Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
His alarm was going off but he didn't make any move to get up. He didn't feel rested at all. A couple more minutes wouldn't hurt anyone.
Tadashi was about to drift back into slumber's embrace when he noticed another noise: quiet, but there.
'Is Hiro...crying?' he wondered to himself. The last time he'd seen his brother cry was when Tadashi had discovered he was being bullied.
'I thought we sorted that problem. Why have they started bullying him again?'
There was a nagging feeling, like something didn't quite fit.
Then he suddenly remembered that Hiro had finished high school a year ago.
So then, why was he crying?
For one insane moment, Tadashi wondered if his brother was crying because of the steadily beeping alarm.
'Well, that doesn't make sense.'
That's when he noticed a third sound. Hiro was talking. To him.
"Tadashi, you gotta wake up. Please."
Was he getting late for an important event? How long had he been asleep that Hiro had resorted to begging him to get up.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
And why wasn't Hiro turning the alarm off?
Tadashi sighed mentally. He might as well wake up and do it himself. Besides, he didn't want to be late for Callaghan's class.
Callaghan.
His brain kicked into gear and flashed with memories that Tadashi could barely keep up with.
The science fair.
Hiro getting into SFIT.
Their conversation in front of the labs.
The fire.
The explosion.
People screaming his name.
"Tadashi!"
The beeping had sped up. He realised that it wasn't his alarm. It was a heart monitor.
He was in the hospital.
He nearly died.
"Tadashi?"
He forced himself to open his eyes but the gleaming white ceiling was too bright and he snapped his eyes shut.
His head pulsated with pain and he heard an unfamiliar voice telling him to relax. Tadashi's hand groped the air where he'd last heard Hiro.
"It's okay, 'Dashi." Hiro's voice was too soft, too quiet.
It scared him.
Hiro's hand wormed its way into his and he squeezed it, assuring himself his little brother was okay. "Go back to sleep, Tadashi. Stop worrying about me. It's okay. I'm okay."
Hiro continued to whisper soft assurances, lulling Tadashi back to sleep.
•-•
The next time Tadashi opened his eyes, he'd learned from earlier and did it slowly. It was much darker now, which his eyes were thankful for.
He blinked as his surroundings slowly cleared. It was a typical hospital room, bland and lacking much sensory stimulation apart from the smell that seemed to be universal to hospitals everywhere.
He was hooked up to machinery, most notably the heart monitor, beeping steadily.
The only indication anyone had that he was alive.
There was a little sniff to the side and he became aware of someone leaning back awkwardly in the chair at his bedside.
Hiro's neck was craned backwards in the world's worst angle, with one arm draped over his stomach and the other right next to Tadashi's. It must have slipped away when he fell asleep.
In the dim lighting, Tadashi saw tear tracks on Hiro's cheeks and he breathed out. Hiro must've been terrified if he'd been crying.
He debated whether or not to leave Hiro alone but somehow the teen managed to bend his head back even further and if he didn't wake up soon, his head would be perpendicular to his body for quite some time.
"Hiro." He tapped his hand softly.
He didn't expect Hiro to yelp "I'm not leaving!" and jump out of his chair.
He watched Hiro adjust himself, massaging his neck, partly to relieve the pain and partly out of embarrassment at yelling at thin air.
The boy turned and his eyes widened at the sight of his older brother looking at him.
"You're awake."
"Well done, genius." Tadashi couldn't help but drawl.
Hiro closed the gap between himself and the bed.
"Then what were you thinking!?" He yelled, punctuating each word with a punch to Tadashi's arm. "Knucklehead!"
"Hey! That hurts."
Hiro looked horrified. "Sorry. Sorry." Then he engulfed Tadashi in a hug. "Please don't go."
"Don't worry, bonehead. I'm still here."
There was a sound like the creak of a door and Tadashi looked over Hiro's shoulder to see a man at the threshold.
"Is everything alright in here?" Apparently, they had been louder than they originally thought as the nurse had popped his head in and looked between the brothers in a questioning manner.
"We need the doctor. I was told to tell her when my brother wakes up. And, ah…" Hiro gestured awkwardly at Tadashi. "He's awake."
The nurse chuckled and promised to return with the doctor.
