Argentum: Alright no idea when this one will come out but I hope you all enjoy it.
Grel'Slyfer: Ah… this chapter will be rather entertaining…
Shadow: And you call me evil…
Argentum: Because you are.
Shadow: Whatever… I'm just here to remind everyone of the poll we put up on our profile. It'll be up for at most another two chapters.
Argentum: Already we've gotten one vote, and we hopefully await all of your votes.
Grel'Slyfer: Quite… because the outcome of the vote will decide certain future events.
Argentum: Don't give away too much now… Anyways Shadow would you mind sending us off today?
Shadow: Sure… We here at the dark guard productions own nothing but reality building concepts and OC's. Everything else belongs to their respective owners. Now without further ado…
Everyone: Here's the story!
Hello= Regular talk
Hello= Thoughts
[Hello]= Radio
(Hello)= Telepathy/Mind reading
Chapter Nine: How I started to hate cabbage or… How quite literally spilled the beans…
The next morning I felt something a little off. It was as if a weight was pressing down on my whole body. So groggily I opened my eyes to see a bunch of white hair on my chest.
What… what is this? Being barely awake I wasn't able to process what I was seeing for a couple of minutes. Then it hit me. Oh… first time she's done this. Maybe with us being officially together Cassandra lost some inhibitions. Yep lying on top of me was my white haired elf princess. I honestly couldn't help but shake my head with a loving smile. Hmm… now that we're like this I can tell that my princess is incredibly light. Making a rough estimate I believed Cassandra was only about a hundred pounds. Normally I'd worry about that seeing how she's only five inches shorter than myself. But I also knew she was an elf so assumed it was normal for them. Guess this is why her armor is so heavy. I couldn't help but grin at that while kissing the top of her head. Heh and she says I'm the smart one?
Chuckling I wrapped my arms around her, bringing my princess a bit closer. While doing so I felt Cassandra snuggle in closer as well. Made me realize I was losing out on not having a girlfriend all this time. Because I was quickly becoming addicted to cuddling, it also didn't help that my elf princess was just so cuddly. Yeah I was wrapped around her fingers… I will freely admit that. But what can I say? I did not mind in the slightest.
It was about an hour later that my princess finally started waking up. It was actually kind of funny to me I'll admit. For when she was waking up Cassandra didn't realize our current positions. No in fact she pushed herself up and with half lidded eyes looked at me. Deciding to wait and see where this went I simply smiled up at her. After a moment she returned my smile and then leaned down to kiss me. Despite having been kissed by her once already I was still rather red in the face. After a moment she pulled back and laid back down on my chest. After I hugged her again she finally spoke up.
"Wait… I don't remember…" Cassandra trailed off as she finally realized our positions. Open said realization she sat up, and seeing how I was still hugging her I also sat up. Her face was a furious shade of red as she stuttered. "I… I um… I think I uh… well I think I moved in my sleep. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable…" At her stutter and blush I couldn't help but laugh and kiss her nose, making her blush even more furiously as I spoke.
"You are absolutely adorable! But don't worry I think I actually slept better tonight, and it's all thanks to your cuddles!" My princess looked to the side shyly at my words which only made me kiss her cheek.
Still blushing Cassandra smiled before giving a retort. "Well… you're even more cuddly… I did unconsciously move to be closer to you after all…" My grin grew bigger at her words and she pouted. "No need to amuse yourself with my embarrassment my love." Then as if remembering something she grinned. "Besides~… if I remember correctly, you were rather shocked after I kissed you last night. Or is my memory starting to fail me? Oh and before you answer please do recall that you are consistently saying that I'm the smart one our pair." I couldn't help but let my jaw drop slightly at this.
She's taken any route I might have used to turn this back on her. At my face my princess simply laughed her melodic laugh before kissing me again. I only froze more at this, because unlike before Cassandra was completely awake for this kiss. Seeing me in my current state only got her to laugh more as she stood up. As Cassandra walked there was a certain sway in her step as she went inside the walk in closet. But before she closed the door to get dressed she decided to tease me one last time.
"Oh and please no peaking… for while we might be lovers now it is a bit too soon for something like that." She then winked at me. "But if you behave I might have something for you soon enough." Then with a giggle Cassandra closed the doors.
