Chapter 14

January 1989

The raven-haired boy was sitting on the window seat and was currently watching the slowly falling snowflakes. The park looked beautiful and was totally covered in white. While he was admiring the view Harry sighed. The last months had been terrible. A few weeks after they had gone on their trip to Diagon Alley Caro's father had been killed by Aurors. Though Harry hadn't any idea what exactly had happened, he knew that Mr. Lestrange had been just torturing a Muggle family together with some other Death Eaters.

Unfortunately they had been attacked by Aurors and members of the Order of the Phoenix. For the family however it had been a rescue at the last minute. In the fierce fight, which followed straight afterwards, Mr. Lestrange had been hit with the Killing Curse. Caro had been inexpressibly sad and inconsolable.

Harry and Draco had done all in their power to help Caro but despite their efforts it had taken long until Caro, who had loved her father very deeply, had smiled again. The sorrow in her grey eyes however had never disappeared completely. Never in his life had Harry felt so useless, as Caro had wept over her father in his and Draco's arms, since she hadn't been allowed to mourn at home.

The behaviour of Caro's mother had enraged Harry. Neither had she comforted her daughter nor had she shown with some gesture that she regretted the loss of her husband. Since he had seen how much Bella's indifference had hurt Caro, Harry harboured a dislike against his teacher. She is cold, Harry thought, and wondered if Bella had any feelings at all.

He had also never seen her laughing. Although he had never met Mr Lestrange, he assumed that he hadn't had a great similarity with his wife; at least he concluded this from everything that Caro had told them about her father. How much he wished to be able to help Caro. Pressing his face against the icy windowpane, he sadly sniffed. That had been the one thing that had happened. The other had happened shortly after his eighth birthday - he hadn't celebrated because of Caro's mourning.

Anyway his father had come to him and had told him that it was time for him to learn the Unforgivable Curses and as soon as he would be able to control them, he would attend the Death Eater meetings. He was finally old enough after all and slowly he had to learn how to behave as the heir of the Dark Lord. So his father had begun to teach him the Imperius Curse. Harry however had had extreme difficulties to throw the curse off right from the start and had not even managed to break the curse a single time so far. He had read a lot about the Unforgivable Curses and he knew very well that it wasn't such a surprise that he wasn't capable of doing this. These curses were highly advanced and very powerful magic and he was only eight years old after all.

Though he hadn't expressed his opinion to his father, he was secretly convinced that it wasn't his fault.

He had also reckoned with his father's impatience and anger. He knew that his father didn't like it if anyone didn't make any progress over the weeks. The quickly increasing annoyance of his father had led to it that his father had visited him every day to practise with him and on top of that he and his friends had got additional lessons from Bella, Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy.

As Harry had once dared to complain to his father that they learned too much and that they didn't have any free time anymore, he had realized why his father was feared by so many. For one instant he had thought that his father would hit him. But his father had informed him in an icy tone that they weren't little children anymore and that they slowly had to learn what it meant to be an adult. Therefore they didn't need so much free time. Since then Harry hadn't dared to oppose again. The only bright spot on the horizon was that he had nearly managed to break the Imperous Curse yesterday, but only almost. Soon his father would come again to practice this damned curse with him. Slowly he really began to hate this spell.

Harry sighed. He wanted to love his father, he however made it difficult for him. He was always so cold and unapproachable. Never had he hugged him and in the last months he had only wanted that he would finally break this curse. Everything else hadn't been important for him. Even as Caro's father had been killed, it hadn't mattered to him at all. Harry who hadn't been able to cope with the situation to comfort his friend had wanted a bit consolation himself but his father had only said that it had been destiny and with that the topic had been done for him.

Watching a snowflake, he thought of his mother. Would she have reacted exactly the same way or would she have comforted him and hugged him? During the last months he had often thought of her. The secret however he still hadn't solved. He just hadn't had the time for it. But what was even more serious: he didn't know at all where to search and how he could find out the truth. Although he had thought about it back and forth, a fairly useful starting point had never occurred to him. Perhaps he should ask his friends for advice. He had never told them what he had seen in the presence of the Dementor.

