Ravyn - Yeah I do kind of get a "Blue Sword" vibe from this story. Its one
of my favorite books of all time and I absolutely love Robin McKinley's
work. She's such an amazingly creative author and if you have never read
any of her books I highly advise you to do so.
I tried to get one of my friends to read the Blue Sword but she couldn't get past the "orange juice" part and since then refuses to read any book any book I recommend ::rolls eyes::
Anyway on with the chapter!
~LadyShiin
~*~
Kaoru's breath caught in her throat and she froze. That was probably a good reaction, had she moved she would without a doubt be missing her head. But the identity of the wielder of the sword was enough to keep her still from shock alone.
It was Kenshin.
But this. this was not Kenshin. Something seemed altered, warped almost. Even in her few meetings of him she knew there was something wrong. He was different from the times before.
His eyes were the golden color of flames, yet as cold as ice. They were like frozen fire. His pupils were mere pinpricks. His face was twisted into a snarl that was almost feral in its intensity. Any trace of former humanity was gone. It had disappeared only to be replaced, by madness near to insanity.
Looking at him now Kaoru understood why her family had referred to him at times as the "Mad King." He looked like someone possessed and acted more like a beast than a human.
"Kenshin," Kaoru murmured softly. The movement of throat against the blade caused a thin line of red to appear.
Kenshin's eyes narrowed and there was no trace of recognition in their golden depths. He growled softly and his breathing was rapid and heavy with a harsh tone to it.
"Kenshin," Kaoru repeated softly, soothingly as one would speak to a frightened animal intent on calming it.
There was still no recognition but the pressure of the sword lessened slightly. Kaoru fought the urge to step back away from him, if she moved he would attack again and this time he would kill her - she knew that almost instinctively.
"Kenshin. put the sword down. Just put it down. I'm not your enemy; I'm not going to hurt you. Put the sword down please." Kaoru didn't know how many times she repeated the words; they became a litany she recited.
Kenshin put the sword down; oh please put the sword down.
Kenshin's eyes were still wild - but ever so slightly she noticed him relaxing slightly. She continued to talk keeping her words soft and soothing in tone. Kenshin's breathing had calmed until it was almost normal now. His golden eyes had begun to soften the pupils returning to normal in size.
"Please Kenshin, put the sword down," Kaoru coaxed. "Just put it down." The scratch on her neck was bleeding slightly; she could feel the blood trickling down her neck.
Slowly Kenshin closed his eyes. When he opened them again they held a gentler, saner look in them. His gaze was more focused than before and it was as if he was actually looking at her now rather than looking through her as he had been before. Kaoru relaxed somewhat upon seeing them like this.
". Kaoru?" His voice was tentative. He seemed surprised to see her there. With a start Kaoru realized this was the first time he had ever spoken to her using her name.
"It's me Kenshin. Would you put the sword down?" She asked.
Kenshin's eyes widened and he seemed to realize at just that moment the position they were in. Stepping away from her he lowered the sword from her throat.
"I'm sorry." He seemed uncomfortable; shifting from foot to foot in a way that reminded her of a young child who had been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to and now dreaded whatever punishment would be afflicted upon him for his misdeeds.
"It's okay. No harm done." She assured him. She wondered why she wasn't yelling at him, she would have been doing so at anyone else who had just done what he had done. But maybe it was the look he had in his eyes, like a kicked puppy. There was shame in his eyes, sadness and something else, something she felt she should recognize but couldn't name.
"In the future. don't come near me when I am as I was before. Next time. it might not end like this." Next time I may kill you - if only by accident, he did not speak the words but Kaoru could sense that was what he meant.
"I won't. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."
Kenshin's eyes widened even further, "you shouldn't be apologizing. it's I that should be doing so."
Kaoru shook her head, "no it was not your fault. it was an accident."
"An accident," Kenshin murmured softly his tone bitter. He shook his head sharply as if riding himself of thoughts he rather not be thinking. His skin was pale, eyes huge in his face. "I must go."
The way he looked now suddenly reminded Kaoru of a caged animal who had just realized it was caged and terrified of being so.
