THREE
"Oh, thank goodness you're here," said the demon. "Can you please tell these lovely ladies there's been a mistake here?"
"Pudge?" Paige questioned as she came down the stairs.
"You know him?" Piper raised an eyebrow in Cole's direction.
"We've met," said Cole, a sound of resignation in his voice.
"Sure, Cousin Pudge knows me," said the demon. "He's my bestest friend in the whole underworld."
Four heads spun to look in Cole's direction.
"Cousin Pudge? You're related to him?" Phoebe's voice raised a notch with the last question.
"Only by marriage," Cole explained nervously. "And Elbert I've asked you not to call me Pudge."
"Pudge? He calls you Pudge?" questioned Paige. "What's that all about?"
"Nothing," said Cole nervously, "nothing at all."
"Oh that's not true," said Elbert. "Pudge was always big for his age. I have some pictures here somewhere."
Elbert reached into his pocket, fumbled around and finally pulled out some very old snapshots. Like a child showing off Christmas presents he passed the snapshots around. The pictures showed a young boy of about twelve. The boy was wearing a Little Lord Fauntleroy outfit complete with the ribbon dangling from the hat. His hair was so curly he looked more like Shirley Temple. He was also the most rotund little boy any of them had ever seen. The makeup the boy was wearing actually accentuated the boys' blue eyes. Blue eyes that were the exact shade as Cole's eyes.
"Is that you?" Piper gasped at Cole, unable to stifle a laugh as everyone else also began to chuckle.
"Elbert," Cole nearly shouted as he quickly snatched the pictures out of everyone's hand, "I thought you destroyed these?"
"No, you asked me to get rid of them," said Elbert. "So I hid them in my coat."
"Oh, Cole," Phoebe teased in her baby voice and pinched Cole's cheek, "you were such an adorable little boy."
"That's not funny," Cole snapped. "Elbert what are you doing here?"
"That's what we've been trying to find out," said Leo. "He apparently shimmered in while Phoebe was taking a bath."
"While she was taking a bath?" Cole snapped at Elbert. "Elbert, how many times have I told you to make sure where you're shimmering to?"
"How was I to know she was in there?" Elbert asked. "Besides, I didn't see anything. Well, not much anyway."
"Hold on," said Paige. "Back up a second. You said you were related to him by marriage?"
"Oh yes," said Elbert. "My mom and Pudge's mom are sisters."
"Elbert, you call me Pudge one more time and I'm going to bring Belthazor out to play."
"Oh no, not him," said Elbert, fear in his voice. "I don't want to play with him. I'll be good. How do you feel about Slim?"
"Just call me Cole. That is my name.
"You don't like Belthazor?" Phoebe asked.
"He's not very nice," Elbert said quietly with a sidelong glance in Cole's direction.
"So he's afraid of Belthazor and White Lighters?" asked Piper.
"He always has been," said Cole. "He's always had a phobia about White Lighters."
"That doesn't make sense," said Paige. "White Lighters are pacifists. Besides they don't have any offensive powers."
"Well, phobias by definition are irrational fears," said Phoebe.
"That still doesn't explain what he's doing here," said Piper. "He mentioned something about someone sending him to get something but he won't say what."
"That's hard to believe," said Cole. "Has he pulled his 'scourge of the underworld' routine bit yet?"
"You mean Maladroit?" asked Paige. "Yeah, he did that a couple of times. But that doesn't make sense either. Maladroit means clumsy."
"It was a joke," said Cole. "Elbert was never given a demonic name and an upper level demon once called him a maladroit. Only Elbert could be so impressed with it to call himself that."
"But it has a ring to it," protested Elbert. "Maladroit, scourge of the underworld. Sounds real impressive to me."
"Elbert, it's an insult," said Cole. "I've told you that a hundred times. Anyway, he was born during an eclipse on a full moon at midnight on Friday the 13th. Now, any other demon would have been extremely powerful because of that. For some reason it had the opposite affect on Elbert. But it also means no demon will hire him."
"That's not true," protested Elbert. "Tazak recognized my true potential."
"Tazak?" questioned Paige.
"Oops," said Elbert. "I didn't say that. Forget I said that."
"Who is Tazak?" Phoebe asked.
"A very powerful demon," Cole said. "And if Tazak sent him that probably means he's after the Book of Shadows."
"But evil can't touch the Book of Shadows," said Leo. "How did he expect Elbert to get it?"
"Because Elbert isn't exactly evil," said Cole. "At least not on purpose anyway."
"I try," said Elbert.
"Okay," said Piper. "Other than the obvious reasons, why would this Tazak be so interested in the Book of Shadows?"
"Tazak collects artifacts for the underworld," said Cole nervously. "The Book of Shadows would just be another acquisition for him."
"Yeah, he thought it would be a good way to impress Uncle Elbert," said Elbert.
"Uncle Elbert?" Phoebe questioned. "There's another demon named Elbert?"
"I told you I was Elbert Egbert Klinehopper IV, Esquire," said Elbert. "I was named after uncle Elbert. Elbert Egbert Klinehopper III."
"Elbert, you're not an esquire," said Cole. "Esquire refers to lawyers and you're not a lawyer."
"I could be," said Elbert. "Sort of."
"So this Tazak wants to impress your uncle," said Piper. "Your uncle must be pretty high up in the demonic hierarchy."
"Oh, you could say that," said Cole.
"He is," said Elbert. "Everyone looks up to him and admires him. He's really important in the underworld."
"Well, if he's so important why isn't he in the Book of Shadows?" Paige asked.
"Really?" questioned Elbert. "That doesn't make any sense. Maybe you just missed him."
"I didn't miss him," said Paige. "I just looked through the Book of Shadows looking for you and there wasn't any demon in it named Elbert. I know I would have noticed a demon by that name."
"I just don't understand it," said Elbert. "You'd think someone like Uncle Source would be in there."