Captain Obvious, Captain Subtle and Professor Balance… together they form…THE JARGON JERKS! A ragtag team of superheroes who TALK their enemies into submission! Except Professor Balance… he falls on them.

TRAINING NEVER KILLED ANYONE YET

And so Daichi's training began.

DAY ONE

"Okay, the first thing you need to do is master some basic techniques." Ranma said. They were standing in the backyard and Daichi was wearing a martial arts outfit.

"Right!"

"And I'm your sparing partner! Right Sensei?" Kiyoshi said enthusiastically.

"Yes." Ranma sighed. "Just get in a fighting stance."

Kiyoshi stood across from Daichi and stood at the ready. Daichi tried to copy the way he was standing.

"Don't do what he's doing; he's wide open on the left. Do what I'm doing." Ranma showed him how to stand.

"Oh, okay." Daichi adjusted himself. Kiyoshi scowled.

"Alright Daichi! Try taking a swing!" Ranma instructed.

Daichi drew back and threw his fist forward. Kiyoshi moved to the side, dodging the attack and kicked out his foot to trip him. "EEIAH!" Daichi fell to the ground face first. Kiyoshi smiled and Daichi glared at him.

"Get up and try again!" Ranma said.

Daichi stood up but before he could do anything Kiyoshi punched him in the chest. "Ouch! Hey!" He lost his balance and fell over again.

"Come on Daichi! You can do this! You just need some self confidence!" Ranma encouraged.

"Yeah, confidence." Daichi said as he stood up again. But this time Kiyoshi kicked him in the back and he fell again.

"CUT THAT OUT!" Daichi grabbed Kiyoshi's leg, causing him to fall over too.

"AHH! Hey, you can't do that! You're cheating!" Kiyoshi kicked his leg at him.

"It is not! This is anything goes martial arts, isn't it?"

"Now you're getting it!" Ranma said enthusiastically.

Kiyoshi's eye twitched then he lunged forward and bit Daichi on the arm.

Ranma's jaw dropped. Daichi sat there stunned for a moment. "AAAAHHHHHH!" He swung his arm around madly and Kiyoshi let go.

Daichi scrambled away and looked at his arm with tears in his eyes. There were bite marks on it. "ARE YOU CRAZY? YOU BIT ME!"

"It is anything goes martial arts!" He jumped forward and tackled Daichi. "AAHH! GET AWAY!" The two boys started wrestling on the ground.

"Hey! Hey, BREAK IT UP!" Ranma ran over and pulled Kiyoshi off of Daichi kicking and screaming.

"Oh…sorry Sensei. I don't know what came over me." Kiyoshi said unconvincingly.

"You stupid jerk!" Daichi yelled as he sat up. "I think you gave me a black eye!"

Kiyoshi tried to lunge forward again but Ranma held him back.

DAY TWO

"Put some muscle in it! You're hardly getting anywhere!" Ranma yelled. He was standing on top of one of the walls that went along the street. Daichi was below moving down the street inch by inch with a medieval ball and chain attached to each foot.

"Are you sure this is good for increasing leg strength?" Daichi panted.

"What? Don't you feel the burn?"

"I'm feeling something."

"Well you've been going for an hour and have gotten about ten feet." Ranma sighed as he jumped down to the street. Then his snapped his fingers. "Maybe you just need the right motivation!"

"Motivation?"

Ranma stuck his hand into his pocket and pulled out what looked like a brown wallet but when he let the bottom flap go it folded out all the way to the ground. It was a picture holder filled with, "Baby pictures! For child torture and blackmail purposes." Ranma explained.

"You're blackmailing me with baby pictures?" Daichi raised an eyebrow. "Pffh. How is that supposed to work? I know you're bluffing."

"Am I? Maybe I should go to the Cat Café for a bite and think about that." He started to walk down the street. "Hey, have you all seen Daichi's naked butt baby pictures? They're a riot!" He mimicked what he would do.

"You are so pathetic." Daichi said.

"See ya later Daichi!" Ranma waved goodbye as he rounded the corner, the picture wallet dragging along the ground.

Daichi was silent for a moment and then he started to look concerned. "Dad? …Dad!" There was no answer.

He pulled forward on his chains with all his might and managed to gain a few feet. "DAD! This isn't funny!" He kept pulling forward. "I'm serious!" Still no answer.

"Oh no! He actually went!" Daichi gasped. He advanced with a thousand times more force than before. "I can't believe he…he…" Daichi was starting to realize that the metal balls were rolling along on their own due to the slight incline of the street.

