Chapter Twenty Three
"Let's go," Summer urged, her face flushed with embarrassment. Seth, like a little child refused.
"Summer- this was perfect." Seth said frantically hoping Summer would listen to him and stay in the hot tub, and not start to clothe her nudity.
"Was." Summer accented, and Seth understood- she no longer felt the need of a hot tub. A good, delicious dinner is all she needed right now, of course not in the presence of Ryan Atwood, who had witnessed one of the most special moments- who had trashed that and made it the most awkward moment ever. After Summer got out of the hot tub, she yanked on her clothes, and thundered inside of the Cohen Residence, having Seth trail in after her. When Summer entered the kitchen, she wished she didn't. Ryan was waiting there, to torment his prey.
"Having a bit too much fun with Seth, eh Sum?" Ryan said, his eyes laughing- his face serious.
"You should know. Especially the way you handled Teresa yesterday. Bet you enjoyed her, didn't you? You went to her because you knew you'd get the right consolation, the one Marissa didn't give you. Can't get sex from Marissa, hey, why not go to Teresa? Damn- she's pregnant though. Is that why you're back? Couldn't get just the right support from her?" Summer was about to ramble on, but the laughing in Ryan's eyes turned to anger, and humiliation. He stood up, and slammed his cup on the table. He towered over Summer, as if threatening her- but in his sweet harmless voice.
"Summer, it's not like that." Ryan ensured before leaving the kitchen. Once Ryan left, Seth came in as if right on cue.
"What'd I miss?" Seth asked, acting completely oblivious.
"I know you were watching it all." Summer went to cuddle to him. Summer knew she had hurt Ryan, unintentionally hurt him. She had this irresistible pout about her that made Seth flutter- he knew he couldn't kiss her though. When Summer was angry, she was slightly off limits.
Maybe I should call Marissa, Ryan thought tentatively as he sat bombarded on his bed. Sighing deeply, he wanted to understand why Summer didn't understand- hopefully Marissa would. Ryan slipped out his cell phone and started to dial Marissa's phone number as carefully as an old man with broken fingers. Pain itched in his spine, as he recalled the excruciating look Marissa had after Ryan had frigidly told her, it was over.
"Hey." Marissa whispered on the other side of the telephone line. Ryan was surprised she was still talking- he knew very well that Marissa had caller identification- why hadn't she used it, and not picked up?
"Listen," Ryan said before being interrupted.
"I've been waiting for you to call." Marissa smiled on the other line, still hurt but content that Ryan hadn't completely forgotten about her. "You're calling from Newport- are you back?"
"Yes. But listen," Ryan said, then he was interrupted again.
"I don't want to listen. I'm tired of listening. I'm tired of falling in love with you again, and again. Time over time, you're the one I want," Ryan tried to smile as he heard Marissa still loved him, but then Marissa shredded his little fantasy, "But I'm not falling for this thing we both called 'love' 'cause it's far from it. It's infatuation and that's why we don't stick together- like paper and glue. It's not fate and we can't force it." Marissa gulped as she was saying these dreadful words; she was scaring herself more then she could ever frighten Ryan.
"Marissa, I'll make it up to you." Ryan assured gently, also hurt by Marissa's words. He hoped this was just the moment- she was angry, and Ryan was ready to look past that.
"How? Teresa threw you out, so you had no one to go to? You think I'm going to take Teresa's sloppy seconds? Actually- I frankly don't want to hear it. Let me talk, and you'll listen. I have to let all my emotions out, before I let you go completely. I don't want to remember a cell in your body. I want you out of my life, because you've hurt me so bad."
"Marissa- we're meant to be. That's the thing! That's why we keep getting attracted to eachother after a little break. We'll get through this." Ryan said, pleading her to listen to him.
"Not even. When Oliver was around, God it took you forever to trust me again. When you went to Teresa, I might have moved on slightly, but you didn't even make the effort to relove me again. I just can't take this anymore. I love you- I might always love you. As uncontrollable this feeling is, I can control how I succumb to them. My choice is to take you out of my life, because I want to live the simplest possible life imaginable. You just don't give me that. And I'm tired of it."
