Fire Has a Cold Half

by Danally

Ser Podrick is destined to spend time in Winterfell because of a foreboding feeling from, not the King of the Six Kingdoms, but Bran Stark. The news are not welcomed by Sansa or by the Lords in the North but she knows that, for her safety, it is paramount to listen to the warning and to convince her subjects to accept the presence of the man whom they believe might be a spy for the

13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"Not many men would reject you."

That was true. "Most of those suitors are younger than me or worst, too old. And there's a reason why they're still unmarried. And the ones that are my age would be willing to enter a marriage but not to remain faithful as not to make me look bad eventually." Besides, what she wanted the most was that the man in question would have no desire to get in her business or the realm's.

"You're the most coveted lady in Westeros, ma'am. You can take your pick. There may be only few interesting, gallant, decent and brave men, but they exist. And I'll dare speak for my gender when I say that you need more than two or three minutes of conversation with a man to find out if he stands out."

Sansa sighed, "Right now I don't want to concern myself with that." She answered one of the advisors who had been insisting that she should marry. "What makes you think I've changed my mind? That I'm the look-out for a husband?"

"I apologize, Ma'am, I know it's not my place to make that sort of assumptions but you know it's paramount for you to have a family."

"You're right" she answered as she closed the accounting book she had brought, "It is not your place." she replied feeling exhaustion more than annoyance. "I'll choose when I feel it's right." and then she left.

Discussing marriage often left her with sour taste in her mouth, it irked her. If there were a direct Stark descendant to inherit the throne she would have completely closed the door to even possibility of a marriage.

Weeks later, the conversation came up around Podrick, or rather; Lady Rose brought it up seemingly to scare him away. Sansa didn't lose her good mood but she immediately dismissed the young woman, who opposed her wishes to be left alone with the knight but the queen left her no choice.

She had been trying to do as he asked and not over-think things but she couldn't. With every conversation they shared, every one of his attempts to touch her and her refusing made her feel like there were eyes on them even when they were alone and in private, she felt like everyone knew what there really was between them, that they were the talk of the entire castle.

He told her she was seeing suspicion where there wasn't any but she remained unconvinced. So she had put some space between them to avoid further indiscretions. And yet, she couldn't stay clear of him. It was eye opening.

"Lord Ellison is right." Podrick said knowing that she wouldn't take his words well, "You won't know if your suitors are interesting if you don't give them more than two or three minutes of your time. How else will you know if they're a good match?"

She had to take a second to swallow the bite she had in her mouth before replying "...I'm giving you more than three minutes." she commiserated even when she had purposely set out to put space between them.

He lifted his face to hers then; she had been avoiding him for weeks and now she was saying these things... it was like she led him on only to put him back in his place, "Sometimes." he said a bit reproachfully, only to have her cheeks redden and her eyes averting his, "...although you give me more than three minutes, we both know I'm not really a suitor." that was the insurmountable truth, "and even if I wasn't a Kingsguard I'll never be on your level. I'm just a ...temporary exception."

The regarded each other. With each day Sansa became more aware of Podrick's background and his place, something she hadn't paid mind to at first but which now she came to see as a hurdle. She wasn't someone to be ruled by her emotions, at least not this kind of emotions, and she didn't like how this was affecting her.

She opted to continue with the conversation, "The fact of the matter is that... because of my past I will never be interested in a marriage. I know it is my duty and I won't refuse to take that step when I feel it necessary. But my advisors don't have to constantly remind me."

And they knew why she kept being reminded; she wasn't getting any younger and in a few days, a Lord from a prominent Dornish family would be visiting Winterfell. The man was one of her better options because he was up to her standards, he was honest, his vassals adored and respected him and he was the single heir to a powerful and wealthy family with a large number of bannermen. The only things against him were that he hasn't a Northerner or a prince.

But he was what she needed; a foreign alliance since she had plenty of those in the North.

Podrick wondered if she had ever sat her advisors down to tell them that she intended to look beyond the North to establish ties with a region outside of her uncle Edmure of her cousin Robyn. And how they had taken it in case she had done so; he figured It's hadn't gone down smoothly but he could be wrong.

Until now, Her Grace hadn't brought up the matter of that suitor with him and neither had he. Yet, the whole business was something that weighed heavily on him; that hurt every time he thought about it.

Still, he faced her and everyone else as though nothing was wrong and after the first day of the Lord's visit, when introductions had been unavoidable, he decided to keep his distance yet he refused to name the heartache and despair he felt. It wasn't easy not to look at it as if it was a competition; the man was a green-eyed, dark haired tall and muscular man. All the women in the castle swooned just by looking at him and to make it worse everything pointed to him being a good man. It was better to keep those thoughts to himself.

She was also avoiding him and she would throw him a guilty look when he would watch them from afar as they talked or took a walk together.

On the bright side, though, the Lord couldn't have come at a better time since a storm was heading their way and so Podrick had decided to make himself useful around the castle and in Winter Town by giving out information and helping with preparations, to stay busy and not think so much.

Both he and his men were nervous about that sudden storm. They didn't know what to expect and they suspected it wasn't good when the gates of Winterfell were opened for anyone seeking shelter inside the castle. People were saying that the snow would reach over four feet and that in itself was unthinkable to them.

"I had never thought about that," one of the southron soldiers who came with him said when they found out the snow from the roofs of the castle and the town would have to be removed, or the weight would make those roofs collapse.

"And I assume that it won't be safe for those doing the job?" another man asked, one of Lord Errol's servants coming with him from Dorne, since his lord wanted to be informed about everything to ensure the safety of his companions.

Hours later, Podrick and Jacob were setting up barricades so no one would be able to go from the common areas to the Queen's chambers, when Jacob decided to speak, "are you nervous?"

"Yes." he saw no reason to hide it, a while ago they had started hearing the wind whistle loudly outside the castle and when he looked out a window he saw nothing but white all around. It was supposed to last for three days and this one wasn't the worse. He had been warned that there would be nothing but darkness for about three or four days.

"The southern lords, the Queen and her advisors are playing cards in some room to pass the time, why aren't you with them?" he asked while they moved a heavy table and turned it on its end to block one of the many corridors that lead to the private apartments.

"I rather make myself useful. Honestly, staying put only makes me anxious."

Jacob nodded, he liked Ser Podrick, he hadn't when he had first arrived and he had felt that his position as Commander of the Guard was threatened. But then, when he had been promoted he continued to treat everyone else as his equal and not like he was too good for them. Seeing the peasants surprised at having the King's Ambassador in their houses helping and hammering wood away to reinforce their windows while he conversed with them was something to remark upon. The fact that he accepted the food and drinks they offered humbly in a way that the Queen or her advisors never would... Lord Harry's words about Ser Podrick not knowing his place had made sense then, though not in the way Lord Harry would have expected. He turned to look at Ser Podrick rubbing his back, "are you alright?" he asked. Though it wasn't what he wanted to ask.

Podrick nodded "I think this was too much for my old bones."

Jacob nodded back but he couldn't help it anymore, "Are you and the Queen having an affair?" That was something the Guard was certain of, he only wanted confirmation. He had to hold Ser Podrick's gaze. "…It's just that is suspicious, seeing that you haven't been around each other these days, now that Lord Errol's here." It's not like he thought something improper was going on, he was her head of security and he knew where she was at all times even when the guards weren't trailing after her every minute. And if something physical and improper had happened between the two of them, then he'd have to dismiss all his men and congratulate her because it would make her a master at sneaking away, "…an emotional affair?" he pressed using Lord Cromwell's words when he had discreetly asked about the Queen's whereabouts, about how much time was she spending with Ser Podrick and where, who else was present…And honestly, it had only been then that he made the connection between Lord Harry and Lord Cromwell's words; that he realized it was obvious what was probably happening.

Podrick was unable to stop the blush from spreading across his face but he tried to act nonchalant or he was sure the man wouldn't believe him, "An emotional affair? What is that?" he asked mockingly before proceeding, "No. It's just a friendship." he offered simply.

Jacob knew about their friendship but he wanted to know if it was just that. He couldn't say whether he believed the knight because he spoke as though it was nothing, just a jest among soldiers. "I wouldn't blame you…or any other man. She is the most beautiful woman in miles."

