DISCLAIMER: I don't own fma or any of the characters.

Behind This Mask

Everyday I put on a mask. The mask shields everyone else from me, the true me. The one who breaks down sobbing. The one that vomits at the sight of blood. The one who truly doesn't believe in the military. The one that loves a man that she is forbidden to love.

Everyday I hide this self of mine from everyone so they all believe I am the perfect soldier. The soldier of no feelings; no worries, no regrets, no life. They're all wrong, dead wrong. As soon as I shut my apartment door the mask is taken off. Sometimes I slump to the ground in sobs, others, my face becomes blank in expressions, to stunned to cry.

On rare occasions I sometimes am actually happy when I get home, I actually have a smile behind the mask. Something that Havoc, Breada or possibly even Kain made the unmasked me smile.

I've never shown this self of mine to anyone, intentionally that is. One day I had come home and had burst into tears, believing that my life had no meaning. I only lived for Roy, not for the military's intentions. While I was off 'drowning' in my self-pity someone had come into my apartment and saw me in this state. That person had been Kain Fuery. He had helped me to the couch after he explained that I had left the front door wide open. I merely nodded during his explanation.

"You know nobody's perfect. I bet if you even lay off on the handguns the guys will be more likely to behave a bit better." He had said. I highly doubted that. We started talking; I think that because of the day that he found me I have another friend I can talk to. At the end of out little meaning I found something in him that drove me to use his first name; because I thought of him as a friend.

Every time he was in a room with me and Roy- the Colonel he would look to me to see if I was ok. Of course I had the mask on so no one but Kain knew of my banned affection for the man that had sat beside me. Sometimes I would incline my head discreetly so that no one else could see but him, in reassurance that I was holding up fine.

This mask I put on every morning and slip off every night has somewhat become a part of me; a split personality if you will. I am too people at once or sometimes those two personalities merge and actually agreed upon a subject. But no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, neither will back down nor go away.

At the end of each day I wait at my window hoping that HE will come to me, to rip me from my torn 'soul' and lead me away from my mask. His black soul eyes cradling mine, my fingers slipping through his hair to make sure he is really. Until that time comes I can merely stare at my hopeful HIM as he goes about his day unnoticed by my 'agony' that I hide behind my mask.

Rizahawkeye21

A/N: Alrighty then, another rambling up! I'm sorry it's taken me awhile. I should really learn to manage my time more wisely huh? Lol :D anyways I'm glad I finally got this done and up. I don't think this is very good but what can I say its something that just popped into my head. Until next time…