The trip back to Winterfell was uneventful, at various points, groups of men from her army had been waiting to join her retinue in strategic locations where they had set camp to spend the night. Slowly but surely the large group made its way onwards. Sansa was able to see peasants who came out to greet her even though she remained hidden for safety.
The enclosure felt suffocating at times but it was made agreeable by Ser Podrick and others who would offer conversation and the occasional card game. She would only stretch her legs at night when she left the wheelhouse to rest; then, she would walk along the road that was surrounded by the army on site and ready to spend the night there too.
The injuries that Lord Manderly, Lord Harry and Ser Podrick suffered also made their days uncomfortable but the experience was especially torturous during the harsher parts of the road. There were maesters present but they tended to give more attention to the lords than to the knight and Podrick kept telling her that it was fine, that he didn't need the attention, that his pain was only there because he had spent all day sitting and as soon as he laid down the pain was gone.
Podrick was her one constant companion during the trip, along with one of her maesters, since he was always on the wheelhouse with her. Her other two companions, Lord Royce and Lord Cromwell, would take turns with Lord Harry, Lady Wylla and even Lord Manderly. However, the Manderlys only rode with them until they reached the King's Road before continuing on to White Harbor.
Sometimes, she was very aware of Podrick's frustration with his own pain and with spending so much time confined, and several days into their journey she was understanding enough not to say anything when he started riding by the wheelhouse and not inside.
The camaraderie between them was becoming very noticeable among their companions as the days passed, even before for some, and it sometimes would end up with raised brows since she didn't hide that she liked the knight.
Everything was innocent, though. She tried including him in the card games and in the conversations, or she would talk directly to him and every once in a while they'd share mean-spirited jokes or make teasing remarks to one another.
"You should be more discreet, Ma'am, I don't think the lords will approve your displays of friendship with me, specially Lord Manderly and Lord Royce." he murmured one night as they walked along the camp site a few steps ahead of Lord Cromwell and Lady Wylla. He looked at her sideways and he noticed she was starting to blush.
"I'm doing nothing wrong." She replied honestly, "They can take all of it as a show of my gratitude."
But was it? Podrick didn't want to ask.
Absolutely nothing more had happened between them and nothing more would. In the past few days Sansa had expected Podrick to make a comment, a demand of her, or to remind her of what had happened but she was left waiting in vain. And she wasn't quite sure if it bothered her of not. In any case, he seemed to have accepted what she meant when she said the kiss was going to be a single transgression, and that was relieving.
She would say that it would even be easy to put all that business behind her if he wasn't constantly with her, if she didn't enjoy his conversations of if she didn't catch him looking at her from time to time.
A few times, when boredom had defeated her and she had fallen asleep she had woken up to find him next to her, looking at her closely before offering a calming smile and then looking out the window. She usually could feel her cheeks reddening only to look at her other companions to find them asleep, which was why he took advantage of the moment.
"You need to stop that," she had chastised him once in a low voice.
They had been alone that time, he was about to leave her to her rest in her tent and he was acutely aware of what she meant when she had said that he should stop it. His pulse quickened the second he looked at her and his chest tightened with the knowledge that she wouldn't approve what he wanted to say to her. He weighted his options and thinking that he'd soon be back in King's Landing he wouldn't lose anything by being upfront he said, "...I'm sorry Ma'am, it's not my fault you're so easy on the eyes."
Her blush was immediate but her rigid posture, the way she clenched her jaw and the ice in her eyes made it obvious that his comment upset her, which made his self-satisfied smirk fall in confusion, one thing was for her to disapprove of his words and quite another that they actually upset her.
She didn't break her gaze through the heat that came over her and her initial reaction slowly changed into confusion and sadness as realization hit. Feeling awkward she murmured, "You can go get some rest, now." and then she turned her back on him and went to an improvised table where she picked a scroll and pretended to give it her undivided attention.
Feeling uncertain, Podrick gave her a look of confusion since he didn't understand what had gone so wrong, "...I didn't mean to upset you."
Sansa looked at the ground, she would have liked to be pleased with his compliment but she hadn't; she had been annoyed and ready to flee as she always was when she was told those kinds of words that made her feel cornered and on the defensive. "I know, Podrick." Maybe she was just too used to her own reaction. "Don't worry about it. Good night."
She faintly heard him mumbling a protest but he was interrupted by Lord Harry and Lord Cromwell arriving. "I still haven't caught up with all these scrolls," she let the lords know and they nodded as they approached the table to continue their day's work.
As she watched Podrick leaving, Sansa was thankful for the work that had been piling up for once; it would stop her from overthinking about what had just happened, about the contradicting emotions that had ambushed her just then. It left her feeling that they had both been mistaken in putting too much stock in his words when he tried to convince her that there was nothing wrong with her.
She rubbed her eyes from how tired she was but her fingertips ended up wet. From then on she had to control herself until she went to bed where she sobbed silently so hide her tears from the maids that were staying with her. It hurt, the way she suddenly went from being excited and happy about Podrick to...feeling the way she did.
She couldn't understand herself.
It wasn't until she woke up in the middle of the night to use the privy when she noticed bloodstained small-clothes and as she stared at them intently realized that with all the rush and anxiety she had forgotten that she would be having her blood this week and that that was the reason why she was too sentimental, or at least that's how she would be explaining it. She sighed as she heard one of the maids approaching.
