Ch.9
"Hey."
Meredith lifted her head up to see Derek standing next to her.
"I'm so sorry Mer."
She nodded, looking back to her mother. She grabbed her hand.
"Her hands are so cold." Meredith whispered. "These great hands, that saved so many lives…"
"She was a great surgeon." Derek whispered leaning down next to her. He gently rubbed her back. She shivered at this touch.
"Richard said it's up to me…the whole life support thing. I have to decide whether or not I want to kill my own mother."
He sighed.
"What are her chances?"
"Pretty much non-existent. I know I should just do it. Let her be in peace. If this was a patient, I would have recommended it myself. No one should live this like, strapped to machines. It's just that she's…"
"Your mother," he finished. "And it's personal."
She brought her hand to her face and rubbed her eyes.
"The thing is, she really isn't my mother. I mean, she is, but she's not the same. She hasn't been since she first got sick. She doesn't even know who I am. Still…I just don't know if I can do it."
"You don't have to decide anything today Mer," Derek said. "You look like you're exhausted; don't forget, you need your rest too."
She nodded.
"I don't want to leave her alone down here."
"She's not alone. And you'll be just a few floors away."
"But-"
"Nothing is going to happen with her tonight Meredith. I promise."
He grabbed her hand, pulling her up.
"Derek?"
"Yea?" he looked down at her.
"Will you stay with me tonight?"
He sighed, brushing away a stray piece of hair that had covered her forehead. He leaned in and kissed her cheek.
"Do you really even have to ask?"
She smiled as they walked out, hand in hand, and up to her room.
They fell asleep in each others arms, crammed together on her tiny, hospital bed.
The next morning, Derek woke up to find himself alone.
He sat up.
"Meredith?"
He heard sounds coming from the bathroom.
He got up and walked over, slowly knocking on the door.
"Mer?" he peeked his head in.
She was there on the floor, her body shaking.
"Stupid Chemo," she tried to joke, wiping the sweat off of her forehead.
He sat down beside her.
"How long have you been up?"
"About an hour," she said, her teeth chattering.
He wrapped his arms around her to try and stop the shaking.
"It'll pass," he said soothingly into her ear.
She felt her body relaxing.
"I'm ok," she said, stating to feel better. She took in a deep breath.
Derek ran his fingers through her hair.
"You sure?"
She nodded, pulling away from him.
"Yea, I feel better."
He stared at her.
"You're so beautiful."
She laughed.
"Yea right…with the hair matted to my head, covered in sweat, in this ridiculously ugly hospital gown."
"I mean it," he smiled. "You really are."
She smiled back.
"You're a dork. And I need to go see my mother."
Derek stood up, helping her to her feet.
"Can you make it?"
"I think so."
She threw her hair back into a ponytail.
"Why don't you go get cleaned up first," Derek suggested. "Take a shower; relax for a minute…I can go check on your mother."
She nodded.
"Maybe that is a good idea. Alright, I'll get moving and meet you down there in a few minutes?"
"Sounds good."
He left, making his way down the hall towards the elevator.
He smiled.
Every time he saw an elevator, he thought of her. It amazed him how little, everyday things could make him think of her.
He made it down to ICU. Richard was standing by Meredith's mother's door.
"Dr. Webber."
Richard turned around.
"Dr. Shepard."
Derek looked in the room. Her mother was unmoving.
"Any change?"
Richard sighed.
"None whatsoever. I knew it was a long shot, but I was hoping for some change, any change."
Derek sighed.
"Meredith is going to be down in a few minutes. I'm not sure if she's made a decision yet about what to do."
Richards's eyes shone.
"It's Ellis," he whispered to himself. Derek looked at him.
"I guess you and Ellis did used to work together. This must be hard on you to…seeing an old friend like this."
Richard shook his head.
"Ellis Grey wasn't just an old friend," he said, giving Derek a sad smile.
Derek blinked. Suddenly, it dawned on him.
"You mean…you were, more than just friends?"
Richard didn't say anything. He didn't have to. Derek knew the truth. He was sick of hiding it.
"It was a long time ago," he finally said. "I wish I could just erase the feelings I used to have for her, but no matter how hard I try…they just grow stronger."
Derek was speechless.
"And before you say anything, it was more than just a cheap affair. We had a real connection with one another…one that we couldn't find with our spouses. It wasn't just physical, it was emotional. We made each other better people."
"Dr. Webber, I don't think you should be telling me this…"
"Meredith doesn't know," Richard said sternly. "I've wanted to tell her, so many times…but not now, not with everything else."
"Son of a bitch."
Richard and Derek turned around, startled. Meredith was standing there, her arms crossed.
"Mer…" Derek stammered.
Richard locked eyes with her. Her gaze was fierce.
"So tell me Dr. Webber," she said angrily. "Exactly how long have you been screwing my mother?"