This chapter was written at three AM in the morning with a storm rolling in. Yes, aren't I creative? When you can't sleep for fear of storms, you improvise and make the most of the situation. Or at least, I do that anyway. I tend to write when the weather is bad, or when I'm bored. So this might be good, might not be. All depends on what hinge my mind was swinging on at the time. Enjoy.

White. Nothing but white. Reno tasted the feeling of having not eaten in a few days then having been tormented with 'healthy' food. Hospital food. Specifically, ShinRa Hospital Infirmary food. The man found himself craving his old fair, though he hadn't really eaten all that much to start with. Groaning, he shifted from laying on his back to on his right side. There, he found something a lot more attractive to look at than white curtains. Tasha, was sitting in a chair not five feet away, sleeping her heart out as she waited for him to wake up. Reno's heart thumped louder as he looked at her, and he kind of stared in disbelief. She was still there? Why was she there? She wasn't supposed to care for him, he wasn't supposed to care for her. Growling, he kind of shifted and turned onto his other side, placing his back toward her. There, he didn't like the sight he saw either. A grinning Rude stood there, waiting for Reno to acknowledge him.

"You jackass, why'd you bring me here?"

"Nowhere else to bring you, kiddo. Want some real food?" He was holding a brown bag, which Reno had neglected to see earlier. "You look like you could stand it, as bone thin as you are. You need to eat, Ren, else you might not have a vein for 'em to stick a needle into."

When Rude handed the brown sack over, he had to look twice. Reno DEVOURED his food. The burger was gone in one minute, the fries only took thirty seconds. Rude stared at his young friend as if he was horrified. "… Hungry. Sorry." Reno sipped the soda that Rude had handed out to him.

"God damn, kid, do you CHEW?"

"Not when I haven't eaten anything decent in a week. The shit they feed people here ought to be outlawed. I swear, I almost tossed it all when they brought in fuckin' steamed broccoli."

"Heh. Chicks dig guys who can snarf down a plate of broccoli in under three seconds, Ren."

"I don't give a fuck what they like. I hate green stuff. If I'd been meant to eat veggies, I wouldn't have teeth to tear meat with."

"You didn't have a problem with the tomato and lettuce on that burger."

"Nah, it was slathered in ketchup and mayonnaise. You know me well, don't you big guy?"

"Yeah, and I thought for a few days we might never see you again." Rude sat down in a chair near the bed. "Do you realize how lucky you are to have gotten away from him? Not many people can get away from a monster like that. It's something that I am amazed with. The only reason you survived is because of that girl right there." He pointed at the still-sleeping Tasha. "Now isn't it true she got you out alive? We've heard the story from her."

"Man, I thought I was gonna die. I've never met a chick like her. I remember waking up in a strange bed and she was there like 'oh no, I have to help you cuz it's my duty and shit'." Rude was amused by Reno's high pitched imitation voice that he used for Tasha. "And she bandaged me up and got me outta there. I still can't believe some of the things happened the way they did…" His face sort of fell as he thought about the pain, torment and humiliation the drug lord had put him through. The humiliation hurt him worse than anything, he figured. The guy had been so casual about stripping away every element of manliness that Reno possessed. The bastard had an ass whipping coming to him if Reno ever caught him again.

"So what're we going to do now, and by the way, how are you feelin', kiddo?"

"Like fresh shit."

"Well, that's very comforting. You must be hurting everywhere."

"EVERYWHERE… And I do not omit body parts. Even my eyes hurt. I just wanna curl up and sleep for five years and never have to worry about anything else when I wake up." He curled up on his side again, red hair falling over his face as he did.

Rude sighed and adjusted his sunglasses. "I knew this was going to be a problem. You're no less of a man, Ren." The red-head didn't answer, just closed his eyes tightly to stem sudden tears provoked from his thoughts. "He did this shit to break you down, try and make you talk about something. And I know what he tried to make you talk about, cuz Tasha's already told me. You're a damn good Turk, else you would've spilled everything you possibly knew about that materia. Rufus knows you didn't talk, too. We've already reported to him and given him your medical report. He knows everything."

Reno flinched and started to sob harder. That just meant things were going to spread around the building. And he had a hard time before? He knew Rufus was going to have a field day with the information and make it spread around like a disease. It was inevitable, and Reno figured that if he didn't show his face outside of the hospital room, he wouldn't have to deal with it. "You brought me food…soda…everything but sake?" His voice cracked at the end, causing him to feel like even less of a man and more of a teenager.

