"Dry Her Eyes"
By Loki Palmer
Author's Note: Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J.K. Rowling. Loki et al belong to Norse mythology and, I guess to Marvel Comics. But the Norse worshipped them first ;) ;)
DZ2: I knew you would enjoy it, but my greatest work to date? Please … you're giving me a swelled head! [grin] And Pettigrew doesn't owe Harry any money … he owes him his life!
The 94th River II: Why is Loki taking them to Asgard? Read on …
Kalladin1989: When you have a number of stories that you are juggling, and focus on one at a time – as I do – some tend to get a bit … lost … in the shuffle. LOL. Should I post up a poll on which one to continue at my earliest opportunity?
DragonTamer01: Awesome song, and your recommendation has got me to see at least one of those videos … don't know if I'll do the songfic like you request, however, something of that song has possibilities for "Aleph of Vampires" …
Serenity de la Luna: Too OOC? [quizzical look] This is fanfiction – I could care less about OOC …
Chapter 2
As the rainbow light faded, Hermione saw before her a tall, black being with eyes of gold standing in the center of a domed chamber.
"Welcome to Asgard, Hermione Granger. I see thou hast found him, Loki?"
"He'll be fine, Heimdall."
The Guardian of the Bifrost grinned. "It's not the first time this has happened to a child of the gods."
Loki grinned back. "Indeed not. Come, Hermione, and we shall find thee and thy boyfriend a place to rest."
Why is he being so formal with the "thou"? she thought. Oh, right – they must be speaking Old Norse, and somehow, they must be translating it into English so I may understand them, or my brain is doing so. And thou, as a pronoun, is second person singular, regardless of social status, so he isn't being formal with me, it's just the way they talk, and – OH. MY. GODS!
Her eyes widened upon seeing the golden glory of Asgard, realm of the mighty Æsir; it brought to her mind an excerpt from a sung speech by Lohengrin in Richard Wagner's opera of that name [Act III, Scene III]:
"In fernem Land, unnahbar eueren Schritten,
Liegt eine Burg, die Montsalvat gennant;
Ein lichte Tempfel stehet dort in mitten,
So kostbar als auf Erden nichts bekannt …"
(In a faraway land, inaccessible to your steps,
Lies a castle named Montsalvat;
A bright temple there stands in the middle,
So precious as nothing of its like is known on Earth …)
~DRY HER EYES~
Mmmmm, thought Harry. This is a comfortable pillow I'm lying on … He opened his eyes to see that he was face to face with Hermione's torso covered in a nightgown.
"Are you awake, Harry? How did you sleep?"
He smiled. "I had no nightmares for once, and I was sleeping on this soft pillow …"
She grinned at him. "Harry, that soft pillow … your head was on my boobs."
Harry shook the cobwebs out of his head. "Say again?"
She giggled. "My boobs, Harry … you know, breasts, teats, tits, fun bags, dirty pillows, milk duds …"
Mmmmm … milk duds …
"Where was I all this time? I had a chance for some boob play and I missed it?"
"Thy snoring was so loud, thou risked waking all Nine Realms from their slumber," said Loki.
"Even Jotunheim heard thy snoring, and it feared it was under attack," said a grinning blond man whose mighty hammer identified him as none other than –
"Uncle Thor? How long have you and Father been sitting here?"
Thor shrugged. "We've been here all night, since thy arrival here. I imagine it was a sweet sleep for thee, Harry, lying next to a fair maiden like Hermione. Come now – the Allfather wants to meet ye."
~DRY HER EYES~
Entering the throne room of Asgard, Harry's eyes widened as he beheld its gilded glory, and then he saw Odin Allfather, a solemn, bearded man with one eye – the other one had a golden eye patch. The Allfather smiled at them as He saw Harry give Him a bow and Hermione give Him a curtsy.
"Well met, Harald Lokison Potter and Hermione Jean Granger. It is not customary for mortals to be in the Realm of Asgard, but I welcome ye all the same."
"Thy words are most kind, Allfather," said Harry. His stomach, much to his embarrassment, rumbled.
The Allfather chuckled. "The time has come for ye to break your fast. Come eat with Us."