Sansa did not apologize the next morning for her attitude to the compliment nor did she address what had happened but she felt he was uncomfortable around her and so was she. During the following days she made an effort to include him in her activities and to make it evident that she held nothing against him.
On his part, Podrick told himself that what had displeased her was that he had dismissed her warnings by taking some initiative without her consent so he decided not to do it again and leave it all in her hands even if they never moved forward.
Which was the likely outcome.
Sometimes, she would feel the urge to get on a horse and ride with them —just like he did— but everyone vehemently refused her, and to her own annoyance, she understood the dangers more than anyone. The weather started to grow colder as they neared Winterfell and she decided that they should ride that last day without pausing in her rush to get home.
Podrick was among those who insistently opposed the idea of her riding the last leg of the journey from Castle Cerwyn on horseback but in the end it was he who found himself strapping her breast and back plaques to her shoulders as a maid did her waist.
"Ma'am we've made it all this way without issue, please don't ruin it now." Lord Royce pleaded.
"No one will dare attack me in Winterfell." Of that she was certain. After the maid was finished with her waist she blushed when Podrick took the breastplate and pulled it down with force a few time as he looked her in the eyes, all to make sure she was well protected.
She rode clad in the breastplate and the helmet. When they reached the outskirts of Winter Town people were already waiting for her. A cheering crowd much larger than expected was there to welcome her as the army slowly made its way among the people.
Podrick threw her an exasperated glance that she decided to ignore. From his position on her right, he canvassed the area with his eyes as did the other two hundred soldiers surrounding her as well as Lord Royce who remained on her left.
After they had gone through the town and the crowd became smaller in the distance, she made her way through the soldiers who had started dispersing and she surprised them all by skillfully dashing between them, leaving them behind.
Podrick and Lord Royce went after her and were able to catch up to her just as other soldiers started to surround her again. Once by her side he was about to tell her not to be so rash but at the speed they were riding and with Lord Royce lagging behind, he barely had time to remark that she was rather good at riding, which surprised him for some reason; he also managed to take in her posture, how gracefully she rode, her long, loose hair waving in the air.
Podrick saw the new commander of the army take up Lord Royce's place and give her an appreciative look, just as he had. And he didn't like it.
"My Queen, we should set up a race one of these days." But the commander's voice was lost on her ears as she kept on rushing towards to Winterfell.
They crossed the castle's gates and they stopped as soon as they saw there were people waiting for her. She elegantly got off the horse without waiting for help and she took off the helmet. Then, she walked to greet the maesters and the advisors who hadn't gone on the trip with her; Lady Rose, her favorite lady in waiting, received a surprising hug and some whispered words in a somewhat affectionate manner. Then, she continued greeting everyone else she knew.
To Podrick, the welcome had seemed like a cold and sad affair because, although she was obviously admired and appreciated, those people meant little to her, aside from Lady Rose; they were only acquaintances and castle workers, there were no friends or family among them. The rest of the army started filling-in in minutes and the people that had gathered went back to their business.
The one inhabitant of the keep who was bursting at the seams with joy from seeing her back was the direwolf who arrived as feral as imposing as ever as it tried to understand the reason for the commotion, but as soon as it set eyes on her, it practically skipped over to her howling and tagging its tail from excitement which made her laugh out loud right there in the middle of the yard. That was the first time he had seen her smiling honestly and joyfully at the animal as she bent over to pet him, making it so happy that it seem like its tail would go off, it even almost toppled her over as she hugged it.
In the following days, there wasn't much for Podrick to do since she no longer felt the need to be as guarded as before because she felt safer in Winterfell so he kept busy by paying attention to who was coming in and out of the castle. He also attended a ceremony honoring the comrades that fell during the attack, including his own man. And, alongside Jacob and Lord Royce, he met with several men who wanted to fill the positions left by the Queensguards who died. He also wrote to Ser Brienne telling her everything that had happened in code and another to Lord Tyrion where he told him he would be expecting orders for his return to King's Landing.
The Knights of the Vale marched back to the Vale and everything went back to normal for him. He tried not to think too much about what had happened between them because she had made it clear that it would only be one kiss and his innumerable and willful fantasies wouldn't change that. Things between them didn't change much; she didn't keep as much distance with him but she didn't seek him out for company, support or safety, as she had back in Barrow Hall.
One evening, he was called to her presence and they met alone, not for the first time, in her meetings room. There was a scroll bearing the seal of the Southern Crown on her large desk.
"Bran wants you to stay here for a few more months." she handed him the scroll so that he could read it too, "he says that he thinks there will be no further attacks against me but he wants to be sure while he ties some loose ends." It bothered her because he didn't give her any specifics and that only made her anxious. She swallowed, "he says that through you, he wishes to cement the relation between the Six Kingdoms and the North and that, should I accept, you'll become the King's representative. That I'm free to send a man of my own to King's Landing and that it will also be wise to do so since the talks with Dorne and The Reach are fast approaching." To say she had been surprised at this was saying little.
Ironically, he didn't like to hear that he would be extending his stay and he didn't stop to read the scroll right away since her words were enough at the moment, "I'm a guard, not a politician." he said as he held on to the paper in his hands.
"He wants to take advantage of the fact that you're already here in the North." she pointed to the letter.
Podrick swallowed as he walked to the fireplace, "and do you agree with that, Ma'am?" he was unsure, after all, if her advisors and lords thought he could be a spy before the attack, then this move would convince them that he was indeed one.
