During their outings, when Podrick thought it prudent, he'd keep his distance but never let her out of his line of sight. During the first visits, she was nervous, paranoid and all he did was made her more anxious with his presence alone.
Every time they visited a new castle the lord would ask and make assumptions about why she would need a Kingsguard.
"Oh, he's visiting as a link to my brother, we are well aware that there are changes happening in the south and the quickest we're informed about them the better."
"He was seen training some of your men."
"...Training with my men. They know him from before, as do I. Ser Podrick is trustworthy."
"...We have no need for a Southerner, Your Grace."
"Of course we don't. But don't let it be said that we northerners are bad hosts, My lords."
Podrick didn't like when they talked about him like he wasn't in the room. But he was also surprised by her talent to proffer certain answers to all the 'buts' they threw about him. She probably was prepared for it.
"He's a Payne, Ma'am."
That was the only time that he saw her take time to answer as though calculating her words. Although it was something she had never brought up to him, he thought it was something that weighted on both their minds; at least he told himself that.
"We spoke of that a long time ago when, along with Ser Brienne, he helped me get to Castle Black," she answered the lords as she remembered the conversation they had while Brienne rode her horse ahead of them. They had known each other from King's Landing and they still hadn't spoken before; Sansa's first words to him were 'what are you doing with her?', which she had realized made him uncomfortable but he answered her cordially. "Ser Podrick is not his uncle. He's proven that to me more than once."
"Ma'am, please understand our misgivings."
"I understand them but I don't share them." She said after taking a sip of wine.
Watching her for hours on end let him get to know her better, to study her openly. He discovered that she hadn't changed much during his stay at King's Landing. Now she only had the certainty that came with power and the fact that she was well respected. When he would take notice of a Lord or Lady looking at her wrong, he'd become more protective, moving towards her or letting her nearest Guard know about it.
On a random evening he was unpleasantly surprised when he saw her using empty flattery to appease some of her subjects.
That wasn't the Sansa Stark that he remembered.
Further down the line, more than once at different visits he saw her discreetly use her beauty to her advantage when she needed to, but she never, not for a second, left aside her demure, lady-like posture. That had him feeling disappointed for a few days because he expected more from her... He honestly didn't know what he had expected.
He just realized he had her in a pedestal and although she didn't act improperly at all, he was disappointed.
What she did, she did without hiding. She'd let herself be courted for a few minutes and face to face by each of her lords, or men that came from good families and titles. He knew it was to strengthen loyalties and to maintain friendships but that didn't mean he had to like it.
Someone else who visibly disliked the situation was Lord Harry, who, he realized, was evidently interested in her. That was the reason for his rude greeting when they met and his overall animosity towards him.
He thought that he, Podrick, was a man who wanted to take advantage. Which wasn't true. And more than once he wondered if Her Grace was playing dumb to the man's interest.
He had noticed that in several occasion he would come near her but she would discreetly and immediately put a distance between them. The Lord's harshness was not the way to her heart, either. If there even was a way to her heart; surely, after what she experienced with Ramsey Bolton, there wasn't.
He knew it wasn't fair to think that. He felt compassion for her, even more when he remembered the atrocities committed by the bastard Lord against his enemies. The fact that Her Grace killed him in such a vicious manner told him everything, and Brienne not having said a word against it made it even clearer.
His opinion changed one day when she approached him and asked him in a low voice to stay by her side. A moment later a tall, older, jaundiced and extremely thin man approached them and waited a few second for Podrick to leave, but he stayed in place. The man greeted Her Grace reverently, making long and uncomfortable pauses every time he proffered any phrase, over thinking his words for way to long before saying them. Podrick studied him at every chance he got and suddenly she interrupted the man.
"Excuse me, my Lord, but I've just been informed of a very important matter," she said to the man before leaving and without giving him time to answer back.
Podrick gestured for her to walk ahead and he found himself following through the garden, "is he dangerous?" he whispered after taking several steps.
She looked ahead to the open landscape before her, "I've nothing against him but something in him makes me uncomfortable. He's an odd man."
Podrick nodded, "Maybe you intimidate him." A beautiful, young woman; the most powerful one too, that would intimidate anyone.
