Dry Her Eyes

By Loki Palmer

Author's Note: Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J.K. Rowling. The Avengers belong to the late, great Stan Lee and Marvel Comics.

So much chaos this year … COVID-19, protests, riots … what's next, a visit from the Vogons? What is this, a trial run for the Apocalypse?

On a personal note, my job (the one I use to pay my bills and buy other things) has put my position on furlough for the months of June and July 2020. That's a big monkey wrench in the works, though the most positive spin I can put on it is, hey, I'll be on an unpaid vacation … or stay-cation, since travel is still inadvisable in these pandemic conditions. Meh. At least I'll have more time for writing, spending some time with my friends … and I'm working on a Green Arrow build in "The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim," one of my favorite video games.

Thank God for the CARES Act enabling me to pay off my rent for the rest of the year. Will the U.S. Congress pass another economic stimulus? With Senator Mitch "Grim Reaper" McConnell as Majority Leader in the Senate, it looks doubtful – he and other Senate Republicans have rejected the HEROES Act passed by the US House as a "liberal wish list" – but we can always hope his home state of Kentucky (and other states) will send him a flock of Howlers in his owl post to get off his lazy tuchas and do something … LOL. One $1,200 check is great, but that would be hardly enough to pay the rent in the more expensive states (like New York and California). Moreover, the CARES Act unemployment stimulus is set to expire by the end of July 2020. What's he gonna do – sit on his fat, lazy, joyless tuchas? Is there another proposal both chambers of the US Congress will pass? We'll have to wait and see.

Anyway, enough of my political ranting. On with the story!

Chapter 15

"I wish our meeting could be under more pleasant circumstances," said Dr. Strange as he shook Harry's hand. "I am Dr. Stephen Strange, Sorcerer Supreme, and these two with me are Pietro and Wanda Maximoff. Pietro ran down Dr. Banner –"

"It was accident!" said Pietro.

"– No one's denying that, Pietro. On his way over here, the Hulk also ran across these three redheads … from the names Madam Pomfrey gave to me, they were Ron, Percy, and Mrs. Weasley."

"Ran across," said a grinning Loki, "or ran down?"

Dr. Strange shrugged. "Does it matter? At least, they're unconscious."

"Not really," said the Trickster, "but I love hearing it."

Everyone looked towards the Black Lake, where Dumbledore was levitating the Incredible Hulk in a sphere of water.

"The Headmaster can't hold it forever," said Captain America.

"No, he cannot," said Dr. Strange.

"I'm going to need some heavier armor to go toe-to-toe with the Hulk," said Iron Man. "Jarvis, send the Hulkbuster armor."

"On its way, sir."

The Hulkbuster armor latched himself onto Iron Man, making him look as large as the Hulk, if not larger.

"Say, Point Break … you and Kid Thunder won't mind giving me some extra charge, would you?"

Thor and Harry grinned. "We'd be delighted to charge you up, Hulk of Iron," said Thor.

"One moment," said Harry, tapping the Hulkbuster armor with his wand. "Impervius. Hermione used it on my glasses last year to keep them from getting wet."

"Good thinking, thanks. Extra protection couldn't hurt."

~DRY HER EYES~

Loki appeared next to the Professors. "Headmaster, hold him up there as long as you can. I hope you aren't too tired."

"Not at all, but I would appreciate some help."

~DRY HER EYES~

"Jarvis, cue up the music."

"I have an appropriate selection for the occasion."

As the AC/DC song "Thunderstruck" began, Thor and Harry summoned lightning bolts to their hammers, and sent the electricity into the Hulkbuster armor.

"Power at 400%, sir."

"Full power to the thrusters."

~DRY HER EYES~

"Release him as soon as you hear the –"

Twin thunderclaps shook the air.

"– Oops, guess I spoke too soon. DUCK!"

The Professors ducked in time to avoid Iron Man passing over them.

Loki grinned at Professor Snape. "Close call, eh, Snivellus?"

Professor Snape rolled his eyes. "One splashing is enough for a day, thank you."

~DRY HER EYES~

"Iron Man caught the Hulk," said Captain America. "You okay up there, Tony?"

"The Hulkbuster armor is strong, if I do say so myself," said Iron Man. "It should be able to take on the Hulk for a while – OW!" Iron Man punched back as he said, "BAD BANNER! BAD BANNER! GO! TO! SLEEP! YOU ANGRY! NAUGHTY! SON OF A –"

"LANGUAGE!" said Captain America.

"Any more brilliant ideas, Sherlock?" said Hawkeye.

