TWO

The demon opened his eyes cautiously and looked around. He was lying on the sofa in the living room. Everyone was gathered around watching him. He had reverted to a fully human form without any hint of his demonic heritage.

"Oh, good, you're awake," said Piper. "Now you can answer a few questions."

The demon was on his feet in an instant. He eyed Leo suspiciously and raised his hands in a defensive manner.

"Stand back. You got the dwop on me once but that won't happen again. I am the gweat and powerfuw…."

"Yeah, Maladwoit, you said that all ready," said Paige. "Since when is such a powerful demon afraid of a White Lighter?"

"Oh, uh, I was startled, that's all," said the demon. "Suwwender now or I shall be forced to vanquish all of you."

"You aren't going to vanquish anyone," said Piper. "I don't know who or what you are but it's quite clear you're in over your head. Why don't you just calm down and tell us why you're here?"

"I am the tewwible scouwge of the underworld come to spwead my evil to all mankind."

"You're not much of a scourge," said Phoebe. "What kind of a name is Maladwoit anyway?"

"Not Maladwoit, Maladwoit," said the demon. "Maladwoit, with an aw."

"An aw"? Piper questioned.

"An aw," repeated the demon. "Maladwoit with an aw."

"I think he means R," said Leo.

"Yes, an aw," said the demon.

"So, you're name is Maladroit?" questioned Paige.

"Exactly," said the demon.

"Doesn't Maladroit mean clumsy?" asked Paige.

"Do not be fooled by the human definitions of your words," said the demon. "I am the scouwge of…."

"Oh, stop saying that," said Piper in annoyance. "You don't even seem to be a threat let alone a scourge."

"You mock me," said the demon, forming a fireball. "Now I shall have to…. Oh… Ow, ow, ow!"

He jerked his hand back blowing on it as the fireball burned him. The fireball fell to the floor and rolled across the room setting fire to the drapes. Piper reached up and froze the fire.

"Hey watch it!" she shrieked. "Some scourge. You can't even control your own fireballs. Leo, would you get some water and put that out, please?"

"You fwoze it," said the demon in astonishment.

"That's what I do," said Piper. "I also blow things up. Like body parts. Now if you don't settle down and start answering some questions I might just blow you up."

"Well, that's just not possible," said the demon. "The way I hear it the only ones who can do that are the Charmed Ones."

"Just where do you think you are, Disneyland?" asked Phoebe.

"But I was told," started the demon. "I mean, he just said to get…. he didn't say anything about…. Oh dear. There seems to have been a dweadful mistake. I'm sowwy. I'll just be going now. No harm no foul, as you humans say."

As he was talking he was slowly edging his way toward the front door. Piper simply stepped over blocking his exit.

"Not so fast," she said. "What do you mean 'he said to get'? He who and what were you sent to get?"

"He who?" repeated the demon. "Who he? I didn't say he. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't play dumb with us," said Piper.

"I'm not playing," said the demon.

"You just said 'he said to get'," said Phoebe. "Then you said 'he didn't say anything about'. Now, unless you want things to start getting nasty I suggest you start talking."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," said the demon. "You must be heawing things."

"Paige," said Piper, "go check the Book of Shadows. Maybe our friend here is in there. It might also have a vanquishing potion for him in there. Maybe that will loosen his tongue."

"Uh oh," said the demon as Paige headed for the attic. "Look, there's been a bit of a mistake. I obviously have the wong place. I'm not saying I was sent by anyone but I obviously misunderstood where he sent me. What say we just mawk this up to expewiance and fowget the whole thing? What do you say?"

"Not likely," said Leo.

"I want some answers, bub, and my patience is wearing very thin," said Piper. "Especially since you just burned up my new drapes."

"Not bub, Elbert," said the demon in frustration. "Elbert Egbert Klinehopper IV, Esquire. How many times do I have to tell you?"

Just then they heard they heard the front door open and then close.

"Phoebe?" Cole called out, "I'm home. Is everything okay? What happened to Piper's drapes? From the outside they look like someone took a flamethrower to them. I'll bet she's fit to be tied. Was there a demon attack while I….?"

His voice trailed off as he stepped into the living room and saw the demon sitting on the sofa. A look of near shock crossed Cole's face as he stared at the demon.

"Elbert?" Cole breathed the stunned question.

"Pudge!" the demon cried out gleefully.

The confusion in the room grew as the others glanced between Cole and their odd visitor.