Chapter Forty Five

Ryan stared immaculately at his phone, wishing it would ring and that it would be one particular person trying to explain herself. He wished she would call; he wished they could be together again. However, he didn't dare call. If she hadn't called already, she probably wasn't ready for a relationship- she hadn't been sick from the break they took yet. Ryan figured that time would heal all wounds.

Marissa sat in the evening's darkness, thinking about what on Earth happened- with everyone. The way she had exploded on Ryan asking for an unnecessary 'break' was stinging in her mind. The way she snapped at Summer ever so harshly. What was this change really for? She had all she needed. With a change, she might loose what she had. Oh God, how she wished Ryan would look over his pride and call her; but then again, the same applied to her. So, as her hand quivered she picked up her phone. She started to slowly dial Ryan's phone number. When it started to ring, her heart almost gave out in a more emotional way. But before she could've hung up, Ryan answered.

"Hello?" Ryan said in a cool, unharmed voice. Marissa stared blankly at her wall. She prayed he would just hang up and think this was some prank. Damn it. Marissa now remembered; he had caller ID. She almost shot herself right there and then. She was making such a fool of herself! The long moment of silence didn't even pressure her into talking; her lips were practically sealed. "Marissa…" Ryan said slowly, when he realised it was none other than his girlfriend. She shuddered at the other end- she had been discovered. When Marissa heard Ryan's delicate voice her body reacted. She was soon crying slowly, and without noticing she was sniffling into the phone, "Marissa, I'm sorry for whatever reasons you chose to have a break with me," Ryan tried to look for words to say- Marissa willed for him to say he wanted to be together, but she knew it required some sort of knowledge of how to speak in order to seal the deal, "I can't stand this night, I'm so lonely. I have no one to talk to, and I've been waiting for hours for you to call. Now that you have finally called, you're not speaking. What am I supposed to do?" Ryan admitted, and then asked Marissa disbelievingly, as if he could not comprehend why the girl had called in the first place.

"I was scared, so I ran away." Marissa said ever so quietly. Ryan heard the faintest noises, but he understood nevertheless.

"What were you scared of?" Ryan asked securely.

"Us?" Marissa said unsurely. She couldn't really answer that, but she knew she always broke up with a guy when she got afraid of no particular reason. Ryan kept silent so that she could continue, "You know Ryan, ever since the situation with Teresa, things haven't been the same. But right now, I don't care because I'm even more scared without you. You know that I need you Ryan, and you know that I'm so sorry otherwise I wouldn't call. You're a hell of a guy, and I never want to let you go again. Please, let's just clear up all afflictions, or forever hold your peace." Marissa suggested.

"Do you dig, Kelly?" Ryan confronted Marissa very directly. Marissa gasped, and then she laughed insanely.

"Are you messed up in that head of yours?" Marissa gave him a second to think, "Hell no. Hell freaking no. I don't dig Kelly. We met while I was bawling in the bathroom over you- she offered me some advice, and we went out so I could get my mind off of things. When I figured out she digs me, I left her and walked home. Then, she found out that I was at Café Rose and she came to apologize. Speaking of which, why did you stand me up?" Marissa asked coldly, after a mouthful of quick words.

"I saw you with her." Ryan said slowly, feeling utterly stupid and humiliated. Why would he have thought that his girlfriend was crossing over?

"And your point is, Smart As? Because you saw me with her you thought I was actually WITH her? God, you gotta be freaking kidding me, Ryan. You're just assuming and not giving me a freaking second to tell you what the hell is going on. Next time, don't judge because it'll give you sht in the end." Marissa was about to hang up, but Ryan knew that.

"Wait Marissa," Ryan said frantically, "Please let's just forget about this. We've made a load of mistakes over the past few months. Can we just start fresh? Rewind to before all this mess happened?" Marissa thought for a minute.

"I think I'll need a few minutes to breathe. Now, I really do need a break."

"But Marissa," Ryan said pleadingly.

"Ryan, just let go, please. You have to let me go for a minute or two; I feel suffocated and if you don't leave me then I'll die. Metamorphically speaking, of course. I love you, but a break would do us both a lot of good. We'd both have time to think things through. So, talk to you soon. Bye." Marissa hung up. When she sank in her bed, only then had she realised that she'd asked for yet another break. She called to make things better- Not to make things a million times worse. She called again, and soon Ryan picked up.

"I just figured out that I can't breathe without you," Marissa said quickly before Ryan could answer. "I don't need a break, I need you!" Marissa said as if she had discovered America. "Forgive me, because I'm such an idiot. I couldn't realise that a break was worse than anything I had imagined. I'm so sorry, Ryan. You're right, let's just start new, fresh, please."

"So we're not in a fight no more?" Ryan asked hopefully.

"If you forgive me, and I forgive you, well then no." Marissa said slowly.

"Done." Ryan said, as he smiled on the other end.

"You wanna hang out?" Marissa asked.

"How about Café Rose, where we should have met a while ago?" Ryan offered, and Marissa laughed an empty laugh.

"I've had a little trouble there, since then. So, erm, let's choose another Café, please." Marissa said innocently, which conjured up laughter between the two.