Ch.4

She sighed as his lips met hers. He ran his fingers through her hair, cupping her face with each kiss.

She tried to pull away…but she couldn't do it.

It just felt…RIGHT.

"NO," she murmured in between kisses. She tried to pull away but he held her close.

She gave in.

They broke apart a few minutes later, trying to catch their breaths.

"HI," she said breathlessly.

"Hi."

She brought her fingers to her lips, his kiss still lingering.

"I left earlier. When you told everyone…I left."

"I know."

"I just-"

"I didn't want you to know. I'm sorry you had to hear it like that."

"Why didn't you want me to know?" he asked, trying to hide the hurt in his voice.

"Why do you think? The same reason I didn't want anyone else to know…I don't want people to treat me differently. I don't want to be known as Meredith Grey, the poor cancer victim."

"No one thinks that."

"EVERYONE thinks that. You're thinking it right now; I can see it in your eyes."

He looked away.

"I just wish you would have told me."

"Why? What good would it have done for me to tell you? Are you going to try to swoop in now and be my hero? Drop everything; leave your wife so you can spend time taking me to chemo, hold my hair back while I'm puking? Watch me wither away to practically nothing? Tell me Derek."

He didn't answer.

"You can't just show up at my door and kiss me…I don't want your sympathy because I'm sick."

"You think that the only reason I showed up here tonight and kissed you was because I found out you were sick? Do you honestly think that?"

Now she didn't answer.

"I've been in love with you since the moment I met you in that bar and you know it."

Meredith felt herself growing angry.

"Don't stand there and tell me that you love me…not when you've just chosen another woman over me."

"Addison and I…it's complicated. It's not like poof! I saw her and my feelings for you were gone. There still in here, stronger than ever," he placed a hand over his heart.

"You can't keep doing this to me." She said, her voice dripping with sorrow. "Derek, I'm just not strong enough. With everything else that is going on, I don't need this drama."

She sighed.

"Goodnight Dr. Shepard."

She turned to walk away.

"Wait." He said.

She stopped, reluctantly turning around.

"What?"

He walked over to her and grabbed her hand.

"You are the one thing in this world that matters to me. You are the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep. And once I'm asleep, I dream about you."

He stroked her cheek.

"I know you're questioning a lot of things right now Mer…with everything else that is going on…but know this: the way I feel about you…it literally takes my breath away. And I'm going to always feel that way about you. No matter what happens, you and I…you're my soul."

Her breath staggered.

He leaned in and kissed her softly.

"You and me," he whispered his breath hot against her neck... He inhaled the smell of her lavender conditioner, a smell he had grown to long for.

He pulled back and looked into her eyes, giving her one of his famous smiles.

She shook her head.

"You make it impossible for me to hate you."

"Well, you make it impossible for me to not love you. Guess we're even."

She walked him to the door.

"Derek?"

He turned around.

"Thank you." She smiled.

He smiled back before turning and walking away.

She watched as he drove off. His smell, his touch…

He was inescapable.

"Bastard," she laughed as she shut the door.

Who needs cancer? He was more than enough to kill her.

George and Izzie quietly snuck down to the kitchen. It was the first day Meredith wasn't going into work…they didn't want to wake her.

"I'm already up you guys so you don't have to sneak around."

They sighed as they walked into the kitchen, seeing her sitting there, sipping her coffee.

"What are you doing up already? God, I would pay to not have to be up right now." Izzie said.

"I thought you guys might like some breakfast!"

"Did you cook?" George asked, glancing around the kitchen.

"Hell no," she laughed. "But I did buy some doughnuts."

"Ohhh I knew I loved you for some reason," Izzie laughed.

They sat around, talking, eating and laughing.

"Are you going to come in at all today?" George asked.

"Well, I'm starting the chemo tomorrow, so I'll probably just hang out around here today…try to have a day of relaxing, ya know?"

They nodded. Izzie looked at her watch.

"We're going to miss pre-rounds if we don't go." She said standing up.

George followed her.

"Thanks for the food," he said kissing her cheek.

Meredith smiled.

"Anytime."

Once they had left, Meredith got up and walked around.

Relax. How was she supposed to be relaxed? The only place she ever felt completely calm was at the hospital…

Or with Derek.

She groaned.

"I'm worse than freakin 10 year old." She muttered to herself.

"Yea, those 10 year olds are pretty obnoxious."

She turned around. Derek was standing in her doorway.

"Hello beautiful."

She shook her head in disbelief.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well," he said smiling. "I happened to hear a rumor that you were going to be here…and I don't have any surgeries today…who would have thought?"

She laughed.

"And so I thought…today would be a perfect day to just…hang out."

"Hang out?"

He nodded.

"Ok…" she said, suddenly feeling nervous.

"What do you want to do?"

He rubbed his hands together.

"Oh I think I have a few ideas…"

A/N Hey people! I love the reviews! Keep em coming! I know this chapter was kind of fluffy, but have no fear…I have a LOT of drama comin up! Thanks guys, I love the feedback -)