So with jaw still dropped I could only look at the now closed doors. Wow… she really did lose most of her inhibitions now that we're officially together. Shaking my head I couldn't help but lightly chuckle as I got up to get ready myself. Hehe… well alright if that little minx wants to be like that… who am I to not play along? At that moment a sort of competition awoke between the two of us. One that I will admit I would enjoy immensely. Once I myself was ready I simply waited by the door and about two minutes later Cassandra was done. Though instead of her armor she was wearing a simple white and blue dress. It was a dress that truly made her look like a princess going out to casually enjoy herself.
Grinning I held the door open for her. "After you my princess~." Cassandra giggled at my tone but walked through anyways.
"Why thank you good sir. Now would you mind accompanying this fair maid to breakfast?" With a grin and a slight bow I answered her.
"I would be most honored my dear lady." Holding out my arm Cassandra mimicked my expression while hooking her arm with mine.
"No good sir the honor is all mine." At that point we both broke out laughing as we began walking. Once on the stairs we finally stopped as she spoke again. "I had no idea that you could act so much like a noble. I must say you seem to have some knowledge of the court. Though I do wonder how you might know of such things, for despite being a gentleman your normal speech isn't quite so dignified."
I waved her off a bit before answering the unasked question. "I may have some knowledge, but that's mostly because I did a project on the royal family for school once. Had to study up on a number of different things. One of them was royal court etiquette." I then sighed while asking a rather blunt question. "I seriously wonder how all of you can keep it up for hours on end… do you have some sort of innate power given to you at birth or something?"
Cassandra giggled before giving an answer. "No… unfortunately no such boon exists. If it did all nobles in the world would kill one another for it." She then gave a light sigh. "No it all has to do with acclimation… all of us simply have such behavior engraved into our minds. Though I must admit that since becoming an adventurer… I've slowly been losing my old habits. My speech patterns have certainly changed. But I don't think I care all that much." She then hugged my arm a bit tighter. "It does help me blend in with the normal rabble much like yourself." I couldn't help but chuckle and walk a bit closer to her.
"Oh? So I'm just normal rabble am I?" She blushed at my words as I simply laughed. "Oh don't worry this normal rabble isn't upset, what you said is pretty accurate after all. But I think I do need some kind of revenge." She looked at me warily as I leaned next to her ear. After a moment I blew into it causing her to freeze up and shiver. "And there you go my revenge." Shaking herself she pouted at me.
"That's not fair at all my love! As an elf my ears are very sensitive! I cannot even describe how that feels like!" Rubbing the back of my head I chuckled sheepishly as I kissed her cheek.
"Sorry about that… I didn't quite think how I could feel to you." At her small smirk I quickly caught on to what she was doing and attacked again. "Although…" She was now looking at me warily. "Now I know where your weak point is and can use it against you."
She looked a bit scandalized at my words. "How… how scandalous! You wouldn't dare!" I could only grin evilly as I responded.
"Oh… I'm just another of the adventurous rabble right? So why wouldn't I do what I can to win?" She pouted heavily at that, her cheeks slightly puffed up before sighing.
"Fine… guess you win this round you uncouth man." Chuckling I stopped for a moment before picking her up bridal style. "Wha-What are you doing?!"
Still grinning I blew into her ear again before answering. "Well since I won I'm carrying my prize to breakfast. Said prize just happens to be a beautiful elven princess." Completely embarrassed now Cassandra hid her burning face with her hands.
"Fine… I truly admit defeat… just take me to breakfast." With a laugh I did just that and took her to the dining room. Once there we could smell the cooked breakfast, and still carrying my "prize" I entered. Looking around I could only see Garus who looked up at us.
"Ah finally up… I… see…" He blinked at us as I smirked at him and sat down, a blushing Cassandra on my lap. "Huh… guess it finally happened… can't say that I'm surprised at all though." I laughed sheepishly while rubbing the back of head. For all joking aside I suppose our feelings for one another were pretty obvious. Even a still embarrassed Cassandra laughed a bit sheepishly. This only got Garus to shake his head. "Well it ain't my place to say anything. However I will congratulate that both of you." As he stood up we smiled at him. "Well I got a couple of things to do this day, feel free to finish up here. But do clean up when you're done, and also enjoy your off day. The both of you certainly deserve it."
With his piece said Garus left as I held my princess closer. "Well… time to eat I suppose." Leaning a bit from me she gave me a look having gotten over her embarrassment.