"You want simplicity?" Ryan asked.
"Yes and no. I want simplicity at the right times, and tasteful complication at others. I'm not saying I want a boring life, with two perfect kids and a white picket fence- quite on the contrary. But I want a peaceful life, with someone who will be there for me, despite past girlfriends and past mistakes. I want to be the one you dedicate your life to- I don't want a seesaw between Teresa and me. You have got to make up your mind, Ryan. I can't live like this anymore."
"You've always been the one." Ryan finally said after a long, and nevertheless awkward contemplation period.
"Was I? Was I not the one when you screwed Teresa? When you made out with her multiple times right in front of me?"
"It was a moment. One that will never repeat itself." Ryan said quickly.
"Why did you go to her after we fought?" Marissa then asked. Ryan could see she wanted to better things, and clear everything up- even assure herself in some aspects of her problems.
"I wanted to see how she was doing. I didn't know she was drunk. But I have to be honest with you," Ryan inhaled deeply, and noticed Marissa's afraid, short breaths. "When I kissed Teresa, I only imagined you as the one I was kissing. I can't stand to fight with you. I honestly thought it would be over, and I desperately didn't want it to be. As special as Teresa is to me, please explain to me why you're the one I want to touch; kiss; talk to; think about day in and day out; till death do us part?"
"You tell me." Marissa then replied in a stubborn, untouched voice.
"It's because I love you so freaking much! I don't know what I'd do without you in my life. I love you, and I always will. Kissing Teresa after so long only made me realise that she's not the one, and never was. When I kiss you- the world stops. I feel like a God who has the power to do anything with your lips resting on mine. It's like your heart is the key to my life. Without you, I am worthless- No person, no inanimate object, nothing can be equal to what you mean to me. Please, Marissa. Please. I would die for you; kill for you; I would do anything for you. I just love you so much, it's impossible to think otherwise."
"I can't do this again." Marissa said on the other line, slowly as she cried at the beautiful words Ryan said to her.
"You don't have to do anything alone. You'll have me, Marissa Cooper. I'll stand by your side through thick & thin, through better & worse, through sickness & in health. You're all the I want in this world. If I could hold you in my arms just one more time, I could die ecstatic." Ryan was confused- he didn't know where these words came from. "M'rissa," Ryan spoke quickly trying to convince her, with the limited time he had, "I love you so damn much, and no rejection you give me will ever change that. I know you're the one. It's like this- when you're looking to buy roses, and you find this one rose that just glows, it's so beautiful and you know it's definitely the one that you want. It's like there's this vibe attached to this rose, that makes you know more then anything that that is the right one. It's everything you wanted- like you. You're my rose- F uck, you're my world! You mean everything to me. You can't leave me," Ryan paused thinking for something else to say, but Marissa beat him to it.
"Time heals all wounds, Ryan Atwood." Marissa said quickly, then hung up. Ryan slammed the phone down, as he bit his lip.
"Damn it!" Ryan screamed desperately now starting to hear Marissa's cold voice, long after the conversation had ended. Ryan buried his head in his hands, and waited for absolutely nothing. His stomach was longing one unknown thing- but his heart knew very well what he wanted. Ryan's whole body itched for Marissa. He needed her so desperately. If it wasn't meant to be – if it wasn't karma – then Ryan wouldn't try so hard to get her back. If it were wrong, why did his whole self tell him, persuade him, that it was right? Ryan didn't want to cry- both him and Seth were tightly knit with the thought that boys don't cry- but Ryan couldn't stop the throbbing pain his heart was giving him. Ryan tried to breathe it out- take the pain away. But with every breath he took, the pain would get stronger, fortifying his body- building a wall. Ryan willed to stop breathing, he felt like he was changing to something different. Most people can't pinpoint where their lives change, but Ryan, Ryan knew exactly what was happening. After all he had done to open himself up to people, after his hard life back at Chino, he was becoming this unknown variable- like in algebra. Someone that no one wanted to know, frankly couldn't care less about. Someone that pissed people off- obviously was a waste of time, and just someone hard to understand.