Sansa both liked the idea of him staying as she hated that Bran paid no mind to her opinion, but that wasn't actually what was at stake, "Do you know anything about politics, Ser Podrick?"
"...Some. Yes. But not a lot, Ma'am." He admitted.
Sansa raised her brows, "The letter says that in the past years in King's Landing you've acted not only as a guard but that you have learnt strategy and politics from Lord Tyrion, and from my brother's council."
Podrick frowned, the King barely attended the council's meetings and when he did, Podrick stayed out listening and paying attention. He had learned one or two things during his time there, that was true, but definitely not a lot. "If you suspect that all this time I've been spying on you–"
Sansa exhaled; no, she knew he hadn't been doing that.
Since Sansa didn't continue, Podrick decided to read the scroll and when he was done he turned to face her again, "Your brother's words here are... exaggerated," he admitted but he was also surprised, "my knowledge is basic at best and useless at worst," his frown deepened as she seemed to be waiting for him to continue, but what else could he say? "In Lord Tyrion's own words I let my heart lead me rather than my head,"a flaw for sure. He honestly couldn't think of a reason to be posted here in the North.
That didn't surprise her, Podrick was a good man, maybe too much of a good man, "None of that takes from the fact that I've let you in on my council's meetings and now... this will make me look bad before my advisors and lords."
"I Know, Ma'am, and they'll take me for the spy they thought I was in the first place."
Sansa mulled it over as she licked her lips, "...Let's hope that my council won't take this badly after all your services rendered."
They both knew that it probably wouldn't go as smoothly, Northerners didn't appreciate foreigners.
"We will discuss this in tomorrow's meetings, I want you there." Podrick nodded but she knew that she couldn't wait until the next day to talk to Lord Cromwell about it and surprise him with the news on the sport. He stood to join her in her way to meet the lord. "Tell me, have you received news from King's Landing?"
"I haven't. Even what you just told me is a complete surprise."
"Hmmm..." Sansa wasn't pleased, "Who should I believe, my brother who says that you are ready to act as an emissary or you, who says that you don't know politics?"
"Me, ma'am. I truly feel unprepared for this position, if you and your council decide to agree to your brother's proposal."
But it was convenient for the North to send an emissary to the south, one who was well prepared and who could make connections in King's Landing.
She looked intently at him as he explained himself.
He was a guard and therefore he stood outside the council room and he listened to their talks. Lord Tyrion trusted him, so did Ser Brienne and so he was in a position to be aware of things that were above his rank. And he had a lot of free time in King's Landing because the King stayed put for the most part and the human body could only take so much training every day.
In all honestly, he served the members of the council as much as he did her brother. And yes, he had learnt a few things and others he had been taught...but the knowledge he acquired was too little to act on behalf of the King here in the North. "Besides, what other relationships does he want to cement between the North and the South when both monarchs are siblings who get along fine?" he asked.
"Trust me, that's what I'm going to ask him, it's getting an actual answer what I doubt will happen." she saw his mouth twisting slightly.
It was that afternoon when Sansa told Lord Cromwell in confidence the true reason for Podrick's presence in the North and how her brother hat set it up to protect her; she needed at least one ally during her council meeting.
The meeting that took place the next day wasn't pleasant and he was called in to the Great Hall as they discussed whether to accept the King of the Six Kingdom's proposal. Her advisors warned Sansa that she was letting her brother meddle too much in the North's business.
Podrick was not told about the decision until well past noon. He could stay if he wished to but there would be council meetings he would not be allowed to attend as well as information that he could not pass along in case it reached his ears.
Lord Cromwell added that having refused a reward for saving Her Grace'slife was a reason why the Queen's advisors didn't take it quite so badly that he became the King's emissary. But he couldn't speak for the lords once they started to find out.
"Being a politician is quite different from being a guard, Ser Podrick." Lord Harry stated condescendingly. If he had been annoyed by the other man's stay in Winterfell before, he was bordering on irate now.
"I know, my lord. I've never said otherwise."
It wasn't the first time that Sansa noticed the hostility between the two men but her musings were interrupted by a list of books that Lord Cromwell handed to Podrick telling him that if he wanted to be better prepared he should get familiar with those writings and that he was in luck since all could be found at Winterfell's library.
Sansa waited until she was alone with Podrick to bring up something she had remembered early that morning, "After you arrived here, you told me more than once that you were paid to follow orders and that you weren't one to question them." She reminded him.
"Yes, Ma'am." He waited to see where she was getting at.
"That makes sense when you're a guard. But I was wondering if you ever carried out any other type of job for my brother.
Podrick had to think about what to say, "Such as?"
"I never asked you about how you knew Lord Ashford or about the way Lord Royce addressed you, as though you had seen each other after my cousin's wedding. Or about that deal with the Dothraki." And there were more things that she had remarked upon but that she wouldn't mention just to see if he would.
"I may have escorted Lord Bronn and Ser Davos to some business meetings." he admitted, "But I was there as the muscle, not as a Representative of the King, if that's what you're thinking. And I can't discuss it." he wasn't about to tell her that he had been present at those meetings, listening to what was being discussed because she was right; it wasn't his job nor was his presence required, but he still had been there. And he needed to divert form that conversation, "and when I said I wasn't one to question orders... I had just arrived here, I didn't know you and I was intimidated at times, Ma'am, I didn't want to look bad before you, or worse, to make the King look bad."
From all that, what she remarked on first was the least important thing, "I no longer intimidate you?" she asked half serious, making him blush.