"Oh? I don't suppose you'll let me down now then?" I shook my head while holding her a bit tighter. "How do you expect to eat then?"
Grinning I used one arm to pick up a piece of egg with a fork. "Say ahh." My princess blushed once more but did as I said. So with a chuckle I fed her the piece of egg, that's when she copied me with a smirk.
"Say ahh now my love." Grinning I did as she commanded as she fed me this time. The next hour was simply the two of us feeding the other. Once done I finally let her go with a sigh of disappointment. I had honestly like holding her so close. But we needed to clean up and say a couple of apologizes to some people so we stood up. It then took us another half hour to clean before we then left.
Though once more we were linked at the arm. Yeah I can definitely get used to all of this. With that thought we went out to look for a group of misfits.
I'm the prince of all line breaks! How do you do this fine evening?
It took a bit but we finally found Kazuma and his party in the guild hall… Though I was confused by why so many women were looking at Kazuma angrily. I was also confused by why Chris was with him, both blushing and seeming to egg on everyone's anger.
So as we walked up to her I spoke up. "So… mind telling me what's going on here?" She seemed to smirk evilly at Kazuma before turning to me with crocodile tears.
"Oh Michael! Oh Cassandra! My best friends and cuddle buddies! You will not believe what this fiend has done!" Kazuma seemed to start panicking as she continued. "I was just trying to be my usual good self and taught Kazuma here some skills. We then made a friendly bet and this… this pervert had the gull to steal my underwear!" That got both me and Cassandra to pause, because while we knew she was hamming it up. We still didn't like what Kazuma did to her. Seeing our expressions only made the thief ham it up more… or at least we think she did. "He then waved them around in the air proclaiming that he wanted all my money. If I didn't he would keep them and show them around town! He then went as far as to say he'd keep them as an heirloom!" She then pulled out a handkerchief and "cried" into it. "It was soo horrible…"
As one me and Cassandra looked at Kazuma who back up in panic. "Lo-look! I mean I did say and do that… but I didn't mean to steal her panties! I was aiming for her money bag I swear!" I couldn't help it at that point… for despite coming here to apologize for our attitudes yesterday… well no one perved on our favorite thief like that. In other words Kazuma had just dug his own grave, and I for one… felt obligated to help him lie in it. So with a smile I patted Kazuma on his shoulder with a smile. But when he calmed down I made a fist and struck.
About ten minutes later our little group of misfits were sitting at a table. A happily smiling Chris hugging my left arm, with an exasperated Cassandra hugging my right. It was an odd scene… especially with a black and blue Kazuma sitting across from us as Megumin patted his back.
"There there Kazuma… for while you may have deserved it I'm sure Aqua will heal you eventually."
The blue so called goddess scoffed at that. "As if I would ever heal someone so uncouth!" She then smirked. "Although… I might change my mind if you buy me some expensive alcohol~!" At that Kazuma turned on her and started pulling on her cheeks. "WAH! WAH! I'm sowry! Pwease stop Kazuma swama!" At their antics and Darkness' arousal the three of us couldn't help but sigh.
As they annoyed each other Chris turned to me and Cassandra. "So… couldn't help but notice that you both are a little more clingy than usual." She then looked at Cassandra in particular. "Also I see that you're in a dress. A very nice dress at that." She then gave my princess a thumbs up. "Looks amazing on you princess!" Cassandra giggle before thanking her.
"Thank you kindly. As for why… well I suppose you could say that we've officially became lovers. We had some business to attend to first, but we had decided to spend the day together. Hopefully that answers all of your questions." Though it was happy Chris did give us a bit of a strange smile before clapping.
"Awesome! Always knew you two would be together! I'm happy for you both!" I knew she was happy for us but there was just something a little off.
However I decided to ignore it and smile brightly. "Thanks Chris!" I then winked at her. "And don't worry you can still join us for cuddles if you want. Isn't that right my princess?" Seeing what I was doing Cassandra smirked before agreeing with me.
"But of course! Our little thief is absolutely cuddly! Even compared to you my love~."
As Chris blushed heavily I continued where Cassandra left off. "Oh I completely understand!" As the thief dropped her burning face to the table the both of us laughed as she spoke.
