SEVEN

"Piper, it's okay," said Phoebe, ushering her sister toward the stairs. "It's just pea soup. Cole once told me about his pet goldfish that spit pea green soup at mortals."

"And witches," Cole interjected.

"Just put some club soda on it and it should be fine," continued Phoebe. "Why don't you go change your blouse while we try to get some more information out of Elbert."

Piper didn't say a word as she turned and headed upstairs. Elbert cowered behind Cole shimmering in and out.

"I weally am sowwy," said Elbert. "I forgot I had him."

"It's okay," said Cole. "She'll calm down soon enough. What are you doing with Necromancer?"

"I couldn't stand thinking of him swimming around with all those strange fish," said Elbert. "I didn't want him to be lonely. So I convinced your mother to let me have him."

"You shouldn't have brought him here," said Cole. "They aren't familiar with demonic pets."

"I said I forgot I had him," said Elbert. "I weally am sorry. I didn't mean to mess up her blouse."

"It will be okay," said Paige. "I'm sure Piper knows you didn't mean it."

"Oh, here's what my new title is going to be," said Elbert, handing a piece of paper to Phoebe."

"Assistant Director of Procurement of Non-Magical Tomes for the Underworld Library, Mortal Realm Branch?" Phoebe questioned. "What kind of a title is that?"

"Very impressive," said Elbert. "It means I'll be getting a promotion of about nine levels all at once. Faster than anyone else in the entire history of the bureaucracy. People will look up to me then."

"What I don't understand," Paige said, "is why Tazak sent you after the book. If it's that important to him why not send someone more powerful or more experienced?"

"That's a good question," said Piper coming down the stairs, noticing the piece of paper in Phoebe's hand. "What's that?"

"Oh, that's my new title," said Elbert. "I'm going to be…."

"I don't want to know," said Piper. "If bureaucracy demons want the Book of Shadows why send one lowly demonic clerk to try and get it? Especially knowing we'd be here to protect it?"

"Because the bureaucracy doesn't want it," said Cole. "Tazak does. You see bureaucracy demons aren't evil per se. Demons by definition are evil. They fight in the war of good versus evil. Bureaucracy demons are different. They aren't really good or evil. They are a bureaucracy. Their only interests are the rules and regulations pertaining to their particular duties. And they are sticklers for following the rules."

"Great," said Piper. "We have a whole slew of demons who want the book, we have no way to protect it, and no way to vanquish the demons who are after it. Could things get any better?"

"I don't think we have to worry about that right now," said Cole. "Only Tazak seems interested in the book. All we have to worry about is him. At least for the moment."

"But if this Tazak is one of the senior bureaucracy demons," asked Paige, "doesn't that mean he can send anyone he wants after the book?"

"No," said Cole. "Like any bureaucracy, bureaucracy demons are only concerned with their jobs. If it doesn't pertain to their duties they aren't interested in it. That's probably why Tazak was turned down. And why he would send Elbert to get the book."

"Well, I guess that means all we have to worry about is this Tazak," said Piper. "Let's see. We can't vanquish him because he's a bureaucracy demon. I don't suppose we could protect the book magically. Put a spell on it or something that would hide it from him?"

"It probably wouldn't work," said Cole. "Remember, bureaucracy demons are immune to most offensive spells. And a protection spell would fall into that category when it pertains to bureaucracy demons."

"Well then it seems simple," said Phoebe. "We have to talk to Tazak. Convince him not to come after the book."

"That isn't going to happen," said Cole. "If Tazak has decided he wants the book that will be his only concern at the moment. He can be very single-minded about such things. And since it falls under his purview he'll be completely convinced he has every right to just take it."

"You mean there's no way to talk him out of it?" asked Piper.

"None," said Cole. "As I said, he'll be concentrated on the book. Which means he'll be intent on getting the book. And when Elbert doesn't return with it he'll be left with only one option. He'll have to come get it himself."