"When you make fun of me like this, Ma'am, you don't."
With everything resolved, it was agreed that they would send an Ambassador to King's Landing.
An exchange of information between the realms began, even though it wasn't something that actually required emissaries. And they learnt more things about King's Landing than the other way around, which slowly made Podrick's presence a more welcomed one since they were up to date on how Dorne and The Reach's talks of independence were progressing.
.
.
.
On a random afternoon, Lord Cromwell approached Her Grace about some business she had put him in charge of not long ago, "Ma'am, that Shyra woman you had us investigate was found in White harbor," The Queen nodded but he had no clue as to the reason for her interest in the woman, "She is working there as a whore."
Sansa tried not to show that the news bothered her and she idly played with the wood of her desk, "has she got any family?" she finally asked.
"No, Ma'am, our men followed her for months and they got her to talk to them but everything indicated that she doesn't."
She nodded, "Have you men give her some money and order them to come back to Winterfell immediately. I don't want the Manderlys finding out about this."
Lord Cromwell nodded, "May I inquire about what you're after, Ma'am? You've had us investigate all sorts of women and–"
"–You'll find out when I deem it appropriate." She interrupted thus settling the matter; she knew that what she was after was something her council would disapprove of once she got the information she needed from those women. "Do you remember the problems we heard of at Crofters' Village?"of course he would.
"A few days ago I received a raven from the soldiers we stationed there, things seem to be going well for now."
"Good." Then she made a gesture for him to leave.
.
.
.
"We have never really talked about the fact that my name is an affront against your house, Ma'am." Podrick suddenly said one afternoon, it was a subject they had avoided for a very long time, "I know that bringing it up is the worse I can do but I've always wondered..."
"Podrick Payne is more than just his family's name, I kept telling myself over and over when we were riding for Castle Black. Brienne even told me not to judge you by your uncle's actions, not to mistrust you. By now it's obvious that I didn't hold it against you, nor does Bran, Or Arya." Now her sister, she would have looked to kill him if she had, and in another occasion Jon had made it clear that he wouldn't judge a son for his father's sins.
She sighed feeling uncomfortable talking about this because none of her siblings had given him the type of friendship that she was granting, "When I'm talking to you is not your uncle or your name what I have in mind... and maybe that's for the worse." Though she decided to leave out that from time to time she did wonder what her father would think of the friendship that had grown between them...
He understood what she meant but he had no time to reply because they were interrupted.
.
.
.
The quarterly meeting between the lords and their Queen came soon after.
He had attended the first one but now, as an inexperienced Ambassador, he had not been prepared for the commotion or for the mixed reactions and opinions he received from the lords to his new position in the North.
What was surprising is that for the most part, they took the news well; they were still rather grateful to him for staying by her side during her attack and in the aftermath. He also didn't see it coming, but he figured that the members of her council had subtly reminded the lords that he had fought in the battle of the Long Night too since several of them mentioned it.
But it wasn't his appointment as an Ambassador what the Lords and Ladies seemed to be interested in, and he didn't think it would become so. All of them, absolutely all were fascinated by even the slightest detail of the attack against her. That was the talk of the town... or the corridors, as it were. Every single lord had looked to have a private moment with her to proclaim their loyalty and to get further explanations from her.
This was the first gathering that Lady Barbrey had attended since the Queen's coronation; she had always sent an emissary. He saw them talking a couple of times, either there had been no hard feelings before or the apologies and gratitude that the Queen sent her way while they were staying at Barrow Hall had made an impact because their interactions were nothing but cordial.
The days consisted of endless meetings about matters from each of the lords' villages and lands and about the Realm, and he had been excluded from some of those. And the nights were filled with banquets and even more meetings that she held.
During an early morning when he was training with the commander of the Manderly army —because he owed him a friendly sparring match— he caught a glimpse of her striding across the yard on the platforms when she stopped because some of the lords had gathered to watch.
That's when the commander decided to leave the friendly part of the sparring behind. He was annoyed by it but he said nothing as he returned each strike, though not without difficulty because a now increasingly familiar ache on his side made its appearance. Even so, and hardly able to breath, he took it in stride until the commander really started to overstep.
The man disarmed him, yes, but Podrick was aware that it happened because he had been focusing on his pain. He suddenly drew a dagger from his side and he could tell that it seemed to amuse the commander who thought himself the victor. As soon as the man moved to attack, Podrick evaded him grabbing his wrist instead and twisting it in a dirty move that he had learnt some years before from Bronn and a group of men from the Second Sons.
The commander was bent forward as Podrick kept a strong backward pull on his arms; when he felt him try to turn to defend himself, Podrick just had to pull the arm up to make him stop in his tracks, if he wanted to, he could easily break his wrist or dislocate his shoulder. "Imagine my dagger on your neck." He finally said seeing that the man wasn't giving up. When the man finally called an 'I give,' Podrick shoved him forward and the man stumbled until he regained his balance and when he did, he looked at where the Queen and the lords had been standing, but they had left a while ago.
"You need to teach me that hold." He said with some annoyance at being defeated by Ser Podrick though he could still admit that the Knight had some skills, plenty, even.
"Not today." he simply replied thus ending the training. He swiftly made for his room feeling breathless and struggling to keep upright since the pain on his back had him wanting to double over, he only wanted to lie down on the floor and get some rest. That pressure he felt on his side wasn't normal, he knew it.
