**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the quote below. I just own Sintary ^^ Also I do not own the other OC Kokuro. He's my friend's.
Hahaha. look at this.. a midnight post... we'll, at least I finished in time for Sasuke's birthday! Enjoy everything!
"I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a God that I don't believe in"
….
"What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding"
-The Script, Breakeven
The funeral went by the same as all the other funerals Sintary and Kokuro had been too recently. They dressed in their uniforms and stood on each side of Sasuke for support. That night Sasuke slept with Sintary – telling them he liked one more night before moving to his new room – and Kokuro slept on the couch. Though, Sintary and Kokuro hardly slept. She stayed with Sasuke until sometime in the morning before getting up and sitting on the recliner in the living room with Kokuro.
Sintary sighed pulling out a journal she had found while cleaning out the extra bedroom. It was a simply black, leather book that had never been written it. She decided that if she couldn't talk about her feelings to Itachi, she could write him.
"You don't know where he's at," Kokuro told her. "There's no telling if the messages will even reach him."
Sintary stared solemnly at the book. "I know… maybe I don't plan on sending them. It's just the idea of writing to him… it helps." She tried explaining.
Kokuro sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Today's the day Danzo said they'd send for us. I was thinking we should just head up there. Take the bull by the horns."
Sintary shook her head. "No… they'll send for us. I'd rather wait and see if Sasuke's up to going to school. I don't want him to be alone for long periods of time."
Kokuro rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Sin, you're a ninja – and a damn good one at that – you're going to be gone on missions for long periods of time. The last time you were on a mission was two weeks ago. You're bound to be low on funds."
Sintary sighed. "Maybe I don't want to be a shinobi anymore, Ko," she said sharply. "Maybe I want to stop throwing myself into battles and missions that aren't healthy for my sanity."
"What part about this life style if good for anyone's sanity!" Kokuro exclaimed quietly.
"You have room to talk! You don't have a red mark on your health report!" Sintary whispered furious. "They are watching me like hawks, waiting for me to crack so they can toss me out like a used dish rag! I want to leave on my own terms, Kokuro."
"And where the hell are you going to get money to support yourself? And now Sasuke?" Kokuro asked crossing his arms and looking at her.
"I'm not incompetent, Kokuro. I can do other things than fight." Sintary insisted.
"Like what? Civilian work?" The white-haired shinobi pushed on.
"If it comes to that, yes!" Sintary hissed. "But I planned on working at the hospital. They always need help, and my bloodlines would be helpful rather than harmful."
Kokuro shook his head. "Other than your bloodlines, you're mediocre at medical ninjutsu at best."
"Hey! I can learn and train!" Sintary exclaimed a bit insulted.
"Yeah, sure." Kokuro said brushing it off.
Sintary glared at him before going back to writing. After a couple hours, she heard Sasuke wake up. She placed something to hold her spot before getting up.
"Hey Sasuke. Are you hungry?" She asked heading back into the kitchen.
Sasuke nodded and yawned tiredly. "Can you make a tomato omelet?"
Sintary nodded. "Of course. Ko, do you want something?" She asked the other male in the house.
"Ham and cheese omelet." He called from over the sofa couch.
Sintary started the stove while Sasuke sat at the island behind her. "Does it get any easier?" He asked suddenly.
Sintary glanced back at him. "The pain?" She asked to clarify.
"The pain… the loss… the emptiness…" Sasuke said trailing on of what he was feeling currently.
Sintary slowly nodded and stared at her cooking pan. "It won't get easier or go away per se… you just learn to accept that that's life." She took a deep breath. "You go forward with life after you've grieved, and you move on." She paused. "I know, it sounds horrible. But you'll eventually stop feeling the pain and the loss. Ko, do you have anything to add?"
Kokuro slowly nodded. "Yeah… it'll get better for you, Sasuke."
She sighed quietly, knowing her friend was reaching his breaking point. He could only play tough for so long.
"How do you feel about going to school today Sasuke?" Sintary asked him.
Sasuke shrugged clearly indifferent. "I don't see what else I would do."
The young woman nodded softly at that. "Alright. Don't want to fall behind in your studies now." She said.