"Eh, tried to sneak some in, but it's against doctor's orders. No sake, no alcoholic beverages for a good week or more. Ren, this is serious, plus we're not through with the case yet. You have to be in tip top condition when you get outta here and that means not having you high or drunk or both. You may not think we need you, but we do. You're our leader, though we don't act like it much. You're so much of a friend that we have no need to act like it most of the time. You're pouting, Reno. Stop it, seriously."

Rude knew the young man had every right to pout, and Reno was going to do it until he either felt better or was released from the Infirmary's care. Turning over onto his stomach, Reno laid with his pillow against his chest, chin resting against the top portion of it as he stared at the floor. "Look on the bright side. Ren, you got a girl sitting next to you."

"It's about time you came outta the closet, Rude."

Rude frowned and glared, ready to smack Reno as hard as he could. "No, you dumbass. On the other side of the bed. I know you saw her, cuz I saw a glimmer in your eyes when you looked at her. You can't fool me, you bastard, I know you like her. Else you wouldn't have protected her when I pulled a gun on her."

"Well, she's kinda hot. And you wouldn't want a dead hot girl on your hands, cuz then that would just be a waste of resources. They just don't make 'em like that no more, you know?"

"Eh… No comment." He gave a small smile and adjusted his sunglasses again. "She's been sitting there for three days, waiting for you to wake up. What happened, bud? You just sorta blacked out when I picked you up."

"Shock, stress, pain. I don't know what made me black out. I just know the peace and quiet felt so good. I felt like I did when I cut my wrists one time. I just knew I was gonna spiral down into that black crevice I was seeing… I saw it, and it was so close. I don't know why I was pulled back away from it." He rubbed over old scars on his wrists as he talked. Rude frowned. Reno was notorious for many things, including being suicidal. He knew the recent rape would probably make it worse in a couple of months, if not days or weeks. "I just wish I'd had taken the plunge and seen what was at the bottom of the crack in the ground, you know?"

"Sounds scary to me, Reno. How could you ever stomach trying to kill yourself?"

"Ever had the pain become unbearable? Like a million needles piercing into your very existence each and every day? I feel constant pain. I don't know why."

"Physical pain?"

"Yes. Physical and mental pain. I hear voices telling me to do this and do that, but there's one really distinctive voice among them all that scares me more than anything. She's calm and calculated, and she keeps trying to get me to put the knife down whenever I start carving on myself and talk to her."

"Do you know what kinda voice it is?"

"I have absolutely no clue. I can't remember, and I don't think I wanna know. It's… So scary. I'm scared whenever I hear that voice, because I feel like I'm going to lose it. The threads are gonna snap one day, and I'm going to hurt someone. What do I do when that happens, Rude? Do I just stand back and look at the destruction I've caused, or do I paint the wall with my brains, finally?"

"Ren… You got some problems, bud, but they can be worked out. The threads ain't going to snap, and you're not going to hurt anyone… You're just an innocent guy that got the wrong deal in life. You got a bad hand and you can't help it. You gotta play your cards in a way that helps you and others."

"There are no good plays left. I'm out, I guess."

"When that happens, you'll know, I've been told. And it isn't questionable, you just know."

"Nice, really."

"Problems don't solve themselves, Reno. Ever taken medica-"

"Don't you dare say that fuckin' word. Drugs are my medication, and I don't need anything else to take me through it. I've never needed anything else in the past, so I don't need the shit now. Medication is what started it, I think. I can't remember anything but needles. Needles left and needles right. Pain, pricks, drawing of blood. Shit that a kid shouldn't go through. So fuck you if you wanna talk about meds. I don't do crazy pills."

"Ren, you're being ridiculous."

"Fuck you." His attitude got very pronounced, an invisible wall of anger rising between the two men. Rude sighed softly and shook his head, taking a seat again. He'd just been trying to help, but it only resulted in Reno getting even more upset with himself and with the world around him. He could feel the tension in the air.

"Mmm… Reno, what'cha PMSing about now?" Tasha's soft voice came from the chair at the side of the room as she opened her eyes. "I know it's gotta be something. You've got that cute little pout on your face." Reno shot her a glare that would've melted ice. "Whoa, no reason to get hostile. Fine, I can see if I'm not wanted… Just waiting for you to wake up, you know?" Her voice singsonged playfully as she stepped up next to the bed, closer to the patient. "Oh, I know what would fix you right up. You want me to wear a nurse's costume? Bet I could find one." She giggled, but it only resulted in Reno pulling the covers over his head to brood, though his mind really did consider the aspect of Tasha in a nursing outfit.