He turned abruptly and was gone so fast Kaoru didn't even get a chance to call after him.
Kaoru stared at the spot he had just been, brows furrowed. He was so damned confusing. two sides of the same coin: the polite, if distant Kenshin she had encountered just now and the almost bestial half-sane one he had been before. What had happened to make him this way?
She raised a hand to massage her temples in a vain attempt to ward off the headache she was getting. The scratch on her neck still trickled blood and she was only now aware of the pain that fright and shock had kept at bay.
She'd need someone to look after it in order to make sure it did not get infected or worse. Leaving the garden behind her she went in search of a healer.
~*~
Megumi glared disapprovingly at Kaoru, "how did you get a cut like that? You try to slit your throat and fail? If you despise living here so much we can easily send you back, you know."
Kaoru glared at, "I did not cause this." She snapped. "If you want someone to yell at you can go yell at Kenshin."
"Kenshin?" Megumi repeated sounding dumbfounded. "You say Kenshin did this to you?"
"I kinda. startled him when he was doing his katas." Kaoru said softly.
Megumi said a word Kaoru had not yet been taught. She assumed it was either some kind of swear or a prayer to some god. "And you're still alive after that?" She shook her head, "the gods must be on your side."
At Kaoru's inquiring gaze she elaborated. "You _do not_ go near Kenshin when he is like that. Kenshin. he's not exactly what could be termed as sane. When he has a sword in hand, he's not the same as he usually is and you better be prepared to stay out of his way or end up getting killed."
"How did he come to be like that?" Kaoru asked.
Megumi shook her head, "it's not my place to say."
Kaoru growled softly, "Megumi! First of I'm supposed to be married or whatever you call my engagement to him and second of all he almost slit my throat! I think I have a right to know!"
"Yeah, I guess you do." Megumi fidgeted slightly and that enough was to make Kaoru stare. Professional, cool and composed (when she wasn't snapping at Kaoru) Megumi fidgeting?
"It all has to do with Kenshin's parents I guess you could say. It all started because of them... In our land the high and noble born do not usually marry in what you may call love-matches. Most marriages are arranged, for power, land or political reasons. the ones to be married usually have no prior contact with each other before and no choice in the matter."
"We have marriages much like that in Kasshin - and the engagement I'm in with Kenshin is similar." Kaoru murmured.
Megumi nodded, "The old King and Queen were married much like this. In some marriages the couple sometimes does grow to love each other. not with one. The King and Queen hated each other. Still from their union they had six sons and everyone thought that despite their obvious resentment to each other everything would be fine." Megumi closed her eyes and shook her head slightly.
"All that changed when Kenshin was born. You see. his father was the King yes, but his mother was not the Queen. His mother was one of the Queen's handmaidens. and his birth nearly destroyed everything.
"The Queen killed his mother upon finding the identity of his father. She may have hated him but she could not stand the fact that he could love another that was not her. The King in turn killed her. It was said by those around him that he loved Kenshin's mother as he had never loved the Queen." Megumi closed her eyes for a moment before opening them again and continuing with the tale.
"The King decreed that Kenshin was to be raised as would any true son of his be raised - instead of the bastard child he was in all actuality. He would be trained as all the others with no distinction between them. The Queen's sons - Kenshin's half brothers hated him. They blamed him for their mother's death." Megumi's fists clenched, becoming white knuckled.
"They would torture him, beating him. the scar he has on his face happened when the eldest of his half brothers thought it would be fun to put his eyes out. Kenshin's eyes probably reminded them of his mother who had been the cause of their mother's death. Despite this all he never complained, never told anyone. Broken bones. bruises, he never did anything about them."
Megumi's mouth was a grim line. "He only told me once what they did to him. And when he did so he laughed - it wasn't a happy laugh either. 'It's my atonement for being the accident that I am, he said. That's what they would always tell him he was - an unwanted accident."
Kaoru felt her throat close up. 'It was just an accident Kenshin.' No wonder he had looked the way he had, acted the way he had when she had said that.