The fact that he gave the chills not only to her but to other women, from handmaids to ladies made her wary. "If the situation happens again and you don't see any of my advisors helping me get away, you're free to come and do so. He's important and I'm in no position to avoid him openly."
Podrick looked back and saw that the man was talking to another Lord but he was looking at them and then he averted his eyes.He would talk to her guards and advisors to find out more about the man.
"I see in your eyes that you don't approve."
He turned to her once more, "Ma'am?"
"...Me, letting those men believe that their conversation is interesting and their complements welcome."
Had he shown her in any way that he disapproved? "And they're not?" he asked, hesitantly. She gazed back at him and then rolled her eyes in a dramatic gesture of disbelief that stopped him from even doubting it, Podrick smiled in amusement, "occupational hazards, I suppose." Fake smiles and empty chatter.
"...I rather be in a council meeting or with a Lord talking about the North's businesses than in these social gatherings where some interaction is expected."
"...You hide it well, Ma'am. A few times there, I thought you were enjoying it." He thought she had enjoyed the chat they had at her cousin's wedding, he told himself uncertainly, but she didn't have to fake to like him as if he was some lord, he reminded himself, and she had spent more time with him, not just the few minutes she granted other men.
She sighed, "I'm sure it was because it was almost time to retire." she stated truthfully and once again she realized her sardonic words amused him... for the first time she felt a sort of familiarity, Arya had smiled at her like that, Jon too. "In my job appearances are everything."
"Well, at least you made their day, having them think for a while that you think they're interesting..."
"Most of them aren't."
"Ah, most of them," he said teasingly, that meant that one or two had caught her attention.
It was her who was amused by his comment, "the vast majority." The pressure on her to be betrothed and wedded were ever present. She had no interest to do so but she would do it when it was right because continuing her family name was crucial to her. But she wouldn't say so to avoid the pressure. "most of my advisors, even my guards already know to take me away from my suitors if I spend more than a couple of minutes with them. It's better than showing them my lack of interest."
He now understood why she was sharing that information, so that he would do the same when she needed it. "Understood, Ma'am."
Sansa took a deep breath and looked back seeing too many people still in the yard, what she wanted was to scurry away, not socializing. "I don't want to go back there" she stated tiredly.
Podrick nodded noticing in her tone that she had made her mind up to go back. Seeing as she didn't continue he asked, "Your orders, ma'am?"
"...I can't just leave..."
"You're the Queen...you can leave." Her brother very rarely attended his own gatherings and when he did it was a short and concise affair. He definitely didn't socialize.
There were times when she could but this wasn't one of those times, "I can't afford to be impolite."
Podrick raised his brows, "are you impolite a lot, ma'am?" he asked teasingly but respectfully, as a matter of fact, she was the most lady-like woman, being Queen only accentuated that feature in her.
"Sometimes more subtly than others," She said on a tired exhale and she was surprised when she felt a smile on her face, almost mockingly, she saw Ser Podrick returning her smile, "it's not funny," she groaned as she felt herself smiling more openly, which he mirrored, and it had them both lowering their heads to hide their smiles.
He gave her a side-glance, it was unusual to see her smiling like that, it looked good on her, "I'm sorry ma'am." He tried to get serious as he looked in another direction.
She took a big breath, "Stop apologizing so much, you do it when there's no need for it, have you noticed?" She closed her eyes on a heavy sigh, "...Pulling a smile out of me doesn't call for an apology."
He didn't feel like he had made her smile, she's the one who made the comment. "I think it's funny how you sometimes make some ironic and biting comments, Ma'am." During this outing she had done so several times and he always tried to remain serious and mostly failed.
"I've noticed."
Her advisors would sometimes scolded her for treating some Lords —who deserved it, in her opinion— like that and more than once she had seen Ser Podrick lowering his face to hide a grin.
Because of that, she found herself looking for his approval a couple of times when she had made a mean comment, "you aren't one of my advisors, or a lord or my subject, it's a relief no having to worry about what I say in front of you, Ser Podrick."
Being more or less the same age helped too. Most of her Lords and advisors were older that her and her ladies were too polite and young to appreciate it when she came to the same level of a man.
"...And I'm never too sure of how to act around you. We weren't more that acquaintances before. You would order Brienne and she me. And now I'm by your side. I'm used to serving lords, the only Lady I've served was Ser Brienne and she wasn't strictly a lady... so sometimes I feel lost and I forget my place when I'm in your presence, Ma'am."
