My God I so hope you haven't all for gotten me! I'm not dead, I swear! Just on an exceedingly long hiatus! I was inspired to get my ass moving by a kind reviewer who I would like to thank. So, if anyone's reading this, thank you Ayame for an encouraging review! (And not just him/her, everyone else too!)
Chapter title is suggested music to listen to while reading this
CHAPTER 14: To Hell We Ride
Shinju ran up the stairs to her room to cry. "Why would Ko want another family? I'M Koharu's family, not those boys. Koharu doesn't need them and they sure as hell aren't staying here!" Shinju reasoned with herself.
"Well, someone's in a bad mood."
Shinju looked up abruptly. A small boy of seven with sandy red hair sat outside her window, leaning on her windowsill.
"Hey! What are you doing here Tao?" Shinju looked over at her favorite cousin, after Kazu of course; Tao was the son of Kyo and Arisa.
"I was bored. You know I can't stop climbing. So, I thought my pathetic cousin could use a friend. I heard about Ko's family coming to town." He gracefully hopped through a window and stalked over to Shinju's side, sitting down next to her on her bed.
"Thanks Tao. I need a friend."
"Look, I never said I was your friend," replied the irritable son of the two most ornery Sohma's, "I'm not your friend Shinju. I'm your family."
She gabbed him around the neck and hugged poor Tao so tight he "eepped!" rather loudly, "Tao, you ARE my family, and my friend, and I will never forget that, and you better not either!"
The little boy relaxed slightly but still had the expression of a cat thrown in a bath. He was never raised to be the touchy-feely type, but much like his father was drawn to Tohru, Tao was drawn inexplicably towards his second cousin.
"Look, my parents don't know I'm here, they both sleep till one, and it's just about eleven. Anyway, I shouldn't be here; I just wanted to make sure you were okay. If you want anything more, call Kazu. He's the nice cousin." And with that Tao hopped back up and turned at the window, "Shinju-kun, don't be mad at them, or Ko. They aren't going to take your sister from you. And remember, in their minds you took Koharu from them."
"But-" Shinju cried too late as Tao vaulted right out the window and leapt straight down all the way to the grassy back yard twenty feet bellow.
"Call Kazu!" He yelled as he swung himself over the back fence and made his way home in a typical Kyo/Tao fashion.
Shinju sighed deeply. Tao was right, about so many things, not just the calling Kazu for backup part. "I stole Ko from them eight years ago; they just want the sister they remember back!" Shinju threw herself back down on her bed, tired of her life.
"Tao was right! I'm being selfish! I'm disgusting! Just because he cant see the horrible beast that I am doesn't mean I can't!" Shinju was breaking down again. No eleven year old likes to think about themselves as a bad person, but that doesn't mean they are incapable of it. Everyone always thought Shinju was happy, but everyday, every moment she felt the Akito inside of her grow, she just didn't know what to call it.
"Except it Shinju. You'll never be a good person. Never. Deep down you don't care about anyone but yourself, anyone but me." A treacherous little voice inside her called to her heart.
"You're lying!" she told the voice, "I care about Koharu! I care about Mom, I care about Dad!"
"Now don't LIE to yourself little girl! You care nothing about that MAN. He didn't raise you, he didn't care for you when you were lost; Yuki did nothing for you! How can you love someone who thinks of you as a parasite that took his wife from him?"
"SHUT UP!" Shinju screamed, "Daddy loves me, Daddy loves me more than ANYTHING!"
"Who are you kidding, Shinju, my darling, Yuki never loved you, just like he never loved me!" The voice had a dangerous, ferocious, sound now.
"What do you mean he never loved you? I thought you were me!" Shinju questioned as she paced back and forth across her bedroom floor.
"You stupid girl! I am you, and I am not; but I will always be a part of your heart. I am the cursed child who came before you, the one you father destroyed!"
"You're lying! You… you, the head of the family?" Shinju stuttered, "You died before I was born. You gave me this curse when you died, so you cant still be here! You're gone! Go away!"
"Oh you poor thing, hiding from the world. You just don't want to face facts do you? Each cursed child never gets to go to the afterlife! All of us are stuck here forever for our sins!"
"Your lying," She refused to believe him, "I have no sins. I'm just a child, I've never done anything to hurt someone."
"Shinju. Poor innocent Shinju, you're so much like your poor, stupid mother. She didn't know about her sins either. Just being born was enough sin to keep you from heaven and the rest of the zodiac. You drove your parents apart, and practically killed your own father."
"I did not! I did not! I did nothing to them! They're fine; I never hurt them! We're all fine!"
"When you and that Tohru were off in California your father practically died. Poor weak little Yuki couldn't stand to be without his sweet Tohru. It was so pathetic; I was overjoyed! Your father deserves to suffer, Shinju."
"He does not! My FATHER is a GOOD man! He never hurt anyone! You hurt him!" Shinju had no idea if this was true, but she knew she was loosing this argument and she had begun to grasp at straws.
The voice hissed at her like an angered snake, "He never listened to me. I was the head of the family; he was just the stinking rat, yet he dared defy me! He thought he was better then me, ME!"
"My father did no such thing! He is kind and he loves me and my mother and my sister, and you can never convince me otherwise!"
"Shinju. He killed me. Right after he married your stupid mother he killed me with his own two hands. Oh the irony that you, his only child, you are the Sohma who called to me, you brought my evil spirit into you. You brought this curse upon yourself."
Shinju was crying desperately now, "No! None of this is true! It's a dream! You're lying! Tell me who you REALLY are!" Shinju asked the question but she never wanted to know the answer.
"I told you my darling, I'm Akito."
Later that afternoon Tohru, Yuki, and even Koharu came to try to talk to Shinju, but her door was locked and she wouldn't talk to anyone. Tohru cried for her little daughter and Koharu regretted ever finding her own family. Even the boys began to feel guilty, although they were also victims, and had all rights to be mad instead.
Finally Tohru sent the boys to stay at Haru and Hana's mansion with their small army of children. Even then Shinju wouldn't come out, and every so often they would hear something shattering behind that closed door. Finally Tohru just left Shinju's meals outside her door and the three of them left her alone.
It was Shinju, she had to get better soon, then she'd be happy again, they all reasoned. If only they could have guess the truth.
In Shinju's room, nine PM
Finally Shinju picked up the phone when she was sure that everyone else was in his or her room trying to sleep.
She dialed in a number on her phone and sighed deeply. What else was she supposed to do?
"Hi. It's me. Listen, I need your help. I know it's late… if you could just come, please. I need you."
END OF CHAPTER
Yay! Happy early Christmas! (My present to you is this confusing, depressing, chapter! Yay!)
With love,
A-san