Ever since he had been stabbed, every time he tried to lift something heavy or train vigorously the pain appeared and expanded to his back, sometimes it even happened when he over did it with his meals. He had talked it over with her maesters but they couldn't find the reason for the pain, they only told him that the wound was too recent and it was still healing, that he should take it easy.
Taking advantage of Lord Manderly's presence and of his friendship with his commander, he asked the man in confidence if Lord Manderly would mind him asking one of his maesters to take a look at him. Lord Manderly had no issue with the request. And the answer from that Maester was same as the one from the Queen's Maesters, the only thing to do was rest since everything seemed fine.
But unlike the other maesters, this one made him train to the point of pain to examine him as the pain took over him. The man's diagnostic wasn't encouraging, it could be a muscle or a nerve pull but he doubted it. It was more likely that the pain would last him for the rest of his life. Only time would tell. For now, he should rest and take some potions that he could easily get in Winter Town.
With his head down and grateful for the help, he asked Lord Manderly what he owed him and the lord only requested that he sat in his table that night, and he was left to wonder if this pain would persist once he was back in King's Landing, and whether he'd be able to wear his Kingsguard armor, or if the weight would cause him too much pain.
Later that night, Podrick found that if Lord Manderly was a cheerful boisterous man when he was sober, he became even rowdier with a few drinks on him. The lord attempted to introduce him to his other granddaughter and heirforgetting that they had already been introduced, and in his presence.
As the Lady made her way toward them, he spoke, "Because, if the North can have a Queen then in the future, the head of House Manderly will be my eldest granddaughter!" he proclaimed proudly before leaning to whisper to Podrick, "…who deserves it more than any other cock of a third cousin or uncle with the family name. Or her future husband." Podrick only raised his brows not knowing what else to say to that.
Lady Wynafryd Manderly was tall and elegant, they greeted each other and unlike the first time they met, they had a moment to exchange some words, or rather, she thanked him for his services to the Queen and she told him that the doors to White Harbor and her family's castle would always be open to him along with other niceties. Somewhere in the middle of the conversation she slipped in a comment about her admiration for Ser Brienne, asking him why he let her knight him when it would have been better for him to have been knighted by another man or even the King himself.
"Wynafryd!" Lord Manderly, admonished, which made them smile. Politeness was politeness even though sometimes his granddaughters seemed not to care about it; though, to be honest he was curious about the man's answer to that too. But that was the kind of question he'd ask after a few drinks to loosen his tongue.
"Oh, Grandpa! It's not like you or any of these lords would have bet a moon on someone knighted by a woman." Loved him as she might, her grandfather was just like those lords, sticklers for tradition and undermining women who weren't either family or someone important, and sometimes not even then. She turned to the knight, "They only approve of you now that you've proven your worth to the Queen," she warned him, "and she keeps you in her highest esteem."
Podrick blushed, fully aware of the way in which the lady gave him a once over, as though she was sizing him up and most importantly, with a touch of mischief in her eyes and a lopsided grin. Right then, he had no doubt that she had heard about him from her sister, Lady Wylla, who didn't attend these meetings.
He dismissed that last part and he stuck to the truth, he spoke of his esteem and admiration for Ser Brienne, and about her having taught him everything he knew about being a warrior up to the moment he was knighted.
As she listened to him talk, Wynafryd realized Wylla had been right about everything she had said, except, unlike her sister, she saw nothing to be concerned about; she didn't think he was that big of a deal. After some more trivial chatter, she reminded her grandfather to behave, not to drink too much and finally, she said goodbye before taking her seat at the other end of the table.
"Can you believe she's been ordering me around since she was a child, Ser Podrick?"
Podrick smiled at him and he sat next to him on the table, which was filled with food, wine and ale. During those nights filled with festivities, Podrick had been acting prudently, trying to make a good impression but maybe because he had been feeling a little low that night he ended up drinking more than usual.
Podrick hadn't had too high hopes for the last feast. It would be the same sort of banquet that had been taking place, for the past five nights, that's why he was surprised when in the middle of the celebration suddenly the lords and the commanders stood as they drew their swords.
For the longest of seconds, he was consumed by absolute terror as his mind screamed treason, but before he could actually react he started hearing them proclaiming The Queen in the North once and again, and again, and again; the ladies present joined the chanting along with the tavern maids, the servants, and of course, her council.
He couldn't help but get caught in the cheerfulness of what he was hearing and seeing, and a wide smile broke on his face as his eyes went from her to the room. He felt like drawing his sword and joining in the chant too, to be a part of it but it wouldn't have been appropriate; still, he stood and took a cup which he used to beat on the table in an effort to join the celebration as she bowed her head and stood as a sign of respect and acknowledgement.
The hall fell silent as The Queen stood to thank them for their loyalty and the respect they were showing with some heartfelt yet firm words and he was left wondering if they were improvised or prepared in case the occasion called for it.
During the meetings, he had witness her coming head to head and exchanging strong words with most of those lord and ladies, but there was no doubt she had their respect. And she commanded it now, even with the lords and ladies who didn't fully approved of her.
Someone shouted, 'To the Queen in the North', 'To all of you, my lords and ladies,' and an improvised toast followed, a moment that ended between laughs and wine flying in all directions.
Podrick was in a fit of laughter when he saw Lord Cromwell whisper something in her ear after she sat and just by looking at her he was able to tell that her smile was fake. Suddenly he felt a slap on his shoulder and a giant palm took a firm hold of it before shaking him; he turned to see a lord with a glass of wine on his other hand.