~DRY HER EYES~
When all had broken their fast, the Allfather looked at Harry. "Hast thou any questions, Harald?"
"This may seem like a stupid question, Allfather, but people have known me as Harry. Why callest Thou me Harald?"
"First of all, think not of any question as stupid. Second, Harald is the closest that the Old Norse tongue comes to thy name. Thou hast the mischievous nature of thy Father, Loki, and the stormy temper of thy Mother …"
"Hold on a minute, Allfather. Thou mentioned the words 'stormy temper.' "
"I did."
"Within all the Nine Realms, there is one that I can think of that has a stormy temper, and he's the most masculine god in all of Asgard – Uncle Thor, if I'm not mistaken."
"Aye," said Thor. "Go on."
"Given that the idea of Thor being faygeles – attracted to men – is as unlikely as Voldemort wearing a pink ballet tutu that says I LOVE MUGGLES in bright lights, and you need a male and a female to produce a baby …" Realization dawned in his eyes. "No way!"
Loki grinned at Hermione's giggle. "That is a wonderful sound to hear, but yes, Harry. Father had banished Thor to punish him for a fight he picked with King Laufey of Jotunheim."
~FLASHBACK~
"Yes, Thor … I was a fool … to think thou wert ready for the Throne of Asgard! I take from thee thy hammer, thy power … thou art unworthy of it! I, Odin Allfather, cast thee out!"
As Thor disappeared from the Bifrost chamber, Odin held the hammer by His lips. "Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor!" He then cast it out after its owner.
~END FLASHBACK~
"Thor lost more than his mighty hammer that day ..."
"You mean ..." said Harry, "... he lost ..." At Loki's nod and Thor's heavy blush, he and Hermione roared with laughter …
~FLASHBACK~
"Heimdall? Father?"
Something is wrong. My voice is sounding at a higher pitch … and these lumps on my chest … what in the Nine Realms happened to me?!
He saw a lake nearby, and walked over to see the reflection of long red hair. My eyes have lost their lightning-blue color … they're green now. Feeling nothing masculine down by the crotch area confirmed the horror …
By the Nine Realms … I'M A MAIDEN!
~END FLASHBACK~
"After a number of years of living as a female, I have a lot of sympathy for them," said Thor. "Menstruation and the pain of childbirth are nothing to laugh at – not that I ever did, of course."
"Menstruation?" said Harry.
"Hermione," said Loki, "wouldst thou care to help explain?"
"Sure, Loki," she said. "You see, Harry, with the start of puberty comes the start of the menstrual cycle – a cycle that the female reproductive system goes through to prepare for a baby. It starts off with one of the ovaries – off to the side of the womb, or uterus – releasing an egg. The uterus will produce extra lining, in case the male's sperm will fertilize the egg. At a certain point along the way, if the egg is not fertilized, then it will go out of the body with the extra lining, and this is menstruation."
"Cramps, bleeding … imagine all that, plus the pain of someone smashing in thy crotch for about four or five days ..." Thor saw Harry's wince. "Yeah, like that … it is a feeling most unpleasant."
"What makes it more unpleasant," said Hermione, "is that while it is once a month, there is no guarantee that it is at the same time each month. It is unpleasant, as Thor said, but it is part of the price to pay for humanity."
"This is a lot to process," said Harry.
"I'm sure a brilliant maiden like Hermione can teach thee a lot, young Harald," said Thor. "If it helps thee any, thou canst call me thy Uncle, for that mortal form Father gave me is gone now. If thou hast any more doubt about me being one of thy parents, thou canst try to lift my hammer."
Harry did so, and Thor smiled. "Well done."
~DRY HER EYES~
Percy stumbled into the Burrow and fell on his face with exhaustion.
"Percy?" said Molly Weasley. Her eyes widened upon seeing the bloody words on his back:
SAY YOUR PRAYERS!
Author's Note: Another fun (yet weird chapter) wrote. If the monologue before Thor's banishment looks familiar, I owe it to the awesome Marvel film Thor. The place and the manner of banishment is different, but there you go. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Read and review!
Smiles and laughter,
Loki Palmer