Doujima
You think I am shallow.
But I am not.
I never wanted to be here.
But then my father always wanted a son to follow in his footsteps
Funny how genetics and fertility work out sometimes.
He wanted a son so, so badly. He wanted so badly to make me a man
So now in my own rebellion
I go shopping
Every time I style my hair, I defy him some more, I reassert my femininity.
That allows me to survive.
I had no choice coming here
With my mother, softly weeping in the corner
And my father begging
Threatening
Pleading
So desperate to know the truth that he would risk the safety of his only child.
You think that I am shallow
I arrive late and leave early
I seem to show no interest
You are wrong
I care. I know what my father helped build, and I will not see that destroyed.
But I never wanted to be here
And sometimes, when I look at Michael, I realise we are the same
Each unwilling prisoners of the larger machine
And when that realisation hits
I have to leave
Or risk being overwhelmed with claustrophobia.
I am not a shallow person, if I were
I would never have agreed to be here
Sacrifices have to be made for family and I will play my part
But that does not mean I cannot have my own private acts of rebellion.