**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the quote below. I just own Sintary ^^ Also I do not own the other OC Kokuro. He's my friend
So, at first I had no direction for this chapter. I wasn't quite sure where I was going to go, what was going to happen, etc, etc. But then, I got an email saying I had a review on the story. The last part of the review requested a segment in which Itachi is in his comatose state maybe seeing his parents. It was the perfect alignment with the chapters and what I usually do, so that's what I did.
Viktor2040, I hope this is what you envisioned when you thought of this! I hope you enjoy!
Check out the blog ( Dear Itachi News . blogspot . com). It gives you the latest updates (when I can actually get something out there), teasers, and pictures. In between chapters, I try and work on those pictures I promised, but I'll start doing little facts about Dear Itachi. So if you have any detailed-ish type questions, ask away and I'll answer them there! I also posted a snip-it on the Sacuna clan for the four month anniversity! Please check it out!
Without further ado:
"I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not and who I am
I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, still looking up."
-Jason Mraz, 'I Won't Give Up'
The light shone into the white room through the clear window. The inhabitant was laying under the white linen of the bed with the head near the closed glass opening in the wall. His breathing was deep and quiet, indicating a state of rest. His dark hair and dark lashes contrasted the light coloring of the room and his skin.
A woman joined him in the room, her physical features similar to him. She was in the hospital every day, making sure he was taken care of and clean knowing he hated to be untidy. Though she was in to see him, she was also thoroughly checked for her own wellbeing seemed to deteriorate as well. She pregnant with the comatose patient's second child, but this round was not as smooth as the first. There was more morning sickness, leaving the mother unable to keep much down to help nourish herself and her child. Then there was the fever and the chills. It always seemed like the mother had flu symptoms in which the medical team tried to maintain as well as nourish the two. They had actually suggested she abort the child, but she refused.
But three months later, she was still carrying their child proudly.
"Oh, Itachi…" Sintary whispered gently looking at him. "I hope you come back to us soon…"
Itachi didn't remember much as to how he got here.
He was in his family home, wearing his family robes, sitting at the head of the family table. The room was just as he remembered it. The green tatami mats, but instead of the low tea table, there was a tall, wooden table surrounded by wooden chairs. A navy blue table cloth which had the clan's symbol on each end of it. He looked around and saw that the wall that usually closed off the dining room to the kitchen was gone, and he sat another, though smaller, table in the kitchen. But the kitchen itself was new to him. It had the dark stained cabinets, with a soft, light gray that the pulled the room together.
"Itachi, where's Sintary? Is she out with the children?" Came his mother's voice as she entered the room.
The young man looked at his mother, unsure of what was going on. His beloved mother was dead; she had been dead for about five years now – by his hand.
"What is going on?" Itachi asked immediately.
Mikoto looked at her son softly. "Sintary invited us over for dinner." She stated.
The Uchiha heir didn't believe it was that simple. Something in his mind was sending off warning bells that something else was going on.
"Mother," he started, "you are dead."
Her dark eyes widened slightly at that, as if she was offended. "Itachi, what on Earth is going on with you?"
His own onyx eyes bore into hers. "Mother, with all due respect, this is fantasy. You are dead, so is father. I killed you both with my own sword." He told her. "If you are both here now, does that mean I'm dead as well?"
Mikoto looked at her son for a while before smiling very softly. "You were always so quick to piece things together." She sat down next to him gently. "You're not dead, Itachi." She started.
Itachi took the information in swiftly and tried to figure out what was going on. "If I'm not dead… where am I?"
Mikoto folded her hands on the table and leaned forward slightly on her forearms. "You're in something similar to bardo."
The Uchiha 'genius' immediately recognized the Tibetan word for an intermediate state. In his readings of Buddhism, the term describes a state of existence when one's consciousness is not connected with a physical body. It is usually in reference to the intermediate between two lives as believed by the Buddhists, but there had been readings of this occurring during periods of illnesses and during meditation.
"So you are my first hallucination where I realize my true potential." Itachi stated looking at her. "And then I will relive the horrors I have committed and whatever else karma has in store for me."