"You two are horrible!" We laughed a lot harder at her words. "Oh yeah laugh at my embarrassment why don't ya?" Smiling I hugged her a bit closer.
"Aww don't be like that! You know that we both love ya right?"
Cassandra nodded her head in agreement. "That we do… you are our parties awesome thief remember?" Picking up her head Chris looked at us with a smile.
"But of course! I am the best thief in the world after all!" Letting her go patted her on the back before turning to other side of the table. Blinking I noticed that they had stopped what they were doing to watch us. Now while both Aqua and Darkness with giving us appraising looks. Megumin was simply eating while a now healed Kazuma was glaring at me with anger.
Deciding to ignore the look I spoke up. "Well I guess this is a good of a time as any." That's when both me and Casandra stood up, bowed, and spoke in unison. ""We both apologize for the way we treated all of you but Darkness yesterday." That got Aqua, Kazuma, and Megumin to blink in confusion. So upon seeing their faces I straightened up before explaining. "Yesterday we were both under the impression that all three of you were useless. And we continuously reprimanded you for it."
That got Kazuma to grimace before retorting. "But for the most part we were useless! I mean the explosion loli had only one shot with her explosion spell. And this blue thing almost got herself killed!" Both Aqua and Megumin looked rather miffed at his descriptions but stayed quiet to see what I'd say.
Though it was Cassandra who continued. "While this is true… you aren't seeing the bigger picture. To clear things up think of it like this… Megumin while only having one spell used it to destroy a whole host of undead. This saved us all time and energy. You also helped free up our hands by carrying her. As for Aqua… it was her spell that ultimately helped us defeat the wraith. Thus thinking on it like so, then one can see that even individuals like all of you can do incredible things." All of them were preening at her praise as I picked up where she left off.
"That doesn't mean you shouldn't keep improving. Or that you all don't need to change some things… but it does mean that none of you are useless." All of them looked a bit more determined at my words. Though for some reason… I couldn't help but feel like they wouldn't quite take our advice to heart. Or if they did it would only be minor changes.
Oh well… not my problem. With all the heavy stuff out of the way the seven of us started simply conversing for a bit. Unfortunately right when me and Cassandra were about to leave for our date... an emergency request was yelled out by Luna over some sort of magical loud speaker.
"Emergency quest! Emergency quest! All adventurers please gather at the front gates at once." Both me and Kazuma looked rather confused while everyone started preparing. Even Aqua and Cassandra seemed to understand more of what was going on. "I repeat! All adventurers please gather at the front gate at once!" That's when I heard the sound of bells and sounds of panic from the people outside.
Looking at me in worry Cassandra quickly spoke. "Michael I didn't think it'd be happening today so I don't have my sword with me. Since you can use magic can I borrow yours?" Not even hesitating I undid my sword strap and handed her my blade. "Thank you I promise to take care of it." She then grabbed my hand and started running. "Come on now we need to hurry!" As I let myself be dragged I could only think one thing.
What in the oblivion is going on?!
I'm the prince of all line breaks! How do you do this fine evening?
Once outside the main gate I went through a mental list before turning to my princess. "So… what exactly is going on? Is it a monster attack or something?" At my question Kazuma listened into the answer. Although it was Chris who answered me with an understanding nod.
"Right… I forgot that you wouldn't know. Man it's easy to forget that you've only been at this for a year." I raised an eyebrow prompting her to continue. "Okay so to put it bluntly… there is a hoard of evil monster cabbage coming to "destroy" us." Me and Kazuma could only give her incredulous looks as she elaborated. "Look they're just a bunch of monster cabbage that appear around this time of year. They come from some magical cabbage patch. The reason no one has fixed the issue is because these cabbages not only give huge amounts of exp, but they also taste delicious and sell for quite a bit of Eris. Plus they aren't all too powerful so no one ever really gets hurt. The reason why you don't know about this, was because you went out on a quest when this happened last year."
I couldn't help but nod my head as I prepared to use plenty of ice spells. Didn't want to burn the cabbage, seeing how they would boost the amount of money I had at my disposal. Seeing me now ready, my favorite thief and my princess grinned and got a bit closer to me. Our little trio was back together again… only this time we were fighting cabbages… I felt rather disappointed when I thought of that. As everyone began killing and capturing the flying cabbages, Luna once again spoke up with some sort of megaphone.