She turned to look at him and saw him staring into the horizon with the wind blowing in his hair. He was letting his bear grow, probably because of the cold or to blend in with northern men who didn't accept him and wouldn't hide it.
She stopped looking at him, "In my case, I think I'm beginning to trust you because of the circumstances… and nostalgia," she admitted. For starters, she shouldn't be here with him avoiding the celebration. "Talking to you is certainly more entertaining than chatting with those men."
Because there were no pretensions between them. "I'm flattered, Ma'am." Though he had noticed that one day they'd have a short, nice chat and the next would be rigid and stoic. She was always so stern and he was afraid to saying something he shouldn't. And speaking of, "...But you have to consider the rumors." They had only shared a few conversations these past two months but he knew his stay in Winterfell and his constant presence by her side wasn't appreciated, and they were giving people fodder for talk. That on top of what had transpired at lord Robyn's wedding.
"Those who know me should know that those rumors are fabrications."
She said as she started walking again, "And those who believe them are assuming that my life is far more interesting than it is..."
Podrick hesitated before following her, "Let me remind you, Ma'am that the gossip will reflect as badly on me as it will on you. I took an oath as a Kingsguard. I can't gamble my achievements on rumors." It was hard enough to keep his celibacy vows to throw it all away because she was feeling rebellious enough to dismiss the gossip.
This time she realized her error and she felt herself blushing, "... this time I'm the one who has to apologize, Ser Podrick." She'd forgotten about those vows. She turned and they went back to rejoin the celebration.
It wasn't as though he was entertaining the thought that the rumors could come true, least of all with her because she wasn't just unattainable, she wasn't his type either. It was just that sometimes it was tempting to think about sex.
From what he saw in Kings Landing when he was Lord Tyrion's young squire and what he saw now as a Kingsguard, almost every guard still had sex after taking their vows and everyone else knew it and pretended they didn't as long as their duties to the crown remained their priority.
Podrick had been serious about following his oath to the letter. It was hard, sometimes almost impossible but he had managed so far. "Besides, ma'am, I know you're not that indifferent to the rumors. Right know you're speaking out of anger and exhaustion."
"...That's probably true."
"You have an impeccable reputation to uphold."
She knew that more than anyone.Still, her lords had had to tame her bouts of anger sometimes to stop her from saying something she shouldn't. Pretty much in the same way he had just done.
Podrick saw his chance for a joke, "And with all due respect, Ma'am, if what you want is to start a rumor, I'd recommend someone better than me, someone with more stature."
A side glance showed her he was smiling. When she faced him he subtly nodded to the Scary Man.
Sansa tried not to smile back, "... Ser Podrick, just because I'm not interested in those matters doesn't mean I don't have standards."
Quite high ones, he figured,he thought as he smiled at her more openly.
After a few moments he escorted her back to where most people had gathered. Podrick suddenly recognized a Lord he knew and the man nodded to him in greeting from afar. He was a Lord from the Reach and he knew him because a while back he had accompanied Ser Davos and Lord Bronn to speak to him. He was curious to see the man this far up north.
"Do you know him?" Sansa asked, because she obviously didn't.
"Yes Ma'am," he tried to remember his name until he found it, "Lord Ashford of the Reach."
Sansa frowned seeking the man again and remembering her uncle Edmure had mentioned the man; she didn't want to miss he chance, "he brings in wood from Essos, right?"
"...Yes, Ma'am." he saw her immediately connecting the dots.
He knew Podrick, which meant that he'd treated with her brother and that they probably had bought wood to reestablish the Six Kingdom's fleet. It was the same man that had closed a deal with her uncle, which interested her. "Can you introduce me?"
Podrick was surprised and uncomfortable at the request. "I'm not a guest, Ma'am... I think the lord that brought him should do it." She knew that.
.
.
Some days later, during one of her last visits, the celebration underway was one of the most enthusiastic ones.
Podrick stood beside a table filled with young people and children. A young man was talking excitedly about the Queen.