"When the King died there was a leadership battle. There always is one if the former King has more than one son. In our land only the strongest may lead us and so those of Royal Blood - even the Half-bloods fight for the right to lead."
Megumi got to her feet and walked around the room, needing to move around and no longer able to keep still. Her face was pale with memory.
"Kenshin was only fifteen when he fought. He had always been a good fighter - as good as any of his half brothers. No matter what they did to him though, he would not fight back - he stood there and let them do whatever they wanted to him. But when he fought them in the leadership battle it was not fighting - it was slaughter.
"He changed that day. Everything about him changed. Before his name had been Shinta - boy with a heart - in our language. He changed his name to Kenshin - boy with a hole in his heart. His eyes had been violet before, but no longer. They are gold now and have been so since that day. He may have won the right to be King but the cost was great." There were tears in Megumi's eyes as she reflected on what had happened.
"His mother was my mother's sister. I hated how he was treated; I did my best to be there for him when we were children. I love him and seeing what he has become since that day hurts me more than anything else. His soul shattered that day Kaoru. He was no longer Shinta - sweet and happy despite everything that he was put through - he became Kenshin and everything that made him Shinta before died."
There were tears in Kaoru's eyes. They were falling down her face, somehow she didn't notice.
"I think it was the ease in which he killed them that shocked him. He never gave them a chance. There was no honor in the bloodshed in those fights and Kenshin has always had his own odd sense of honor."
Megumi laughed softly. "Listen to me rambling on and on. Well now you know about him and what he's been through. You asked and there are your answers." Megumi eyed her critically for a moment. "You should be fine now the bleeding is stopped and I'll give you some cream to put on the cut when it hurts."
Kaoru nodded wordlessly.
"Here," Megumi turned and rummaged through one of the cabinets that held medicine. Finding a small jar she took it out and handed it to Kaoru. "Here's the cream. If it doesn't stop bleeding or doesn't show any sign of getting better once a few days have passed you come back to me."
Kaoru took it from her and attempted to smile. "Thank you."
"No," Megumi sighed. "You had a right to know."
~*~
Not much later Kaoru sat on the windowsill in her room gazing out the window. Her knees were pulled up to her chest and tucked under chin with her arms wrapped around them loosely. A bird flew past the window and she followed it with unseeing eyes.
How Kenshin had been treated. how she had been treated. they weren't much different. Kaoru's wounds were more mental than physical but nonetheless hurt equally.
We're both bastards, she thought. Wanted or not we're the same.
Soon after Kaoru's birth she had been abandoned by her mother and raised in the palace crèche with the other children. She barely knew her mother and all she knew of her father was that he was one of the many princes. At least Kenshin's parents had loved each other, and at least his father had wanted him instead of throwing him away upon birth like her mother had.
Kaoru pushed her thoughts away. The past was past and nothing could change it. What was done was done and nothing could alter that. She dropped her chin to her knees and closed her eyes. Tears leaked from the corner of her eyes.
We've both been wounded by our so called families. Both of them rejected and hated us. The tears flowed stronger and Kaoru couldn't stop them even if she had wished to do so. She cried for the both of them because he had never allowed himself to cry. He had never allowed himself to fight back and when he had he ended up destroying his soul from the pain and death he found he had caused.
After a long time when her tears subsided and no longer fell Kaoru raised her head. Outside her window it was dark; the stars were just starting to appear in the sky. See a star make a wish.
Make a wish, she thought. What should I wish for? I wish. I wish for Kenshin to be happy to no longer hurt anymore. I wish.for the both of us to find peace and let go of our pasts.
Outside her window the stars twinkled merrily and Kaoru found herself smiling, some of the sadness she felt fading away. What was the saying that Tae her foster mother had always said again?
Reach for the moon - because even if you fall you will still be among the stars.
Kaoru rubbed the last tears from her eyes and raised her head. The past no longer mattered. It was the future now that was important. The future was wide and open - full of promise.
I'll help you Kenshin, Kaoru promised. We'll help each other.
She stared out the window watching the stars until she finally fell asleep.
