Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-gi-oh.
YGOYGOYGOYGOYGOYGOYGOYGO
Ryou: Hostel, dormitory
There was a ritual to this. He didn't have a particular time, but it was usually as the sun was setting that he was in the mood to write one of these. As soon as he put the paper in the proper alignment and picked up the pen that he always used he didn't need to take a deep breath.
He had started writing the letters to Amane at the psychiatrist's suggestion: it really was like talking to her. Almost. It was calming, and made him smile and not mourn quite so much.
When he was focused on the letters, everything else became white noise, easily tuned out.Sometimes he didn't even hear people calling his name.
Face to face, it was hard to express himself. Maybe that was why he had gamed as a way to make friends: Jou said and everyone agreed that there wasn't any communication like that with your opponent in a duel. Monster World was the same way.
Yugi had come up to him at school, smiling, and asked him if he would ever want to have them over to play it again.
That had told him he was still their friend like nothing else had. Yugi was Yugi, still the same kindness he had had when Ryou met him.
He had hinted that he had no memory of building the table Bakura had faced Yami on. He didn't want them to know he had done it willingly.
But yes, he did want to have them over to his apartment again, wanted to have them be in his own little world, where he controlled the game. Him. Not Bakura.
That had, oddly enough, been the thing he had most… well, not hated, but close, Bakura for. Taking away his game, his control over the fantasy.
Well, it was odd that he would value that over the control of his own body.
He felt empty now. Yugi was right, the best therapy would be to fill himself up again. Return to gaming, his passion. Fill his head with monsters and statistics of battle and evil plans instead of Bakura's absence.
Yugi had asked him if he had ever seen Bakura's soul room. Apparently Yami had had an apartment in the Millennium Puzzle. Ryou never had. He hadn't been just a vessel, but close to it.
Yugi was the only one he could talk about this with.
Except Bakura. This was the best therapy, even more than gaming. Ryou laughed quietly. Better than gaming? That was heresy in his group of friends. Except for Anzu, she said the ultimate was dancing, but Anzu wasn't a duelist and couldn't be expected to understand, although everyone had been trying to push her into it: he'd seen her duel Jou and heard about her defeat of the Penguin fellow. Potential there.
But she wanted to control her own destiny.
He controlled his own destiny now. Now, he remembered all the times he hadn't. Bakura's last gift, releasing the binds of his memory?
Dear Bakura, he wrote to start with.
Was Bakura dear? He hadn't been a friend. Closer than a friend, even though Bakura had rejected that closeness, kept them at arms length even after he had finally told Ryou what he fought for.
It's somewhat surprising that I miss you. Jou sometimes looked at him oddly, surprised and a little suspicious that he wasn't celebrating.
I mean, most of the time I wasn't even aware you were there. Bakura had controlled his memory.
I remember everything now. I have to thank you, I hated having gaps in my memory. Those gaps had been Bakura's fault. Yami had done the same, early on, Yugi had told him.
I was so angry at you when I found out you were responsible for the comas, trapping people's spirits in dolls.
You told me you were paying rent, but it just seemed like another burden. No one was safe if they got near me. Bakura was possessive, had he not wanted to share his host for others? Ryou realized he wished that was the case. Otherwise it was just random cruelty, and Bakura was never random.
I wish you hadn't paid me, really. At least no in that way. I was so envious of Yugi and his Yami. The person who possessed him protected him, and not just because he didn't want the body damaged. Yami had fought to get Yugi back, not rejoiced he had the body to himself.
But, you took the hit for me at Battle City, in that duel you got us into against Yami. I need to ask you something. Why did you do it? Why?
Was it just because you knew that if you took the hit the body would survive and you would be able to see the Ring got back to it, possess me again? Logic told him that was probably the reason. Bakura was the dark spirit, after all. But his heart and memory said otherwise.
I was so scared, waking up there suddenly with no idea why I was injured. Then it was over and Jou took me to the infirmary. I was almost delirious. No, he didn't want to only talk about the bad stuff that had happened. They both knew about the bad stuff.
So much unsaid.
Then later you teamed up with Malik to fight his yami. You risked my body again so soon after the duel with Yami? That wasn't taking very good care of his host.
You were laughing as you dissolved into darkness, I remember now. Dying is a horrible memory to have. Like Yami's punishments must have been. What had Yugi thought of his wonderful Yami when his memories were released?
I think you didn't want me to die. I think you were the one to pull me out of the Shadow Realm when Marik lost and you got control over the Ring's power again. I remember a voice… He hadn't had much mind then, it was all barely even a pale grey blur.
And then I was fine and hungry. You kept me from remembering the scary parts. Did you encourage me to eat to take care of the body? I remember whispers. And getting the Ring back. Risked my life again.
You didn't say sorry, but I think you were. Am I right? Did you shelter me?
What was I to you? Just a vessel? I don't think so. I want to ask you.
Sincerely, Bakura Ryou.
He put the pen down, dealt with the letter properly, and went to make dinner. He had to take care of himself, living alone.