FOUR

"Elbert, he's told you not to call him that," Cole said with exasperation.

"Wait a minute," Piper sputtered. "Uncle Source? As in the Source of all Evil? Are you telling us that you're the nephew of the Source?"

"Yep," said Elbert, grinning from ear to ear.

"And the Source is named Elbert, too?" questioned Paige.

"Elbert Egbert Klinehopper III, just as I told you," said Elbert.

"Now you know why he simply goes by the Source," said Cole.

"So," said Phoebe, to Cole, "if Elbert is your cousin, and his uncle is the Source, that means you're related to the Source?"

"Only distantly," Cole hedged. "Like a great many other demons. The Source's demonic name is unpronounceable by the human tongue. His brother married my mother's sister. When his brother was vanquished about seven hundred years ago, the Source inherited all of his brother's property and possessions, which includes Elbert and his mother."

"Let me get this straight," said Piper, obviously struggling for calm. "We're playing host to a demon who was sent by another demon to get the Book of Shadows. And the demon we have here is a blood relative to the Source of all Evil, our arch nemesis who will do whatever he can to destroy us?"

"Well, when you put it that way it doesn't sound very nice," said Elbert.

"And just how would you put it?" asked Paige.

"A series of unfortunate coincidences?" offered Elbert.

"Look, it's not as bad as it sounds," said Cole.

"Oh really?" asked Phoebe. "You're related to our worst enemy and you've neglected to share that little fact. Care to explain that one now?"

"And just how wold you have reacted if I had told you?" Cole asked. "Prue especially never trusted me. Can you imagine how she – or you – would have reacted knowing that not only was I sent to kill you, but the demon who sent me was a blood relative?"

"He's got a point," Leo said. "I never told you who I was when I first came here."

"You had good reason," said Phoebe. "And you eventually did tell us."

"Only because you discovered who I was," said Leo. "Not unlike Cole's situation."

"Whose side are you on?" demanded Piper.

"Yours of course," said Leo. "But speaking from personal experience I can understand about Cole keeping that little secret. It kind of goes with the territory,"

"Besides," said Cole, "I'm now under a sentence of death from the Source. Not exactly a close knit family."

"Well, we'd better do something," said Paige. "When Elbert doesn't return with the Book of Shadows Tazak will probably send someone else for it."

"That won't happen right away," said Cole. "He'll wait for a while for Elbert to return before he does something."

"Paige is right," said Piper. "We need to formulate a game plan for that event."

"While you do that," said Elbert, "do you have a notepad and a pen I could borrow?"

"Why?" Phoebe asked. "Want to make out your last will and testament?"

"Oh no," said Elbert. "I have this great idea for my next book."

"Book?" questioned Paige. "You want to write a book?"

"Sure," said Elbert. "I'm going to call it 'Love's Tender Fury'. Kind of a catchy title, don't you think?"

"'Love's Tender Fury'?" questioned Paige. "That sounds like a romance novel."

"Yeah," said Elbert. "I'm just not sure whether to make it a Temptation or a Blaze story?"

"You want to write a romance novel?" questioned Phoebe. "I'm not sure one of those written by a demon would be any good."

"Well the others were pretty good," said Elbert. "At least that's what my publisher says."

"Others?" Leo asked.

"Guys, let's focus," said Cole. "We have Tazak to contend with, remember?"

"You said yourself we have some time," said Phoebe. "I, for one, want to hear about these 'other books' Elbert mentioned."

"I really don't think we have time for this," said Cole.

"It shouldn't take long," said Paige. "Elbert, what about these other books?"

"Okay, let's see," said Elbert. "There was 'Love And Honor', 'Love Out Of Season', 'Passions Playground', and 'Lucky In Love' just to name a few. They were the last four I had published."

"Wait a minute," said Paige. "I've read those books. Two women, not a demon, wrote them. And they're the best selling authors for those types of books."

"I write under the pen name Elie Hopper," said Elbert. "My publisher suggested it since most of those books are written by women. He thought it would be better that way."

"You're Elie Hopper?" Paige asked in astonishment.

"Sure," said Elbert. "Everyone needs a hobby."

"Now I've heard everything," said Phoebe. "A demon that writes romance novels."

"Oh, my new idea is going to be great," said Elbert. "It's about three sisters. One is married to a doctor. One is involved with a man from the wrong side of town. And the third is still looking for Mr. Right. It's all about their quest for love and happiness. And all the problems they have to overcome."

"You want to use the girls as the basis for your next book?" questioned Leo.

"Why not?" Elbert asked. "I've done it before. Of course my partner is really good at adding in the real steamy scenes."

"That's right," said Paige. "There are two of you writing those books. The other one is Colina Benjamin."

"Yeppers," said Elbert. "So, what do you say Pudge? Want to resurrect the old pseudonym for another of our best sellers?"

"Oh my God," groaned Cole in embarrassment.