"As a matter of fact, I do, Agent Barton," said Dr. Strange. "Wanda and Harry will need to come with me to intercept the Hulk while we calm him down. I can attach Mjøllnir to the Hulk, it should be helpful to keep him in mid-air, and Wanda has a – ahem – gift for working with minds."

"Aye," said Thor, "one of the enchantments on Mjøllnir is that it will follow its wielder wherever he goes. The questions of lift should be no problem, if Harald flies fast enough."

"You will also need a landing area, Dr. Strange," said Captain America. "Thor, Pietro, you two come with me. We need to ensure Dr. Banner lands without harming innocent civilians."

Thor saluted him. "Aye, Captain Rogers. Are you thinking of the Forbidden Forest?"

"Why is it forbidden?"

"Dangerous animals within," said Thor, "and centaurs." At Captain America's shocked look, he said, "Yes, centaurs are real. They are not tolerant of humans on their land."

"Good that I have you, Thor, since you're more than human."

Thor smirked. "What would you mean by that – I'm a god, or something?"

"There's only one God, but – all due respect – He doesn't dress anything like you. No offense."

"None taken. The Allfather explained to me that we Asgardians are not gods, in spite of our long lifespans."

"What I mean is your power will be helpful if a fight should break out between us and the centaurs, though I hope it won't come to that."

Thor clapped Captain America on the shoulder. "Battle or no battle, I'm coming."

"Should I wait down here to shoot the Hulk with some tranq arrows?" said Hawkeye.

Captain America shrugged. "Couldn't hurt to have a Plan B. Tony, as soon as Dr. Strange, Harry, and Wanda fly up to you, I want you to disengage, do you copy?"

"BAD BANNER!" PUNCH! "Yeah, Cap, I copy you. Anytime now would be awesome!"

With this last statement, both groups went in their separate directions.

~DRY HER EYES~

As Iron Man was trying to weather the beating from the Hulk, he saw a red glow surround the latter.

"You were wanting backup, Mr. Stark?" said Wanda as she lifted the Hulk.

"Thanks a bunch. You all saved my hide!"

"We'll take it from here, Stark," said Dr. Strange. "Ready, Harry?"

"You bet! HEY, HULK! YOU BIG, GREEN, ANGRY GALOOT! CATCH THIS IF YOU CAN!"

He threw Mjøllnir, and the Hulk caught it. Dr. Strange tied the Hulk's hands to Mjøllnir and bound his feet.

"All set. Best of luck!"

"Thanks, Dr. Strange. Wanda, can you fly fast?"

"Of course. Why?"

"Let's take this Psycho Not-So-Jolly Green Giant on a Magic Carpet Ride. Hang on!"

They sped away into the air as "Magic Carpet Ride" by Steppenwolf played in the background …

~DRY HER EYES~

"Jarvis, what's the status of the Hulkbuster armor?"

"I have bad news and good news, sir."

"Bad news first."

"The bad news: we suffered some damage."

"The good news?"

"Even though it was a rough couple of minutes, the damage was minor."

"That's a relief. Hope the kid will be alright."

Dr. Strange landed next to him. "I don't doubt he'll be more than alright."

"I'm sure Harry didn't have two tangos with a Not-So-Jolly-Green-Giant on his bucket list, plus this crazy tournament, but he just can't seem to catch a break. He's something else, isn't he?"

"You could say that, though I prefer to say he's something...more."

~DRY HER EYES~

"HALT!" said a centaur. "Why are you coming into our land, humans?"

Thor dropped his hammer. "We have no quarrel with thee or thy kinsmen, good centaur. As for me, I am Thor Odinson, Prince of Asgard, God of Thunder, and kin to one Harald Lokison Potter."

"Thou meanest Harry Potter?" said Firenze.

"Aye."

"Thou still hast not answered our question, Odinson," said the first centaur.

"Bane," said Firenze, "be quiet, and test not the patience of an Asgardian. Do you have a death wish?"

Bane looked at Thor. Seeing the lightning fill the God of Thunder's body made him relieve himself, and he bowed his head in shame. "Milord, please accept my humblest apology for my lack of respect. If Thou willst, I shall withdraw myself."

"Apology accepted and permission granted," said Thor, lifting a hand in blessing.

"Milord." With a bow of his upper body to Thor, he withdrew to a further place.

Firenze bowed, and with a sigh, he said, "Bane can be so irascible even at the best of times, but enough talk about him. I am Firenze. Who are these two companions with Thee?"

"The one in the red, white, and blue armor is Captain Stave Rogers of the United States Army, also known as Captain America, and the other is Pietro Maximoff from …"

"Sokovia," said Pietro, "in Eastern Europe."

