Title: Perception
Author: Aoife Malfoy
Pairing:H/D
Rating: NC-17 for language and violence
Genre: Angst, Tragedy
Warnings: AU, Post-HBP. Post Hogwarts, Warfic.
Word Count: 553
Beta: the wonderful Julie-Rae
Disclaimer: Property of JK Rowling. Only borrowing for my own amusement.
Dedication: to Julie-Rae. Here's to a new friendship based on our mutual love for angst!
Summary: Love changes everything.

Affection. It's the brief touches you give me when we're in front of crowds of people sending me the inevitable suspicious glares and whispers. It's the smile you give me that makes me feel like I saved the world when all I did was ask Weasley number five-thousand four-hundred fifty-four politely for the butter. It's your hand brushing away my tears when I get letters from home.

Pain. It's the scar on my chest that will never fade. It's the look that was in your eyes when I lifted up my arm and showed you my mark. It's the tears that wet my cheeks each time you walk away from me after another stupid fight.

Humility. It's those nights when I hold you in my arms after you've awoken screaming from yet another nightmare, desperately wishing all the while that I had the power to make them stop. It's my face scraping painfully against the floor as I am hexed by Voldemort so he can test my loyalty or just because the sight of it amuses him.

Loneliness. It's my arms wrapped around myself to stave off the numbness of going without your warmth on the days you are not here. It's the worry that keeps me awake at night, my mind's eye filled with every possibility of what could go wrong.

Love. It's the way your body arches into mine with every single thrust. It's the days we spend contentedly wrapped around each other, sharing our thoughts no matter how mundane. It's the kiss you give me each time we have to be separated and the one you give me when we meet again.

Betrayal. It's you looking away when they bring me in for my trial and evidence of my spying for the light falling on deaf ears. It's your hand pulling away from mine when we're walking down a crowded street after a rough day in court. It's the silence you maintain when they ask for more testimony in my defense and you do nothing. It's your eyes brightening and your face lighting up for her and no longer for me.

Sorrow. It's the memories of you that are being siphoned from me by these soul sucking Dementors and the loss of them is enough to burn away my will to fight. It's the certainty of knowing that death is near and you did nothing to stop it. It's the burning in my empty stomach that reminds me how alone I really am.

Forgiveness. It's the bittersweet peace that envelopes me as my body collapses and my vision falters and the last thing I see is you in the corner of the viewing room with your eyes downcast but your face more relaxed that it's ever been and your hand is holding tightly onto hers. And this is last thing I see before I fade away.

Regret. It's my last dying wish to the deaf gods asking for a second chance in a different world where there is no Harry Potter. Because Malfoys don't love but you taught me how. It's a knowledge that follows me into eternity and I cannot escape it: that feelings are a weakness in which I shouldn't indulge and love destroys everything it touches. That Father was right. He was right all along.

Finite.

AN: Like it? Hate it? Please tell me I would love to know what you thought, honestly!