"Eh, it's his time of the month, it appears. He always gets this way when you start talkin' about meds and shit."

A muffled reply came out of the covers and mass of pillows. "Cuz I don't need crazy pills, I need a knife."

"Come off of it."

"Fuck you."

"That's your answer for everything."

"It works for everything. Including pretty girls, though I wouldn't classify you as pretty or as a girl. Maybe a dyke, but not a babe most definitely, baldy."

Rude rolled his eyes. "You're so damn stupid sometimes."

"I know, it's what makes me lovable."

Tasha rolled her eyes and shifted her weight to one side. "Meh. You two are boring. I think I want to go shopping… It was really nice of that blond bastard to give me a reward for catching you, Reno. I can't believe he rewards people for snagging his own Turks."

"Cuz he's a dumbass."

"Either way, I'm going shopping. I'm going to take Elena with me, so you might not find her around, Rude. Seeya, Renny-kun." She smiled and leaned over, poking the blankets toward wherever his side would be. He grunted in response. "My, aren't we lovely when we haven't had coffee? G'bye."

With that, the woman skipped out of the room to go find Elena. "She's too damn cheerful."

"And you're too damn depressing. You need to cheer up. You've got a long life ahead of you, kid, and you need to enjoy it." Rude reached out and pulled the blanket away from him softly. "You look like your best friend died sometimes, and the last I checked, I'm still alive and kickin'." He spared a small smile at the red-head as Reno turned onto his back to look at him. "You can get women hanging all over you. I don't know what's wrong with your mood at times."

"I just feel so lonely, you know? It's like everything fades away. It all turns white. Nothing matters and nothing stays, so why stay for the world?"

"You mean why keep yourself sane? That's easy, so you won't kill yourself before the red in your hair has a chance to either start falling out or turn gray."

"That's right, just gimme another reason. I dun wanna turn old. You know I'll be turning twenty six soon?"

"Well, kiddo… I'm thirty eight. I'll be turning thirty nine soon."

"I don't wanna turn old. I'm almost THIRTY, GOD DAMNIT!" Reno snatched his pillow over his head and almost wept. "I don't wanna be thirty, cuz that means I'm nearing the end of youth, and the end of youth means rejection. Rejection means no one wants you anymore, no matter how charismatic you are or how much you smile and play. They only see that you look older…"

"You look like a nineteen year old, Reno. You don't even look twenty one. You know they gotta ID you every time you go to a different bar. Don't you take that as a compliment?" Rude shook his head and ran his fingers over his own sparse beard and mustache. "Hell, I've never even seen you with much facial hair, you little bastard. It's like your body hasn't caught up with your mind."

"I don't like facial hair. So I'm glad I don't grow much. I have stubble… What the hell are you talkin' about?" He rubbed his hands over his chin lightly.

"Pah. Little boy, you couldn't grow a beard if you WANTED to."

"Probably not. I wouldn't doubt that, but it's disgusting. I gotta keep myself smexy for all the women out there, neh?"

Rude smiled down at his friend and reached out, ruffling his hair. "I think you need to aim for Tasha. She likes you, Ren. I can tell by the way you two look at each other, you'd be perfect."

"I dunno… She's really hot and everything, but she reads me too well."

"You need a woman that reads you. If you can't read each other then you won't stay together. Look at me and 'Lena. She knows what I'm going to do before I do it, and sometimes I wish she didn't. But, it keeps mine and her ass out of trouble, you know?"

"I guess."

"Cheer up." He patted Reno on the stomach through the blankets, standing up. "When they let you go and we get the case over and done with, let's head off to a secluded place to drink. The mountains… Beauty for the intoxicated, you know? We can take Tasha with us." He smiled wider as Reno got a slight glow in his eyes. "You know you like her. Don't fight it."

Reno was about to make a reply when gunshots rang through the area beyond his room. Rude stared at the door as the red-head sat up in bed, about to throw the covers off. "Shooting in ShinRa HQ? What the hell is Midgar coming to?"

"Criminals are getting dumber and dumber."

"You stay here, kiddo. I'm gonna go check it out." Rude pulled his gun out of his jacket as a backup for his fists, moving toward the door.

Reno watched him leave, but a voice inside his head seemed to be tugging at him. Going to let him show you up? What if someone you care for is hurt? Heheh. You're such a sissy, Reno.

"Shut the fuck up. I'm goin', and there ain't nothin' he can do to stop me!" With that, Reno got up, located the clothing that Elena had left for him when she had been there earlier, put them on and headed out of the room.