Disclaimer: Thank God I donít own Mary Sue. Although, I will admit that I used to write them when I was extremely young and naiive. And I donít own any of the worlds Mary corrupts.
Authorís notes: Indeed, this is the Mary Sue to (hopefully) end all Mary Sues. For ameatures, this fanfiction will work as a guide (in other words, donít do what I do). For experienced writers, this should be entertaining. For the author, this is PURE TORTURE! I HOPE YOUíRE ALL HAPPY! Every sentence serves a purpose, so please pay special attention. Let the torment begin:
Chapter 1
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl named Mary Sue who was loved by all. She had long brown hair with golden streaks. Not to say that she streaks or anything. And she had red eyes and blue lips-- er, I mean blue eyes and red lips. Yes, her lips were nicely red-- not blood red or anything. Anyway, she was wearing her school uniform which was a blue sailor shirt with a red tie. And her blue miniskirt was ruffled. Not to say the skirt was upset or anything; that was just the style. And she was wearing socks and underwear. And a bra-- that matched. Because no Mary Sue is complete without matching undergarments.
One day, she decided to take a walk in the park. There she saw her boyfriend from China who broke up with her for a girl who was much prettier. Even though Mary Sue was the prettiest girl in the world.
And walking with her ex-boyfriend was his new girlfriend. They were kissing. While walking. They were very talented.
Mary Sue fell on her knees in anguish. And all her friends -- wait, she had friends! Yes, of course she had friends. And they all wore pink. Even the guys. Not to say that the guys were gay. Because they all wanted to date Mary Sue. Except for the girls.
Anyway, all her ìfriendsî rushed to Mary Sueís side to support her in her time of need.
Renewed, the brave girl bravely wiped the cowardly tears from her eyes. ìThanks guys,î she said bravely to her brave, pink-clad friends.
ìNo problem,î they all said at once and dissappeared into a cloud of pink smoke. To match their outfits. Because even though Mary Sue had friends, nobody really liked her.
Mary skipped cheerfully to school, even though it was a Saturday. She arrived in class in time to greet her ìfriends.î
Her teacher smiled brightly at her. ìHello, Mary.î
ìHello, teacher!î Mary waved happily. They stood there and stared at each other, trying to figure out what to say next.
ìYouíre here early,î said the teacher. Yes, Mary was two days early.
ìOh, Iím glad. What can I do to help?î offered Mary Sue.
ìYou can help me carry these things to my car,î the teacher smiled. Well, the smile was downright scary, but Mary complied.
As they walked outside, Mary loyally followed behind her teacher. The walk to the teacherís parking lot was long and Mary began to sweat. The whole world grew hazy.
Without realizing it, Mary Sue tripped and fell into an interdimensional portal. She landed right in the arms of Legolas!
Legolasí horse jumped in surprise. ìI donít believe Iíve met you before,î Legolas said, staring at the girl that suddenly appeared in his arms.
Mary opened her mouth to answer, but she was so overcome that she fell asleep right in the hot bishounenís arms! Yes, he was that boring!