"Your situation is complicated, my son," Mikoto said gently pushing some hair from his face. "You were faced with two evils, two wrongs, two impossible situations. I believe you have weighed them out and done what was best given the circumstances. Your father and I accepted that when we accepted our end."
Itachi's eyes widened slightly at his mother's words. "You… you understood?"
His mother nodded softly. "You know your father never wanted it to go as far as it did, that it was the members of the clan that did. As Patriarch, it was his duty to listen to his people, and he did understand where they were coming from. For years, he tried to sedate them, but the clan grew restless and more of them turned against the village. If he didn't do something, we would have been the first blood shed in the war that would have started." She explained softly. "When he saw you that night, he was indeed shocked, but I saw his shoulders relax, as if the weight was lifted from his shoulders… But he also didn't want to make your mission any more difficult that it already was. He told me you were coming, and I accepted I wouldn't be able to see my babies grow up into the fine men I was trying to raise them to be. I accepted I raised you well enough that you had made the best call possible, and that Sasuke had been in your thoughts. I trusted you would continue to raise him."
"But mother, I have failed you," Itachi started softly. "I left Sasuke to raise himself, aspiring him to seek power, and redeem the clan. We both became wanted criminals and have committed horrible crimes. Sasuke –"
"Made his own choices," Mikoto interrupted him. "You were forced to leave the village, and left him with Sintary. She's so similar, it's like you were raising him. Sadly, at that age, Sasuke could make his own choices and, in his mind, decide what was right and what was wrong. He refused every opportunity to learn, and do just to his clan in other ways, leading himself down the wrong path. There was nothing you could do to stop it."
Itachi shook his head. "I could have—"
Mikoto wrapped her hands around her sons and squeezed. "Itachi," she said firmly. "You could not have known. You have a brilliant mind that is usually twenty steps ahead of everyone else, and you can plan things out to the T because of how easily you can predict people and events. But Sasuke is a wild spirit. You can predict he's going to do whatever he wants to do at the cost of others, but you cannot predict what that act actually is. Sasuke is the complete opposite of you because he doesn't think; he doesn't have the broader concept thinking that you do. He is very narrow-minded; always has been. He sees one way to do something when you see five different and effective ways. His decisions are short and more actions than though. He could have his mind set on one way, and in a snap change it just because he got bored." She tried emphasizing. "You could have never known Sasuke would take it this far. Especially when you couldn't keep a consistent eye on him."
"Itachi," his mother started looking at their conjoined hands, "you are an incredible son. One a mother dreams of having. You are thoughtful, considerate, loving, intelligent, strong, and vigilant." She held back her brimming tears. "You are an amazing person. So amazing, the Hokage is willing to go and fight for your innocence. You have an awesome woman waiting for you to wake up whose pregnant with my second grandchild." A little sad laugh came out happily with a smile. "You have a bright future ahead of you. I just want you to know that I love you, and I always will be."
Mikoto brought Itachi into a hug. He slowly embraced her tighter, letting a few tears go. He couldn't believe that after everything he did, his mother still loved him. In the back of his head, he knew he could easily think through why, but he didn't want to ruin this moment with her.
It had been five years since he hugged his mother, and even longer since he said:
"I love you too."
Itachi felt her disappear, and he fell forward slightly, but somebody grabbed the back of his shirt. He blinked opening his eyes, and was staring at his reflection in a lake. When he looked out, he saw that it was the Uchiha lake – where he had first learned so many fire techniques with his father.
The young Uchiha looked back to see who had caught him, and was shocked. It was his father.
"Were you planning on just falling in?" Fugaku asked looking at his son.
"Father…" was all he could say as he got to his feet.
"You're late for our sword fight." The Uchiha Patriarch simply stated. "I came looking for you and figured this was my best shot."
"Our sword fight?" Itachi inquired lost.
"Yes. We regularly have duels." Fugaku said turning and leading them up.
The younger Uchiha decided this was part of this specific setting of bardo. He was going to have dinner with his mother and family, now he was going to sword fight with his father.