Ranma reappeared from the side street. "There, see? I told you that you just needed a little motivation. Look how fast you're going now…Daichi…you might want to slow down now." He said as Daichi sprinted past him trying to keep up with the metal balls.

"I CAN'T!" The incline was steadily getting steeper until, "GAH!" Daichi tripped and started to roll down the street. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"DAICHI!" Ranma yelled as he watched him roll. "TRY TO ROLL THE OTHER WAY! NO! THE OTHER WAY!"

Further down the street a shop keeper was standing outside his shop sweeping the entranceway. He whipped the sweat from his brow and looked proudly at his glass figurine shop. All the delicate figurines were arranged just so in the window.

"I'm so glad that the store finally got restocked and that window fixed." He said. "Now there's nothing left to do but…" He flipped the over the sign on the door that said 'closed' to 'open'.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Daichi crashed into the store window at top speed. The metal balls added an extra punch to the damaged.

"What the hell-!" The store keeper fell back away from the impact.

Ranma ran down the street after Daichi. He pulled him out of the wreckage by one of his chains. "Daichi! Are you okay?"

"Just peachy." He said, his eyes still rolling.

"AHH! MY SHOP!" The store keeper screamed.

"RUN!" Ranma ran away, pulling Daichi along by the chain.

DAY THREE

"This exercise will help steady the mental side of your technique." Ranma said.

"This is mental, alright." Daichi said as he placed another brick in the wall around their backyard. There seemed to have been a few more holes made since the day Makoto and the others had plowed through. Daichi sat next the hole with a rather large pile of bricks and a barrel of cement so he could repair the hole.

"Well the chore needed to get done anyway and it's a well known fact that household chores will teach you the true ways of martial arts." Ranma explained.

Daichi rolled his eyes. At least he wasn't dragging a metal ball around.

Just then another hole was blown in the wall nearby. "Leave me alone!" Iikiba ran through with Makoto not far behind.

"I went to the trouble to make it and you won't even try it!" Makoto yelled. She was carrying a box lunch.

"YOU!" Ranma pointed at Iikiba. "You're the one who keeps making these holes in my walls!"

"It's not my fault!" Iikiba protested. "Blame her!" He pointed at Makoto. She threw the box lunch and it hit him square in the face.

The box slowly slid off his face and fell to the ground, leaving most of the mashed food stuck to his face. "What did you do that for?" He yelled. "I was gonna eat that later!"

Makoto's eye twitched. "Well you should have told me THAT instead of yelling 'I don't want it!' and running away!"

"Oh yeah? Well you….you're stupid!" Iikiba made a face at her. Makoto growled and lunged forward. "AHH!" Iikiba took off running again.

"Yep, there's nothing quite like a nice quiet setting for mental preparation." Daichi said sarcastically.

"Can you two PLEASE take it somewhere else?" Ranma yelled at them as Iikiba ran by with Makoto not far behind. Iikiba's foot inadvertently kicked away a brick from the bottom of the pile. The heap of bricks started to sway slightly.

"HEY!" Ranma caught Iikiba by the back of his shirt. "I'm not sure you heard me, I said," He kicked him away into the sky. "GET OUTTA HERE!"

"Aw, Dad!" Makoto whined as she watched Iikiba fly away. "Now I've got to find him all over again!"

"You better get on that then." Ranma said.

Makoto gave her father a glare before running off through one of the holes, accidentally knocking another brick from the bottom of the pile. Daichi looked up just as the bricks started to fall. "AH!"

"Glad that's over. Right Daichi?" Ranma looked over. "Daichi?"

Daichi reached his hand out of the bricks that were covering him and pulled himself up. "Ow."

DAY FOUR

"Daichi, today we are going to work on improving your speed." Ranma said.

"Okay that I can understand." Daichi said. "But…why are you guys wearing radiation suites?" Ranma, Genma and Soun stood before him all wearing white body suites.

"They're not radiation suites!" Genma asserted.

"That's right. These are bee keeper suites." Soun explained.

"Bees? BEES-BEES?" Daichi asked nervously.

"What other bees are there?" Ranma said.

"I…I can't believe guys are going to sic bees on me!" Daichi yelled, aghast.

"Don't think of it as sicing." Genma said. "Think of it as…um…"

"Setting bees free when you don't have any protective gear!" Soun suggested.

"Yeah! Think of it like that!" Genma said enthusiastically.

