"Dry Her Eyes"
By Loki Palmer
Author's Note: Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J.K. Rowling. The Avengers belong to Stan Lee and Marvel.
On a suggestion from an old friend – DZ2 – I decided to turn this into a crossover between Harry Potter and the Avengers. I hope for hilarious results …
Kalladin1989: I'm sure I'll get that poll up, as soon as I determine which of my "older" stories to put on it.
Zejakay: Is it bad that you read Odin, Thor, and Loki in their actor's voices? Not at all … that's the way I tend to read them (or imagine them).
The 94th River II: Yes, Loki had disguised himself as James Potter. No, he was not banished to Earth like Thor was. And, yes, Harry is one lucky son of a gun … [GIGGITY!]
DragonTamer01: No, I have not seen the special features (thought I have seen the film, and once saw the extended edition thereof). Hilarious anecdote, though.
LittlebigmouthOKC: Yes, Ron "Troll Brain" Weasley is a spoiled little Mama's boy … kind of like Robin Arryn of Game of Thrones … I mean, ten years old and still drinking breast milk? To quote Cleveland Brown, "Oh, that's nasty!" LOL. As you may (or may not) know, Ron is not a character I treat very well in my stories (with a few exceptions).
GoldenKeeper2567: Okay, loving to stroke my ego as I do (among other things – OH!) … I know it's good, but THAT good as to induce an orgasm? No offense, but that's the impression the start of your review is giving me … giggity … in fact, could that be the meaning of what my female reviewers mean when they ask for more? ("Oh, yes, Loki – more … more … more – OH, LOKI, YOU'RE AN ANIMAL! DON'T STOP, I'M RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THERE – OH, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YEEEEEEEEEES!") And now to kick back, relax, have a cigarette (if you do smoke), and a cuddle … mmmmmmm … cuddle … to say it à la Duke Nukem, "Who's your author, baby? Damn, I'm good!" LOL.
On an odd side note, it may surprise my readers to know that as of the day I'm writing this (July 11th, 2015), my romantic life has been All Quiet on the Romantic Front, and has been for a few years. Weird, huh?
Also, DZ2 has recently posted a new story, called "Run." It's another enjoyable Harry/Hermione story … check it out! But, then again, I always enjoy his Harry/Hermione stories :)
Chapter 3
"In case thou art worried about Mjøllner passing to Harald, Thor, I decided to fashion thee another hammer," said Odin, passing the new hammer to his son. "Ye have made me proud – all of ye."
"Allfather," said Harry, "would it be too forward of me to call Thee Grandfather?"
A tear leaked out of the Allfather's eye. "Not at all, Harald."
Harry and Hermione hugged him. "We won't forget Thee."
"I won't forget ye, either one of ye … but ye must go back to Midgard. Ye will be welcome in Asgard anytime. Thor, Loki … go with them."
"Art thou sure, Father?" said Thor.
"I will be fine. For the present moment, the Nine Realms are at peace … and Harald will need all the support he can muster."
Heimdall smiled at them as they re-entered the Bifrost chamber, and he ruffled Harry's hair. "Be strong, Harald Lokison … and don't be a stranger."
"Take good care of thyself, Heimdall."
The four disappeared in a burst of rainbow light …
~DRY HER EYES~
"Hey, Harry, Hermione!" said Ron. "Who are these two you've brought with you?"
Every eye in the Gryffindor common room turned to them.
Harry rolled his eyes as he looked to Loki. "So much for entering unnoticed, right, Dad?"
"WHAT?! He's your Dad, Harry? Your Dad was James Potter, not this Slytherin wannabe!"
Whatever diatribe the Troll Brain's mouth would have spouted froze on his lips as he saw the image of James Potter flash over Loki's features for a brief moment before he returned to his normal appearance.
"So, Harry, is this the Troll Brain that has been bothering you?"
"TROLL BRAIN?! WHO ARE YOU CALLING A TROLL BRAIN?! I'M HARRY'S BEST MA – ACK!"
Loki lifted him up by his throat. "How can you, of all people, have any claim on My son's friendship? My brother Thor has fought creatures that were bigger and had more intelligence than you, you insignificant Weasel ..."
Thor chuckled. "Considering they were Frost Giants, that's not saying much." Everyone else heard it and chuckled, though their eyes stayed on the Trickster and His prey.
"Now, this nickname you had for me – a Slytherin wannabe, was it? Was that supposed to be flattery, or an insult? Judging from the angry vibe you were giving off, I suspect the latter. Do you have no thoughts in your head other than your gluttony, your laziness, your lust, or how to make your life shorter than it is? Are you hoping to win yourself a Darwin award by doing us all a favor and eliminating yourself from the human gene pool, or are you even stupider than that? Get this through your thick skull, if you can, Weasel: I am a god, and NONE of us, not I, not My son, not his girlfriend, not Thor, not anybody else, will suffer to see ourselves bullied and picked on by the likes of a piece of Jotunn excrement like you, is that clear?"
"My mother –"
"By the Nine Realms, Weasley, My son was right: you are a broken record! IS THAT CLEAR, OR MUST I TRAMPLE YOUR PUNY SKULL LIKE AN ANT UNDER MY BOOT?!"
"Yes ..."
"I'm sorry, Weasel; could you speak up?"
"YES! PLEASE, PUT ME DOWN!"
Not having any concern for the Troll Brain's dignity, Loki threw him out of the common room.
"Have a nice flight!"
The Troll Brain's screamed cussing echoed behind him, along with the repeated crashes of him falling down the stairs.
"Ya know what, Harry?"
"What's that, Seamus?"
The Irishman grinned. "Madam Pomfrey will need to charge the Troll Brain rent … and install a revolving door into the Hospital Wing."
Everyone laughed …
~DRY HER EYES~
The next morning, Errol, the ancient owl of the Weasleys, arrived with a red envelope. Harry stared at it, knowing who had sent it …
"HARRY POTTER!"
That was all the Howler said, for Harry had frozen and shattered it.
"ERROL, GET YOUR ANCIENT, FEATHERED BACKSIDE OVER HERE! I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR YOUR MISTRESS!"
Errol flew down to the table, trembling under Harry's icy glare. Harry finished up his missive, then tying it to the owl's leg, he said, "One more Howler, and I will put you out of your misery, do you understand?"
Errol nodded and flew out as fast as his old wings could take him.
Harry grabbed a carrot off the breakfast table and munched it. "Of course, you realize this means war."
~DRY HER EYES~
Back at the Burrow, Molly Weasley retrieved Harry's message. It said:
"Dear Mrs. Weasley,
I am curious to know what cooked owl tastes like. One more Howler from you, and I will find out.
Sincerely,
Harry Potter
P.S.,
Say goodbye to your money … money that you stole from me. Checkmate."
Author's Note: Another fun chapter. Read and review!
Smiles and laughter,
Loki Palmer