His father led them to one of the family dojos. Inside was very plain in color, but durably built. The mats were a tan color, but very resilient. The walls were white with thin, red beams spaced evenly out across the dojo. A whole wall was dedicated to the weaponry. Beautifully formed swords and katanas were aligned perfectly on the wall.
His father turned to the wall and handed Itachi his katana. The same katana he used to slay his family with. Itachi gripped the short sword tightly feeling an overwhelming amount of emotions that came with it.
"Carries a lot of memories, huh?" Fugaku asked pulling him out of his thought.
Itachi looked up at his father. "It does; none of which are good."
Fugaku frowned more looking at his son. "We had some good times. You bested me with that sword at seven years of age, and continued to do so despite how many tricks I learned.
"That may be, but I have also murderer my own kin with this blade." Itachi said dismissively.
"You did." Fugaku said leading him to the center. "Whether it was truly your choice or not, you killed us."
Itachi faced him. "It was the last resort… the clan certainly hadn't made it any easier."
"If it was the only way, why do you still hate yourself for doing it?" Fugaku questioned making the first move. "You're a genius Itachi. Surely you saw other possibilities."
He blocked it and shook his head. "The Hokage exhausted every other option." He said before lurching forward gracefully.
His father blocked the attack and shoved his son away. "Yet you still look at that blade and only see the bad memories." He stated.
"The event has been burned into my mind, father," Itachi replied after landing.
"And you're going to let it define who you are?"
"I didn't have to let it. It did the moment I killed everyone." His son stated calmly.
Fugaku shook his head. "It only defines you if you let it. Just like the bad memories only overshadow the good if you let them. Are you going let them?"
The Uchiha Patriarch didn't give his heir much time to think as he lunged forward. The two went back and forth, attacking and blocking each other. They were pretty evenly matched, both knowing the other's next move.
"No," Itachi said finally as he disarmed his father. "I will not let them define me."
Fugaku straightened up as he looked at his eldest son. "Good." He said nodding with approval.
Itachi rose an eyebrow. "Is that all?"
His father looked at him. "You expected me to say more?"
The younger Uchiha slowly shook his head. "I suppose not."
Fugaku nodded at that as he slowly became transparent. He didn't speak anymore as the scenery started to change. He knew his son understood the listen he was trying to teach here. He knew his task wouldn't have been long to accomplish. But he did want his son to know this:
'I'm proud of you son.'
Itachi's charcoal eyes widened. He hadn't heard the words outside as if his father said them. No, this came from inside… something that resonate deep within him. He bowed his head as the last of his father's image disappear. Those words weren't something his father told him often, but his heart swelled hearing them again.
They were the last words spoken by Fugaku in the living. It was only fitting that they were the last words he would say now.
Itachi opened his eyes and instantly recognized where he was. He was facing two cliffs on each side of a river that was far below him. One cliff was taller than the one he was on.
He was on the cliff that Shisui had thrown himself off of.
"It was to make sure you were fully equipped to defend the village."
The young Uchiha spun around to face one of his best friends.
"I never thought the clan would have to be eradicated to obtain peace," The short haired Uchiha stated sitting on top of a rock pile. His head casually resting in one of his hands which was propped on his knee. "The council really pulled that out of their asses, huh?"
"You know they feared and hated us," Itachi stated coming closer.
"I do. But still, they were trying to make one of their most powerful assets Konoha had to offer go extinct." Shisui said sitting up and deciding to lean forward on his knees.
"They were able to control the clan anymore – no one could. You were even going to try to use the Kotoamatsukami on father." The other Uchiha stated.
"Until Danzo came and ruined everything."
Itachi rolled his eyes. "Danzo ruined everything."
Shisui tilted his head. "This all started with him. He had the one to weasel his way into the Hokage's council, persuade the council that we could have been to blame for the Nine-Tail Fox incident, and moved us into a corner. He's the one that stopped me from seeing Fugaku, gave you the mission, and planned the entire thing."