"Can't live like this." Ryan whispered to himself, and released his head from his hands. Ryan looked around, not searching for anything in particular. Perhaps, he wanted to see sheer solitude. Maybe he needed someone to touch his shoulder right then and there, to help him get through this. Ryan closed his eyes for a moment, almost praying that someone would be there for him. When he slowly started to open them again, through the blur of his tears he saw a figure- the figure was slightly blended in with all the colours of the room, but nevertheless it was completely recognizable. Ryan elongated his lips, about a millimetre on each side as he thought about who the figure was. But he knew inside.
Ryan got up, slowly, ignoring the tears that were blooming in his eyes. While staring intently at the figure, he saw a little shimmer in her eye too- she had been crying. Ryan slowly touched her cheek, and moved his lips closer to hers'. Everything was right.
Ryan felt Marissa's hair. He felt the softness in her bare flesh; on her face, neck. He smelt her blissful, awakening scent that every time, sent shivers down his back. Although his eyes were close, he knew this girl had the most beautiful eyes, smoothest hair, and the most gorgeous complexion. He knew this girl was Marissa.
After a long welcoming kiss, Ryan finally pulled away. He no longer felt this change. He felt like things were finally like they first were. He felt as if Marissa Cooper once again broke down his emotional wall- they were together once more.
When he saw Marissa gazing into his eyes, he was not at all surprised. He knew it was her despite the tears that welled in his eyes. He sensed her presence- like a ghost. He knew her step, her breathing- he knew her completely. She was like his second half, and he was never going to let go.
"I'm sorry." Ryan whispered into her perfect ear, as he held her body tightly against his.
"Me too." Marissa whispered back in the same romantic format.
"I meant every word I said before." Ryan said a little louder, giving Marissa a little turn, as if he was dancing with her to the music. She smiled, and nodded.
"All we need is some music, and we're off." Marissa said, grinning as she referred to the little spin on things.
"That I can do." Ryan rushed over to the stereo and popped in the best make out tune ever- with the sole intentions of cuddling to his baby, in an innocent manner. When Ryan returned, Marissa cuddled into his arms. She lay her head in his shoulder- he put his head on her's. They slowly started to move, balancing from foot to foot. Marissa kept her arms wrapped around Ryan's shoulder, hoping she would never have to let go. Ryan held her waist so close, that even a molecule couldn't pass between them. The song slowly came to an end, but Ryan and Marissa were far from being danced out. Marissa nodded, when Ryan looked at her almost asking her if she wanted one more tune.
"You know I do." She then said quietly as she waited for him to return to her arms. As they danced, they started to talk genuinely. They started to talk about everything- how they came to be at first.
"You know, Ryan, I never thought I'd get with you." Marissa confessed, looking deep into his eyes- getting lost in the message they portrayed, the message she could not yet decipher. "But now that I know that you're the kind of guy that's worth it, I don't regret anything. Even are fights- they're so farfetched now that I'm with you. All of my problems seem to be hidden behind your shoulders, when I'm hanging on them. Every time we fought, it's meaningless now; because I know we'll be together. I know nothing can do anything to us now. I was worried for you tonight. I thought you'd do something stupid. Was my instinct right, or wrong, Ryan?" Marissa asked, concerned.
"Something was happening, yes. But I don't know what- I don't understand it." Ryan said as honestly as he could, as he fumbled with her hair, as he raised one hand to touch her face that was scrunched up with worry.
"I knew it." Marissa smiled. When she inhaled, she lay her head back on his shoulder feeding off this perfect moment. She stared at the wealthy ray of moonlight that stripped into the room, elapsing a dim, but perfect light into the dark room. Marissa toyed with Ryan's hair, as she felt its familiarity.
"Ryan," Marissa said in a gentle murmur, "Please, never leave me again." Marissa pleaded him, however not looking him directly in his eyes. He started to caress her cheek, and then he said.
"I won't, baby." Ryan said laying his own head on her shoulder, "This here is gunna be forever."