"You can't tell me your King is ever celebrated like this, is he?"
"I've never seen something like this!" Podrick admitted, still in awe at the sheer excitement in the room.
"That's right, my boy!" Lord Manderly crashed his cup against his, spilling and splashing half of its contents on the three men, "Now, to you, my friend." he said before finally drinking from the cup. Podrick let out a loud laugh, giving into the loud merriness that seemed to be Lord Manderly's favorite mood. And why wouldn't it be? Who would give a damn about being loud at that age?...
Waking up the next morning was quite a challenge, however, his head felt like someone was hammering on it, he was nauseous and he felt the hangover all over his body. He remembered very little of the previous night, only the feeling of raucous cheerfulness and once his head started to cool down, he began worrying that he shouldn't have acted in such manner.
He certainly had overdrunk because he wasn't sure about how he made it back to his room. But one thing was to drink himself blind with Lord Tyrion and Lord Bronn and quite another to behave in the way he did the night before.
Leaving the castle's dark corridors felt like an explosion of wildfire as the morning sun hit him in the face. Thankfully, the freezing wind helped by numbing his face and his headache with it. He broke fast with some of the lords who, just like him were barely making it to the Great Hall; from the silence, it was obvious that he hadn't been the only one who overdid it with the wine and ale.
As he threw a queasy look at the eggs in front of him, he couldn't help but remark yet again on the differences in ruling styles between the Queen in the North and the King of the Six Kingdoms. In his way to sobriety, he recalled that way she had been praised the night before and how Lord Tyrion used to say that when things seemed to be too good to be true they usually were. He set the eggs aside and he opted for a bowl of porridge as he looked around the room at the lords who seemed to be nothing but tired.
Maybe he was overthinking things; the lords had been quite drunk when the cheering had started, their spirits high, so, that was probably the reason for the adulation, right?
On the other hand, the King had given him a new position so he could only assume that he remained in the North to protect her... was there something more to all of this?
He knew that going to her with all of his theories and doubts would do nothing but worry and upset her.
He saw a lord leaving and almost immediately a woman came to take away the dishes and to clean the place where he had sat. He wondered, not for the first time, how tired the Queen and her advisors must be, along with all the servants who were there to see to the guests... having nothing more to do but say his goodbyes, he decided to go and help the soldiers that were giving away the leftovers from the banquet in Winter Town.
Thank the gods, no one questioned his behavior in the days that followed. Only a couple of advisors stopped him to tell him that he sure knew how to entertain the lords with his stories and songs.
He honestly didn't remember himself singing, he thought, ashamed.
One of the advisors mocked his mortified face when his eyes sought the Queen, "Don't worry, she had left for the night, hours before you started singing. Only the really drunk ones were still in the Great Hall."
Podrick nodded along thinking, that didn't help.
When Lord Cromwell approached them, he addressed him. "I haven't drunk like that in years; maybe that's why the wine hit me harder..."
Lord Cromwell smiled as he gestured for Podrick to come along, "There's nothing wrong with wanting to have some fun, Ser Podrick. Especially here in these cold lands. I assume you miss the south."
A part of him did and he nodded in agreement, "I'm concerned about what the Queen and the lords may think."
The older man smiled, "Believe me, if the Queen had any issues with your behavior you'd know about it by now. I can only advise to take it easy next time. It was embarrassing to ask the servants to help carry you to your room since you fell asleep in the Great Hall." Podrick blushed profusely then, "... I'll only add that you should remember your new position and where you're at."
"Oh my lord, I–"
"Yes, yes, I'm sure you'll apologize. Don't. I honestly think you deserved your fun, we all did so, for once, I'll pretend I saw nothing and I won't judge you."
Podrick apologized anyway, in his embarrassment he realized he was being directed to the library as a way to encourage him to read those books that the man had suggested before. "And the Queen? Did she enjoy herself?" he decided to ask because he remembered her at her table talking to some lords and ladies but not doing much more.
The lord faked a smile, "in her own way." he lied, since she wasn't keen on those kinds of celebrations even when they were in her honor. And she definitely didn't like looking at the expense columns on the books after the quarterly meetings took place. In order to change the course of the conversation, he went on, "Oh, and lastly, let me congratulate you on that tremendous voice. You sang better than the singer we hired and you certainly got more praise." He heard Podrick embarrassed whine, which amused him, "...Don't worry; most of your public was drunker than you."
"Hmmm..." they continued walking and once they made it to the library Lord Cromwell pointed him to it, Podrick stopped for a few seconds, well aware that only the Queen and Lord Cromwell himself were privy to why the King of the Six Kingdoms had sent him North in the first place. "Do they always celebrate her with such enthusiasm?" he asked, sine he had been in a previous quarterly meeting and that hadn't happened.
"That was because of the attack, Ser Podrick, the Lords just got carried away with all the excitement and the wine."
Podrick nodded, "I was astounded by the celebration, my Lord, I had never seen so much love for a King or a Queen."
The lord nodded, pleased. "Our Queen is quite beloved."
Again, Podrick nodded thoughtfully, "Maybe I'm just too mistrustful, Lord Cromwell, but someone once told me that when something seemed to be too good, it probably isn't."
Lord Cromwell mirrored his nod, "a wise man," he replied, "Her Grace shares your doubts as well. Tell me, Ser Podrick, do you believe that all the business with the attack is finished?"