"While he may have created the final push, this was something that had been brewing for a while." Itachi stated quietly. "Long before Konoha was even started. The Hokage's line is that was the Senju clan. There's been bad blood between the clans for a long time…"
Shisui nodded knowing the history well. "It makes me wonder if we were just built that way." He said softly. "Like we were born to hate each other."
Itachi shook his head, disagreeing. "People are born with a clean slate. We are taught to hate, and that hate is passed down throughout our families."
"But if we're taught to hate from early on, it almost makes it seem like we were just born that way," the older Uchiha pointed out.
"We are still not born hating others." The younger insisted.
"Do you think there was hate in our late descendants? Before the Senju and the Uchiha existed?" Shisui posed.
Itachi thought for a while. Very little was known about what life was like before the shinobi war – but the clans had to have started from somewhere.
"I do not know for sure… but from what I do know, the hate built because we were always forced to fight against each other. One lord would higher the Uchiha, the other would higher the Senju because we both became the best in war. We never knew what it would be like to live in harmony with one and other." Itachi told his friend.
The short haired Uchiha nodded. "What about the Curse of the Uchiha?"
"I'm not sure where that comes from." He replied.
"It's quite ironic though," Shisui commented. "We're known to be stoic, yet we're ruled by our emotions so strongly."
Itachi nodded softly. "We love so strongly it causes us great pain when we lose that love."
"Isn't that what happened with Sasuke?" Shisui questioned. "His family was taken from him, and Sintary too. He lost all that love, and went down a path of destruction because of it."
The younger Uchiha slowly nodded. "I suppose you're right."
"So it was just the curse, not you." The other said.
Itachi couldn't help but to roll his eyes. "You're here to convince me that it wasn't my fault either?"
"Not exactly," Shisui stated. "I'm here for you to make peace with your past so you can focus on your future."
"Who's to say I have a future? I could be executed when I wake up." Itachi countered.
"Then this prepares you for your true bargo. But I like to think you won't be executed. That you'll live to be with your family." His best friend told him honestly. "The whole point of all this is for you to finally part from the Uchiha Massacre. It happened, it's a part of your history, you were affected greatly from it, but you are continuing to dwell on it. Your whole life has revolved on the horrors that you've done. What about the greatness you can achieve? The goodness you can spread through your new family. You just said hate was taught. Well, to end the cycle, why not teach love instead? You can't change the past, but you can react from it to shape the future."
Itachi slowly nodded looking at him. "You know this isn't something I can just forget."
"I know," Shisui said. "You don't have to forget it. Just accept it happened. It was a dark time. There are always dark times. They happen; death happens. You said it yourself, this was something that had been occurring for a while now. It was only a matter of time before the cauldron boiled over. It was going to happen, and there was going to be bloodshed because of it."
"What does this have to do with the future?" Itachi asked his friend feeling like he was pressed for him.
"You have a woman who absolutely adores you and has very similar views on life. You have a son already, and another child on the way. What you teach them, affects their life, and when you die, they will carry on your teachings to their children and so forth. Instead of creating a cycle of hate, you can create a cycle of love and good nature. Instead of living in the shadows of the past, you need to embrace the brightness of the future." He explained wisely.
The younger Uchiha soaked up the wisdom, taking it to heart. "So where do I go next?" He asked softly.
"You're going to meet your demons and part ways." Shisui told him walking over.
"What about all of you? Where do you go?" Itachi asked wanting more answers.
"What do you mean where do we go? We're just a part of your mind." His best friend told him. "Just remember that the mind is powerful; you either sink or swim."
He blinked confused. "What do you mean?" He asked.
"It was nice seeing you again." Shisui said before shoving his best friend off the cliff.
Itachi was now free falling off down to the river below. He hadn't hit the river, but he already felt like he was drowning. Drowning in the emotions coursing through him. Would his demon be a reflection of himself? Would he have to sever that bond by fighting? Would it be in the form of his dead parents?
'Sink or swim, Itachi.'
Shisui's voice echo through his mind.