'It was her who won the Battle of the Bastards, not Jon's sword. She ended her husband and took Winterfell back. She passed justice on the biggest traitor her family knew Lord Baelish, and she did it in front of the army he had brought to win the battle. She spoke for the entire North to challenge the Dragon Queen knowing her life depended on it. During the Long Night, she welcomed everyone who sought refuge in her castle, she protected and fed them. In the weeks that followed, she was in charge of fixing Winterfell and Winter Town; she made sure that the people who was left with nothing and did want to leave could stay in houses that were left empty. She divided the grain left in equal parts and returned to every lord because they would need it as much as her since winter didn't stop. And then she marched to King's Landing along the Vale's army despite the Lords' protests. She went to rescue her brother and when she returned she proclaimed independence.'
It was clear that the young man admired her. Podrick smiled when the lad looked at him, 'Do you think she'll dance with me?' He found himself babbling for a moment not knowing what would be prudent to say, "It's better to be brave and be refused than to live a life regretting not asking the question."
He saw the young man studying his words, to have a girl interject and tell Pod that his words were silly and the rest of the table nodded trying to make the boy desist telling him that if the Queen refused him it would be the worst thing that would ever happen to him.
Podrick grinned and sought her with his eyes, oddly, she was dancing with one of many Lords and after a twirl, he saw him place a hand on her lower back, a bit low for his liking.
Even with the words she spoke to him last time, he didn't feel in a position to act, plus he could see that the display wasn't inappropriate. Still, he looked at Lord Harry, who immediately approached them. She stopped and Podrick was able to read on Her Grace's lips the words, "Let go of me, please" and he saw the Lord releasing her just before Lord Harry got to them apologizing and surely telling Her Grace that he needed to inform her of something important.
She left the hall through the door that he was guarding and he noticed she was upset and blushing, but also relieved from being rescued. Lord Harry was walking behind her and he followed them as not to lose them from his sight but he stopped when he saw them stopping after a turn on a near-by corridor.
"You shouldn't play these games if you don't want to be shocked afterwards, Ma'am." Lord Harry said, unable to contain his anger and indignation.
Sansa just held his gaze, upset by his veiled jealousy and his words, "...These games, as you call them, are necessary sometimes. Do you think I like them?" Some opinions he should keep to himself.
As if reading her mind he replied, "I'm your advisor and my job is to speak up when I find it necessary."
"...Then, make sure to only share the opinions that are necessary for your job."
"…This is not personal."
"Then why aren't my other advisors here, passing judgment?"
Podrick lowered his gaze and acted like he wasn't listening to the scene and the words they continued to exchange. Had he seen them being friendly with each other during any other interaction? He wasn't sure.Cordial? yes, but not friendly. The conversation ended with her turning and going back to the dancing hall passing him by in a rush. On his part, he followed her into the hall to continue working and never taking his eyes off her.
Almost an hour later, he saw the young man standing up and staring at her as if gathering the courage. "Maybe on the next visit," he advised. The man told him he had to take advantage of the fact that no one else was asking her to dance. Podrick was about to reply but the girl from before stepped in —she was probably his sister from the way she spoke— "That's because she doesn't want to dance anymore, stupid."
.
.
.
They tried not to stay in the same castle for over a day during these outings, and when they had to spend the night she would be restless until one night —as he escorted her to her room along two guards— she admitted that she couldn't stop thinking about The Red Wedding during these feasts. Podrick didn't reply or eased her worries. Sometimes he would post one of his guards along her Queensguard and sometimes he would stay with them all night by her door while she slept.
During one of their outings another handsome and gallant young man gathered the courage to approach Her Grace with some flowers and a package with lemon cakes, as it was known that they were her favorites. She thanked him and innocently entertained him for a couple of minutes before saying goodbye. When they were walking to the carriage Podrick saw Her Grace and her favourite lady in waiting, Lady Rose, sharing a look and a complicit smile. They were probably laughing at how young the man was.
"He'd suit you better than me." She told the young woman that she was so fond of.
Lady Rose took the small packages as they walked and she breathed in the aroma of the flowers, "the flowers for me and the cakes for you?" he saw the Queen agreeing.
It wasn't until they reached Lord Harry that he showed his annoyance with the innocent situation, "you shouldn't act as though you're selling yourself to the highest bidder, Ma'am.".
Podrick came to a halt. So did Her Grace and Lady Rose. The silence was striking but he wasn't in any position to stand up for her; he was one of her guards, yes, but not really.
