"Dry Her Eyes"

By Loki Palmer

Author's Note: Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J.K. Rowling. The Avengers and all related characters belong to Marvel Comics.

WhiteElfElder: Yeah, now that I think about it, how does Hermione know the Avengers? Read on …

The 94th River II: So many books and fanfics, not enough time to read them all. In a way, I understand where you are coming from … and I love reading!

DBZ Stargate Ninjawars: Goodness, to some people (like yourself), I probably seem to write so much crackfic as to seem cracked! (LOL) Got a problem with the way I write? Move along, use the Back button, yadda, yadda, yadda …

DragonTamer01: Ah, yes, thanks for the extra explanation. You still have to admire Bugs Bunny's mischievous nature …

Okay, in other news (at least at my last check), I have a three-way tie of five votes each on that poll I mentioned in the previous chapter. What to do, what to do … perhaps I should consider a run-off poll between these three stories (Harry Potter and the Prince of Olympus, DAHP II: Il Potterino, and Angel of Death)?

Chapter 5

Harry sped through the Grand Staircase like a devil fleeing from a priest with holy water. Not looking where he was going, he knocked into Luna Lovegood with such speed that she spun around several times.

"Sorry about that!" he said back to her.

Once she stopped spinning, she said, "It's alright …"

However, he was not there to hear her reply. A couple seconds later, Hermione came running along.

"Luna! Are you okay?"

"Oh, I'm a bit dizzy, but I'll be fine, I expect."

"Have you seen Harry pass by here?"

"Do you mean that fine male specimen of your boyfriend? Yes, I saw him … he went that way," she said, pointing in the direction he went. "Don't tell me he ran away from you in the middle of making sweet love … he has nothing to be ashamed of."

Hermione blushed. "No, Luna, it's nothing like that. We can thank a horny female ghost for this."

"Oh." Luna giggled. "I do imagine that would be uncomfortable. If I may be so bold, Hermione, you are lucky to have someone like him. See ya!"

~DRY HER EYES~

As Harry came into the shower, he heard Thor say, "So … how was your date with Hermione tonight, Harry?"

"You seem scared, champ," said Loki. "You want to tell us about it?"

"You seemed a bit pale coming in here. Don't tell us you ran out on her, because if you did –"

Harry shook his head. "No, no, it wasn't Hermione's fault. She and I figured out the egg clue, with a little help from Moaning Myrtle –"

"Moaning Myrtle?" said Loki.

"Yeah, Dad, she's the ghost of a girl Voldemort killed at Hogwarts when he was here."

Loki nodded. "Carry on. What frightened you away?"

"She – meaning Myrtle – rubbed up against me. It felt cold, I panicked, and so here I am, telling you all about –"

Both Thor and Loki burst out in riotous laughter.

"So, let me fill in the blanks," said Loki through his laughter. "You forgot your robes – you streaked through the Grand Staircase – oh, Thor, it's too much!"

"Hmm … that explains the drafty cold I was feeling in the castle."

"You sent Luna for a spin as well," said a smiling Hermione.

"HERMIONE!"

This set the two gods into more laughter. Much to Harry's additional embarrassment, he could hear Dean, Seamus, and Neville laughing.

"You told them, didn't you?"

"How could I not, Harry? They saw you speed in like a cat running from water, and you expect that I don't explain it to them?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "I guess neither my Family, nor the Gryffindor boys will let me forget this, right?"

"Never!" said Thor and Loki as they tried, without success, to calm down their laughter.

Harry buried his head in his hands. "Oy …"

~DRY HER EYES~

"Sir? My sensors indicate that we are approaching the ward boundary of Hogwarts."

"Thank you, Jarvis. Natasha, can you find us a safe place to land?"

Natasha nodded. "Yeah, I believe I can do that. Would you boys like to jump off here? I know how impatient you are to meet this young man."

Clint grinned. "Oh, I'm afraid she has your number, Tony!"

Tony rolled his eyes. "Tell me this; why shouldn't I be interested in the young man who has gained Hermione's interest?"

"Well, sir, the Potters are one of the richest families in the Wizarding World."

"Does she seem that shallow, Jarvis?"

"Of course not, sir; but they have had a relationship during all these four years."

"Well, you know, all this research that we have pulled up on him is incredible! Surviving a Killing Curse at one year old, knocking out a troll in his first year, killing a Basilisk in his second year, and scaring off a host of Dementors in his third year with a corporeal Patronus …"

"He's a remarkable young man, I agree," said Steve. "Let's not forget that dragon – do you think you could survive facing a dragon, Tony?"

