hope you like.

disclaimer-all's i own is the plot and the main character. anything recognizable is the work of the genius J.K. Rowling

a/n- the bold italic is sirius

Hold me while I'm here

"…It's a dream I don't want to wake up from. I can hear your voice so clearly in my thoughts, feel your kiss and it's almost like your there. It's a dream I don't want to wake up from. Don't want to leave this place because I know that the second I open my eyes you'll be gone and I'll be wishing you were still there. I want to stay in bed dreaming of Sugar Pie and Daisies. I want to lay here dreaming of Bubble Gum and your arms around me. It's your kiss I want, its you I want. You're my favorite dream, don't forget that..."

That was the last thing he said to me before leaving for America. I knew it was hard for him to say goodbye, and it meant a lot to me that he was willing to stay if I asked him to, but I couldn't help but wish that things were different.

I hated the way he had to leave on my birthday. I hated the fact that he was getting away from this hell hole of an island. I hated the way he was excited about this 8 month trip. I hated the fact that we weren't going to be together that summer. But more than anything, I hated the fact that I wasn't going with him. That on our 3 year anniversary, we were going to be 6,000 miles apart. I hated the fact that I was jealous of my boy friend.

It didn't matter that he was now 17 and of legal age to do what he wished. It didn't matter to me that my friends were as upset as me. It didn't matter that he would be home just in time for Christmas and new years. All that mattered was that he was leaving me to make his dream come true while I got mine shoved in my face. It didn't matter that I lied to him.

I didn't cry when I found out he was leaving. I told him I was happy for him, and that I wished him the best of luck. I went on with my day like it was nothing out of the ordinary, like he had just told me that our D.A.D.A. teacher was an ass. I merely laughed it off because I was with other people. It took me 5 hours and three classes to truly realize what he had said- "I was offered a spot on the research team in Montana. I'm going to America to study muggle relations. I'm leaving this place for 8 months Kiddo, ain't that great?" I didn't know what to say to him, so I smiled and said- "Yeah, honey, that's awesome." Late that night, I thought about my dreams of studying anywhere but here in Britain. I cried my self to sleep that night for the first time in ages, and to tell you the truth, it felt good.

The night before he left, he came to me and asked me to go to the room of requirements with him. I met him there after doing some work and we went in the room together. In side there was a table, two chairs and a romantic candle lit dinner of some of my favorite things. We ate and then he told me something, "Aliey," he said, "I know your angry with me. Remus told me every thing and I'm so sorry I'm leaving but we'll see each other again."

"Siri, I don't care that your leaving now, I just…why does it have to be on my birthday?"

"I'm not leaving until 10 o'clock tomorrow night, baby. We have all day tomorrow. I'll take you to hogsmeade and get you something real nice, okay?"

"I don't want you to take me to hogsmeade, Siri, I don't want you to leave on my 16th birthday," I told him. Adding as an after thought I said to my self, "I don't want you to go at all"

"If you didn't want me to go, Aliey, why didn't you tell me? I would have stayed."

I knew that he would say that and at that point in time, I just wanted to dig my grave and crawl inside. "Its too late for me to tell you to stay Sirius. You're leaving tomorrow and the only way I can spend the whole day with you is if I skip."

Out of the blue a couch appeared where we had been sitting and Sirius moved as close to me as he could "I'm not going to let you skip class Alianne," he told me softly, "I guess we are just going to spend the time we can together. I'm leaving soon, my dear, and I wont be able to hold you for eight months."

"Then I guess you'll just have to hold me while we're here, now, wont you?" I whispered to him almost breathlessly. The love we made that night was one I was never to forget. When he left the next evening, I was able to truly be happy for him.

Years passed us by, Sirius alternated between America and Great Britain for a long time, but in the end he chose to stay here, with me.

When I was almost 25, I got sick. Nobody knew what it was that I had, but they knew it was bad and that I wasn't going to last long. Sirius and I were engaged to be married in three months time, and we both wanted to be legally wed when it was time for me to go. On my wedding day I told my brother, "If I don't make it past this day, at least he'll know I love him."

I made it past that day, not by much, but I made it. After a while I became so bad that I couldn't leave my house, then the downstairs part of the house. It soon came to be that I was not strong enough to leave my bed, and Sirius and my brother had to take care of me, like I had always taken care of them.

I remember the last time I saw Lilliey and Gwen- the night Gwen found out she was pregnant with her and Luci's second child. Siri came in and told them that I needed to get some rest. I looked at him before I said anything and I smiled waving goodbye to the girls as they walked out of my room. I could tell Sirius had my supper because his wand was out and there was a tray on my table. We ate silently as we always did then, not because we ran out of things to say, or because it hurt me to speak, but because by then any thing we had to say had already been said so many times it would have been pointless. The thing was though, I knew it was time for me to say good bye. "Siri," I whispered, "I know you don't want to say good bye. Remus told me everything, and I'm so sorry I'm leaving, but we'll se each other again"

"Aliey, I know that your leaving, I just…why does it have to be on my birthday?"

"I'm not leaving yet, baby. We have all day."

"Aliey, I don't want you to leave on my 26th birthday," he told me. Adding as an after thought I heard him say to himself, "I don't want you to go at all"

"Sirius, Padfoot, I don't have a choice. Honey, I'm sorry it has to be on your birthday, but…" I broke off, not knowing what to say.

"I know…"

For the second time in my life I wanted to make time freeze, and for us- for a few precious moments- it did. "It's not going to be long now is it?" he asked quietly, after a few minutes, his voice breaking

"No."

"How much longer do we have? Jamie still wants to say goodbye."

"I'm leaving soon, my dear, and I wont be able to hold you again."

"but what if I'm not willing to give you up yet? What if I don't want to let go?"

"Then I guess you'll just have to hold me while I'm here, now, wont you?" I whispered to him almost breathlessly, "Sirius, the first time you left you told me something. Do you remember what it was?"

"…No…"

"Think hard about it, and maybe then our dream never has to end"

He laughed so hard I knew he had remembered and we spoke the words together-

"…It's a dream I don't want to wake up from. I can hear your voice so clearly in my thoughts. It's a dream I don't want to wake up from because I know that the second I open my eyes you'll be gone and I'll be wishing you were still there. I want to stay in bed dreaming of Sugar Pie and Daisies. I want to lay here dreaming of Bubble Gum and your arms around me. It's your kiss I want, it's you I want. You're my favorite dream, don't forget that..."

I can truly say I never forgot that.

I really hope you liked it. I'm sorry its so sad.