Hiro sat back down. "Why did you do it?"
"Huh?"
Hiro's eyes began to glimmer. "It was so dangerous. You nearly died. Why did you run into the building?"
"There was no one else there to help him."
"The firemen were right around the corner!" Hiro exclaimed, gesturing to the door as if the firemen were due to burst through at any moment.
"They would've been too late!" Tadashi retorted. An unusual feeling bubbled in his stomach; it felt highly unusual to him.
"You're a college student. Tadashi! No one was expecting you to do anything." The tips of Hiro's ears had turned red, a tell-tale sign that the teenager was angry. Tadashi realised the bubbling in his own stomach was anger. How did Hiro not see the conundrum he had been in during the fire?
"I didn't do it out of societal expectation and you know it!"
"Ah! So that must mean you did it out of pure stupidity, yes?"
Tadashi forced himself to sit up, despite the pain. His anger was the strongest feeling at the moment.
"Stop being a brat, Hiro. I was there. If there was even the smallest chance I could help him, I had to take it."
"I didn't see you do the same thing when mum and dad died…"
"Don't you dare, bring mom and dad into thi-"
"Why? You nearly joined them six feet underground."
"I didn't die."
"You nearly did!" Tadashi blinked in shock, staring at his little brother. Hiro was enraged, his face warm with anger and his fists closed so tightly that his knuckles were white and his nails dug into his palms. "Stop thinking about Callaghan for one second. Aunt Cass would've been so upset. She is upset. The only reason she's at the cafe and not here, is because I'm here. And what about me?" Hiro's eyes turned glossy and it became apparent that fear had a strong grip on him. "Tadashi, you're all I have left."
"Your friends-"
"Your friends. They only met me because of you. Everything I have - friends, college, a future - it all comes from you. And if you go, I'll have nothing."
"That's not true, Hiro." Tadashi said, calmly, his anger ebbing away.
Hiro looked at the ceiling as tears rolled down his cheeks.
"Yes, it is. Promise me you won't do anything like that again, Tadashi-nii." Tadashi was shell-shocked. It had been so long since Hiro had called him that. "Promise me."
Hiro could have asked anything else of him. Anything. But what he asked for was the only thing Tadashi couldn't give him.
"Hiro. I-I can't do that…"
"…What?"
"I can't promise not to help people who need me."
"Not that! Just promise you won't endanger your life like that again."
"I'm so sorry, Otouto."
The silence was so loud, Tadashi wanted to scream. Just so he knew he hadn't lost his hearing.
"Don't call me that."
All of a sudden, the quiet from a moment ago seemed like bliss. Hiro might as well have dunked him into an icy lake, his voice was so cold.
"Don't be unreasonable-"
"Unreasonable? I almost lost the last of my family and you're telling me I'm being unreasonable?"
"Hir-"
"You were this close to dying," Hiro hissed, the gap between his fingers nearly invisible.
"But, I'm not-"
Hiro stood up so quickly, his chair careened backwards, startling Tadashi into silence. The sun had mostly come up by now and Tadashi suddenly saw his brother.
His eyes had bags so dark, he looked like he had been punched in both eyes. His face was tense with worry and his teeth were bared in anger. At him.
Tadashi felt his gut sink and the heart monitor announced his fierce heartbeats to the room.
"No! Shut up! You don't get to tell me to calm down, or that I'm being unreasonable. I hate you. I hate you. I wish you died in the fire so I wouldn't have to see you ever again."
Hiro stormed out the room, barging past the nurse that had returned to see what the commotion was about this time.
All Tadashi could do was sink back into his pillows and sob.
'Hiro didn't mean it,' his brain tried to rationalise. His breath hitched and he tried to breathe but his chest tightened up.
His eyes widened as tears kept falling and his lungs closed up. Some people rushed into the room. He only recognised one.
"Aunt Cass," he managed to say, between his hitching breaths. His panicked eyes darted about the room as if he could see the air his lungs couldn't find.
"Tadashi."
His aunt gripped his hand but it felt wrong. Her hand was clammy and tough from years of kneading dough. Hiro's hands were soft and small but were so familiar after their hands had been entwined for God knows how long. Where was he?