By now all the lords who had betrayed her had paid for it as well as all other involved, but things were never that easy, right? "I couldn't say, my lord."
"But you talk to Her Grace, I figure you know that she suspects that there are still some loose ends..."
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Time flew by, weeks and months where a true friendship started to grow between them, a friendship that was rooted in honesty from both of them.
Sansa, more than Podrick, felt that she could speak freely and candidly in their many conversations. During her time with Lord Baelish, Sansa had learned to read people, to know what bothered them and what pleased them, their insecurities and their desires. She used what she knew on Podrick, especially before the attack, and once or twice when they were back in Winterfell but he had never given her any reason to mistrust him. He was a good man, content with his place in the world.
On his part, Podrick grew more and more confident in himself, aided by the fact that she often sought him out and that his points of view seemed to amuse her; that even when she didn't agree with him, she respected his opinion and at worst she would throw a sarcastic comment for him to come up with rebuttal and very rarely would she take his words badly.
They both came to appreciate their conversations, which didn't go unnoticed by those who were closest. Lord Harry disapproved of it but Sansa had decided not to keep their meetings and talks a secret to avoid gossip. Plus, it wasn't like she was doing anything improper by almost always meeting with him in public.
"You're one to talk, Ser Podrick, as far as I know you don't have close relatives," Sansa was so deep into the conversation that she completely forgot about tact, "you don't know what's like to completely belong somewhere."
Podrick mumbled searching for a response after the harshness of her words, against how defensive he felt.
Sansa got flustered after seeing his reaction and she felt bad because her own words, "...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have put it in those words."
Podrick, swallowed, he could make an issue of it or he could let it slide. "...Well, no, I never belonged to my family in the usual sense, anyway." he said somewhat embarrassed, "but this isn't about family, it's about weakness."
Sansa could tell that Podrick wasn't about to hold her words against her and just as he had done, she went on, "…Exactly, my family is my weakness. And the more people you love, the weaker you are. It's easier for people to take advantage of the irrational decisions one might make in a moment of weakness, because of love."
Podrick shook his head, "...You're looking at it wrong, Ma'am, love shouldn't be a weakness, it should be the force driving us forward."
"...Did you hear that in a song or a story?" she asked, "you sound rather emotional, Ser Podrick." she chastised him in jest.
Lord Harry and Lady Rose were with them while they discussed life and other matters as they often did lately. Lord Harry was displeased by the unabashed familiarity between them and from the look Lady Rose threw his way he could see that she was very aware of the friendship, and even more, between them.
"...I'd call it inspired," he smiled in turn, "and I see nothing wrong with my words." he reiterated with a shrug, taking her words in stride.
"... Someone will take advantage of you." She warned.
Podrick was about to retort but he bit his tongue as he realized that they weren't alone, "In any case, love doesn't happen only with family. I care for Ser Brienne, for Lord Tyrion...just as I know you do too."
"It's a different kind of affection, of love."
"And who says it has to be? Family can be the one you make on the way, not the one you're born in."
"What shows me again that you, no offense, don't know about that type of unconditional love."
Lord Harry noticed that Ser Podrick took her words in stride as he kept the conversation flowing so easily that he wondered how the other man managed it, if his experience with all kinds of women was so broad that he was able to address them, treat them, talk to them and get in their heads.
He felt the words he once said to the knight about him only knowing how to deal with whores and loose women coming back to bite him in the arse. That entire conversation, actually.
"In any case, if push comes to shove, I'd give my life for Ser Brienne's, no thought about it, what love's more unconditional than that? He asked before adding, "Don't tell her I said that."
Sansa grinned at that, "I can't make any promises." she licked her lips as she took notice of how they were excluding their company from the conversation though she decided not to mind it, "What of Lord Tyrion, won't you give your life for his?"
"Meh, giving it for Ser Brienne would be an absolute honor. For Lord Tyrion..." he shrugged jokingly.
"...Somehow I think it'll hurt Lord Tyrion if he ever finds out about your reluctance to save him."
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Sansa felt that what was between them was more than just a friendship since there was a mutual interest there even if neither would show it openly or act on it. And even after what had happened between them at Barrow Hall, Podrick had made no mention of it even once.
She had a feeling that it was out of respect.
He thought that it was best to be patient and wait for her to make a gesture or say something to reassure him of her interest.
He only mentioned it once and it was in passing.
They were taking a nightly stroll to the Weirwood tree and while they were talking about some White Harbor businesses and about Lord Manderly insisting that it would be easier for her to rule from there rather than from Winterfell when Snowshowed up. It made its way towards them, ever vigilant, growling menacingly at him.
"He's still unused to my presence." he said wanting to show her that he wasn't frightened by the animal, though he was. Not long ago, he had witness its prowess, the power of its legs and jaws as he tore from a single pull the leg of a mare that had died in the middle of giving birth. The soldiers warned him not to approach it while he was horrified and mesmerized by the spectacle. 'It'll finish off the rest in the days to come.'
To Sansa, the werewolf's reaction was befuddling; though he was mistrustful, he always stopped threatening strangers after a few encounters with them. Podrick was living in the keep, he had even moved to the guest's wing thanks to his new role as Ambassador, the wolf saw him daily and still he mistrusted him. "... If my direwolf mistrusts you, I should start doing the same."
"...I wonder if it feels like something happened between us and he's being overprotective." he said as he studied the animal only to look back at her to see her blushing and looking skeptical, "No, I mean it, Ma'am, haven't you notice that it's has been more menacing to me since we returned?"