~*~
I remember reading somewhere that Shinta means "Boy with a heart" and Kenshin means "Boy with a hole in his heart."
~LadyShiin
I tried to get one of my friends to read the Blue Sword but she couldn't get past the "orange juice" part and since then refuses to read any book any book I recommend ::rolls eyes::
Anyway on with the chapter!
~LadyShiin
~*~
Kaoru's breath caught in her throat and she froze. That was probably a good reaction, had she moved she would without a doubt be missing her head. But the identity of the wielder of the sword was enough to keep her still from shock alone.
It was Kenshin.
But this. this was not Kenshin. Something seemed altered, warped almost. Even in her few meetings of him she knew there was something wrong. He was different from the times before.
His eyes were the golden color of flames, yet as cold as ice. They were like frozen fire. His pupils were mere pinpricks. His face was twisted into a snarl that was almost feral in its intensity. Any trace of former humanity was gone. It had disappeared only to be replaced, by madness near to insanity.
Looking at him now Kaoru understood why her family had referred to him at times as the "Mad King." He looked like someone possessed and acted more like a beast than a human.
"Kenshin," Kaoru murmured softly. The movement of throat against the blade caused a thin line of red to appear.
Kenshin's eyes narrowed and there was no trace of recognition in their golden depths. He growled softly and his breathing was rapid and heavy with a harsh tone to it.
"Kenshin," Kaoru repeated softly, soothingly as one would speak to a frightened animal intent on calming it.
There was still no recognition but the pressure of the sword lessened slightly. Kaoru fought the urge to step back away from him, if she moved he would attack again and this time he would kill her - she knew that almost instinctively.
"Kenshin. put the sword down. Just put it down. I'm not your enemy; I'm not going to hurt you. Put the sword down please." Kaoru didn't know how many times she repeated the words; they became a litany she recited.
Kenshin put the sword down; oh please put the sword down.
Kenshin's eyes were still wild - but ever so slightly she noticed him relaxing slightly. She continued to talk keeping her words soft and soothing in tone. Kenshin's breathing had calmed until it was almost normal now. His golden eyes had begun to soften the pupils returning to normal in size.
"Please Kenshin, put the sword down," Kaoru coaxed. "Just put it down." The scratch on her neck was bleeding slightly; she could feel the blood trickling down her neck.
Slowly Kenshin closed his eyes. When he opened them again they held a gentler, saner look in them. His gaze was more focused than before and it was as if he was actually looking at her now rather than looking through her as he had been before. Kaoru relaxed somewhat upon seeing them like this.
". Kaoru?" His voice was tentative. He seemed surprised to see her there. With a start Kaoru realized this was the first time he had ever spoken to her using her name.
"It's me Kenshin. Would you put the sword down?" She asked.
Kenshin's eyes widened and he seemed to realize at just that moment the position they were in. Stepping away from her he lowered the sword from her throat.
"I'm sorry." He seemed uncomfortable; shifting from foot to foot in a way that reminded her of a young child who had been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to and now dreaded whatever punishment would be afflicted upon him for his misdeeds.
"It's okay. No harm done." She assured him. She wondered why she wasn't yelling at him, she would have been doing so at anyone else who had just done what he had done. But maybe it was the look he had in his eyes, like a kicked puppy. There was shame in his eyes, sadness and something else, something she felt she should recognize but couldn't name.
"In the future. don't come near me when I am as I was before. Next time. it might not end like this." Next time I may kill you - if only by accident, he did not speak the words but Kaoru could sense that was what he meant.
"I won't. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."
Kenshin's eyes widened even further, "you shouldn't be apologizing. it's I that should be doing so."
Kaoru shook her head, "no it was not your fault. it was an accident."
"An accident," Kenshin murmured softly his tone bitter. He shook his head sharply as if riding himself of thoughts he rather not be thinking. His skin was pale, eyes huge in his face. "I must go."
The way he looked now suddenly reminded Kaoru of a caged animal who had just realized it was caged and terrified of being so.
He turned abruptly and was gone so fast Kaoru didn't even get a chance to call after him.