"A pleasure," said Firenze. "Your purpose here?"

"We need to create a safe landing area for the Incredible Hulk when he calms down," said Captain America. "Harry and Pietro's sister, Wanda, are flying around with him in mid-air until he's calm."

Dr. Strange, Albus Dumbledore, the professors, and Loki appeared through a golden portal. "We still need the landing area, Captain Rogers, but we also need to consider the speed of Dr. Banner's landing."

Captain America ran some quick math in his head. "At the point of impact, the speed would concuss him at best. At worst, it would break every bone in his body. Any ideas, Headmaster?"

"I stopped Mr. Potter within a fall off of his broom in his third year," said Dumbledore, "but he's flying higher now."

"Yeah," said Professor Snape, "Potter is flying higher than a kite." He snorted and chuckled.

"Snivellus," said Loki, "did I just hear you crack a joke?"

Professor Snape rose his eyebrows. "What, did you think I was devoid of humor, milord?"

"Yeah, you seemed so serious all the time. Why so serious?"

"Would you be a happy person if you had an alcoholic father?"

Realization dawned in Loki's eyes. "Oh. And to think, I treated you in such an awful fashion."

"I'm sure I deserved some of it. Water under the bridge, milord, especially when we consider my new alliance forged by the grace of the Allfather."

"Quite."

"Tony," said Captain America, "you still with us?"

"Reading you loud and clear, Cap. What's the situation?"

"Dr. Strange and I realized that we need to slow down Dr. Banner's landing. Is the Iron Man armor still functional?"

"Mr. Stark had to send the Hulkbuster armor away for minor repairs, but the Iron Man armor is still functional, Captain Rogers," said JARVIS.

"Good to hear. As Harry and Wanda come in, you are to slow Dr. Banner down. Headmaster Dumbledore and the professors will help you on that count. Ready, Thor?"

"Ready. Pietro, you will want to move back a fair distance, for the sound may be too loud for a mortal to hear without going deaf."

Pietro saluted Thor and did so.

Professor Flitwick walked to the duo. "If I may help protect your ears, Captain Rogers … Aurēs prōtegō. Milord Thor, as soon as we cast our shields around the area, there's Your signal."

The professors formed a wide circle around the two as they said, "Prōtegō maxima!"

Thor's lightning-charged warhammer hitting Captain America's vibranium shield produced a sonic wave equivalent to the ring of a large gong as it knocked down all trees within the blast area.

Professor Flitwick tapped Captain America's ear. "Fīnīte incantātem. Your shield took a hefty impact of energy, Captain Rogers, and yet it's still intact."

Captain America grinned as he got to his feet. "Like America, the Stars and Stripes have not failed me yet … nor has my shield. Where's Pietro?"

Pietro sped back. "Captain?"

"As soon as Thor and I are out of the landing area, mark it off. Let's go, Thor."

They moved out of Pietro's way while he sped around.

"Here comes Kid Thunder and Wanda, coming in hot," said Iron Man. "Point Break, another extra charge, please?"

"With pleasure."

"Okay, JARVIS, we need to time this just right."

"Of course, sir. Liftoff in 3 … 2 … 1 … GO!"

Iron Man sped off into the air with a "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Seconds later, he said, "Cap, the interception is complete! Kid Thunder, keep going for the landing zone we created!"

"Headmaster? Professors? Your time to shine."

Albus Dumbledore and the professors stepped forward. "Ready … aim …"

Together, they said, "Arrestō mōmentum!"

The combined spells stopped Dr. Banner and Iron Man within their descent, allowing for a smooth landing on the ground. Dr. Strange took the mystical ropes off as Harry reclaimed Mjøllnir and Pietro stopped his running and wiped his hands.

"All in day's—"

A giant green hand grabbed him by the leg and slammed him to the other side of Dr. Banner.

"The Other Guy did say he wanted to smash you," he said as he fell asleep.

Pietro could see Tweety Birds circling his head. "I tawt I taw puddy tat …"

Author's Note: Another fun chapter. This chapter took me so long to write, that there has been an update on my employment situation. Near to the end of July 2020, I heard that a number (if not all) of the part-time workers where I worked were getting laid off, and, sad to say, I was among those laid off for Fall Semester 2020. Looks like I was wrong when I thought the world of academia was recession-proof.

In happier news, my investment for "Gargoyle Willie" is paid off, so it is now on the path to publication (presently in the editing stage). I'm ecstatic!

Read and review!

Smiles and laughter,

Loki Palmer