Somehow it had never been the right opportunity for doing so and during the time when Caro had been completely devastated because of her father's death, he hadn't wanted to bother her with this. Thinking of Caro, hatred for the Aurors rose in him again. Shortly afterwards he remembered the Muggle family. In the last time he had often thought about it, whether it was just to kill the Muggles or wrong and evil and whether his father was really right. But never could he force himself to come to a decision. He just didn't know what was right and neither could he speak with his father about his doubts.

Once more his thoughts wandered back to his unknown mother and again he felt this painful yearning. Since he had met that Dementor he had often had nightmares which had been about his mother and this awful creature.

It really made him angry if he though that he had not even been able to solve the secret a bit in seven months. But where should he look for it? He was sure of it that he wouldn't find any answers for his questions in this castle. So where? Harry stifled a curse and suddenly jumped off the window seat. Pacing back and forth in the dimly-lit room, which was illuminated only from the glow of the flickering fire, he angrily grinded his teeth. He must think up an idea! While the snow was still falling, he sat down in his armchair and brooded. Soon his father would come and practise that blasted curse with him and he absolutely didn't feel like doing this.

Emily Lupin had hardly made herself comfortable in her armchair and had picked up her book as the loud crying of the two babies rang out who actually should be sleeping in the cradle but obviously they didn't have this in mind. As Emily carefully took the little ones out of their cradle, the crying stopped, as she had expected it. Casting a glance at her watch, she saw that it was time anyway for their bottles and so she was sitting on the settee a few minutes later and was feeding her little charges.

Sometimes it was really strenuous to take care of them. But despite the trouble they caused every time it was Emily's turn to watch them, she loved the little ones with all her heart. She couldn't be angry with them for long anyway. While giving the children the bottle, she looked at the two. Jamie looked nearly the same as Sirius. The similarity was really amazing. Only the dark brown hair he had inherited from her sister. Otherwise he had Sirius's sparkling blue eyes. Lizzie had also blue eyes but hers were brighter than Jamie's and she had lovely black curls.

Since the children had been born they were taking turns as babysitter while the others were then either teaching or attending the meetings of the Order of the Phoenix. So no-one of them missed too much. While the women were utterly satisfied with the arrangement their husbands hadn't been exactly happy about their agreement.

Especially Sirius and Severus had fought against it. Both loathed it to see how their children played together.

As she thought of this Emily amused shook her head. Sometimes they really behaved rather ridiculous. It was so much easier when only one of them looked after the children and not always both mothers. Apart from this Charlotte and Alison could thus recover from her duties as well for some time and could devote their time to other things. Soon there would be a third child since she was finally pregnant as well. It was however still her secret. So far she hadn't told anyone. Suddenly the door flung open and Hermione stormed in with flushed cheeks,

"Oh, excuse me, Emily. I only wanted to fetch Jamie."

"Has the meeting of the Order finished already?"

"Yes, today they didn't take so long and Charlotte said that Alison would come soon as well."

"Here, but be careful," Emily said and handed the baby along with the bottle to Hermione.

"Of course. I'm always careful. I would never allow that something happened to Jamie. He is my little brother after all."

After saying this she said goodbye and left the room. Emily nodded contented. It was nice to see that Hermione wasn't so sad anymore as she had been at the beginning when Sirius and Charlotte had adopted her. The girl had got used well to the life in Hogwarts. To give Hermione a home was the very least thing they could do after they had failed to save her parents from the Death Eaters. Emily shuddered as she thought back to the many battles she had been present at. They all had had so indescribable luck. No-one of them had been killed so far. But how long would it remain so? She cuddled Lizzie closer to her and began to tell her little darling a story. She did not want to think about those terrible things any more.

"No, no! You don't concentrate enough! You nearly did it but then you failed again! You will try it once more!"