Kaoru stared at the spot he had just been, brows furrowed. He was so damned confusing. two sides of the same coin: the polite, if distant Kenshin she had encountered just now and the almost bestial half-sane one he had been before. What had happened to make him this way?
She raised a hand to massage her temples in a vain attempt to ward off the headache she was getting. The scratch on her neck still trickled blood and she was only now aware of the pain that fright and shock had kept at bay.
She'd need someone to look after it in order to make sure it did not get infected or worse. Leaving the garden behind her she went in search of a healer.
~*~
Megumi glared disapprovingly at Kaoru, "how did you get a cut like that? You try to slit your throat and fail? If you despise living here so much we can easily send you back, you know."
Kaoru glared at, "I did not cause this." She snapped. "If you want someone to yell at you can go yell at Kenshin."
"Kenshin?" Megumi repeated sounding dumbfounded. "You say Kenshin did this to you?"
"I kinda. startled him when he was doing his katas." Kaoru said softly.
Megumi said a word Kaoru had not yet been taught. She assumed it was either some kind of swear or a prayer to some god. "And you're still alive after that?" She shook her head, "the gods must be on your side."
At Kaoru's inquiring gaze she elaborated. "You _do not_ go near Kenshin when he is like that. Kenshin. he's not exactly what could be termed as sane. When he has a sword in hand, he's not the same as he usually is and you better be prepared to stay out of his way or end up getting killed."
"How did he come to be like that?" Kaoru asked.
Megumi shook her head, "it's not my place to say."
Kaoru growled softly, "Megumi! First of I'm supposed to be married or whatever you call my engagement to him and second of all he almost slit my throat! I think I have a right to know!"
"Yeah, I guess you do." Megumi fidgeted slightly and that enough was to make Kaoru stare. Professional, cool and composed (when she wasn't snapping at Kaoru) Megumi fidgeting?
"It all has to do with Kenshin's parents I guess you could say. It all started because of them... In our land the high and noble born do not usually marry in what you may call love-matches. Most marriages are arranged, for power, land or political reasons. the ones to be married usually have no prior contact with each other before and no choice in the matter."
"We have marriages much like that in Kasshin - and the engagement I'm in with Kenshin is similar." Kaoru murmured.
Megumi nodded, "The old King and Queen were married much like this. In some marriages the couple sometimes does grow to love each other. not with one. The King and Queen hated each other. Still from their union they had six sons and everyone thought that despite their obvious resentment to each other everything would be fine." Megumi closed her eyes and shook her head slightly.
"All that changed when Kenshin was born. You see. his father was the King yes, but his mother was not the Queen. His mother was one of the Queen's handmaidens. and his birth nearly destroyed everything.
"The Queen killed his mother upon finding the identity of his father. She may have hated him but she could not stand the fact that he could love another that was not her. The King in turn killed her. It was said by those around him that he loved Kenshin's mother as he had never loved the Queen." Megumi closed her eyes for a moment before opening them again and continuing with the tale.
"The King decreed that Kenshin was to be raised as would any true son of his be raised - instead of the bastard child he was in all actuality. He would be trained as all the others with no distinction between them. The Queen's sons - Kenshin's half brothers hated him. They blamed him for their mother's death." Megumi's fists clenched, becoming white knuckled.
"They would torture him, beating him. the scar he has on his face happened when the eldest of his half brothers thought it would be fun to put his eyes out. Kenshin's eyes probably reminded them of his mother who had been the cause of their mother's death. Despite this all he never complained, never told anyone. Broken bones. bruises, he never did anything about them."
Megumi's mouth was a grim line. "He only told me once what they did to him. And when he did so he laughed - it wasn't a happy laugh either. 'It's my atonement for being the accident that I am, he said. That's what they would always tell him he was - an unwanted accident."
Kaoru felt her throat close up. 'It was just an accident Kenshin.' No wonder he had looked the way he had, acted the way he had when she had said that.
"When the King died there was a leadership battle. There always is one if the former King has more than one son. In our land only the strongest may lead us and so those of Royal Blood - even the Half-bloods fight for the right to lead."