I didn't quite pay attention this time, though I did hear that they had set up cages for all of us to put our cabbages in. But more importantly I heard they were all ten thousand each. Both me, Chris, and Cassandra looked each other with the same look… a look of greed… and so we began catching and snatching the cabbages even faster than before. Along the way I saw Darkness slicing and dicing her way through the horde of flying greens.
I couldn't help but nod my head at that. Glad to see she can actually fight back now. Sure I knew she was getting better, but it would seem as if Darkness was now quite proficient. Looking around I saw Kazuma using his newly acquired thief skills to gather a whole bunch of them. Least he isn't stealing anymore underwear… Okay fine so I was still a little miffed on Chris' behalf, but was glad to see him moving forward. As for Megumin…
"Darker than Dark and blacker than black!" My eyes widened as I heard those words. Looking back towards the gate I saw the black and red girl preparing to use her explosion spell.
I could only say one thing to everyone… "RUN!" Seeing me start running along with my party made everyone else run as well. That's when the explosion hit… and unfortunately…
"AHH! SO STRONG!" Yeah Darkness got hit… not that I really expected anything else from her. Shaking my head as I looked at the blast zone I could see an enormous amount of burnt cabbage. Using my Lyb'Craeft I could see that Megumin had just burnt up five hundred million Eris. I could only cry as I quickly went after everything that was left. Thankfully that was still a large number, and so I and my companions quickly gathered a large amount. By the time the rest of the cabbage had flown off or was captured I was exhausted. So sitting down with Chris and Cassandra I sighed as I laid my head down on my arms.
So much for a day off… As an air of depression hung over me both my companions rubbed my back causing me to smile. "That feels nice…" Both giggled as we waited for our food. Specifically three plates of cabbage stir-fry. Can't wait to eat those annoying buggers… I found it as a sort of poetic justice of sorts. They bothered me and now I was going to eat them. Eventually our food did arrive and we dug in. Huh… this is actually pretty dang good. Looking around me I saw others also chowing down on the cabbage. Though Kazuma in particular looked disgruntled for some reason. Taking a bite I observed how he, Megumin, Aqua, and Darkness interacted. Those misfits are perfect for each other. I couldn't help but grin at that thought. But looking at Darkness made me smile even more, I was happy that she finally found a party.
"They look rather happy… well besides Kazuma that is." Looking to my right I saw Cassandra smiling before turning to the left as Chris spoke.
"Well good on them! Glad something good came out of this day… well besides all the money we made!" She then held up her drink to me and my princess. "So what do you say? A toast to the three and a half million we made?!" Despite having never drank before, despite it being legal for me to drink at sixteen in this world. I couldn't help but smile as Cassandra brought up her drink.
"Alright just this once okay?" Both giggled as I brought up the drink Chris ordered for me. "A toast to the best party in Axel! And a toast for a job well done!" With my words said we clanked our tankards together before saying cheers and taking a drink. I regretted it immediately… For not only did it taste awful… but it also burned on the way down my throat. "Ugh… how do you people drink this stuff?!" Both ladies simply laughed at me before Cassandra "encouraged" me to continue.
"Oh I think I've found your weakness now." She then looked at Chris with a wink. "It would appear our powerful ranger cannot handle a small drink. I suppose it just leaves the two of strong women to continue on without him."
My eye twitched as Chris nodded her head. "I suppose you're right about that Cassandra… quite a shame to." She then shook her head sadly before saying something that fired me up. "It would seem as if the two of us will need to find some other man to drink with."
I glared at the both of them before picking up my mug. "Fine… but if something happens or I wake up with a hangover I'm blaming you two vixens." They simply laughed as I began drinking the burning liquid. I was literally dying inside as I continued to drink. It got worse when Chris who now looked rather flushed ordered more. Next to me Cassandra kept on drinking, no sign of being drunk at all. Looking at her Chris started speaking a little deliriously.
"Wow… hic… you can… can certainly hold you liquor! That along with your elven beauty… well it… well it makes me a little jealous hic." She then looked at me with squinted eyes. "Hey… how come… how come you're doing better than me?"
I shook my head at her words. "Actually… I think it's starting to affect me a bit." I then patted her on the head. "I think the both of us should stop… especially you. You realllly don't look too good." Chris scoffed before downing another mug, before refilling mine.