Sasuke nodded as his omelet finally finished, and he was served it. They all ate quietly, not having much to say after such tragic events. Sintary glanced over at Kokuro whose eyes seemed to have darken with despair. She just hoped he wouldn't crack during their meeting with the Hokage.
Speaking of which, there was a knock at the door. The kunoichi got up from the island and headed over. She opened the door and nodded towards the ANBU standing there.
"We'll be up shortly," she told him before watching him vanish.
She headed back to the island and finished her meal. Everyone soon dispersed to get ready for the day. Sintary pulled on her ANBU uniform and placed her mask upon her head. She looked in the mirror at herself and couldn't help but to be reminded of how many times Itachi would be getting dressed behind her. The memories were still so vivid; she could literally see Itachi standing behind her… placing a hand on her shoulder… telling her it would be over swiftly…
Sintary took a deep breath inward and blinked back the tears that were pricking her eyes. She couldn't cry over this; no one wouldn't understand her grief. She looked at herself in the mirror, masking her emotions before heading out to see if Sasuke was ready.
"Ready to go?" Sintary asked him.
Sasuke nodded pulling his satchel over his head. "Yep."
The young woman headed out the door with him. Her comrade joined them at the bottom of the stairs, and they headed to the Academy together.
"Take it easy in there, Sasuke." Sintary told him. "We'll train afterwards if you're up to it."
The young boy nodded softly before heading into the building. A swarm of fangirls headed in his directions asking if he was okay.
"Remember when Itachi had that?" Sintary asked her partner quietly.
Kokuro slowly nodded. "I do. He would always evade them."
She nodded softly and pulled down her mask. Her partner did the same before they vanished to the Hokage's Tower.
"Come in you two," The Hokage's gruff voice told them.
They entered through the window as most ANBU did, and came around to stand in front of the older man.
"Danzo should be in shortly."
As if on cue, the door knocked and the man in question came inside.
"Good, we're all in attendance," he said coming around the two shinobi to stand by the Hokage. "Let's get started then, shall we?" He glanced at the two masked nin who didn't answer him. "We've been trying to balance the ANBU ranks since that fugitive committed his crimes," another pause as he looked reactions – to which he received none. "Normally we'd have a co-captain step up, but given the circumstances, we've reconsidered that."
"Danzo-sama, what are you implying?" Sintary asked watching him. "Kokuro and I are co-captains, we're next in line for leadership."
"Yes, we understand that, Sacuna," Danzo continued on unhurried. "But the thing is, you both are too close to the Uchiha murderer. There's no telling what you two will do. So to neutralize any instability, we've come to a conclusion. Otsutsuki, you will be transferred to the ROOT division under my supervision. Sacuna," he paused again watching her, "you are being demoted from ANBU back to your Chuunin status."
Sintary and Kokuro froze in their spots. It was taking every ounce of control the kunoichi had to not lash out at Danzo for such disgrace.
"What about Sasuke?" She started. "I cannot afford everything for his care with a Chuunin's wage."
"You should have thought about that before taking him under your wings," Danzo said coolly.
Sintary glared from behind her mask. He's been planning this. She glanced between him and the Hokage. They both had. But for how long? The massacre just happened three – three days ago! Sintary felt her stomach twist even further. Something was definitely going on here.
"Lord Hokage," she said turning to him. "Would it be okay with you if I took up medical ninjutsu and worked in the hospital instead of being a field agent?"
The older man took a long drag from his pipe as he thought. "So long as you accept missions when we need you to… I don't see a problem with it. It'll won't be less death though; you understand that correct?"
Sintary nodded. "I do sir. I believe it will be easier on Sasuke knowing I will always be there and that he doesn't risk losing me every time I go on a mission. The pay, while less than what I receive now, is more steady. I believe I'll be able to keep us afloat better this way."
"You didn't agree to the Hokage's first term." Danzo piped up.
Sintary glared more at the man. "Of course I will go on missions when requested. I have pledged my allegiance to this village for nine years now. I would not dishonor our hard work by backing out now."
Danzo nodded. "Oh, and you are expected to cover up your ANBU tattoo at all times. Unless you'd like it removed, of course."
He was really starting to piss Sintary off – big time. He's insulted her love countless times now, he's been trying to egg her on this entire meeting, and he's taking Kokuro further away from her. What was his problem?!