"You sure?" Marissa said peacefully, and then she started to fade away casually. The only thing he could hear was the echo of the words 'You sure?' flinging through his mind, when he woke up from this dream/fantasy a little while later.
It was a f ucking dream, Ryan thought anger shredding his soul. His eyes were slowly starting to open, when he felt a familiar hand touch his cheek.
"Hey you," Marissa Cooper said. She smiled at Ryan as she hovered over him, and his now ceased sleep.
"I was just dreaming of you." Ryan then quickly stated, so he could experience the exact same thing with her- except in real life, far from fantasy.
"I know," Marissa grinned, as she blushed slightly.
"How do, 'you' know?" Ryan asked, stricken with confusion.
"You were kinda speaking to yourself in your sleep. Seth was kind enough to call me, therefore I saw that it was true. I find it kind of cute that I roam your dreams." Marissa said, smiling coolly.
"I'm sorry," Ryan then said rapidly, before being interrupted by Marissa.
"For what?" Marissa then asked.
"Well for bothering you. Embarrassing you. Dreaming of you?" Ryan tried to hit the spot- he hoped he could discover why Marissa was so flattered- was it really that he dreamed of her?
"Did I say anything to you, well, in my dream, Marissa?" Ryan asked a little while after, as he noticed the satisfaction in Marissa's relaxed face.
"Of course," Marissa turned around tentatively, "But it wouldn't be fun if you knew all the foolish details of your love for me." Marissa winked quickly, and turned on Ryan's stereo- she was replaying his dream!
When Marissa got back, she wrapped her arms around his neck. It's as if Ryan had recited his dream in his sleep, and Marissa was listening carefully to it all.
"The way I heard it, you rested your head on my shoulder, and you had your arms right around," Marissa smiled, as she pulled Ryan's hands gently toward her waist, as she pushed herself closer to his warm body. "Here."
"The way I remember it, this is," Ryan leaned to kiss her slowly, to make this a true re-enactment of his dream, "what happened." Ryan smiled at Marissa, as he pulled away to change the song. Marissa waited for him, and when he returned they continued to dance slowly to the repetitive rhythm of the music that bounced throughout the air. Ryan touched Marissa's chin so that she would look up at him.
"You probably heard everything I said to you already- in case you didn't, I love you." Ryan said smiling at her.
"Oh I heard everything, Ryan," Marissa said sarcastically, "What I didn't hear is what I was supposed to say… ah bummer- I didn't prepare a speech or anything. You at least have your dream as your cue card. You were so dreamy." Marissa said as casually as she could blurt out. "Ryan, I heard a lot, but I want you to know, that I love you too. I want this 'karma' to work," She smiled as she used Ryan's words.
"Interesting choice of words, Marissa." Ryan whispered softly into her ear.
"Wouldn't you know?" Marissa grinned, as she returned this sweet breeze in his ear.
Seth sat on his bedroom floor, looking up at Summer who was surprisingly, still at his house. Summer looked troubled- possibly she was still thinking about this evening's events. However, Seth was in no position to question that. She had a right to be humiliated.
"Everything okay?" Seth asked the dazed out Summer who was sitting crossed legged on his bedroom, staring at hid CD collection.
"Why didn't I fall in love with you sooner?" Summer asked while bringing up a completely irrelevant subject, in her 'daze'. Of course Seth couldn't answer her question- he knew she was too, out-of-the-planet to make anything out of it. But then she continued…
"You're like, perfect, Cohen. You're not just a guy," Seth's eyes widened, then he thought silently- if I'm not a guy, then what AM I, Summer?. Summer continued, "You're 'the' guy Seth Cohen. I am so sorry I didn't discover that sooner." Summer turned her head to face Seth now. She looked at his confused faced- she wanted to kiss his lips, but she knew it wasn't the right time. She knew she had to soothe Seth's confusion, before she could get entangled in his confused web of lips.
"I'm flattered?" Seth said, not knowing what to say. He only replied as he thought Summer expected it. Summer smiled gently, not even commenting one of her 'Seth-you're-an-idiot' kind of comments.