Podrick agreed to that, "That she is."

Jacob continued nodding along and it was just because he understood their fondness for one another that he decided to let something slip, "She has been overwhelmed these past days. Unsettled; she's not sleeping. I can't tell if it is because of our visitors or the storm but it's been a while since I've seen her so... weighted down. She even asked the masters to give her something to calm her down."

Podrick looked up, "What?" he asked filled with concerned as he remembered that fit of anxiety that she suffered so long ago.

"Do something with that friendship of yours, talk to her, help her... just don't let her know I told you."

Podrick was bewildered as he nodded and wondered if whatever was overwhelming her was the matter of a possible retaliation to her brother's decision concerning their attackers. The Reach and Dorne were neighboring regions; it wouldn't be crazy to think that the lords who were visiting were planning on revenge. "I'm going to ask you something but I can't go into details about what I'm going to say," he could tell that it wasn't the first time the Guard received orders of the sort, "Reinforce her security but make sure she doesn't notice it too much. And tell all the guards and service to be on the lookout for the Dornish lords and their servants."

All eyes were already on the Queen, how would he reinforce her security? And…mistrust the men from Dorne? Still, he nodded to Ser Podrick thoughtfully before leaving.

For the next three days, although he looked for her, Podrick didn't see her anywhere. He would be on one side of the castle and she would be somewhere else and he'd find out that they had missed each other by minutes. Her advisors told him that she was busy dealing with some issues involving the fact that the castle had been isolated by the storm. It wasn't possible to see more than six feet out if they were lucky and not in total darkness. Everything was covered in snow so much so that the other southrons looked among each other worriedly yet refusing to talk about their concerns with the northerners.

"I didn't think it'd be so quiet," Lord Errol spoke.

"Me neither" the rest replied just before one of Winterfell soldiers came in looking for men to volunteer to go to remove the snow from the roofs of Wintertown. No one volunteered, not even Podrick.

"We would die out there!" Humphrey, one of the lord's companions, said.

Podrick stood, "I'm going to make sure that none of the soldiers who came with me will take the risk," he said but everyone knew that that was just an excuse to leave the room. He wondered through the castle all afternoon but he never managed to cross paths with her.

When he entered the Great Hall, he found many of the inhabitants of Wintertown gathered there and after greeting some of them he continued on his way.

On the third and fourth days, the concerns kept rising, "It won't bloody stop snowing," Lord Errol exclaimed, "Had I known this I would have postponed this trip, I haven't even been able to spend time with the Queen."

No one had a reply to that and Podrick barely managed a sideways glare.

.
.

Disheartened and feeling like she wasn't thinking clearly was how Sansa left her Maesters' hall; they had given her a small vial and instructions to take ten drops with an ounce of water that would put her to sleep like a log. Her eyelids felt heavy and her eyes and her head were tired, she was numb with energy or interest in anything.

As she made her way through one of the ramparts, she noticed that the spirits of the people were high with the storm ending the previous night. There were children running around playing in the snow. And not only children. She thought it was a funny thing when she looked down at one of the yards where Lord Errol and his friends —who had done nothing but complain— were running from one end to the other making snow balls and gaged in a snow-ball fight with the children from Wintertown; even Podrick was there laughing and joining in on the fun but not even seeing that managed to fill her with the joy that seeing such a scene would normally give her. As she was turning a corner into one of the corridors she crashed into a young man carrying a great number of snow balls that ended up falling down her skirt.

"I'm sorry, ma'am!" Humphrey exclaimed a second before two of her Guards were roughly and unceremoniously pushing him off her and putting distance between them. He was startled at first, feeling attacked and trying to free himself until he remembered where he was and stopped resisting. "It was an accident." he said before being released.

Sansa regarded the man thinking at first that he was a northerner but she soon came to the conclusion that he was one of Lord Errol's friends though she couldn't even remember his name; she offered a fake smile as she bent down to pick three of the snow balls that had fallen and putting them in the bag he was holding just as he stepped away to pick the ones that had rolled farther. "It's good to see that you finally found something entertaining to do around here."

Humphrey mumbled apologetically at her chosen words, a dig at how annoying they had been in the past days, something that went out his mind as he suddenly was stricken by how much more beautiful she was up close, "there had to be a silver lining in this, right, Ma'am?" he asked, internally remarking how not many women caught his attention but she was definitely one of the few who did.

"Like in everything, I suppose." She said before dropping in the last of the snow-balls and straightening up.

That's when he fixated on the dried tear tracks on her cheeks, since the light hit her just right for him to notice but he decided not to comment on it, "You should join us for a while, it could be a good distraction, at least for a couple of minutes."

Sansa had no interest in doing so, "I'm sorry, but I'm sure you'll understand I have responsibilities that await me."

"Of course, Ma'am..." Humphrey replied realizing, not for the first time, how uninterested the Queen appeared to be in regards to their visit; she wasn't exactly an engaging host.

Sansa was about to leave but she stopped for a moment, "I'm sorry to be such a bad host, I wish this storm hadn't come about. I would have been able to spend more time with you and in better spirits."

Humphrey nodded, "Although, I'm sure that we'll extend our stay here, with your permission."

"Of course," she added, "You won't be able to make the trip up to Wall in the next days and, if you allow me, I wouldn't recommend making it at all, these storms usually come in groups.

Humphrey nodded in understanding, "I'll talk to Errol about it."

"Good." Sansa replied and she was about to be on her way but he stopped her.

"Is everything alright Ma'am?" he asked and she saw her throat muscles flex on a gulp, "with your people? At the other castles?... I hope you didn't suffer too many losses." and it was only then that he realized that it wasn't only human lives that were lost but probably other things like cattle and crops had succumbed to the storm. No wonder she seemed so upset.

Sansa nodded along wishing it was only that which had her feeling down, and it probably was a factor but that wasn't the entire reason for her mood. She didn't even know what the reason was, especially since she hadn't felt like this in years. And that made her feel even worse, seeing that her sadness never really went away; her soul aches just became less frequent. "The crows I've gotten so far are encouraging, it seem that the storm only hit hard the north-west. But we'll have to wait a day or two and then send emissaries to the farthest places to see how things are.

Humphrey nodded hesitatingly since it wasn't his place to offer but he decided to go through with it, "Let us know if you need help. I'm sure there's something we could do if something serious occurred." on the one hand he could ask his family for some bushels of food and on the other, Lord Errol could get even more help, since he was interested in her to make the betrothal official if she acquiesced to it.

Sansa barely even acknowledged his words before bowing her head. She went to her room before the sun set and ask to have someone call Lady Rose to her room while she prepared the concoction —with only seven drops, and then she drank it. She appreciated that those drops would settle her but she also disliked the fact that she would feel numb and detached the next days.

She got rid of her clothes in seconds to put on her sleeping robe and she got in bed under her warm furs as she felt her mind losing her sharpness along with her worries. Then, she wiped her tear stricken face to try to get a hold of herself when she heard steps and Lady Rose appeared with snowflakes in her hair and clothes and a wet skirt, she realized that the young woman had been playing in the yard too. "Go back," she said feeling dizzy and starting to slur her speech as she gestured for Lady Rose to leave. "I don't need you. Go and play some more."

Lady Rose didn't obey and instead she went for the vial with a frown and a sigh, she didn't like it and when she turned back to the queen, she saw that she was already half asleep. She picked up the Queen's clothes and she made sure that she was comfortable under the furs, then, she fed the fire because she knew the robe alone wouldn't keep the woman warm. Finally, she peeked out the door and she had one of the guards to take a note she had just written to Lord Cromwell.

By the next evening Sansa wasn't feeling as emotionally drained but she was suffering the physical consequences of the sedatives that her maester provided. Waking up in that dizzying daze was never pleasant and she wasn't fully able to hold herself up so she had to support herself on whatever was around to make her way to the bathing tub waiting for her, warm enough thanks to how close it was to the fire. She stayed in there with glassy eyes and confusing thoughts rising from the dark depths of her mind where nothing and everything made sense or mattered.

