in his right hand and clutching Jack to his breast with the other. He looked around him one final time, before he made his way to the foot of the mountain.

Arriving at the top of Brokeback Mountain, Ennis stared out across the horizon; the snow covered peaks still dominated. He climbed down and left his horse to graze freely as he made his way over to the place he would give Jack his freedom.

This was where they used to lay in the grass and watch the sheep. Many days and nights were spent here in this spot. Secrets, promises and hopes were exchanged. Love was made here, sometimes with the hot sun on their bare skin and sometimes wrapped warmly together under blankets beneath the stars. His grip on the saddlebag tightened as he brought to mind some of the happiest days of his life.

Looking up, at the beautiful sunset. The sky turning through brilliant reds and purples. It was time. Fingering the buckle that held the bag closed Ennis hesitated.

He didn't want to let go. Not now, not ever, but this was what Jack wanted. Jack had asked for so much that Ennis could never give to him. This one thing was Jack's last wish - it was one thing Ennis could give. No matter how much it hurt.

Quickly he undid the leather buckle and removed the tin that contained Jack's ashes, letting the bag fall to the ground, forgotten. His fingers fumbled with the lid. He wanted to finish this as quickly as he could, to lessen the pain crawling out across his body. Gripping the lid to remove it, he suddenly stopped. No, No. Not like this. He thought.

"Not like this," he whispered. "I don't care how much it hurts, you gotta know, Jack." "I'll tell you this just one time 'cause I know you knew… I love you… I love you so much it hurts so bad, I can hardly breathe some days. I know I couldn't give you wanted and you know why I couldn't, but that didn't make it right. I know I was wrong, Jack. I swear to you, if I had known what would'a happened, I would 'a fixed it…"

As Ennis removed the lid from the small canister, the light evening wind caught them both, whipping some of the ashes up into Ennis face. Closing his eyes, Ennis felt Jack's gentle caress against his skin for the last time. Letting a strangled cry escape his throat. Ennis turned swinging his arm and let Jack ride free across the mountain on the breeze. "You're home, you're free… Little Darlin'" Ennis grated against the cramping of muscles in his throat.

He stood and stared at nothing in particular for a long time. Just surveying the beauty of the place, and wondering what else this mountain had witnessed. It's static and yet wild and ragged beauty unchanged since they were no more than kids. Feeling the tears on his cheek that he hadn't realised had fell cool in the breeze Ennis rubbed the back of his gloved hand across his weathered face. God, how had this happened, why couldn't he have stopped it? Why couldn't he have protected him when all along he thought of himself as the one that needed protecting? Just a few short months ago and for a long time before that, he had thought that there was no chance of standing here ever again; that letter had changed all of that. Letting himself sink to his knees as emotion swept over him, he hit the ground hard, not caring as he recalled the last few weeks and what he had gone through to get here.

Jack had always been part of this mountain for Ennis. Now he would be here always. As Ennis tried to lift himself from his knees his stoicism broke. Falling further to the ground he broke down. His forehead pressed into the frozen ground, sobbing into the new grass he finally allowed himself to cry out what he had been suppressing all this time, all the pain released, all the want, all the regrets.

He stayed that way until shortly after night fall, when Coffeepot came over and nudged him from the ground. Standing exhausted, he wondered if he would ever return. Not knowing the answer to that, he climbed up into the saddle and let his horse lead him back to his truck.

Saying goodbye had been one of the hardest things in his life. It had not been to Jack's face but the catharsis it had opened and satisfied, had left him exhausted, somehow hollow and somehow bereft. It had opened up the wound and cleaned it leaving it to heal neater and lessen the emotional scarring.

It was time to live at last. No shadow of the past was going to come between him and what he had left of the rest of his life. He decided to start anew. A life like Jack had always wanted him to have, had always pushed him towards, and yet, he had dug in his heels instead of facing the fear he felt.

The dreams didn't fade. The love he shared with Jack on those nights was sometimes beyond his wildest dreams and at times the most gentle of tender affection he had known. When he woke his mind hit rock bottom with a thud. Jack wasn't here. Sometimes he could remember every detail. Every heart pounding sensation, kiss and caress. But other times it was just feelings and vague snatches of meaning, leaving him unsatisfied and alone.