Harry cringed at the angry shouting. He was so tired and exhausted and his father had cursed him already five times with the Imperius Curse. Why didn't he manage to break that curse? It couldn't be so difficult, could it? He would do it now and throw the curse off. A half year was enough. He had absolutely no intention to have to grapple with that curse for the next months as well. With a now determined expression he nodded,

"I'm ready."

"Imperio!" his father said peremptorily.

Again Harry heard the echoing, forcing voice of his father in his head which ordered him to climb onto the table. He did a few steps and just wanted to climb up the table when he came to a halt and fought against the curse. This time he fought with all his might. Miraculously his father's voice became quieter and finally he managed to break the curse, shortly afterwards however he sank totally exhausted to the ground.

"About time too. But it took you far too long to throw my curse off. We'll try it tomorrow again. Perhaps you'll be more successful then," his father said in a coolly voice and left the room.

Harry, who was still lying on the ground, felt hot tears burning in his eyes. Quickly he suppressed them. He wouldn't cry. No. He was too old for this. Suddenly he was distracted by an angry hiss as his snake, who had been nearly crushed, slid off his arm and as quick as lightning disappeared under an armchair. While gazing after Diamond, he slowly began to seethe with rage, too.

Now he finally had managed it and had broken the curse and his father was still not satisfied because he hadn't been quick enough! A wave of anger rushed over him. Furious and hurt he banged his fist on the ground and in the same moment a loud rattling noise was heard and an icy draught hit his flushed face. When he looked up he saw that the glass of the windows had been broken into tiny glittering pieces. Bewildered Harry stared at the broken windows. How had he done this? With a wave of his wand he repaired the damage; then he stood up and collapsed tiredly into one of his armchairs.

Was it possible to perform magic without a wand? Obviously he had just done exactly this. Even if it had been unintentional, maybe you could control it. If it was possible to do magic without using a wand, it would be a great advantage for him and he had to learn it by all means. Harry yawned. How tired he was. It had cost him a lot of his strength to break the Imperius Curse. He would think about it some other time. Harry stood up, staggered in his bed and fell immediately asleep. In this night he dreamed again about his mother.

"You have seen your mother?"

"Don't be so loud, Draco!"

Harry, who had woken up from another nightmare in the middle of the night, where a Dementor had hunted his mother and him, had finally decided to tell his friends what he had seen in the Dementor's presence. When he had told them everything they unbelievingly gaped at him.

"I want to find out the truth but so far no idea has occurred to me yet, how I should do this."

"Why haven't you told us earlier?" Draco asked, who still looked a bit surprised..

"I don't know. But somehow there was never the right time for it."

For some minutes they sat silently together while every one of them hung onto their own thoughts. Then Caro raised her head and said,

"We know that it happened 1981. Nell has told us this, right?"

Harry looked at her questioningly:

"Yes. But how should that help us?"

"Let us suggest that you really were kidnapped. I'm sure that the Daily Prophet would have had written about such an event. So we only have to go to the newspaper and have to search for newspapers from 1981 in the archives of the Daily Prophet."

"That would be a brilliant idea, Caro. At least, if the Daily Prophet wouldn't be controlled by my father and his Death Eaters and… I hardly think that he would be very keen of it if he found out that I'm searching for my mum. Whatever we'll do, no- one can discover it. You can't tell anyone else."

"Of course not, Harry. But I think Caro's right. If we shouldn't find anything in the newspapers, then where do you want to look for the truth, Harry? I don't think that my parents know something about your mother. That would be rather unlikely. They didn't even know that you existed. So it would be our only chance. We could try to sneak in there and if we should find something, we could try to steal the right newspaper. Perhaps we could charm us invisible. In any case it would be an adventure once again."

"Yes, this could work perhaps. First we'll have to learn however the Invisible Spell, but we won't ask anyone. That would be too conspicuous. We'll have to find out this on our own. Then we'll wait for a good opportunity. This time we have to be particularly careful. If the Death Eaters catch us, it would be difficult to explain what we wanted in the archives of the Daily Prophet," Harry said with a thoughtful expression on his face.

"Okay, we'll do it. As soon as we're able to charm us invisible, we will go."