Sintary merely took a deep breath and nodded. "Of course," she said tightly.
The cunning man watched them a moment longer. "That is all. Otsutsuki, you'll be summoned for training, but prepared." He said. "Dismissed."
The two shinobi turned and left out the door. Sintary paused, grabbing Kokuro's arm.
"There's something going on here, and I plan on finding out. I'm going in the archives while I still have access and taking a look around." She told her partner quietly.
"I'll come with then," he immediately said.
Sintary shook her head. "It's too risky with two people. Go home and wait for Sasuke to come back from the Academy. I shouldn't be long."
Kokuro looked at his friend sternly. "Are you sure you got this?" He asked.
She nodded, looking confident. "I am."
He nodded in return. "Good luck then." He said and took his leave.
Kokuro felt someone next to him, and a quick look with his Sharingan told him it was Sintary's clone. This one was to fool anyone lurking behind closed doors that Sintary was indeed leaving with him while the real one concealed her chakra and headed elsewhere.
It wasn't until they were back at the apartment that the clone disappeared. Kokuro looked around her place. It used to be where he would go for an escape. It was always lively here, and he never felt alone. But now the place felt empty. Her pictures were gone which had been the only decorations she had really in the house. Those pictures meant a lot to… well, all of them. Without them, her place was as bare as any other shinobi apartment, and it was just… sad.
Kokuro felt the dam give way. He couldn't keep the sadness blocked anymore. First Kai, then Shisui, then his pseudo family… why was there so much death all of a sudden?! He couldn't take it anymore! He just… couldn't.
Why was he the only one feeling all the grief? Sure, Sintary was mourning the death of everyone as well, and while Mikoto had been like a mother to her, she didn't have the same connection Kokuro did to the family. He was actually a distant relative and most of the clan accepted him in. And Sasuke… why wasn't Sasuke as depressed as Kokuro was? Sasuke had lost all of his family! Weren't they feeling the same pain? Why wouldn't the younger boy express it!? Kokuro just couldn't understand.
Even after all the assassination missions he had been sent up, Kokuro couldn't get over the grief and pain he felt with being around death. Being around it at a young age had traumatized him into a pacifist like the one he considered a brother, but it seemed like it had other affects as well.
Kokuro's pain was as if he felt every person who mourned the death of a love one. It was that intense every time. He just couldn't get over it all. He always felt like he was drowning he pain and suffering. Seeing how happy Sintary usually was helped cope, but it didn't seem like she could be happy again… either. How was he supposed to manage his sufferings now?
The young ninja wasn't sure how long he had been in his hole of depression, but he masked his feelings when he felt the young boy coming up the steps. Kokuro turned on the lights and grabbed a book to make it seem like he had been reading this entire time.
Sasuke opened the door and walked it. He noticed Kokuro right away.
"Hey," he said softly.
"Hey yourself. How was school?" The older man asked.
"Boring as usual." Sasuke's brows furrowed. "And annoying. Everyone kept asking if I was okay, and if I needed anything. Why do people keep asking that when they know they can't do anything?"
Kokuro had never been bothered by those questions, but had often asked the same question himself. "They feel powerless, Sasuke," he started. "They feel powerless when people around them are suffering, and they want to do something to help. Asking if you're okay and if you need anything is there way of taking control again."
Sasuke stared at Kokuro for a long time. "Hn. That really is annoying." He said and looked around. "Where's Sintary?"
Kokuro looked around as well, though he knew she wasn't here based on the absence of her chakra. "She said she'd be quick," he said mostly to himself.
"What?" Sasuke questioned.
"Nothing. Probably running errands." Kokuro replied brushing it off. "Do you want to go and train a bit before dinner?"
The older shinobi swore he saw his eyes light up – even if it was just slightly.
"Yes." He said quickly.
Kokuro smirked. "Let's go. Sintary has a nice, big grassy field behind her apartment."
They boys went out back and started training. Kokuro showed the younger ninja a lot of cool tricks to help with already developing weapons skills. They then did a little hand to hand combat to build up Sasuke's strength. The two trained until nightfall before heading in for dinner.
Sintary was still missing.
Kokuro frowned at that. "Well, I don't know how to cook really." He said. "Sintary and… well, I've always had the cooking done for me." He said.