On the verge of falling asleep, she heard a gasp that she knew was coming from Lady Rose since no one else had permission to enter her chambers when she was in one of these moods; she heard the lady make disgruntled noises, telling her that the water was freezing as she dropped two buckets of water that were near the fire and she immediately felt the warmth consuming her.

Lady Rose only stared at her until she was assured that she wasn't as gone as she had been at other times, "You shouldn't drink that stuff, you've said it yourself, you don't like how it makes you feel." she chided as she put her hand on the queen's forehead to take her temperature and reassuring herself that she wasn't as cold as she had feared.

"Sometimes, what I feel in the moment is worse."

Lady Rose said nothing because what the queen once said to her was true; she was lucky not to know how badly a person can get to feel. She knelt on the floor, "You're the strongest person I know."

"You don't know that many people," was Sansa mindless response as she sat straighter in the tub.

Lady Rose wondered how to proceed because she was given trust but there was a distance between them too, "Lord Cromwell said that we were lucky; the storm hit the west hardest but we got word from Karhold and Last Hearth that there weren't many losses." for now, "The storm didn't hit New Gift, Castle Black or North of the wall. So there's no need to worry about your brother. Also, the farming lands in the Barrowlands and the Rills weren't affected either." she saw the queen nodding to her words.

Sansa could tell by the young woman's tone of voice that she was worried about her, "...I hate that you're seeing me like this." Still, the girl was one of the few people that she trusted to take care of her when she was out of herself like this.

"Hate is the ugliest word." She stated and Sansa smiled at her innocence, "I know, I know, there are worse ones." A reply never came so she stood and went to grab a brush, which had the Queen move her hair to the side and wring it carefully before putting her head on the edge of the tub and leaving the hair free to have Lady Rose brush and untangle it silently for a long while. She noticed the puddle on the floor growing before asking, "And what's on The Queen's mind? The storm? Lord Errol? Her people or the damage the storm will do to the stores?" not that she expected a real answer.

Sansa cupped some water to wash over her face, "Absolutely everything. Nothing. Things just seemed heavier all of the sudden." she heard the young woman make a sound, "The storm was just the last straw before my emotions ran away from me."

"Do you feel better now? After getting things off your chest? After sleeping?

"Yes. I'm looking at things under a better light." she answered honestly, "But my concerns are still there." even if she no longer felt like drowning in her sadness. She decided to change the subject, "Did you enjoy your snowball fight yesterday?"

"Yes," the girl admitted but she didn't tell the queen that she hadn't gone back to play when she told her to, "The Southrons were acting like children..."

"I'd like to still have some innocence in me to still enjoy such things." Lady Rose was one of the few people who knew about the marks on her body... on her soul. She was under oath to keep it to herself but Sansa knew that it wasn't needed, that out of loyalty and affection, the young lady wouldn't say a word about it or about other things she sometimes told her.

The sound that came out wasn't exactly a wail, more like a sad sigh, like it weighted heavily on her, "If you don't go out and try it you won't know if you'll still enjoy it. You should do it, Ma'am, even if it's only playing with Snow." she said encouragingly.

"Hmmm... I don't think that's how a Queen should act."

"What's the point in denying yourself life's simple pleasures?"

Sansa was taken aback by the words and so she turned to look at Rose, wondering where the girl was picking up such mature words... she fleetingly thought that someone might be corrupting her, "What do you know of pleasure?" she asked amused though her thoughts wondered off, "What do I know?" That time when Podrick had touched her neck the second time they kissed flashed through her mind and reflected on how something seemingly innocent as that had thrilled her so; a reminder that she decided to push aside for the moment.

She was embarrassed when she spoke, "It was just something that Lady Cromwell said to me once during one of her visits," she admitted without realizing that the Queen was no longer paying attention to her and instead she was hugging her legs to her chest as though to shrink into herself. Lady Rose continued brushing her hair.

'We change, we evolve, we go backwards...'

A part of her would like to take a step back, the part of her longed for innocence, for a simpler time, to remain ignorant of all the bad things that happened in the world.

She absentmindedly heard Lady Rose asking her in a whisper if she loved him and it brought her out of her haze, making her meet her eyes for a second. They both knew to whom she was referring. "The most significant word in our language and the answer is no." She did not love Podrick Payne. She wasn't even sure how much she cared for him or if she loved him in her own way, not in pure form but in a more apprehensive, obscure way; a way filled with ghosts of other men, open wounds and disillusionment. Why was it that she couldn't bring herself to love one of the few men who had been true and good to her? She felt her throat tightening and her eyes tearing up; she wanted to banish those thoughts... if she pursued that path she'd be back to the dark place where she had been in the last few days. "I care for him." She stated, feeling that the word fit her character better. She also cared for Lord Cromwell, for Lady Rose, for Lord Manderly and his granddaughters and for Lord Royce, though not in the same manner, "I might even be a bit infatuated with him," that was as good as admitting out loud all that she assumed was said about them. "You'll tell no one what I just admitted, understood?" she looked her way and the young lady nodded blushing.

An infatuation was something for a spoilt child but she was too old to be infatuated with a boy.

The Queen was infatuated with the Knight; it was something she had never dared named but the word somehow seemed to fit. "Don't you worry over his past? Over his reputation?" she asked shyly.

She had heard them talking about the knight's reputation a couple of weeks ago and she had been embarrassed by the free manner in which they were speaking but also shocked by the queen engaging in such a scandalous and improper sort of conversation. It had her wondering what other improper and scandalous things they could be doing aside from speaking.

'But believe me, my intentions aren't lowly, Ma'am.'

Whatever his intentions were, the Queen was aware of them and she hadn't gracefully put them to rest, she hadn't dismissed him as she had seen her do to innumerable other men. Lady Rose had wanted to run and tell Lord Cromwell about it but she had enough doubts to stop herself, especially since she knew that Her Grace wouldn't like her going behind her back like that. Not that she could do such a thing; she cared too much for her to make her look bad.

"I've been married twice; I have a past as well."

It was different, "It's not the same and you know it." She waited for an answer but she got none, "He's a good man, he's good looking, honest, charming too, I can see that." she admitted that and then was reminded of something Lord Harry said once, "Is it... are you interested in him because you're curious about his reputation?" she asked in a whisper as her eyes went to one of the scars in the queen's shoulder. She had told her about her scars once.

Sansa didn't see that coming and she stiffened, her mind was clear for a second and she looked to Lady Rose who was red-faced and averting her eyes, seemingly engrossed with something on the floor. What was she doing discussing this with anyone? With a young girl, no less? "Believe me, I don't feel that king of curiosity."

Not that the girl was completely far off, Podrick was Podrick; even if he said he expected nothing more than a few kisses between them, she suspected that it wasn't entirely true. Her instincts may not know about passion but she knew how to keep her guard up when she felt threatened. She couldn't stop her mind from wondering how disappointed Podrick would be by discovering that even if she decided to give into him and to go past the point of no return, she'd never act with as much abandon as the women from his past.

It was good that such a thing was unthinkable to her.

"...Is that why you were sad? because of him?" Being infatuated with Ser Podrick, knowing it was impossible and having a suitor courting her under the same roof was something out of a song or a love story. If it hadn't been Ser Podrick —who wasn't up to the Queen's standards in the least— she would even find it romantic.

"No." She stated immediately. Or well, it was. There were many reasons and he was among them. Lord Errol... she had had two conversations with the man and she was utterly uninterested. She had been more taken with the man with the snow balls and they had only exchange a few pleasantries. And she was sad because of Podrick. Because she had seen him stepping aside and it made her wonder how awful he was feeling after having been ignoring each other, by having Lord Errol's presence constantly rubbed in his face. "A long time ago, I also thought there was little more to life than love and heartbreak. You too will be disillusioned of that notion someday." she saw the girl lowering her eyes to the floor and as she took on how young she was, she couldn't help but feel her chest aching for her and in an impulse she turned slightly and she leaned to kiss the girl on the head. "It's better not to be so naive, trust me." Then the lady held her gaze as she nodded solemnly.

Lady Rose had to blush at the Queen's display of affection, she felt privileged. "A few moments ago you said you'd like to still be innocent."