"Hiro?" He called out. 'Please. I'm sorry. I need you.' His mind pleaded, as if his brother would hear his thoughts, wherever he was.
Tadashi wanted nothing more than for his brother to storm back in and say he didn't mean what he had said. That he could calm down. That everything was alright.
But he wouldn't. He didn't. It wasn't.
All he got in response was a hand rubbing his back and a gentle shushing.
Eventually, his breathing slowed, and he rubbed his eyes aggressively, trying to dry them.
"Here you go." Someone handed him a tissue and once he was finished with it, he looked up to see a woman who was most likely the doctor. "I'm Dr Williams. Are you alright? Do you mind if I just check a few things?"
Tadashi blinked in confusion before remembering he had been hyperventilating literally a few moments ago. "No. I-it's alright."
He watched as the doctor poked and prodded him and he regretted giving her permission. The only indication of his discomfort was the vice-like grip he had on his Aunt's hand and the sigh of relief when the doctor finally moved away.
"Would you like me to tell you about your injuries now or would you like to get some more rest first?"
Tadashi sucked his breath in then exhaled calmly. Apart from his slightly puffy eyes, you wouldn't have been able to tell that he had been crying minutes before. "Let's get it out of the way."
"Very well." The doctor made a note of something and then looked him dead in the eye. "Tadashi Hamada, you are one of the luckiest patients I have ever treated."
All he could do in response was blink in surprise.
"For someone so close to the explosion, you have relatively few serious injuries. Some first degree burns: mostly on your arm. You must've instinctively put your arm up to protect your face." She didn't wait for Tadashi to digest this information, speaking as if she were talking about the news.
"...some scratches from your fall. You had a concussion but it seems your shoulders seemed to have taken the brunt of the force so they might be sore for a while. In time, that will fade. The main issue is your leg…"
'Now she stops talking.' Tadashi couldn't help but silently grumble. "What's wrong with my leg?"
Instead of answering, the doctor exchanged a look with his aunt.
"What…is wrong...with my leg?" He asked again, enunciating the question slowly.
The doctor breathed in deeply, as if she was about to tell him he was dead.
"According to your brother, you seemed to notice the explosion before it happened because you pushed your body backwards with your right leg."
She stopped again, now letting him process what she was saying. "You sustained serious third degree burns that go just under your waist. The nerve damage is…extensive. We can perform surgery but I will be honest, the technology is quite new and the chances of success are small."
Tadashi had grown tired of her beating around the bush. "What are you trying to tell me?"
Aunt Cass moved one hand to his shoulder and squeezed it, still holding his hand in the other.
"I'm sorry, Mr Hamada. But you won't be able to walk again."
He stared at the doctor as if he expected her to start laughing and tell him she was joking.
But she just looked at him sadly as he sat there in silence before leaving to let the news sink in.
"There has to be some mistake, right? Aunt Cass?"
Cass let go of him with a shuddering sigh. "I really wish it was, Tadashi."
He pursed his lips together.
If he could just get up...if he could just stand up, Aunt Cass would stop looking at him with such pity and sadness. Hiro would be happy to see his brother whole. They could go back to how things were before: when everything was alright.
Yet, no matter how much willpower he used, he could barely even feel his leg, beyond the searing that shot through his nerves every time he tried to move it.
He felt hands on his shoulders and saw his aunt barely keeping back her tears.
"Tadashi, you don't need to pretend to be strong for me."
He ignored her and leaned forward to rip the blanket off so he could grab his leg and move it off the bed.
The heart monitor began beeping rapidly as he looked in shock at the sight before him. A thick bandage was wrapped around his leg, like a giant cocoon.
"You were this close to dying" Hiro had told him.
Only now did the realisation fully hit him.
"I nearly died." When he looked away from his leg, towards his aunt, his eyes were wide as the explosion flashed within his mind. "I would have never seen you, or my friends or Hiro again."
Cass had never let go of his shoulders and her grip only tightened at his words, as if she, too, were only just remembering this. "You didn't die, that's what matters."
"But I nearly did," he whispered, echoing his little brother.
All of his emotions - anger, fear, loneliness - hit him like a giant wave as he collapsed into Cass' arms and sobbed.
All the while, the heart monitor beeped: every one reminding him he had a second chance.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.