NINE
"Are you sure this is going to work?" Elbert asked nervously. "No one can get an appointment with Tazak for weeks and weeks."
The group was sitting in a very plush office. And this was just the secretary's office. From the looks of it Tazak must be extremely important. Even Cole commented how luxurious the secretary's office was. If her office was any indication, Tazak's office must have been nearly palatial.
"Relax, it will work," said Paige. "Working in the Social Services' Office I've dealt with literally dozens of different bureaucracies. They all have certain things in common. Flash a title at them and they'll bend over backwards for you."
'Yeah, but isn't this the underworld?" asked Phoebe.
"Well, yes, it is," said Cole. "But it's not the Underworld Prime. It's considered a separate plane. Paige's plan just might get us in to see Tazak. Other than that I don't know."
Tazak's secretary opened the door to his office and walked in. Tazak was currently on the phone and shouting loudly.
"No, no, no. No sharp objects in the Red Tape Division. How many times do I have to tell you? Sharp objects have a tendency to cut things. No sharp objects in the Red Tape Division."
The secretary glanced out into her office then bent over and whispered in Tazak's ear.
"Who?" Tazak questioned. "You're kidding? He's here now? Well, don't keep him waiting out there. Send him in, send him in."
The secretary walked back out into her office.
"Mr. Tazak will see you now, sir."
"Thank you," said Cole, somewhat self-consciously.
They all walked into his office together. Just as they suspected it was the most elaborate office any of them had seen. As they walked up to his desk he stood up with a broad smile on his face.
"Ambassador Belthazor, what a pleasure to meet you, sir. I've wanted to meet you for a very long time but my duties here keep me quite busy. My secretary said you had something very important you wanted to talk with me about."
"Yes, Tazak," said Cole. "First, may I introduce my companions? This is Piper and Phoebe Halliwell and their sister Paige Matthews."
"The Charmed Ones," said Tazak.
"And this is their White Lighter, Leo Wyatt."
"Ambassador Wyatt? Well this is quite an honor. Two ambassadors in one day."
"Hey there," said Elbert, peering out from behind Leo.
"Elbert?" questioned Tazak.
"Hi, Tazak," said Elbert. "Mom says hi."
"Mom?" questioned Piper.
"I see," said Tazak. "Well, I guess I know the reason for your visit, Ambassador. So, just exactly what did my brother tell you?"
"Brother?" Cole questioned, looking at Elbert. "You never mentioned that Tazak was your brother."
"Half-brother, actually," Tazak clarified, a look of distaste coloring the carefully schooled features. "Considering you're all here together I assume this has to do with the Book of Shadows."
"Yes, it does," said Piper. "Look, you have to leave the book alone. Elbert told us you sent him to get it. We came to see if we could make some kind of deal."
"I'm afraid that's not possible," said Tazak. "Since you obviously caught Elbert I have no doubt he told you everything. He never could keep a secret. But as the Director of Bureaucratic Interdimensional Procurement and Artifact Acquisitions it's my job to collect the items the underworld needs to do its job. That, I'm afraid, includes the famed Book of Shadows."
"So you sent Elbert to get the book," said Paige. "And you promised him a big promotion if he got it."
"Yes, that was the deal," said Tazak. "I was going to promote him to Assistant Director of Procurement of Non-Magical Tomes for the Underworld Library, Mortal Realm Branch. But since you're here with him it's quite obvious he failed at his mission. So, Elbert, I'm afraid you don't get the promotion. Rules are rules. You failed to get the book so you don't get the promotion."
"That's not what they said," said Elbert.
"What are you talking about?" Tazak asked.
"Oh, it's very simple," said Paige. "You told Elbert to get the Book of Shadows. He did that. And he brought it to me. So he did complete his mission."
"That's ridiculous," said Tazak. "My meaning was quite clear. He was supposed to get the book and bring it to me. He knew that was what I wanted. He didn't bring it to me so he failed his mission."
"You just said I was to get the book," said Elbert. "I remember your instructions. 'Elbert, if you can get the book I'll promote you to Assistant Director of Procurement of Non-Magical Tomes for the Underworld Library, Mortal Realm Branch. You'll have proven you're worthy of the promotion so get the book and the promotion is yours.' Those were your exact words. I remember them very clearly."
"I meant for you to bring the book to me," said Tazak, "and you know that."
"Ah, but that's not what you told Elbert," said Cole. "You said 'get the book'. If you had wanted him to bring the book to you, you should have said so. And according to your own rules and regulations Elbert fulfilled his mission to the letter."
"Am I just supposed to take his word on it?" Tazak asked. "According to bureaucracy rules, completing the mission has to be verified. It will take more than just his word to verify the mission. And I can assure you the word of a witch holds very little credibility for verifying that a mission has been completed."
"Oh, I think we can do better than that," said Cole. "I'm willing to sign a legal affidavit testifying that he completed his mission. I was there when he completed it. So was Ambassador Wyatt and I'm willing to bet he'll be more than happy to sign an affidavit as well."
"Certainly," said Leo.
"Well," said Tazak, "I simply won't accept any affidavits. It is my decision as to what constitutes credible verification. You'll have to do better than that."
"In which case Elbert will simply take you to court," said Cole. "If you know who I am then you also know I'm an attorney by trade. Oh, you can fight it. That's your right. But in the end you'll loose. I can assure you that legally executed affidavits by two ambassadors will carry a great deal of weight in the underworld court system. Not to mention the word of the Charmed Ones. I have no doubt the judge will rule in my favor. So after all the trouble you'll be forced to give him his promotion anyway. Why not just save yourself the trouble and give it to him now?"
Tazak stared at Cole. He knew of Cole's reputation as a lawyer. And he knew Cole was right. If it came to a court fight he didn't stand a chance against the words of two ambassadors. Especially ambassadors of the status of Leo and Cole. And Cole was right. Technically Elbert has completed his mission. At least to the letter of his instructions.
"Okay," said Tazak finally. "I guess you win this one. Elbert, effective immediately you are Assistant Director of Procurement of Non-Magical Tomes for the Underworld Library, Mortal Realm Branch. I'll put the order through this afternoon and you'll get your assignment then. We'll decide where you will be assigned later. And I can assure you it will be quite far from Bureaucracy Headquarters."
"Really?" questioned Elbert. "You're really going to give me the promotion?"
"Well, as Ambassador Belthazor said, you apparently completed your assignment," said Tazak. "So I have no choice but to give you the promotion. Rules are rules, after all."
"I'm glad you see it our way," said Piper. "In the future I suggest you be more specific with your instructions."
"As for the Book of Shadows," continued Tazak, "there's still that little matter to take care of. And since Elbert failed to return it I seem to be left with only one option. I guess I'll just have to get it myself."