Megumi got to her feet and walked around the room, needing to move around and no longer able to keep still. Her face was pale with memory.
"Kenshin was only fifteen when he fought. He had always been a good fighter - as good as any of his half brothers. No matter what they did to him though, he would not fight back - he stood there and let them do whatever they wanted to him. But when he fought them in the leadership battle it was not fighting - it was slaughter.
"He changed that day. Everything about him changed. Before his name had been Shinta - boy with a heart - in our language. He changed his name to Kenshin - boy with a hole in his heart. His eyes had been violet before, but no longer. They are gold now and have been so since that day. He may have won the right to be King but the cost was great." There were tears in Megumi's eyes as she reflected on what had happened.
"His mother was my mother's sister. I hated how he was treated; I did my best to be there for him when we were children. I love him and seeing what he has become since that day hurts me more than anything else. His soul shattered that day Kaoru. He was no longer Shinta - sweet and happy despite everything that he was put through - he became Kenshin and everything that made him Shinta before died."
There were tears in Kaoru's eyes. They were falling down her face, somehow she didn't notice.
"I think it was the ease in which he killed them that shocked him. He never gave them a chance. There was no honor in the bloodshed in those fights and Kenshin has always had his own odd sense of honor."
Megumi laughed softly. "Listen to me rambling on and on. Well now you know about him and what he's been through. You asked and there are your answers." Megumi eyed her critically for a moment. "You should be fine now the bleeding is stopped and I'll give you some cream to put on the cut when it hurts."
Kaoru nodded wordlessly.
"Here," Megumi turned and rummaged through one of the cabinets that held medicine. Finding a small jar she took it out and handed it to Kaoru. "Here's the cream. If it doesn't stop bleeding or doesn't show any sign of getting better once a few days have passed you come back to me."
Kaoru took it from her and attempted to smile. "Thank you."
"No," Megumi sighed. "You had a right to know."
~*~
Not much later Kaoru sat on the windowsill in her room gazing out the window. Her knees were pulled up to her chest and tucked under chin with her arms wrapped around them loosely. A bird flew past the window and she followed it with unseeing eyes.
How Kenshin had been treated. how she had been treated. they weren't much different. Kaoru's wounds were more mental than physical but nonetheless hurt equally.
We're both bastards, she thought. Wanted or not we're the same.
Soon after Kaoru's birth she had been abandoned by her mother and raised in the palace crèche with the other children. She barely knew her mother and all she knew of her father was that he was one of the many princes. At least Kenshin's parents had loved each other, and at least his father had wanted him instead of throwing him away upon birth like her mother had.
Kaoru pushed her thoughts away. The past was past and nothing could change it. What was done was done and nothing could alter that. She dropped her chin to her knees and closed her eyes. Tears leaked from the corner of her eyes.
We've both been wounded by our so called families. Both of them rejected and hated us. The tears flowed stronger and Kaoru couldn't stop them even if she had wished to do so. She cried for the both of them because he had never allowed himself to cry. He had never allowed himself to fight back and when he had he ended up destroying his soul from the pain and death he found he had caused.
After a long time when her tears subsided and no longer fell Kaoru raised her head. Outside her window it was dark; the stars were just starting to appear in the sky. See a star make a wish.
Make a wish, she thought. What should I wish for? I wish. I wish for Kenshin to be happy to no longer hurt anymore. I wish.for the both of us to find peace and let go of our pasts.
Outside her window the stars twinkled merrily and Kaoru found herself smiling, some of the sadness she felt fading away. What was the saying that Tae her foster mother had always said again?
Reach for the moon - because even if you fall you will still be among the stars.
Kaoru rubbed the last tears from her eyes and raised her head. The past no longer mattered. It was the future now that was important. The future was wide and open - full of promise.
I'll help you Kenshin, Kaoru promised. We'll help each other.
She stared out the window watching the stars until she finally fell asleep.
~*~
I remember reading somewhere that Shinta means "Boy with a heart" and Kenshin means "Boy with a hole in his heart."
~LadyShiin