"You're not helping!" Ranma yelled. "I'm not paying you two be stupid!"

"I can't believe you're paying us at all!" Soun said happily.

"Yeah. I can't believe you actually went for that!" Genma laughed. "Guess it's our lucky day! Eh, Tendo?"

Ranma had to restrain himself from beating up the pair of them. "Just…just go get the bees." He growled. Genma and Soun put on their head gear, gave him a thumbs-up and walked around to the other side of the house.

"Dad, I am NOT fighting bees!" Daichi yelled.

"Daichi, this is the same way I brought my speed up. Don't worry son, I have every faith in you." Ranma put on his own head gear.

"Somehow that doesn't make me feel any better."

"You have to take out the bees before they can sting you. Good luck!" Ranma backed away to the other side of the yard.

"Hey!"

"Fire in the hole!" Genma shouted as he threw the bee hive towards Daichi.

"EEEIIIIAAHHHH!" Daichi screamed as the bees flew angrily out of their nest and surrounded him like a stinging cloud.

"You can do it Daichi!" Soun shouted in encouragement.

"It's all for your training!" Ranma yelled.

"Swing faster!" Genma swung his own fist in demonstration.

"WHY DON'T YOU DO IT?" Daichi picked up the hive threw it towards the three of them, the bees buzzing after it like on a homing signal.

"AH!" The bee hive hit Genma in the side of the head and knocked him into the koi pond. Suddenly his suite was much too small for his body and it ripped, giving the bees access to his skin. Genma panda held up a sign that said 'GAH! OUCH! EHH! OW!' and tried to swat the bees with it.

"Take out the bees Pop!"

"Aren't you the master of this?" Soun asked Genma.

'You try it!' Genma held up a sign and pulled the head gear off of Soun and Ranma with his other paw.

"AHH! What did you-?" Ranma yelled as he tried to take out the bees with his fists, but they were surrounding them fast and Ranma's attack was having little to no effect.

"I THOUGHT YOU COULD DO THIS!" Soun cried at Ranma.

"IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME!" Ranma yelled in frustration.

The bees pressed in closer and closer, stinging their victims. "GAH! RUN!" Ranma yelled and all three jumped into the koi pond. The bees buzzed threateningly overhead.

Genma held a sign out of the water. 'GET HELP!'

"Yeah, I'm going." Daichi grumbled as he staggered towards the house with his new wounds.

LATER

"I don't understand Miss. Why would your husband willingly set bees loose in your backyard?" The exterminator asked as his assistant sprayed the area out back.

"Just…just get them free." Akane sighed.

DAY FIVE

"Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!" Ranma called over a megaphone. He was standing up in a boat that was going down the storm drain river running between the streets of Nerima. Daichi was rowing the boat but it was stubbornly going the other way with the current.

"STROKE!" Ranma yelled.

"I AM!" Daichi snapped.

"Well we're still going the wrong way. You're supposed to be building upper body strength." Ranma said.

"Trust me, I'm trying!" Daichi yelled. "It's just hard because my bee stings still hurt!"

"Quit making excuses and," Ranma held the megaphone up to Daichi's ear. "STROKE!"

"YOW! Alright! Alright I'm stroking!" It was about then that he noticed the sound of rushing water. "Hm? Do you hear that?"

"Yeah, it sounds like…" Ranma looked around and they saw the river end up ahead as it poured down into another waterway. "A WATERFALL!"

"AAHHH!" Daichi shouted.

"STROKE DAICHI! STROKE!" Ranma yelled.

"I CAN'T STROKE ANY FASTER!" Daichi yelled in a panic, his arms working like windmills.

Ranma tried to take the ores but they were too close to the waterfall now. "ABANDON SHIP!" He yelled as he and Daichi jumped overboard. Their boat went over.

Female Ranma surfaced gasping and looked around franticly. "Daichi!"

Daichi floated by, his arms flapping wildly and his mouth gurgling in both air and water. He was struggling madly to stay above the water.

"DAMMIT! I FORGOT HE CAN'T SWIM!" Ranma swam forward and grabbed hold of Daichi's arm. But she couldn't stop them from going over the waterfall.

"Oh…COME ON!" Daichi yelled in frustration as they fell to the waterway below.

Okay, so maybe the Jargon Jerks aren't that funny. Why am I so concerned with the Jargon Jerks anyway? Just ignore my ramblings and read the story… you know… unless I have something important to say… which is not now… until next time!