Her mind was going in circles thanks to the calming potion, "You'll have to forgive me but sometimes when I takes this crap I'm not fully coherent." she said feeling a bit amused by the whole thing and Lady Rose ginned at her as if she had been joking, "Now, be a good girl and bring me a towel, a dress and some hot food."

Lady Rose nodded as she stood, "You're in no shape to leave this room, Ma'am."

"I know," she said as she took the towel and the girl turned to look for a cozy robe, "You don't have to order me around." her tone was whiny and a second later she saw that the girl's lips were tugged in a grin.

Sansa didn't want to show her that she was concerned and suspicious because, as doped up as she was, she couldn't overlook that the seemingly innocent girl was aware of thing she shouldn't have been. She was talking about pleasure and she kept pushing the issue with a certainty that even her, at her age and with her experience, lacked.

As soon as she had a mind, she would make sure to keep a closer eye on the girl.

By midmorning the next day she was feeling better and so she went back to her duties. Lord Cromwell had skillfully covered for her in her absence and he gave her all the information she needed before meeting with her council in the afternoon. While they walked along the ramparts they saw the various lords from Dorne jumping from the edge of one of the towers onto some big piles of snow for fun.

"I don't know if they're purposely trying to kill themselves and get you in trouble with their families and regions."

From her own experience, Sansa knew nothing would happen to them from that height. Further ahead, she saw Podrick from afar in the company of some soldiers who were doing the same but from the barracks.

Her afternoon consisted of more meetings and writing scrolls to be sent in all directions before leaving her study for the Great Hall alongside Lord Harry. It was then that she ran into Lord Errol and his friend. They greeted her politely and Lord Harry made himself scarce a moment later; Sansa expected Lord Errol's friend to walk away and leave them alone too but the opposite happened, which seemed odd to her and to the young man, whose name she still was unable to remember, ad she was too embarrassed to ask at this point.

When they were alone, she found herself at a loss for words, "was the storm a sign that winter is coming, Ma'am?"

Actually, that was the reason for her troubled mind. Sansa started at a slow pace and he followed, "the maesters can't tell yet. They'll have to wait a few weeks to know for sure.

He nodded, finding the subject easier to breach than other matter "And is the North ready for it?"

"No," she admitted. "Nor is the south, I'm assuming?" she answered finding it ironic that he smiled at her answer.

On his part, he found her defensiveness amusing, "Will you inform us when you know for certain?"

"Of course," she replied thankful that the subject was done for as fast as it was.

He nodded back, "Now... You'll have to forgive me," Humphrey apologized and got a nod from her.

.

.

Podrick had worried about her after what Jacob told him and he had taken notice of her absence of nearly two days. He had asked Lord Cromwell and Lady Rose about it, Jacob too, and it was only the latter who told him the truth, the other two just made excuses on her behalf...he hadn't believed the Commander of the Guard at first but for some reason the man arranged everything so that Podrick could make sure that she was alive and well, if under the influence of some sedative.

The guard had called Lady Rose away from the Queen's chambers under some excuse as well as the other guard who was posted at her door; Snow had been left to guard her alone and it escorted him to her bed, where he could see that she was down for the count. He took her pulse and her temperature, only to check, and after making sure she was alive he left, almost running into Lady Rose who was on her way back to the room.

His attention had been on her and when he came back to Winterfell after going to help in the nearby villages, he was told that she was attending a council meeting. That's when he made the decision to seek her out with more insistence than he had done after Lord Errol's arrival.

He found her in minutes knowing very well that she wouldn't have too much time for him because she was supposed to dine with Lord Errol and the man had practically shouted it from the rooftops. He intercepted her before she left the library, seeing a chance to be alone with her since the guards were waiting for her further along the corridor, "Are you alright?" he asked coming out of the darkness and he could see that he startled her.

"You frightened me!"

He didn't apologize and since she didn't answer, he asked again, "Are you alright? I haven't seen you in days." He wasn't about to tell her that he knew about the downturn in her mood but he had to say something and he held her gaze that said he wouldn't leave without an answer.

"The storm didn't make my life easier." she replied plainly.

Podrick followed her to a private yard where his words made her stop, "Is it just that, Ma'am? Isn't there anything I can do to help?" he insisted and maybe it was because he already knew her too well that he could read the skepticism in her posture and silence, "What? After everything we've been through together, is it still hard to believe that I worry about you?" he said defensively and was only met by a bashful mumble.

She hadn't expected this from him. Sansa didn't know how to react because the question was a direct hit in her chest, she was trying to control her emotions and show nothing. She stuttered for what felt like an eternity before sighing deeply, "You're right...It's just that... I'm not used to having people worry over me."

His annoyance and worry were replaced by pity, and pity was the last thing he wanted to feel for her. He was also struck by the thought that even if she was giving him this moment of her time, it wouldn't be right to unleash his own doubts and disappointment that were caused by Lord Errol, "...Then you should better get used to it," he offered both shyly and with an odd confidence that he didn't always feel around her. His awkwardness vanished as he saw the effect of his words on her, the initial flash in her eyes followed by a tentative grin. He had a fleeting memory of Bronn advising him to never ever let a woman see how interested he really was in her... but it was too late for that.

Neither one could really tell how they ended up enveloped in a hug.

Everything else dissipated as they took a deep breath and closed their eyes.

Sansa was feeling too much, her emotions were at odds, optimisms because of what he had said and sadness because she knew they would lead nowhere. He was hugging her so tightly that she wondered if he was overstepping on purpose because try as might she was too aware of her breasts pressed against him, of how solid his chest felt...of his torso, his back, his warmth, his strength. After a few seconds that felt too short, she felt him drawing away and she had an urge to stop him but she didn't.

And Podrick noticed that she didn't put a lot of space between them. "I worry about you, don't doubt that."

"I'll keep that in mind." she swallowed as she kept her eyes fixed on his. She didn't address her state of mind then, instead she addressed his, "...Ever since Lord Errol arrived, you've stayed away and—"

How observant, "—I thought you would appreciate it.

She struggled to find the words, "I do. I mean—"

Podrick decided to interject before he'd lose his courage and his hands tightened on her waist, "—We both know that what's between us is not much but I would still feel uncomfortable if I had to be around you and Lord Errol... It's out of respect, I suppose," or rather, uncertainty. "The Lord's presence bothers me, I won't deny it."

"...I'm sorry to have put you in this position." She could only guess how uncomfortable this must be for him. But Podrick had to know that she had no interest in Lord Errol... though that probably didn't do much to ease his worries or to make her feel less guilty. Her hand went from his shoulder to his jaw where she offered a soothing caress with her thumb, "I don't mean for you to feel like—" she stopped her motions when she felt him letting go of her and stepping back while his eyes went up.

Halfway through her words, a shadow caught his attention and he released her immediately only to look up and realize someone had being watching them. Sansa needed no further explanation to understand what was going on and so she stepped back as well to look up at a window where she found Lord Cromwell's eyes fixed on them.

It felt like the world was cracking under her feet as her mind acknowledge the gravity of the situation she and Podrick had found themselves in, "I'll handle this." she said turning back to him, but seeing that he was about to refuse, she shook her head, "I'll handle this. It's better that I do it, trust me." She repeated as she tried to regain her balance, though she realized she was shaking and sweating.

Saying that she bolted would be an understatement, she knew what to expect from Lord Harry but not from Lord Cromwell even if she was aware of his suspicions and that he had been in league with Lord Harry. He had never gone as far as questioning her openly nor had he doubted her integrity.

She found him in her solar waiting for her and before she had time to say anything he did, staring out the window, "I'm no one to judge, Ma'am. And though I'm glad you have someone to count on it is my duty to remind you that what I witnessed a couple of minutes ago could have been misconstrued by someone else who doesn't know you quite like I do.

Sansa clenched her jaw; she had been ready for something far worse and she didn't know what to say. She silently made her way to her desk to sit on her chair with a certain sense of defeat. Being confronted by Lord Harry would be so easy, nothing like this. Lord Cromwell stayed in place for a few minutes and so did she, lost in thought and still expecting something worse from him. When he finally stepped away from the window she decided to speak, "Podrick and I are... friends. He has become a pillar of support," she lied, "but nothing improper has happened between us."

