Chapter 1

Is this what you call life?

I sat in the floor of my bedroom, hugging my knees to my chest. Downstairs, I heard Mom in the bathroom throwing up. I heard a dog bark somewhere down the street. I wiped tears from my cheek and cleared my throat, sucking it up and trying to do my English homework. I couldn't concentrate on it, though.

"Eleanor!" I heard Mom call. "Come down here and help me with these dishes."

I stood up and looked in my reflection in the mirror for a moment. My red hair was in low piggy-braids. I had a plaid skirt on with a red long sleeved shirt under a black tank top. Fishnet stockings and combat boots really set the look off, giving people the message not to mess with me. It worked, besides a few stares and sneers. Even Marco was trying to avoid me now, he wasn't calling as much as he used to, didn't ask me for my advice. We didn't go out for coffee anymore and he never came over. And Ashley is just...Ashley. Always writing music and singing about how Craig hurt her. So I was isolated, I guess I preferred it that way.

"Ellie! NOW!" Mom shouted louder.

"I'm coming!" I yelled back, heading downstairs.

"Wash these up," Mom said. She had a pile of plates and cups and silverware in her hands, trying to carry them to the sink. But she stumbled with every step, and eventually dropped them. "Dammit, Ellie, couldn't you help me?" She snapped.

I knelt down to pick up the broken glass. "Go lay down, Mom, I'll take care of this. I'll be up in a minute."

Mom walked away, stumbling and grumbling. I watched her walk away, feeling sad. I looked down at the broken glass and couldn't help but think of how much my life resembled the shattered pieces. Like them, I'd had it put together once. I was useful and whole. Then, with one stumble, one incident, I broke into a million pieces; pieces that could be too small to be put back together. I picked up the broken plates and threw them away. A few remained unbroken and I put those in the sink. That's when I noticed the piece of broken glass in my hand. I stared at it, wanting to cut, needing the release. I took a deep breath and threw the piece in the trashcan.

After I had cleaned the kitchen and living room to my satisfaction, as well as my Moms, I went back into the kitchen and got out a dinner tray. I put a bowl of hot water on it, a washcloth, a glass of milk and a package of saltines, to help with moms' hangover. I walked carefully up to her room.

"Mom," I said softly.

She was lying on the bed, her hand over her eyes. She looked up when I said her name. I sat down on the floor next to her, putting the tray beside me. "I brought some things that might help you," I told her.

She looked over at me. "Thanks, Ell," she slurred.

I dipped the washcloth into the hot water and rung it out, folding it and placing it on her forehead.

"I have a glass of milk and some crackers, too."

"I don't want to eat, I just want to sleep," she said tiredly.

"I know," I said. "I'm going to put them on your nightstand, in case you change your mind, okay?"

She nodded. "Why don't you go out to eat somewhere? There's money in my purse."

I looked at her, wanting to help her and knowing I couldn't. That was the hardest part. If it was up to me, she wouldn't be drinking anymore. But it had to be her decision, not mine.

I took some money out of her purse and grabbed my jacket and headed to The Dot.

The sky was darkening and it was cold out.  . The walk to The Dot seemed to take forever, even though I knew it was only five minutes.

I walked in and looked around. Couples and groups of people sat laughing and talking happily. Except one person.

He sat in the corner, his shoulders slouched and his headphones on. His hands were in the pocket of his black hoodie. He looked like he was angry at the world. I knew him from school, I'd seen him around and heard Ashley talk about him. Sean, I think that's his name. I sat down at the table in front of his, my back to him. I ordered a cup of coffee and sat sipping at it.

Then, the doors to The Dot opened and Jay and Towers, and a few other guys I didn't recognize walked in. They walked through the small diner like they owned it. They stopped at my table.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Miss Vampire. Is that coffee, in that cup, or is it blood?" Jay asked sarcastically. He looked back at his gang and they laughed and agreed, as if on command. "What? Got nothing to say?"

"Not to a scumbag like you," I said, glaring at him.

"Ooo, a scumbag. Come home with us and we'll show you how scumbag-ish we can be." He raised his eyebrows as he said it, showing what he was implying.

"I'll pass."

"Come on, girls like you like a little fun sometimes. What's the problem?"

"Jay, I hardly think anything with you would be considered 'fun.'"

He grabbed my arm hard. It wouldn't have hurt very much if it weren't for the cuts and welts on it. But it hurt like hell. "What'll it take, huh? Money? Drugs? Name your price."

I couldn't believe what he was implying. I definitely wasn't going to sleep with him or any of his friends—not for a million dollars.

"Come on, Jay, let her go." I looked up and saw Sean standing next to Jay.

"Don't tell me what to do," Jay said, jerking my arm harder.

"I'm serious," his voice was laid-back, calm. "You're not going to get anywhere with her, anyway. So don't even try, she's not like that."

Jay eyed me for a minute, as if deciding what to do. "You're probably right." He let go of my arm with a jerk and said, "Come on guys, let's get outta here. Thanks for getting my back, Cameron."

They sauntered off.

"Hey," Sean looked down at me. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks."

He sat down across from me. "He didn't hurt you, did he?" He asked, reaching for my arm.

"What are you doing?" I asked, pulling it back from him.

"I want to see if he left any bruises."

"He didn't."

"How do you know? You haven't checked."

"I've got to go, but thanks for helping me." I rushed out of The Dot and rested against a wall outside.

"Why won't you let me see?" Sean asked.

I looked over and saw him standing next to me. "Because, there's no need."

He stood in silence, looking at me. His eyes were so...intense. The most amazing shade of blue-gray I'd ever seen. "You cut, don't you?" He asked after a minute or two.

"What? That's crazy...I mean...I'd never," I tried to think of an excuse but my mind was blank. I was a terrible liar.

"Ellie, you're a terrible liar," he said, as if reading my mind. "Its okay, lets go to my house so we can talk about this.

"Thanks but I have to go home."

"Let me walk you."

"That's okay. Thanks for helping me back there. I'll talk to you some other time. Bye." I took off in a run. Away from Sean. Away from the truth.