Waking from such a dream, Ennis sat upright on the edge of the bed and rubbed at his temples as the build up of emotion started to consume him. How long had it been since it had hit him this deeply? It had been over two years since he had seen Jack, and now no matter how hard he tried to recall the dream he had just fallen from, there were no traces of it in his memory. He tried to bring to mind the smile that lit his day and found a lump forming in his throat when nothing but vague translucent images flashed so briefly he couldn't hold the picture in his mind. Frustrated he scrubbed at his face with his weather and work roughened palms and stood. Adjusting his hard cock within the confines of his pajamas, he moved to the stove and lit the burner to heat the water for coffee.

He had a new job to start today. More ranch work, only this time working as foreman, teaching young cow hands how to rope and handle the animals. He was going to manage the ranch, and the hands he employed. It was a step up from working under such a man, and finally he would be able to afford a place nearer his girls. He couldn't work forever and with a second grandchild on the way he didn't want to miss out on the chance to do it right this time.

Placing the coffee grains in his old enamel mug. Ennis heard the rusty squeak of the hinge on his mail box followed by the definite knock of metal against metal of the arm being sprung up. Racing towards the door he swung it open just in time to see the postman climbing astride his motorbike and driving off.

Still in his pajamas Ennis stepped out into the cold and removed the two letters contained there within. Bringing them inside and finishing making his coffee he brought them with him as he perched himself on the edge of his bed.

The first read to Daddy on the envelope the second said To Mr. Ennis Del Mar. Sliding his finger along the seam of the envelope Ennis opened the one from Alma Jnr first.

Dear Daddy,
I am coming to get you on the 24th of this month. For Emma May's 1st Birthday. I'm sure you haven't forgotten. She is pulling herself up on the furniture and asking for grandpa and horses. I think you must have cast a spell on her.
Haven't heard from you in a while. I hope you are not still brooding. I know you miss him Daddy, but you have your family, we love you and miss you. Let me help you.

All my love
Junior.

He hadn't forgotten. He had already got her a present and wrapped it, putting it away for nearer the time.

The second envelope sat in his hand for a few minutes before he could bring himself to find out what Mrs. Twist had to say.

To Ennis.

I received a small box in the mail from Lureen, Jack's wife. She has sent me a box of Jack's things that she no longer wants around. Here are some pictures of Jack, one was taken this last year gone. I didn't know if you would like to come and see if there is anything you would like to keep, being you were such good friends.

Hope this finds you well.
From Rose Twist.

Ennis looked to the envelope which he had rested on the edge of the bed, It had fallen to the floor. Leaning forward he picked it up. He could feel the extra weight within it. Putting down the letter on his lap he carefully removed its contents. There were three photographs each with a scrawled date and description written on the back.

The first said, '1964. Rodeo winner.' As Ennis turned it over he saw Jack as he remembered him looking when they first met. He felt himself choke with emotion rising in his throat. "Jack 'fuckin' Twist." he laughed through the tears of joy, running down his cheeks.

The second read; '1974 4th OCT.' It was the week after they had returned from six days together. Jack looked strong and content, his expression alive and so happy. Ennis recalled that week the skinny dipping - the childish and fun loving behaviour of them and the content feeling he had had himself, it had a been a week to remember, carefree and happy, making slow gentle love under the stars. Just like they had the first time they had met.

The third Picture was labelled, '1983 25th June. Daddy and me fixing the truck.' It had been taken six days before Jack died and about 6 weeks since they had parted company after their falling out. Ennis remembered how they were both at the end of their tether with the situation, but neither was ready to give up Ennis was sure they never would, but he had felt full of remorse leaving like that after letting Jack down so badly.

Slowly, he turned the photo and tears flooded his sight, needing to blink a few times to clear them. He looked down at Jack. He was wearing a denim blue shirt; Ennis had always loved him in blue, never failing to notice how it brought out the colour of his eyes, but in this picture it seemed wrong. Something was missing.

Holding the photo up to the early morning light, Ennis squinted and looked closer. Jack's sleeves were rolled to his elbows and his hands covered in grease and oil. Shadowed by the hood of the truck and holding a screwdriver he was faced to the camera.

Even though he was smiling, he looked tired, but that wasn't it.

Then it struck Ennis what was wrong. In all the years he had known him, Jack always had a light that would shine so bright in those beautiful eyes, it would make your heart sing. Ennis' breath caught as the realisation sank in and his heart plunged into darkness.
That light was gone.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry, Jack…"