Out of respect for her —and because of the pedestal where he had placed her, he wanted to believe her words even if it was useless, no one would believe her if their relationship got out. Not even he could believe it, the image of them embracing and then exchanging words so closely together as they continued to hold onto each other; Ser Podrick's hand on her waist, hers on his shoulders and then on his face to make her point, left no room for interpretation. "You have under your roof a suitor from one of Dorne's more prominent families, your house is filled with foreigners and although your liaison with Ser Podrick may be an open secret to some of us, they won't treat it as such. I beg you to be more careful."

She lowered her eyes as she mulled over the truth in his words, vividly aware that Lord Cromwell seemed not to think too badly of her, or to want to hold her relationship with Podrick against her.

"Ser Podrick is a good man, I respect him. And I know you won't like what I'm about to say but I'm sure you have already thought about it. If you consider him worthy of your affection and trust, then I congratulate you but ... someone in your position should not be ruled by her emotions, My Queen. Take away Ser Podrick's title of Ambassador and what's left? A Knight from a lower house with no lands or riches to his name. He's not worthy of you and, if he returns your feelings, if he just goes and breaks his Kingsguard's oath... that would be disgrace to himself and to you; the scandal wouldn't leave you unscathed."

In that moment she was reminded of the reason why she had chosen Lord Cromwell to counsel her, his lack of sentimentality and objectivity for every situation. And it was true that she had thought about everything he had just said, "There's no need for concern, nothing beyond what you just witnesses will happen."

He nodded respectfully; he had no interest in the depth of the relationship or even questioning it. The least he knew, the better; it would be easier to deny it in the future. What was crucial was that it would be kept secret and that it wouldn't evolve, "Then let me add that passionate love burns bright and fast, sadly, it tends to end sooner than one would wish."

"I'll bet Lady Cromwell would love hearing that," she had to add sardonically.

Lord Cromwell smiled knowing that that was the Queen's way to return the blow she was receiving, "I speak the truth, Ma'am. And you should keep this in mind too; do you think that everything you've built is worth throwing away for maybe three years of happiness with Ser Podrick Payne? That's only something you know, and only you can make that choice."

Sansa nodded thoughtfully since, to her regret, she could see that he was right. Regardless, she had expected more, much more worse from him. When he was about to leave she stopped him, "You won't discuss what you saw or our conversation with anyone else. You won't discuss it with Ser Podrick either. That's an order."

Lord Cromwell nodded, "Understood." He actually had no desire to bring up the matter to Ser Podrick, or to try to convince him to stop his advances... if anything he was surprised that Podrick Payne out of all men had earned the interest, or even the heart of one of the must unattainable women there were, and not because she was Queen. He'd even congratulate him and offer his full admiration and respect if he wasn't under her orders to keep silent...and if all of this wasn't an imminent problem.

Sansa decided to go further, "Neither you nor your delegates will write to my brother," she knew what it was like to be sitting on valuable information and to use it behind someone's back, so she wanted to cover her bases, "Better yet, you are prohibited from addressing the matter at all. Don't make me regret naming you my right hand."

Lord Cromwell made a disgruntled sound but he nodded. He wouldn't dare tell the Queen what to do. He was paid to do so but he was sure that if he tried to impose his opinion on her personal life, her reaction would be to do the opposite, to rebel because sadly, she wasn't above that and she had given him and her other advisors more than one headache in the past.

A long while after Lord Cromwell had left, Sansa's spirits were down and it wasn't until a maid came in to remind her that Lord Errol was waiting for her that the man even registered in Sansa's mind. She joined him for dinner though she wasn't hungry but then she rejected his offer to join her on her nightly walk in the Godswood.

Her eyes kept looking around hoping to run into Podrick somewhere but it was in vain. In the end, before she retired to sleep she sent one of her guards to look for him and bring him to her. Neither spoke before they were certain that they were completely alone, they kept their distance and the doors open and their voices were barely above a whisper. "I told him you were a great support to me and that we are friends... that what he saw was you offering that support after these past difficult days I've had."

Podrick nodded, having been expecting something along those lines.

"I also forbade him to talk to you about it. I've said what needs to be said." Podrick continued nodding but he remained silent and it was getting to her, "Say something."

"You haven't talked to me about the difficult days you've had," was the only thing that he managed to say. After all, he had a good idea of how the conversation with Lord Cromwell had gone; the man had probably listed the thousand reasons why Podrick Payne was a bad choice for her.

She couldn't believe that's what he wanted to talk about right then while she was upset about this entire situation. "You should retire for the night. The less we're seen together in the next few days, the better."

"Hmmm" Podrick emitted a bitter groan that was enough to make her realize that he knew something like that was coming and he didn't appreciate it.

"You know it's for the best." she whispered realizing that she really didn't like it when she became the object of his anger, this shouldn't be a big deal and his attitude was stating to make her angry too.

"Put yourself in my shoes just like I always put myself in yours and then tell me if you don't think what you are asking me it's unfair." That was the last thing he said, the last words they spoke in a week.

.

.

Some days later he ran into Lady Rose on the ramparts as she was engrossed looking at Her Grace and Lord Errol in the distance.

"...He's going to kiss her...any moment, now..." she said thinking he was Lord Cromwell and when he didn't answer she turned to see Ser Podrick, even better, "Care to make a wager?" she asked with a self-satisfied smile, she liked that he would witness what was about to happen, maybe this way he'd leave the Queen alone.

Podrick studied their posture and yes, it was clear that the man was going to try something but Her Grace's body language told him that she suspected what the Lord meant to do and it made her tense and on guard. The knight feigned disinterest before walking away, "Three moons say he'll try to kiss her and she'll side-step him." he simply said to Lady Rose, who nodded, accepting the terms. He opted to leave instead of staying to see if he won the wager because he wasn't completely sure that he would win.

Her sense of duty could make him lose. And he definitively didn't want to see her kissing someone else.

Not that it was likely that she would let herself be kissed out in the open for everyone to see.

Hours later he ran into Her Grace without having been meaning to but he didn't want to ask about her kissing the lord. "Between the two of us; if you wish, you can repay me for saving you so long ago, now with a kiss." he said without preamble, which surprised her, because that was the conversation she had been having with Lord Errol the last time he saw her; they were discussing their adventure and how Podrick refused to accept any payment for his services.

Her eyebrows stayed raised as she took his words in as she glanced over his shoulder first and then hers to make sure they were alone.

Sansa also looked behind her, still startled and hoping no one had heard, as she felt annoyance at him for speaking to her like that out in the open. She felt the cold wind hit her face and when she turned back to Podrick she saw that he was looking at her hair waving in the wind, "...Bran should be the one paying, then." She answered in a low voice as she passed him by and realizing how ridiculous her words were, "He's the one who employs your services, not I."

Then, she continued walking but she suddenly remembered their last conversation and she stopped and turned to call his name, when he faced her once more, she spoke, "I thought about the last thing you said to me...before this, and you are absolutely right."

.
.

.
When Lady Rose came up to him two days later to give him his three moons, neither said a word as Podrick played with the coins in his hands thoughtfully. She made a move to leave that broke him out of the trance, "Keep them, I can't take money from a child."

She huffed, "You keep them. You need them more than I do."

Podrick never saw that coming, it was the first time someone rubbed his lack of wealth in his face but instead of feeling humiliated he was actually amused, he was sure his finances were in better health than hers, "How is it that a great lord's daughter came to be the Queen's lady-in-waiting? And why haven't I seen your father at the quarterly meetings?" he asked cockily, though right away he felt like that was a low blow even if it was true, her father was a lord, just not from a prominent family.

The young lady put on airs of being better than she was... just like him. Well, not like him entirely, she was a handmaid with a lady's title and he was a Knight, a Kingsguard and the King's Ambassador and his renown had grown from having saved the Queen not once but twice, from having fought in the battle of the Blackwater and in the Long Night, though it was his latest claim to glory that had shed a new light on his past battles. No lord would close his doors to him in the south and certainly not here in the North. Maybe he didn't have great riches but he was renowned and respected in neither a way in which Lady Rose's father would never be. Nor most men, for that matter. So he was proud of who he was and no one could take that from him.