"Seth," Summer said in a quiet voice, as if she were still deep in thought. "I don't ever want to loose you," Seth looked away concerned, and wondered if Summer was going to break up with him any time soon… "I mean, not that anything will happen- come between us- but I know you're the one. I hope you feel the same?"
Seth gulped, yes, Summer Roberts was the one, but on the other hand he wasn't ready yet to make such a lifelong commitment. Summer closed her eyes, as she noticed how long Seth was taking to respond, "I do." Summer laughed her adorable laugh.
"We're in high school- and yet we still sound like we're getting married." Seth laughed at her little joke, but he felt uncomfortable. He didn't understand why. He always loved Summer- but was he just unsure if she was the one? Maybe it wasn't as clear to him, as it was to Summer, how much he loved her. Seth couldn't arrange his thoughts, let alone respond to Summer's kiss. Seth, obviously stricken by surprise, still had his eyes wide open, up until the kiss was well over.
"It's rude to stare." Summer flicked Seth's nose, making him smile. She was in such a good mood, that Seth wondered if she was really embarrassed about being spotted by Ryan.
"Hard not to." Seth said, before climbing on top of Summer on his own bed, and mimicking her gracious kiss. They kissed, and kissed for a long time… Heavens only knew exactly the duration, however Seth heard a knock on the door that made him jerk away quickly. He fell off his bed because of the quick reflex of getting off of Summer.
"Seth?" Kirsten asked on the other side of the closed door. Seth got up, and went to open the door, wiping his lips so that Kirsten wouldn't discover who was in his room at such a late hour.
"Hi mom." Seth opened the door room a crack, hiding Summer.
"Everything okay?" Kirsten asked, raising an eyebrow as she noticed Seth's weird behaviour, and his feeble attempts at hiding what was behind the door. Kirsten held up the laundry basket, shrugged, and smiled. Seth looked down at the basket in worry, and gave Kirsten a severe look.
"Relinquish the basket." Seth's eyes travelled on the ground, where he expected his clean laundry to be placed. Once his mother suspiciously placed it down, she raised an eyebrow once more and turned to leave. "Nice doing business with you!" Seth called out randomly, but Kirsten was too far off to hear him. Seth snatched the basket and slammed the door behind him to ensure pure privacy.
"It turns me on, how you handled that, Seth." Summer said laughing her mocking snicker- however she was laughing in the gentlest way as to not harm Seth's already fragile ego. Seth ignored the comment, with a little smile, and started to put away his laundry. When he saw his mother's leopard spotted bra, he turned around quickly and hid the bra behind his back. He wondered if when Summer saw the bra, would she torment him for the rest of his life or longer. Summer was studying him gently, and knew something was up as soon as he turned around as fast as a speeding bullet.
"Are you hiding something from me, officer?" Summer asked slowly getting up, seemingly in the mood for a kiss. When she arrived at Seth's side, she deviously wrapper her arms around his waist and started to kiss him. When she touched the gentle strap of the bra, she whipped it from Seth's hands. As she held up the bra, she couldn't help but laugh- however a surge of jealousy pounded in her skull. Who's is this, Summer thought.
"Who's is this?" Summer said out loud, laughing it off so Seth wouldn't notice her jealousy.
"Shit," Seth swore under his nose, "That, Summer, is my mother's." Seth finally announced proudly.
"Kirsten's? You're shitting me right? Kiki wears this kind of lingerie?" Summer laughed, now soothing her jealousy. She laughed long and hard, before Seth embraced her in yet another kiss which completely shut her up. Seth cunningly retrieved the bra, and started to twirl it around his finger. Seth started to shake his hips, in the Elvis manner, and Summer immediately pulled away.
"Oh baby!" Summer said in the most sarcastic voice she could find inside of her. She tried to convince herself that the thought of Seth Cohen shaking his a ss, and twirling a bra in his hand wasn't completely hot. But too late. Her thoughts overcame her as she jumped toward Seth and started to kiss him as well as she knew how.
"Oh baby!" This time Seth said, in a completely turned on voice. He was pleased, and satisfied by this gesture. He wasn't at all sarcastic…