Lady Rose was looking at him over her shoulder as if expecting him to act but Her Grace carried on to get inside the carriage and Lady Rose followed. The Queen herself bent over and closed the door from inside to deny Lord Harry access.
For some reason Lord Harry went straight to where he was left standing and stopped in front of him, "... That's no way to address your Queen," was the only thing Podrick managed to say since he suspected that anything more would bring in problems with the entire North. He straightened his posture expecting a punch from that giant but nothing came.
The man sighed, "I know...I just..." he left the words in the air, "...Sometimes I can't control myself around her."
It surprised Podrick, that revelation. Being jealous of a boy with an innocent gesture. Although he assumed that there was more to it that he didn't know about.
"Ser Podrick, get me a horse."
"Right away, My Lord." he replied and followed the order to then ride by the carriage when they were in motion.
When they arrived at the inn where they would spend the night he didn't see Lord Harry escorting her to her room along the Guard as usual. When they had dinner, he saw him drink more wine and ale than normal. Her Grace dined in her room.
Maybe the drinks loosened up the man because for the first time, he saw him being less uptight and sharing with the soldiers. On his part, he found himself having a good time and he forced himself to leave the dining room to seat outside her room, trading posts with the guards, whom he saw finishing the lemon cakes that the young lord had given her earlier. At a very late hour, he saw Lord Harry coming up and walking to her room.
"Her Grace is resting." Jacob, the Lord Commander of the Queensguard, spoke.
Podrick had Lord Harry looking directly at him.
"I just want to apologize."
It wouldn't be appropriate at this hour. Podrick looked at Jacob and nodded at him, letting him know he would deal with this. He walked toward the lord and was surprised to see that he followed when he guided him to his own room.
"How? I've no clue. I'm not used to apologizing. But she also needs to understand that she has to make herself respectable." he whispered as though not wanting to be heard.
She was the most respected woman in the north and he thought those words were because the lord was drunk. "Apologize tomorrow, My Lord. I doubt she'd want to be awaken for it...and in the meantime, think about what you'll say."
He sighed, "She's the exact opposite of what I once thought." he stated drunkenly.
"Aren't all women?" Podrick smiled as he stopped three doors down. The two rooms that flanked hers were always occupied by her ladies in waiting and handmaids. "Your room, My Lord."
The man walked towards it and Podrick stayed with him until he saw him lying on the bed face down and still dressed. He closed the door and immediately heard loud snores.
The next morning Lord Harry went to look for Ser Podrick on the stables while he was checking the estate of the horses to make sure that they were ready for their impending departure, "...I wanted to thank you for stopping me from going to the Queen last night. It would have made things worse."
Podrick smiled, "Some advice, My Lord, if you will," The man hesitated but eventually nodded, "I think it'd be better if you don't judge her and make things easier on her. If you put yourself in her shoes, not as an advisor, you'd understand what she's living with." Right away he knew that the man didn't like what he said because he stood defensively.
"Ser Podrick, make no mistake. I don't need a nobody...giving me advice. You might know how to deal with whores and loose girls but not with a lady like her. Certainly, not as to understand her."
That change baffled Podrick, who only got red from anger.
"It's better that you listen to my advice; you remember your place."
It wasn't because he remembered his place that he didn't talk back to the man but because he didn't like fist fights. He turned to the lord holding his place, his head high and ready for a fight, not letting himself be intimidated, just because he didn't like fights didn't mean he would cower from one.
And if he provoked him with another insult he already knew what he would reply.
From then on he obviously started to avoid the lord, and the one time he ordered Podrick to bring him something he answered that he was there to serve Her Grace and not him. He saw him get red and his fists closing but he did nothing against his insolence. He waited for a few days to hear a rumor saying he, Podrick, was difficult to work with or that what happened reached Her Grace's ears and that she'd have him called for an explanation but that didn't happen.
Someone else who he saw avoiding the man was the Queen and her lady.
.
On a random dawn in one of those foreign castles when he was posted on her door she left the room saying she was sleepless and worried. Jacob, her head guard asked if she was going for a walk and she said she wanted to visit the library.
Wordlessly they found themselves on the room, she entered and he stayed out with the other guards.