Hours later, he got on a horse and, as he often did on his off time, he left the castle along some soldiers and families who were also enjoying some free time. The infamous snow storm had stopped almost a week before and the Northerners were going back to their normal lives and after checking with people that the weather would favor them, he decided to go with the group. Although he didn't join in the singing on the way over, he decided to put his mind in order even if the reason why he decided to go on this trip was to stop thinking so much and relax.

After running through the entire labyrinth of his emotions he came to the conclusion that he wasn't jealous of Lord Errol…or he was but only to a point. In a brazen and triumphal way he was glad that at least the lord hadn't gotten from her what he already had.

They rode at a leisurely pace for about three hours before reaching the hot springs where the men hunted, the women cooked and everyone ate, sang, danced and even went swimming and played with the children. He returned to the castle in renewed and high spirits even if he was exhausted and his back was killing him.

After leaving the stables he started to walk in the direction of the keep when he ran into Lord Cromwell, Her Grace and the direwolf. "Ma'am, My lord. Snow." he greeted shivering, thanks to his wet clothes and the freezing air.

Lord Cromwell looked at the group spreading through the yard; there were soldiers laughing, children whose energy didn't run out starting to play around again, men unloading pots, cups and food from the wagons along with dead animals that'd soon become food, "I take it you had a nice day?" he asked curiously as he slowed his steps to answer.

"The best, my lord." The cherry on the cake of his nice day would be for him to change clothes and drink something warm. Snow went directly for the wagon, surely lured by the smell of dead deer on it.

Lord Cromwell seemed to pay no mind to Ser Podrick's muddled up and ragged look as he dragged them away from the building where the peasants were. The Queen and the Knight shared a worried look between them and he knew that they thought he was going to talk to them about their so called friendship but that was not his intention. He trusted that she would behave more accordingly with her station from now on. Instead, he proceeded to disclose to Ser Podrick the contents of a letter they had just gotten from The Reach where they set the terms for a nearly astronomical increase of the interest rates, which would impact the imports of grain to the North. "This of course, is to leverage their economy for the talks of independence that are taking place."

"If this is them beforehand, I cannot imagine how it will be when they obtain their independence." Sansa added with concern.

"I imagine there shall be treaties in place so that no Realm is able to take too much advantage from the others..." Podrick voiced their expectations. Her Grace and the Lord continued discussing the matter and each time he tried to excuse himself they kept on asking questions that stopped him from leaving. Some time passed in that fashion and he was about to ask them to move this to the interior of the keep when Lord Cromwell quite abruptly said his goodbyes and left; Podrick couldn't help but follow with his eyes because he wouldn't have guessed that the man was interested at all in leaving them alone.

Sansa too was surprised by the Lord's sudden departure and even by the lack of suggestion that she'd join him. Podrick's eyes rose to meet hers and she could tell they were thinking the same thing, "We're considering sending our Ambassador in King's Landing to The Reach for in person negotiations on behalf of The North."

Podrick nodded, "I know you're not fond of Lord Bronn but let me write to him to see if he can help us solve this."

"I'd rather you didn't..." she knew when to set side her prejudices and she would for The North but there were diplomatic avenues to exhaust before asking and owing favors, "...yet. Let's see what we can do on our own first."

Podrick understood the reason for the refusal. "Good evening, then." he said without waiting for an answer before leaving.

It wasn't the first time that she noticed that Podrick wasn't sticking to protocol when he was with her. He'd excuse himself, yes but he wouldn't wait for her dismissal, for instance. Without further delay, she went on her way to make the leg down to the Godswood, and then back to the keep. What good did it do to ruminate on all that? It'd only serve to fill her mind with meaningless matters. Given what had happened between them, he could even call her Sansa in private and it would be completely normal.

"Damn it!" Podrick whispered to himself as he realized, too late, that she was bereft of guards and direwolf. Honestly though, he felt that being in her presence or even talking to her would ruin what remained of his day but there were important matters to address.

When she turned to look over her shoulder he could see the surprise on her face at him going after her and he cursed his body from instantly reacting to knowing that he'd soon be alone with her. They walked silently for a good deal of time, the Weirwood tree came into view and they followed in its direction.

She had been surprised to have him join her as he normally would.

As they walked he measured the steps that they had taken together numerable times before. As soon as they stepped under the canopy of the giant tree, he took her hand, knowing that they were hidden from view, "I'm not sure if I am more jealous of Lord Errol or just upset by the whole situation with Lord Cromwell." He admitted.

It wasn't his words what caused a reaction, "You're freezing." She was wearing gloves and the cold still seeped in.

She squeezed his hand for maybe three seconds before she released him, which may be what made him speak out one of his most repressed thoughts, "Were you jealous when that lady from Crofter Village was showing interest in me?" she immediately slowed her pace, which did wonders for him.

Sansa wasn't one to talk about emotions, "...If that wasn't jealousy then I don't know if I can put a name to it." She replied honestly.

Just as they came as close to the majestic tree as they normally would, Podrick's hands went to her waist as he swiftly nudged her two or three steps closing the distance between them and the tree before turning her and pushing her on the bark and speaking against her lips, "Me too, I felt annoyed and uncomfortable," he hadn't finished speaking before she was grabbing his shoulders to push him away. When their eyes met he had to let out a breath of disappointment at seeing the anger in her eyes and so he stepped aside, letting her disentangle from him as he slumped on the tree.

"Not here, this is a sacred tree." She said as she hurried to get back on track. They continued being sloppy. More than a sacred tree, they were on a visible spot, she chastised herself. Anywhere in the open was a potential risk, and even more so now that Lord Cromwell knew about them. She left him behind but he was hot on her trail.

"Then where, Ma'am?" he asked brazenly, "I'm tired of this. Stop playing with me once and for all if that's what you truly want." When she turned back to him she was blushing profusely maybe because it was the first time that he was the one pushing the matter, his agreeable disposition gone, for once. His feelings for her had made a subtle change in him, there was no denying it. In the past weeks he had been overcome by disappointment and bitterness, he wanted it to stop. He wanted to go back to being the easy-going person he had been for the better part of his life.

She had told him to let her know if and when her misgivings started to tire him and though she had come to a decision regarding them, she would rather wait until the next day when he would be in better shape. "You're freezing Podrick, you're wet. If I were you I'd be more worried about falling ill from the cold than ab—"

"—Than thinking about the thousand places we could hide away to kiss? Than thinking about the thousand words I could use to convince you that I'm worth it? …That you should throw away whatever counsel Lord Cromwell surely gave you to stay away from me?" he asked as he took in the fact that she was guiding him towards a narrow and small structure, a shed that didn't offer much in the way of protection.

The doors were always open and as soon as she strode in she turned to face him, her eyes were fierce and she looked like she was about to go into a tirade warning him to never dare talk to her like that again, least of all touch or kiss her out in the open but he didn't give it much thought and before she had fully turned, Podrick was crashing into her and driving her back as he kissed her like his life depended on it. He heard and felt the gasp of surprise against his lips and he was forced to stop just after two steps because they had reached the end of the shed and her body was suddenly pushing against his, and he could feel all of her warmth and firmness. In the heat of the moment the last thing on his mind was that he could be making a mistake with his brashness because she was kissing him back with as much intensity as him, grabbing his neck with so much need.

At first she had been angered by the way in which he was acting but then, the absurdity of him believing she thought he wasn't worthy came out of his mouth and it felt like being drenched in cold water. And although it didn't completely assuage her anger it did lower it considerably.

Then, when he kissed her again, her first reaction had been a mix of indignation and confusion out of uncertainty as to what was happening but then, she didn't even think before kissing him back out of her own need for contact. It felt like her stomach was doing flips inside her, her heart seemed to want to run off and her lungs needed need air, she pulled him even closer to her and only for two second she managed to find the will to detach her mouth from his, "I don't plan on listening to Lord Cromwell." she whispered before she was kissing him again, and enjoying the sound of a moan coming from deep within him that made her shiver as she continued in her pursuit.

