Title: Never Go Back
Author: jtjaforever
Date: 3/6/06
Pairing: J/T
Rating: PG-13
Characters: John;Teyla;the team; Weir;Caldwell;Beckett;Zelenka
Genre: Romance
Word Count?
Achieving: None, but let me know if you use.
Warnings: Mild angst
Spoilers: Inferno
Disclaimers: These characters belong to the producers and writers of
SGA. I'm only borrowing them.
Summary: Episode filler. How did John feel after finding out Teyla &
Ronon had survived the inferno. No Beta - straight to site. All
reviews welcome.

"Never Go Back"

"This the Deadalus. Are there any survivors aboard?"

"Yes, sir. In fact we have a pretty big passenger list."
John could hear the excited voices of crew members in the background
and the sigh of relief in Caldwell's voice.

"...but, Teyla and Ronon, didn't...", his throat constricted. He
couldn't seem to voice the words.

"We are here, Colonel Sheppard", Teyla's voice sounded over the
com. "Thanks to Colonel Caldwell we are safe and alive."
Rodney, Carson and John all looked at each other and smiled. John
lower his head as if relieved of a great burden.

"Great, then we will see you in Atlantis."

When Teyla and Ronon entered Weir's office with Caldwell their eyes
had met as they smiled at each other. He had to fight the ache is
his gut to run, to touch her, to make sure she was real. Instead, he
crossed the room toward them at a casual pace.

"I thought I had lost you two. You know how I feel about leaving my
people behind. Don't let it happen again", he tried to make his
tone light.

Ronon slapped a large hand onto his shoulder and with a huge smile
playing across this lips. "Sheppard, you're getting almost as good
as me when it comes to getting out of a jam."

John merely rolled his eyes. "Geez, thanks for that Ronon."

"No problem." Ronon smiled noting the looks that passed between
John and Teyla. " I think I'll go and give Rodney a hard time now."

"Yeah, you do that" John said, his eyes never leaving Teyla's.

"Teyla"

"Colonel"

"It's good to see you." His throat was tight and he found the words
hard to speak. He hoped the emotion he was feeling wasn't seeping
though.

"As it is you," her reply a mere whisper.

Again they could only stare into each others eyes. There was
something about her eyes something he had thought he had only
glimpsed. Now it seems to overwhelm him as he looked into their
depths. There words that each needed to say, wanted to say, but now
was not the time or the place.

Elizabeth entered the office and called the debriefing to order.
John sat next to Rodney, a body width away from Teyla. Even now he
had to egg Rodney to keep his thought focused on the task at hand.
Had he sat next to Teyla he didn't know if he could have controlled
the urge of not touching her, looking at her though the whole
meeting. So, he sat next to Rodney, across from Weir, and kept his
mind focused on the present.

He watched Teyla and Ronon as they left the office. Her head turned
briefly to give him a smile before she disappeared out the door. He
had wanted to go to her, walk with her, but duty still called.
There were things to do and he knew she understood.

Now he stood outside her quarters. His hands shaky, his heart
pounding as he knocked on her door. Teyla's door opened and she
stood in the doorway. Her warm brown eyes held his and without a
word she merely moved away from the door for him to enter.

John entered the room, briefly noting that it was dark with the
exception of the candles lit about the room. Teyla still stood by
the door, her back to him, in the shadows.

"Teyla," he whispered her name as if a prayer. She turned toward
him then, walked toward him slowly out of the shadows. Her cheeks
were streaked with tears and his heart that was pounding so
relentless before felt as if it was about to burst. He met her, his
hands gently wiping away the tears. Taking her into his arms, he
held her tight unable to stop his own tears as they fell into her
hair.

They held each other like that for untold minutes as each let the
warmth of the others body reassure them that they were indeed whole,
alive and with each other. John finally pulled back and cradled her
face in his hands, tilting her head to look into his eyes.

"I thought I had lost you," his voice choked with emotion.

"And I you," she whispered.

His hands caressed the curve of her jaw, her cheek. His eyes
drank in every feature of her face burning them into his memory. He
had never felt for anyone or anything the way he felt for this woman
and he had almost lost her.

Teyla's hands came up to gently sweep across his brow at the turf of
hair that always seem to stray there. She traced it down the side
of his face then lightly across his lips. Then she brought her
other hand and placed up to cup his face to lower his forehead to
hers.

John placed his forehead next to hers and then kissed her temple.
Pulling her closer into his embrace he lightly kissed his way down
her face to the curve of her neck and the pulse that he felt rapidly
beating there. His lips then traced a path back up to take her soft
lips with his.

The kiss started out slow, almost chaste and then she open her mouth
to him, her tongue sending him a sweet invitation and he took it.

Lips and tongues mingled and tasted each other. Hands explored
exposed flesh and memorized the curves and planes of each others
bodies as the heat built between them. When they finally broke away
from each other, breathing heavily, they were smiling. John reached
for Teyla again and kissed her again - slowly, soundly. When
finished he brought his head back to rest against hers.

"Teyla, I want there to be more between us. You have taught me so
much, given me so much. If you have been lost to me I don't know if
I could have gone back to what I was before you."

"John, are you sure?"

Her words gave him hope as well as trepidation. "I've never been
surer of anything. Do you doubt the sincerity of my words?"

He watched as she searched his face, his eyes not unlike the first
time they met and then she smiled.

"No. It is just that I need to be sure that the seriousness of what
could have happened has not prompted you to say things you may not
be able to uphold."

John pushed her away from him arms length as anger and disappointed
started to rear its ugly head. Then he realized the source of her
doubts and he could feel himself blush with shame. He ran a hand
through his hair.

"I'm sorry. I understand my actions of the past months have been a
bit...rash, impulsive. But, what can I say - I'm a guy and guys can
be jerks sometimes. He threw his hands up in frustration.

Teyla raised a well arched brow. "Really?"

"Really," he said taking her back into his arms giving her one of
his boyish smiles. "However, this is one guy that has learned that
there is only one woman for him and he happens to be holding her in
his arms. I love you, Teyla. Today only made me see what I've been
denying since the first day I met you. I love you."

"And I you, John Sheppard with all that I am. There is something of
great value I would like to give you. Something I have saved for
the man that could only be truly worthy of it. You are that man
and I give it to you freely."

Teyla pulled John's mouth to hers and kissed him fully, deeply. She
then took his right hand and placed it over her heart and did the
same with her own. Taking his left hand she gently wrapped her
fingers with his.

"John, I give you myself - complete, whole and pure. Before the
Ancestors and those loved and lost I give myself freely to you."

John understood her words and the love he felt could only be matched
by the deep respect and honor that this beautiful woman had
bestowed upon him. Her love - her womanhood, she had placed in his
hands and he would do all in his power to honor her just the same.

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it gently and as his eyes
met hers he hoped they spoke to her all his heart held, but words
were useless to express. When she smiled and gently touched his
cheek he knew he had succeeded.

He swept her up into his arms and lay her gently on the bed, his
body closely molding to hers. As he kissed her gently he knew that
his life had been forever changed and he could never go back.