Podrick took a look inside a couple of times and he found her worried and staring into the dissonance instead of lost in a book. She looked for solitude, he had already realized that.
She hadn't any friends that he had met and he wasn't sure what her kinship with Lady Rose entailed. She seemed to be fond of the lady but she sometimes talked down on her.
He had heard her and Lord Cromwell talking about taking more ladies on these visits, 'Oh, I don't need them, we all know why they will be there for. Remember Lord Cromwell that I'm not interested in such affairs.' Podrick had blushed at her direct manner of talking but he kept staring at the floor willing himself to be invisible and he noticed that her goal, making her advisor uncomfortable, had been achieved as he heard him mumbling and giving in, 'two ladies in waiting, then, Ma'am.'
After a while of waiting outside the library he couldn't help but stepping inside, "Is everything alright, Ma'am?"
She looked at Podrick as he took her out of her revelry. She was surprised that he had dared disturbed her, "...worries abound," she simply said.
He nodded, "would you like me to have Lady Amelia called here?" since her ladies in waiting were there to keep her company and entertain her with conversation, card games or reading more than to preserve her honor. They also were there to judge the suitors that would go near her, giving her opinions good and bad. She stared at him as though reaching a conclusion, then she gestured to the seat in front of her. A cautious voice in him told him that he should have better stayed out with the guards.
He took a seat, "What do you think of Lord Harry?" she decided to ask as she was still angry at what had happened.
He definitively didn't want to get involved in the troubles between them, "...he's a good advisor," he said tentatively.
He was.His connections outside the North were something she couldn't deny, "...and personally?"
He lowered his eyes, "I know what this is about. And no, he shouldn't have treated you like he did...there was no reason for it." he saw her nodding without letting on what she thought of his words.
"And I didn't feel in any position to say something. He's a Northerner and I'm a foreigner. We were at a northerner house-"
She raised her hand to stop him, "you have one job, just the one, to protect me, not to stand up for me."
Podrick nodded as he suspected that she knew about his hostility with Lord Harry but the silence continued, which made him more uncomfortable.
Sansa knew that sometimes her cold and stern demeanor made people uncomfortable, "I wanted to inform you that from now on Lord Cromwell will stay by my side as my head advisor."
Podrick had already noticed that. He nodded and was about to stand but stopped at her words.
"I haven't dismissed you."
He immediately blushed and took his pace, "I'm sorry, Ma'am."
"It's alright." Sansa faked a smile more to put him at ease than because she felt like it, "Do you remember that some weeks ago I told you that I feel I can trust you because you're not my subject?"
Yes, that he was no one of importance and therefore she didn't worry about how she expressed herself in front of him, "I remember everything you tell me, Ma'am."
That wasn't the answer she expected, "I would like you to be honest with me about what you think..."
That surprised him, "I'm always honest."
"I know. But you don't...share your opinions, your concerns. I would like you to."
"I'm not going to talk about your brother's reign, ma'am, it's not why he sent me."
"You're misunderstanding me, Ser Podrick, I'm not asking you to disclose that, just like I trust you not to talk to him about my reign's business. What I meant is that I want someone to not...blindly treat me as their Queen, someone who speaks their mind without caring if it annoys me. Like Brienne used to do. You remember, right?"
Yes, in more than one occasion he had been shocked at the direct manner in which Brienne spoke to, question and contradicted her; respectfully but assertively, letting her know when she thought she was wrong. "I'm in no position to do that, Ma'am, and also, that's why you have advisors."
"First, if you want to, I'm putting you in that position, and secondly, my advisors care about the realm, not me and my wellbeing." Sansa pointed to a chess board that was on a table and he brought it.
"I'm warning you, Ma'am, I'm not good at this game." he said as he thought about what she had just said, it was something that concerned him.
Chess was about strategy. She had thought that a warrior would be good at this; the Lord Commander of her Guard was a formidable adversary that always won against everyone he competed, "Not to worry, neither am I." She was lying. They set the pieces in silence and seeing as he didn't continue she spoke, "what do you think of my proposal?"
He swallowed, "You trusted Brienne a great deal, probably because of your gender, Ma'am. There are things I couldn't say without feeling like I'm overstepping."
Interesting, "Such as?"