Truthfully, it hadn't even occurred to her to stay away from him once Lord Errol was finally gone. The only reason why she was keeping her distance was the fact that the Lords from Dorne were there. "Slower," she requested, lost as she was on the feelings she was also surprised by the explosion of sensations that went through her, by not feeling intimidated by his lack of tact, by how she actually enjoyed his brashness.

On his part, Podrick was confused by the sudden change in dynamics, it was like his mind wasn't working properly, as if he was not aware of what was happening, "Whatever my lady wants," he put some distance between their bodies and he looked back out for a second to clear his head and to make sure they couldn't be seen from outside. And once he was confident on it, he couldn't stop his mouth from avidly seeking hers, his enthusiasm as great as before even if he was consciously taming it. One of his hands went to her waist as the other went between her back and the wood, both to keep her dress clear of the dirt on the wall but also to remind himself that his hands couldn't go wondering in places she wouldn't approve of.

On one occasion in which they parted to breathe Sansa took the opportunity to lean backwards to study him as he took deep breaths with his eyes closed, he was flushed red but he was frowning. A feeling foreign to her came over —every part of this was foreign to her, though— and she cupped his face in her hands rushing to talk as soon as he looked at her and before convincing herself otherwise, "Believe me, my intention has never been to play with you or to hurt you... or even worst, to make you think you're not worth it. You are. You truly are. Don't ever think you're not. No one has ever treated me like you do and spend time with you has become the only think I look forward to every day—" she could see in his eyes that she was starting to cast out all the doubts from his mind. So she kissed him when he leaned in again but she suddenly felt the need to get everything out of her chest and so she made him draw back after a few seconds of him clinging to her, "—I know I talk about nipping things in the bud before I go and do the opposite. And I am sorry. It seems all I can do with you is the opposite of what I say. But it's true that I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't know how to go forward. And I am sorry that this is tiring for you..."

Podrick let her speak her mind both listening intently and surprised at all her revelations and he wasn't about to interrupt her. This rant of her was filled with words he had never heard, nor hoped to hear, from her before. After a few moments he lowered his face to her leather-clad shoulder and they stayed like that as they held on to each other and they regained a sense of calm. Then he turned his head finding the crook of her neck and feeling her shiver in his arms in response to his breathing on such a sensitive spot.

He was taking her words with a grain of salt because she tended to give him hope to then put up a wall between them and he made a promise to himself not to let that happen again, if she put an obstacle between them tomorrow, he'd finally quit. He took a deep breath before speaking, "Don't think so much about going forward." He couldn't help the whine in his tone, "Things usually happen on their own as long as there aren't so many doubts and obstacles in the way." he whispered before planting a kiss on the skin of her neck making her jolt, shiver and gasp, all in one. He then straightened again to face her, letting her reactions go unacknowledged.

Sansa's hands made a path from his shoulders to his chest before grasping his sides and waist thus stopping him from kissing her again and feeling herself blushing because this was the first time she touched him, or anyone, like this, all the while trying to shake off her body's reaction to that kiss on her neck. "We have plenty of obstacles in our way."

He nodded looking, not at her eyes but at the stray locks near her ear, which moved with every one of his rushed breaths, "but I'm sure that dispensing with your doubts about what this means to each other will help." Right then, he decided not to put too much weight on this moment because it wouldn't help. Instead he opted to take advantage of it because he suspected that his words were falling on deaf ears. So he would kiss her and kiss her for as long as she'd let him and tomorrow he'd give up once she shelved away what was happening in this place.

He knew how to phrase things, this wasn't the first time she remarked on it. She drew her head back to make sure that she was looking and focused on her, "But this doesn't change... the inevitable conclusion of this relationship."

He raised his eyebrows as he realized he hadn't been that far off in his assumptions. And if he decided to go along with this then his eyes would be open to its reality, he was a Kingsguard and she was a Queen destined for another. "No, but we can love each other in the meantime." he stated and from her discomfort and blush he knew how she took his words. He was amused by her assumptions and he rolled his eyes because he didn't mean the act, he meant their feelings. He touched her cheek while he studied her eyes along with the implication of his words, "You know what I meant... but it bears saying it too, I have no intention of dishonoring you." he added feeling uncomfortable as well.

In the long run he was lying though, because in his fantasies often included her letting him dishonor her lovingly, but reality was a completely different matter. She would only act on her feelings inside the sanctity of a marriage and to his regret, that was the one thing he couldn't offer her. She didn't break their stare but he found it hard to talk and he took the chance to kiss her on the forehead, "Don't think about it."

"All I can do is think about it." she said quickly trying to brush it aside but it didn't take long to hear how her words might have sounded. She was mortified.

Podrick felt himself blushing too and a part of him wanted to tease her asking her if she really thought about it that much but he didn't. That was probably the last thing she wanted to think about. "What do you think about when you kiss me?" he asked pretending that he hadn't heard her answer. And he interrupted her before she answered, "The truth."

She could lie or she could tell the truth even if she was ashamed, "The last two times... about kissing you more."

"And right now, who is stopping you from doing precisely that?" he asked wishing to stop talking. Her eyes shone with recognition to his words. So he helped her close the space between them as he glimpsed at her leaning into him with her eyes closed.

And for the next minutes... minutes!... they kissed, they kissed; they kissed quite a lot. Slowly and gently. He was overjoyed but whenever she was feeling overwhelmed, he'd let her catch a break only to start all over again.

His eyelids were heavy with desire and he struggled to hold her gaze, "Just to warn you, from now on I plan on kissing you every day. I won't let you back-track." They paused to digest the words and after seconds that felt like an eternity, she nodded, "You've been warned." Podrick focused back on the kisses and innocent touches that followed and he wished he could feel a sliver of happiness but he was unable to.

In truth, he was resigned to what the next day would bring him. For him, this felt like goodbye. Though the bulk of his most pessimistic thoughts had abandoned him a voice still reminded him that he couldn't be naive enough to hope for a promising future. During one of the many breaks they took, she smiled placidly at him and though he tried to smile in kind he could only offer her a fake smile that actually hurt him.

His sad eyes and the tightness of his lips told her everything, "What's wrong?" she asked as she straightened.

"Tomorrow, you'll act like this never happened." he stated opting for going with the truth.

She could see how he'd think so but she shook her head, "I won't. Mark my words." she said filled with conviction.

He hummed unconvinced but he nodded in agreement and so she pulled him to her, not to kiss him but to give him a hug that melted their bodies together, and their emotions too.

That night Sansa got in bed feeling excited and joyful. She couldn't erase the smile from her face; she was finally at peace from knowing that she had made a decision regarding Podrick. She wasn't worried for them anymore, even with Lord Cromwell's warning or the awareness in the back of her mind of the presence of unwanted suitors, two issues she decided to avoid for as long as Podrick remained in the North.

Her joy hadn't been diminished by thoughts about how forceful and brash he had been in the beginning or that she should have been frightened by that display since she hadn't been. The only thing in her mind had been the feeling of closeness, the warmth, his mouth and a sense of safety in his arms.

Her mind did conjure flashes of Ramsay in the moment, but they had been easily pushed aside, she hadn't been consumed by fear or doubt. Podrick was Podrick; the complete opposite of Ramsay, Joffrey or Littlefinger.

Was he worth it? Absolutely.

But just as soon as she started to long for the physical closeness and kisses a great obstacle got in her way; thanks to their carelessness with his wet clothes and the cold weather, Podrick ended up with an awful cold filled with coughing and fevers. In those first days when the fevers were worse she managed to sneak into his room with weak excuses like scrolls coming in from Kings Landing with information that pertained to her and she was always accompanied by someone to witness their exchanges, which lasted only two or three minutes at most. Her visits were enough for her to check on him and to show him that she cared about his well-being, from a distance, but she cared.

She was concerned, true, but for the following days she was also selfishly hoping he would recover quickly only to hear him coughing or blowing his nose loudly to have all her yearnings disappointingly disappearing.

.

.
Almost two weeks after the events in the Godswood, certain information reached Podrick's ears, "...I heard that Lord Errol won't stop back in Winterfell on his way back to White Harbor." She only spared a glance, seemingly unbothered by his words, "Did he say something to you?" he asked.