"Not a chance, Cap. The dragon's fire would melt Iron Man's armor, and then I would become a dragon's meal."

"Mr. Stark is correct, Captain Rogers," said Jarvis. "Even for a person like him, facing off against a dragon would be suicidal. Even Vegas would bet high odds against him coming out uninjured."

A loud female voice carried from Hogwarts: "HARRY POTTER!" Dr. Banner's eyes started to glow.

"Uh-oh," said Steve. "Dr. Banner, you had better get off first."

A trembling Dr. Banner nodded as he leaped off the jet and transformed into the Hulk.

"Cap, we had better follow him." The Iron Man suit came on and they jumped off. "Jarvis, can I have a status report?"

"All systems are running as they should be, sir."

"Tony, the Hulk seems to have made a quick getaway. How will we find him?"

"Well, Cap, it should be easy enough to find the Hulk: follow the trail of destruction ..."

Steve looked at the broken trees. "I see your point."

~DRY HER EYES~

"HARRY POTTER!"

Harry looked up from his breakfast. "Well, if it isn't the Living Howler who has come to see me. How have you been, Mrs. Weasley?"

SMACK! She smacked his face, and he glared at her …

~DRY HER EYES~

Thor and Loki had come to the entrance of the Great Hall.

"Well, well, well … if it isn't the Troll Brain and his Prat of a brother," said Loki.

"I will have you know I am a Prefect!" said Percy.

The Trickster smirked. "Does it look like I care for you and your petty arrogance?"

"Your face looks like a Jotunn ripped it to shreds, Percy," said Thor. "At least Harry won't need a Jack-O-Lantern anymore … he can just stick your face in the window ..."

One moment, the two gods were laughing at the red-faced Weasley brothers … the next moment, all four found themselves lying down in a small crater, thanks to being in the path of a Hulk on the rampage …

~DRY HER EYES~

"HULK SMASH ANNOYING WOMAN!"

The reason why Harry didn't do anything was because he didn't need to do anything, for one punch from the Hulk knocked out Mrs. Weasley.

Loki winced as he crawled out of the crater. "Who invited this overgrown green gorilla, anyway? Yeah, I'm talking to you, big guy! I am a god, you dull creature, and I will not be bullied by –"

The Hulk picked him up and thrashed him around: BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! He looked at his form and thrashed him some more, then dropped him to the ground. "Puny god."

"Oh, you think Loki is puny?" said Thor. "Perhaps you should try me on for size … and I've fought bigger than you ..."

WHAM! His hammer flew to hit the Hulk. The impact sent him flying to break the Professor's table. He got up and roared.

"Need any help, Uncle?"

"Yes, Harry, I would appreciate it! He's coming right for us!"

"Batter up!" Harry summoned lightning to his hammer and hit the Hulk, sending him to fly out the back window.

"ENOUGH OF THIS MADNESS!" said Professor McGonagall.

The Hulk paid no attention as he charged again. Hermione pointed her wand and said, "PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!"

Much to everyone's shock, the Hulk crashed down, stiff as a statue. Hermione took some deep breaths to gain some more energy as she walked up to him.

"Will you calm down, Uncle Bruce?"

Dr. Banner returned to himself as she released her spell. "It's good to see you again, Hermione."

"Who would have thought that Hermione, of all the people we knew, would be able to subdue the Hulk?" said Tony through his helmet.

Hermione ran to him and hugged him. "Uncle Tony!"

"Hermione," said Harry, "how in the Nine Realms do you know the Avengers?"

"I did some study with Tony Stark and Dr. Banner during elementary school, Harry," she said with a smile. "During that time, I guess you could say they became like honorary uncles to me."

"I must say, it's my great pleasure to meet the two of you," said Steve, shaking Hermione's and Harry's hands.

"Likewise, Captain America."

Professor McGonagall cleared her throat. "Lord Thor, Mr. Potter … and ..."

"Dr. Banner ..."

"Aye, Dr. Banner … I believe the three of you have a detention with me tonight for your shenanigans. I will be sparing Lord Loki this detention on account of his run-in with that … Hulk … character ..."

"Thank you … Professor McGonagall ..." said Loki from his position on the ground.

"Aye, don't mention it."

"Professor McGonagall," said Harry, "what will we be doing for detention?"

When they came up for detention, there were three big blackboards and plenty of chalk. Each one took a board, and wrote 100 times, "I WILL NOT DESTROY HOGWARTS PROPERTY."

Author's Note: Another hilarious chapter done. Read and review! I believe I should have the poll run-off pretty soon, I expect, so stay tuned to my profile, and, like I've said before – look over each option before you cast your vote!

Smiles and laughter,

Loki Palmer