"...No." she wondered if Podrick could tell she was blushing since his attention seemed to be on Snow rather than her and she didn't want to seem flustered by his reminder.
Podrick bent down to pick a stick and show it to the wolf before throwing it away but instead of running to catch it, the wolf stood more firmly in place letting out what sounded like half a growl and half a howl, chilling Podrick to the bone, the beast was about to throw itself at him. "Shit!" he heard himself exclaim as his hand went to his sword, hesitant to draw it out and hide behind her.
"Snow, no!" Sansa commanded as she realized the danger was real and that the wolf wasn't obeying her, it was actually growling louder, "NO!" from the periphery of her vision she saw two of her guards drawing their swords and several archers on the towers point their bows at the direwolf. "STAY!" why was he acting like that?
After a few seconds of keeping his defying posture, the wolf went from an attack instance to letting out a low whine after lowering its head. Podrick felt the eyes of the soldiers and workers on them as he took a step towards her as if to stop her when he saw her moving close to the animal to pet its fur, which it let her do wile acting like a hurt puppy. Seriously? He wondered incredulous.
Sansa looked back and as though it felt that her attention wasn't fully his, Snow looked at Podrick and it made a move to stand again, "Podrick, leave." she requested, surprised by the situation.
She didn't need to ask twice, though he was concerned for her, "but...will you be alright, Ma'am?"
"Yes, he won't hurt me." she was fleetingly reminded of the last conversation she had with... Of how he had trusted his beasts blindly.
Without turning his back and making sure that the guards were keeping their position, he stepped away until he reached one of the castle's platforms to stand with the archers before taking a bow and arrow himself; he noticed he was shaking. But he saw the wolf walking away from her and the two guards as though nothing had gone wrong at all. "What happened?" one of the archers asked and Podrick could honestly say that he hadn't the slightest idea.
A few days later, when they had a chance to speak, Podrick brought it up, "I've seen your soldiers playing with Snow like that, mine too, even you, I did nothing out of the ordinary and look at how it reacted..." he was absolutely certain that the direwolf would have killed him if she hadn't been there to stop it.
Sansa continued on walking, "...It may just be that Snow doesn't like you."
"You think?" he asked sarcastically. He had been taking shortcuts, high decks and high platforms that the direwolf almostnever walked on. "And…I apologize for swearing that night."
"Don't worry about it." she said as she noticed him stopping in his tracks as she went down the stairs. They were headed in the same direction, toward the Great Hall and even if she understood his qualms about the animal, it was clear that she expected him to go with her. And he did without saying a word and looking into every direction once they made it to the ground floor, only to stop once he saw the direwolf appearing in the distance.
She saw Podrick drawing his sword from the corner of her eye. As soon as Snow started growling Sansa shushed it and the direwolf waited calmly until she reached him. Sansa gestured at Podrick to walk with her. "...I don't know what's gotten into him."
Podrick made a face, "Hmmm...I have some idea." he said looking at the animal that was on her other side. "I'm afraid of coming across it on my own."
"…Hmmm…" Some days later Sansa came to the conclusion that Snow was being overprotective and that's why he acted the way he did when Podrick was around. But she never mentioned it to him because it would lead to talking about what had happened between them.
Maybe, just maybe she could chalk it up to the connection a direwolf supposedly had with its master or mistress and so Snow could feel how Pod's presence rattled her, but it was for completely different reasons than usual and he was unable to make the distinction.
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.
It was Sansa herself who, in the middle of an easy going conversation and rather without thinking too much, told him that she had heard one of her maids calling him The Queen's Favorite Guard, which made him flustered.
It only lasted long enough for him to turn the tables on her by giving her an unabashed smile, a sudden reaction that awoke her senses and made her want to kiss him seemingly out of the blue.
Podrick knew that was the right time. That was the sign that he had been waiting for all these months, "are you flirting with me, Ma'am?" Unlike the last time, when his compliment had upset her, he realized this time she was befuddled. But it was she who had started it, not him. She couldn't blame him for playing along. That was what he told himself though deep inside the doubt grew.
"...I'm just letting you know what I heard." she murmured shyly. Though now that she thought about it, it had come out playful, like she intended for him to take notice.
Her frustration was obvious but he decided to push a little bit more "...I heard some self-satisfaction in your tone; that's why I thought you were flirting," he paused to swallow, "But I apologize if I was mistaken."
She took a deep breath trying to settle herself, "...the woman was wrong anyway, you're no longer my guard."
"No, I'm' not," he granted thus giving her a definitive escape out of the discussion. After a few steps he let out a long exhale as he decided to let go of any hope he had with her.
It was for the best, anyway. This would lead to nowhere, just to trouble if her maids were already spreading rumors about him being her favorite guard. But it did make him realize that it wasn't all in his mind, that he was special to her even if she still kept him at a distance.
Hours later as she lay in bed unable to stop thinking about that moment, she wondered if Podrick had sensed what he made her feel. She wondered, if there hadn't been any eyes on them, would she have been brave enough to kiss him.
And why did she want to kiss him again after that first one hadn't made the impact she had though it would?
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Notes:
Well, we're done with the first part where the trusts/attraction/friendship started growing between them. Now to the part where things get deeper.
These chapters will be longer compared to the ones in the first part.
Once again thanks to fangfaceandrea for the translation.
And you can find the art for this fic on my tumblr.