"About what?" Podrick pointedly rolled his eyes at her and he sighed to let her know she was being impossible. Then, she mumbled for a bit as she decided to come clean with him since she didn't know how the information had reached him, "...This is something only a few people know." She entrusted him with one of the two incidents that occurred with Lord Errol's retinue in the days following their arrival to The Wall; first one of his cousins got drunk and he publicly tried to convince him not to form an alliance with her without being aware that Jon was not only present but very willing to confront them and make him eat his words.

"Ah! so both families disapprove of the union." He joked with unsuppressed self-satisfaction before chocking thanks to the fit of coughing that ended up embarrassing him.

Sansa studied him with serious eyes before lowering them once more to the scroll she had been trying to write. The subject disheartened her since Jon and she no longer had a relationship; on the scarce scrolls they had exchanged over the years Jon presented her with even less of himself than Bran. This event had been the first thing she had heard from him in almost three years and that was by other people's accounts.

He could tell that she meant to avoid the conversation but he didn't want her to, "What did he say about you?"

Sansa sighed, "I don't know, I don't care." She heard herself replying annoyed. Without further talk she heard Podrick leaving and she immediately regretted dismissing him like that. She raised her head only to see his head appearing from behind the door again.

"We are good, right?" he asked just to push aside the doubts that suddenly came to him about things between them suddenly turning sour.

"Yes," she reassured him, "You know how I get when I'm busy." she saw that he was unconvinced even if he nodded.

Podrick made sure that they still were alone before speaking again, "You're still going to kiss me when this cold is done with me, right?" seeing her smirking bashfully as she lowered her gaze to the scroll on her desk had him smiling, a smile that only grew more when a deep blush made an appearance. "Until later, ma'am." he said before leaving.

.

.

The second incident that took place at Castle Black didn't involve Lord Errol but it did involve one of his companions, one Sansa couldn't place because she hadn't even been aware that a lord from The Reach had been in Winterfell; a Hightower, no less, a member of the most prominent family from The Reach. After inquiring among her advisors she realized that it seemed like the man purposely hid his identity, which made the matter all the more intriguing.

The lord in question had been found in a compromising position with another man of the Night's Watch. And it was only because of his prominent family that she even found out, because a raven from the Lord Commander of the Night's Watch reached her asking her how he should proceed in punishing the man for sodomy since he could be risking starting a riff between The North and The Reach. So in the end, the situation was swept under the rug and it was known only to four people, the two men in question, the Lord Commander and her.

Some days later she received another scroll where Lord Hightower profusely apologized for the shameful incident, which of course had been nothing more than a misunderstanding —as she very well knew since she so gracefully let it go without consequence—, and where he requested that the situation stayed between them because it obviously wouldn't do to have his family or friends finding out about it.

In gratitude for her everlasting discretion he said he was sure there was something he could do for The North in his house and region's name. That's how the perfect opportunity fell on Sansa's lap. She had no issue writing to the man about the North's hardship to pay the increased tax that The Reach had announced a few weeks prior.

The response was quick to come, from White Harbor even, and on it the man told her that he had been thinking or restocking the grains that the snow storm had surly destroyed. But he would see how he could help with her request, that he couldn't fight against the new tariff but he might be able to reduce it and that she should wait to hear from him but that she should give him some time because it was a significant request.

Of course, she didn't tell anyone about this, not even her council. Mostly because she didn't think much would come of this other than a moderate reduction in tariffs in the best of cases, and in the worst, the man would forget all about his indiscretion in The North. Since it was best to strike while the iron was hot, she wrote back saying that she had already written to her Ambassador in King's Landing telling him to contact him to work together on behalf on The north.

She also pardoned the man of the watch that had been involved in the shameful incident, not so much because of her forgiving nature or her understanding about private matters that she could barely even conceive, but to be just, and most importantly, because in the future she may need his testimony along with the Lord Commander's and the scrolls from Lord Hightower would also serve as proof, even if he hadn't been foolish enough to sign them with his name.

His mistaking had been to express his gratitude and requesting her everlasting discretion.

.

.

In regards to Lord Cromwell, she knew the man wasn't a fool but given Podrick's ailment, there had been no chance for another encounter, other than the odd conversation or meal, of which the lord was certainly aware, but since he had not reports on them spending more time together, he was probably reassured that she was following his advice.

A few days later Sansa was still chuckling over some sardonic comment Lord Cromwell had made when Podrick enter the room looking completely recovered. He waited before the Lord was out of hearing range before speaking, "Smiling suits you quite a lot, Ma'am. Your entire face and the room glow." he said brazenly when he saw that the smile started to falter.

The multitude of feelings she had for him had started to mix with yearning and regret by then, regret from wasting so much time, for not having even looked his way when she was younger, regret from knowing this would end... But for now, "...Yes, several people have told me that they've seen an improvement on my mood in the past year."

Podrick smiled, reading between the lines what she meant to let him know. Seeing the invitation in her words, he approached her desk, "Well, you're face is too pretty to scrunch it up so much." She rolled her eyes at him but he saw how the corners of her mouth turned up some as her cheeks reddened.

"That's enough of that, Podrick."

"Your orders, ma'am?"

She looked to the open door knowing this was a mistake, "Kiss me."

His eyes widened since he hadn't expected that so bluntly but he wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth. He tried to downplay his excitement by calmly making his way around the desk until he reached the seat where she was waiting for him and smiling bashfully. He held her face with both hands and he lowered his face to kiss her softly for a long while.

They heard Snow's heavy movements and grunts and they smiled.

After a long moment Sansa broke the kiss to look at the direwolf and Podrick took the opportunity to kiss her cheek repeatedly. Then he straightened up and boldly sat on the edge of her desk as he took her hand. He also looked at the vigilant direwolf who decided to lie down again. "A good surprise, Ma'am," he whispered before swallowing, "but I don't think that's why you had me called here..."

"No," Sansa cleared her throat, "That was a moment of weakness."

Podrick kissed her hand, her arm, her shoulder and her cheek again, "I'm not against you having more of those."

She remarked on how familiar he was with her lately, how much more confident he seemed about where they stood, "It seems to me I've had plenty of those in the past year."

"Plenty?!" he mockingly whined, "three, four kissing incidents in a year..." he said teasingly before leaning in again, "Let me show you plenty."

She was still in the middle of gasping at his suggestion when she found herself lost again in a slow, long kiss. They weren't aware of much else as they kept kissing in between more whispers and jests.

They were in their own world.

"A kiss per day, remember." she nodded while she licked her lips, which had him smiling and pushing him closer again, "Of course, if you want more, you just let me now." The manner in which she kissed him back afterwards reassured him that this would become an everyday occurrence and he was happy to oblige.

They were taking a break with him caressing and kissing her hand when they hear the thump of a cane approaching and before she even tried to push him away, he was already standing swiftly in front of her desk. She stood as well taking a scroll and walking over to open the window so that the lord wouldn't be able to tell she was... hot and bothered.

"...Your orders, ma'am?" Podrick reminded her that there was a reason why she called on him.

Sansa couldn't recall and she looked to Snow, who was looking at her as though he was questioning her actions, "It's not part of your job but I would like you to supervise the second shipment of provisions to Last Hearth and the nearby villages. I'd like you to be on the lookout. It's suspicious that the last shipment was spent so fast." Last Hearth had been hit hardest by the storm and it was obvious that they would need help but they had run out of three weeks supplies in only two weeks. The North wouldn't stand for wastefulness or corruption.

He was only half surprised by her request because so often she would send him on errands that he had no problem undertaking, "Of course. When do I leave and for how long will I be gone?" after all, his outings usually lasted for a morning or afternoon, never entire days, but Last Hearth was a long ways from Winterfell.

"Tomorrow morning. Four days tops."

No, he didn't like the idea of being away from her for those four days, not because of the turn in their relationship but because of her safety, though they both knew he was no longer needed as a glorified guard. "I'll leave word that whatever scroll I receive from King's Landing be given to you."

Lord Harry came in a second later and Sansa gestured at Podrick to leave them. "We'll finish talking about the details of your outing later; remember that I wish to have supper with you tonight."

Podrick bowed trying to hide a mischievous grin; he knew she saved that part for last only to annoy the lord. "It'll be my pleasure."