Podrick moved awkwardly and he groaned before speaking, "Ma'am I-"
"Come on, humor me, I'm giving you a free pass, just for now as long as we're in this library, you can change your mind tomorrow." She made the first move in the game. He had his eyes on the game, surely assessing what to say instead of planning his move.
He felt blushing and after thinking he made up his mind since he had started that conversation, and he made his move, "I don't know what your relationship with Lord Harry is, but you're familiar enough for him to think he can say what he said."
He had practically called her a whore. His eyes rose and he saw her blushing, perhaps upset that he had chosen to address that first.
Sansa immediately realized her idea wasn't so good, she made another move, "Tell me, Ser Podrick, do you think I'm too familiar with you?"
He mumbled for a moment not knowing what to say; on the one hand she mostly kept her distance and on the other she was friendly on occasion. He guessed that if he had a higher position there wouldn't be anything odd about it, "Yes."
She raised her eyebrows, "Inappropriately so?"
The heat in the room kept increasing but he didn't have to think twice about that, "No, ma'am, you're a lady."
His words held a bit of irony in them, although she always tried to behave appropriately, her position would make her betray certain moral dilemmas at times. "Lord Harry thinks I give you inappropriate attention, just as you just implied I give him."
He interjected before she continued, "I didn't imply anything, Ma'am. And I didn't say your relationship with him is improper, you misunderstand me," he said worriedly and starting to sweat.
Seeing him uneasy amused her for some reason, she smiled to appease him, "Don't worry, Ser Podrick, I know what you meant."
Then why was she twisting the conversation? He wondered, a bit bothered as he wiped his brow with the back of his hand.
Sansa made her move and she waited for him to make his, they did this a couple of times while she argued with herself, not about telling him or not about Lord Harry, since she herself didn't care about it, but about being too familiar with him. "Do you wonder why Lord Harry seems to think he can be that familiar with me?" he took his piece and tapped the board with it as though thinking about it.
She was definitely putting him in an awkward situation but he didn't know if it was on purpose, Podrick made a decision, "may I ask a favor?"
She raised her eyebrow, "It depends on what it is."
"...Due to my position you intimidate me, because of the way you speak. We're not equals and sometimes you treat me as one but I'm not sure if you're testing me, if there's a riddle somewhere, a game...a deception... though, I don't think that's the word... Forgive me if I'm offending you but... I'm not sure what to make of you, of this conversation."
His words surprised her and her eyes found his, Ser Podrick was staring openly at her and it didn't seem to intimidate him as she thought it would.
It suddenly felt that they were staring at each other for far too long, as if it were an unspoken challenge between them, ordinary brown eyes, sincere eyes, a deep and honest stare, nice eyelashes and brows that suited his eyes and the shape of his face, his eyes again, full blushing cheeks, a few week's old beard, dark and well-kept, his eyes again...he wasn't attractive but he was handsome.
Feeling that her eyes were slowly traveling through his features, it was her who broke her haze. What were they talking about? Suddenly she remembered, "You're right, Ser Podrick, the word isn't deception at all." she said plainly. She looked at the board and made a move to realize her mistake right away, "what was the favor?"
Even after she broke her gaze he had been distracted by the blue of her eyes, by her long eyelashes, he couldn't remember anyone looking at him with so much depth and honestly before, so openly. So beautiful.
"...I'd like to talk with the friendly Queen that you were at your cousin's wedding," he heard himself say unabashedly, like she wasn't her but some woman he was flirting with and he immediately felt mortified; she was surprised and he debated whether to go on, deciding that it was worst to back-track "...the one you let me see, at times."
She realized that he was deeply embarrassed, "That friendly Queen only comes out when her guard is down". She heard the defensiveness in her tone coming out because he made her remember everything that life took from her since she first travelled to Kings Landing.
He felt himself sweating again, he suspected that what he said next would mark the remainder of his time in the North, "then let it down, Ma'am, I don't judge. I'm no one. You don't have to worry about me." he made the next move with shaking hands as he pretended that there was something deeply interesting on the chess board while he awaited her reply.
Sansa looked at him for a few seconds while he wasn't facing her and she felt uncertain, wasn't this what she wanted? Someone to tell the truth to her face?