Itachi sprang into action. He pulled out two kunai and angled his body towards one of the stone edges. He then dug his kunai into it and was instantly yanked by the gravity of it all. He came screeching to a halt, and dangled from the two kunai. The shinobi looked up to see how far he had fallen and saw it had been quite a bit. Now, he just had to get back to the top.
The young Uchiha began his descent upwards. It was tiring and long like his life had been thus far. He had been fighting an uphill battle the entire though in his defense. His life had been full of blood and war, of hate and deceit. His body had been rattled with a deadly disease and a plan to meet his end at his brother's hand. Was it worth the battle anymore? If he pushed of the wall, would he die? Would that signal his defeat?
Did he really want to die?
Itachi shook his head. No. He wanted to live. He wanted to be with Sintary and Ko, and even his brother. He wanted to raise his children and see them grow. He wanted to see the world change for the better. He couldn't do that dead. No. Itachi needed to continue onward.
At that thought, his kunai seemed to grip nothing else. The shinobi looked up and saw that he had reached the top again. It had seemed like it was going to take him longer than it actually did.
Itachi gripped the edge and went to pull himself up when he heard a raspy chuckle.
"Well, well, isn't in the great Itachi Uchiha at my feet."
The person in questioned glared upward. "Danzo." He hissed.
"Fitting isn't it? I'm that face of your demons." The man stated amused.
"I helped end you, that should be enough." Itachi told him bitterly.
"But you didn't kill me. Kokuro did." Danzo said pointedly. "No, you murdered your entire family."
"You ordered me to." He shot back.
"But you could have died with them. We could have easily taken you all out together." Danzo reminded him.
Itachi shook his head. "No… You underestimate the clan once again. That option would have created a war, not stopped it."
"Is that what you really believed? You think I'm not capable of mass murder?" Danzo asked offended. "Well, then again, no one can be as good as you. You did take them out in one night."
The Uchiha narrowed his eyes at the older man. "My assassination skills do not make me great."
"Oh, but they do, Itachi." He informed him. "You trained to be the perfect assassin by your family. You were supposed to have no emotions, no remorse. You were meant to kill. It's why your father took you to the battle field early on."
"Shut up!" Itachi yelled at him furious.
"You were nothing but a pawn. You were forced on the ANBU to spy on us, and we in turn made you spy on the clan." Danzo stated. "Your life and feelings meant absolutely nothing to anyone. You were controlled from early on; trained to listen to your elders and obey every command. You were nothing, but a vessel for power, and you will just continue to be. Your love has blinded you into being a puppet for your superiors. You were never meant for greatness, and now, without someone to follow, you're lost in the world. You serve no purpose." The man stepped on the Uchiha's hand on the edge of the cliff. "You should just give up and let go. Die here as nothing but a pawn."
"You do not dictate what or who I am!" Itachi exclaimed.
In a split second, Itachi swung himself upside down over the edge using his kunai as a pivot point and kicked Danzo off the edge. He swung back around and dug his second kunai into the wall as he saw the man fall to his second death.
"I will decide what kind of man I am." Itachi said firmly.
The shinobi turned back to the wall and pulled himself over the edge. Was that it? Was that he so called demons? Was there nothing else for him here?
'Itachi?' called a soft voice.
He looked around and saw no one, but everything was becoming faded and white. Was his bardo done then? Soon he was surrounded in nothing but white. He felt lighter than when he came in. He felt good about what was to come. He accepted that he could not change the past, but he could shape the future instead.
"Holy crap, I think he's waking up," Kokuro stated sitting beside his best friend.
"His heart rate spiked a bit. Maybe he's finally coming to," Sintary said hopefully.
Itachi's eyes cinched tighter for a minute before relaxing and very slowly opening. His tired orbs slowly came into focus, and he saw a white ceiling with fluorescent lights. Where was he?
"Itachi?" Came that soft voice.
He slowly turned his head and looked at the two people besides him.
The two people that had been through it all stood by his side.
How could he have left them? They loved him when no one else had. Believed he was innocent when everyone thought he was a monster.
They had been friends since they were seven years old… graduated early and were put on a team together.
His extraordinary teammates.
His best friend and his lover.
Kokuro and Sintary.
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