"Don't be absurd my handsome friend! I'm… I'm fine you hic… handsome devil you." She then held up my mug to my face as Cassandra laughed behind me. "HERE! Take another shot!" I was about to refuse when she grabbed my jaw and forced me to drink. "If I get drunk then you will to!" That drink sent me over the edge and made me swore to never drink again.
It all started when Cassandra questioned me in concern. "Are you alright Michael? You seem to have hit your limit…" She was absolutely right… turned out I was a quote "lightweight" unquote. It was the most embarrassing moment of my entire life…
For I could only smile at her before hugging both Cassandra and Chris closer to me. "Did I ever tell you bo-both how much hic… I lover you two? Cause I do… the both… hic the both of you were my first bestest friends in this world… hic and the two of you are the most beautiful girls here? Who knew I'd be so lucky…" Yeah turns out I'm the honest and loose lipped sort of drunk… Chris as it turned out was the emotional and loose lipped kind of drunk who quickly started crying at my words.
"Aww… I love you two man… hic.. you're like the best guy here!" She then looked at Cassandra. "I also love you… though hic I'm not into girls. I'm just saying I love you man…" She then started crying more as I hugged them both tighter, in doing so Cassandra only blushed with a look that said oh why me?
Didn't stop me from continuing. "Seriously… I had like no one… hic… like absolutely no one… they only people I had were like my parents…. Then the war and bam I'm dead! Hic met that fake goddess Aqua and here I am….. I hate her… she made fun of my death…" Yeah… I had no idea what I was saying and though Chris seemed to understand me Cassandra looked confused.
"I know! Hic… Aqua sempai is always making fun of my small boobs! Hic I wish I could just smack hers sometimes… just to… just to show her they aren-aren't everything… She's just so mean to me…" She was crying again as I hugged her with Cassandra just giving us confused looks.
"Shshsh… it's okay Chris… I think you're beautiful even without huge jugs…hic…" Again Chris cried tears of joy as Cassandra looked at us as if we were crazy.
"OOkay…. I do believe that's enough for one night… By Eris I did not think the both of you were the delirious sort of drunks…" Hearing her words both me and Chris leaned over to her with serious looks.
""Wer-we're not delirious you be-hic beautiful elf princess…"" We then leaned in further as we hugged Cassandra very awkwardly. I than began to speak on my lonesome seeing how Chris was just smiling with her eyes closed. "Don't let her… her stupid act fool you… hic for reason-reasons beyond my comprehension… Agua is a goddess. A bad one bu-but a goddess still." She then looked over to a even more drunk Aqua who was dancing on a table.
"I cannot believe you…" That only made me chuckle.
"Ti-tis the truth my lovely princess…" I then kissed her cheeks while completely changing the subject. "Did I ever… ever tell you that you're beautiful? Cause… hic… cause you are the most beauticul woman in this whole room… hic the only other close is Chris…" She blushed as I continued to prattle on. "I love you….. you're like perfect I think…" My eyes than began to close. "Like seriously… I love ya sooo much… Now I think imma nap…" I then passed out, the last words I heard were…
"Oh no… Now I have to carry both of them…" That was followed by a giggle as my mind just wondered why angels were giggling.
There's like two of them? Guess I died again… Those were my last thoughts before I fell unconscious. So yeah… I definitely had a lot to explain the next day… in fact so did Chris. However that conversation would only strengthen the bond out party had. After all… it's not every day you find out your favorite thief was a goddess.
I'm the prince of all line breaks! How do you do this fine evening?
Grel'Slyfer: Pfft… I can't believe you wrote yourself getting drunk!
Argentum: Hey I thought it was a good way to move the plot forward!
Chris: I can't believe you wrote me like a drunk!
Cassandra: I just found it all funny.
Grel'Slyfer: What the elf princess said.
Argentum: Ugh… honestly I've only ever drank once and hated it. I simply can't understand how Judan can drink soo much.
Cassandra: Hmm does Slayer drink?
Argentum: No never has out of principle. Says he likes to keep his mind clean or something like that.
Cassandra: Makes sense…
Grel'Slyfer: Well we hope you all like this new chapter. And with that we'll close this chapter off. Chris like to finish this?
Chris: Sure it's been a while. Ahem… This has been a Dark Guard production now signing off!
Everyone: Goodbye!