She planned her next move though she couldn't fully focus on it. She played, another mistake, she exhaled deeply looking at the piece, "...Lord Harry's father was a great man; he wished to see me married to his son. I never made any promises or agreed but for a while, Lord Harry believed himself betrothed to me. I made it clear we weren't. I know he understands that nothing more will come out of our professional relationship but at times he seems to forget it."
And when he did, Sansa would contemptuously remind him. The man was not easy to get along with, so why would she be?
Some things were starting to make sense about that. "...I see, now" He was surprised that she would reveal that and that she would dismiss what could have been his own great mistake against her.
Sansa searched his eyes again, "in your opinion, do you believe the lord's unwanted attention may become a major problem for me?"
"I don't know the man, Ma'am." He noticed that she didn't like his reply, "...but if what I saw a couple of days ago with you is any indication I understand why you were upset... I'm assuming he didn't take it well when you relieved him of his position to grant it to Lord Cromwell." Podrick moved a piece on the board.
"He actually didn't take it badly. He said that he thought it was appropriate for him to take a break and he apologized."
"…That's good." That surprised him…
She thought so too, "But today he was showing his dislike for my newfound friendship with Lord Hillman."
He measured his words before speaking, "Not that I'm siding with him, Ma'am, but Lord Hillman...he's a good reason to be jealous." he admitted, "out of all of your suitors he's the most handsome and gallant and he seems to esteem you."
She raised her brow, "If I wanted to hear about the man's qualities I'd be speaking with Lady Rose about him." If the young woman had been present she wouldn't stop speaking about him, but they were near her father's lands and she had allowed her to stay there for a few weeks before joining them.
Podrick couldn't help but find the comment funny, "...I'm just saying that you seemed to be having a nice time with him, Ma'am." She certainly had given him more than the usual three minutes she gave her other suitors.
The Lord was easy on the eyes and he knew how to play his hand, acting charming and interesting, he could charm a snake if he set out to do that, and she knew this kind of people, someone to be reckoned with. "I told you, not everything is as it seems."
Podrick stared at her with doubts because she had seemed quite taken with the man. And he wasn't the only one who had noticed. She wasn't fooling him, "…and sometimes it is."
"…Perhaps…" She admitted, it wasn't above her to be attentive —and entertained— when she was studying an attractive, charming man; studying the way they pretended, how they screwed up, how they'd get out of that situation, how much they were into their part, how they think. And yes, he was so good in the role he played that she would have fallen for it if she wasn't ready to expect the worst of people.
To a point that was what she was doing with Podrick, studying him; but unlike Lord Hillman she didn't see him acting the part, there was nothing that worried her or made her wary of his intentions, "but those conversations are trivial...a distraction."
"Distractions are good. They clear the mind." Something she surely needed constantly.
Yes. And without intending to she read something more in his words. There was a veiled difference between a distraction for a man like him and a woman like her. One she didn't mention because it wasn't prudent and there was no reason for it.
Sansa gestured to the chess board and he nodded. They played a few hands then, "I don't doubt that there will be talk by tomorrow. But regardless of how gallant and handsome Lord Hillman appears to be, he doesn't fulfill the requirements I need."
They were going back to the conversation form a couple of weeks ago and he tentatively smiled before speaking, "... One can only assume that your standards are high, Ma'am."
She nodded, "More than high, I've made them unreachable." After speaking she realized who she was telling this... Podrick knew first hand of her past with Lord Bolton and she was oversharing.
That made him replace his tentative smile with a genuinely amused grin, "...and yet, I suspect that a handful of men will take that as a challenge."
"Stop talking about my suitors, Ser Podrick." she asked nicely, "I'm not lying when I say that if I wanted to talk about them I'd be chatting with one of my ladies in waiting, or with my advisors."
Podrick nodded, and yes, they always circled back to that subject, now that he thought about it. He decided to be a bit friendlier since she hadn't shut him down, "…Ma'am, I apologize, but you're not really good at this game."
Sansa lifted her eyebrows after a few moments; most people would have let her win.And his honesty was proven once more, even by him saying those words who very few people would say to her.
She arranged the pieces to start a new match. "That's because I was paying more attention to our conversation." She lied; she had been willing to lose on purpose just to see if he was honest when it came to something as simple as this.
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Once more, thanks to fangfaceandrea for this translation.