The older shinobi's keen hearing heard Sintary's bedroom window slide open. He turned and went to the bedroom door. When he opened it, he saw his teammate get thrown in. She tumbled on the floor.
"Sorry, Sacuna-san, you know rules are rules," the ANBU from the window said before closing it and leaving.
Kokuro went over to his friend and helped her up. "What was the about?" He asked.
"I got caught." Sintary mumbled and rubbed the back of her neck.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"Yeah, just pissed."
Pissed was an understatement. Sintary was absolutely furious.
"Did you find anything?" Kokuro questioned.
"Y- AH!" Sintary exclaimed clutching the back of her neck with both hands.
She was overcome with pain. She panted trying to using her Kekkei Genkai to avoid the pain, but it only seemed to increase it.
"What the hell?! What's going on?" Sasuke asked coming in hearing her shout.
"M-my… n-ECK!" Sintary screamed again, falling to her knees in pain.
"Move your hands so I can see." Kokuro said moving her hair and taking a look at her neck.
There, on the back of her neck in angry lettering, was a seal, but for what? Kokuro couldn't figure out what the seal was for. Then, just before his eyes, it changed. He blinked in surprise. He's never seen a seal that could just change its lettering.
"What the fuck did they do?" He breathed looking at her.
Sintary panted, leaning forward. "Made sure…. I-ugh! I… I wouldn't… t-ALK! Oh god!" She cried out
"Just stop talking about it!" Sasuke exclaimed hating that she was in pain
She had to be okay. If she wasn't… Sasuke couldn't even think about that; it hurt too much. He just wanted the hurt to stop finally; for the pain to just end. But he couldn't do that with someone right in front of him in pain.
It took at least ten more minutes for Sintary to have the energy to stand again. The pain had subsided in half that time, but there had still be tremors. She breathed slowly, keeping calm, before standing with Kokuro's help. She felt her knees shake and quiver, but they held fast. Kokuro slowly moved her so she could sit on her bed.
Sintary looked at Sasuke who was just standing there looking frightened. She gently reached out and grabbed his hand. She felt her heart ache for this poor boy. He had lost his entire family in one night, but he didn't even know the full story; not even a little.
She pulled him closer to her and rubbed his back.
"Hey… I'm okay. You're okay. We're okay." Sintary told him trying to stay calm herself as she spoke.
"You didn't seem okay…" Sasuke said quietly looking at her.
"Pain is pain, Sasuke. You learn to accept it happens and how to deal with it." Sintary explain taking deep breathes.
Sasuke slowly nodded, staying close to her.
Kokuro watched the two quietly. He was trying to figure out what she had seen for...whoever to cast this weird seal on her that seemed to prevent her from speaking about what had occurred.
He walked through it.
Sintary had said she was going to look at the archives to see if there was something she could fine anything on the massacre that just happened. She had been gone for hours meaning she probably had to dig pretty far, break through some serious seals, and dig some more. The only ones who would have hid information like that were the Hokage, the elders…and Danzo.
Kokuro's eyes narrowed as they flashed red at his conclusion.
There was another knock at the door then.
He glanced at the two. They couldn't handle any more stress or surprises. He went to the door himself. When he opened it, there was an ANBU at the door, on his knee.
"Danzo-sama has requested your presence. Immediately." He said shortly before vanishing.
Kokuro glanced once over his shoulder towards the room. He could hear his friend's soft voice trying to keep his pseudo-little brother calm. He didn't need to drag them into this. It was just a training session…maybe he could convince Danzo into telling him about that seal…
He then headed out into the night.
Thank you to KnightsRoses, Sweet Petit, arigarciar, Ijustdon'tcare132, KyuubiNoPuma, pika-78, Rose 23527, ILurveManyAnimeBoys, xxRyuu-himexx, nathy13, HonestxxEyes, NinjaChipmunk, PityThoseWhoLiveWithoutLove-95, animefangirl0219, creven16, randomindividual467, darkxion, OrangeBeanGamer, terriblecupcakes732, Integral16, MickyLove, Elizabethcica, and KHB123 for following/favorite-ing the story!
A special thanks to ILurveManyAnimeBoys, Rose23527, HonestxxEyes, and bunnyguest for their reviews!
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